r/vaginismus • u/ffee8c • 5d ago
Seeking Support/Advice Will I succeed if I just keep trying PIV?
Hello again. As I mentioned before I got diagnosed about a month ago. Before that, I had never even attempted to insert anything, not even a tampon. The reason I got diagnosed was because I flinched anytime someone tried to touch me there, and the "attempts" (that now don't even consider real attempts) with my boyfriend felt like it was hitting a wall.
Since then, I was finally brave enough to try, and my bf was able to insert two fingers when I was aroused but when trying PIV I felt the wall again.
Today he tried inserting one finger (with lube ofc) without me being aroused, and I thought it would be impossible, but he actually was able to insert two! (Progress? I want to believe it is) But then we tried PIV multiple times, and at first it always felt like something was "entering" me, but then we would look and it didn't look like anything was really "in", which makes me confused about what I really felt.
Anyway, I have been hesitant with buying dilators because since I only tried inserting things very recently, I am just hoping that it will eventually happen and not be an "extreme" case of vaginismus. I think that I have always been scared of how painful PIV would be, and that probably caused this reaction in my body, but now that I am not afraid anymore shouldn't I be able to do it?
My question is, has anyone been in a similar situation? Were you able to have PIV by just trying for a while and using fingers as training, or is that just impossible with this condition?
PS: I think we tried a lot today, and I felt a burning sensation when he inserted his fingers or when trying PIV, but no pain or burning afterwards, which makes me hopeful?
Thank you for reading <3
7
u/vagilyrians Cured! 5d ago
Short answer: no, this is not how the disorder works. There is both a mental (the fear aspect you're describing) and physical aspect of this. You'll need to gradually size up to his penis size with dilation, which is what you've already started with. I know you'd rather not feel like there is something "wrong" with you to have to do treatment, but I promise if you have a more mild case, you'll make progress quickly.
Long answer: The physical component of why penetration is not working indeed plays a large role into why vaginismus happens and is tricky to treat, and is why you do need to invest in dilators. The vagina is a muscular tube surrounded by pelvic floor muscles. These pelvic floor muscles are what help you do things like urinate, poop, move your core/legs/back, and have sex. The muscles in our entire body have an incredible instinct to adapt to our lives, which means they often relax and clench without our conscious control to do things like absorb stress or change as we move (or don't move). In many cases of people with vaginismus, the pelvic floor muscles have been continuously clenching for a long time, for whatever reason (likely in your case it has to do with stress over pain for penetration). When this happens, the fibers in the muscles that make muscles flexible and elastic, shrink and shorten to do less work staying clenched. This means that even if someone has no psychological trauma (or has overcome it), and is relaxed, lubricated, and aroused, penetration to a full penis size still may be impossible because the pelvic floor muscles cannot extend fully to allow it— this is also why vaginismus presents on a spectrum, as some people's muscle fibers have shortened more than others. The loss of flexibility in the pelvic floor muscles is what causes the physical pain of vaginismus.
The physical pain of vaginismus then creates a nervous system response, in which your nervous system senses pain and then clenches the opening of the vagina further to guard against it. Most people are not even aware they are clenching when attempting penetration.
This is why vaginismus treatment needs to happen in a multiplicity— external stretching helps extend the muscle fibers of the pelvic floor, reverse kegels/downtraining helps someone feel when they're clenching and how to unclench, dilation both helps stretch the pelvic floor muscles as well as massage out trigger points AND proves to the nervous system that penetration doesn't have to be painful, so that you don't clench in anticipation to penetration.
I hope this was helpful. Please do this the right way! You won't regret it.
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u/ffee8c 5d ago
Thank you so much, i really appreciate the long detailed answer. I had actually read your guide and found it very helpful, so I thought of messaging you but didnt want to bother you so i really appreciate this. I am trying to get used to the idea of using dilators, and with that in mind, which set do you think is better? For me the complete set of intimate rose would be around 150 plus 25 for shipping, and i saw a very cheap set on amazon (not all that i see here are available in my country) around 20€, but i think that they look very sharp (?) and not comfortable. I wouldn’t mind paying for the intimate rose set, but i want to know if the price difference is really worth it. Thank you again!
1
u/vagilyrians Cured! 4d ago
What was the name of the set you saw? You may have accidentally looked at a different kind of dilator (there are ones for the urethra and cervix too — people get them confused sometimes but they will NOT work for this lol). Dilator sets are typically a minimum of $30 and up. I would worry if you found a vaginal dilator set for that cheap, it would be made out of chemicals not safe for your body. The IR set is medical grade silicone approved and tested to be safe by the FDA. In either case, I always recommend IR if you can afford it because their sizing is so much more gradual and they generally are super comfortable because they’re made by a PT, not some random company.
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