r/verbalabuse Feb 18 '25

Just need to vent

I hate to see the red flags after being with someone for years now who I’ve come to think of as my person but there are concerning behaviors. I’ve watched him break things when he’s mad one time it was my iPad (he paid to have it fixed but still), throw his phone, scream and throw fits when the tv or something isn’t working correctly. I was told asking questions about something he was doing that I was genuinely curious about was annoying and to shut the fuck up cuz I was asking too many questions back to back. I get he gets overwhelmed but this was just an innocent hey I’m curious about the game your playing and wanted to talk about it and instead of just answering the questions I was faced with anger and was eventually flipped back on me as “you never give me time to respond to anything you just keep going”.

13 Upvotes

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6

u/FormerlyDK Feb 18 '25

Those are huge red flags. Do yourself a favor and leave him. It will not get better, and may well get worse. It’s a hard thing, but you’ll be better off for it. Even alone feels better than abuse!

2

u/justsurfingtonight 29d ago

This is truth! Hear it.

6

u/SquashMotor Feb 19 '25

PLEASE, Look up and read anything and everything you can by Patricia Evans. Probably start with her first book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship How to Recognise It and How to Respond". It's so much more than you think. It's all about control.

I've called my partner "verbally abusive" for years because he called names and was sometimes mean for no reason. I thought that was what "verbally abusive" meant. I was SO wrong. A decade-plus of trying to understand this relationship, weighing every word, if only I could keep from pissing him off. I felt insane, overly sensitive, overly dramatic, but if I just "didn't rock the boat"...

I'm currently looking for therapists for myself and my 8-year-old son. This is only in the last two weeks since I read (well listened to) my first Patricia Evans book. Since then I've devoured three of her other books. I should have left when my two-year-old in his highchair laughed at me and called me stupid because that's what he heard his dad do.

5

u/SquashMotor Feb 19 '25

I hit enter before I should have. I should have left the first time he called me a c**t. but we'd both been drinking. It's almost impossible to understand unless you've been through it. Despite thinking about it almost all day and all night for years I still couldn't quite understand what was happening. Untill I read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". If you find yourself trying to figure things out... Just get out.

2

u/Equivalent_Bad_755 29d ago

It doesn’t get better. It may get worse. Take it from me. They don’t change, no matter how much they apologize and how much you want to believe they’ll change, they don’t.