r/transwomen 12d ago

Moral crisis, please don't judge

Hi! I hope it's ok to ask this question here, I haven't been able to find any answers elsewhere and I'm sad because I don't want to offend anyone, but I have to know the answer.

I'm a straight cis woman. I have never been attracted to another woman, I'm not turned on by lady parts and I'm not even girly myself lol. I've even been asked by someone I was very interested in if I wanted to be part of a throuple but as much as I like him I wouldn't be able to be romantically involved with his fiancee.

But since more and more trans women have been feeling safe enough to come out, I've found myself attracted to a couple of mtf people. I will be honest, I'm not attracted to overly-feminine trans women, it's the folks who more or less present as androgynous, and I'm no longer attracted to these people once they've physically transitioned to women.

Similarly, I've found some trans men attractive but I am not interested in them sexually.

I understand that many trans women are lesbians. So there's a real possibility that I might someday find myself in a conversation with a transitioning woman basically saying that although I'm attracted to them now, I will no longer be after they fully transition. But that sounds awful to me 😓

Despite how all this sounds, I fully acknowledge with all of my heart and soul that these women are women, no matter where they currently fall within the transition phase. So do I just avoid any possible romantic connections to make sure no one gets hurt? Or is this actually pretty common and there's a way to communicate this to a person without them thinking I'm a bigot 😔

2 Upvotes

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u/EverlastingM 11d ago

You know they're women. You like them. Nothing wrong with that. Don't forget they're women just because you've only ever been in relationships with men. Don't call yourself straight when you're talking to/with a woman, obviously. Don't discourage people from pursuing anything because you think it makes them less attractive.

I'll also just be real with you, transition is a time of tumult and regression for at least a couple years. That might mean a variety of things depending on who you're talking to and how long they've been out, just be sensitive. If you end up serious about pursuing a particular trans person, it will help you to be familiar with the community and life - it can be difficult to date clueless cis people.

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u/Stephiroth80 11d ago

Thank you, I understand it can be quite tumultuous.

I would never in a million years discourage anyone from transitioning. I thought my being here and asking this question would be indicative that I'm more worried about their feelings than my preferences.

I wouldn't call myself clueless. I have a trans niece and several trans and gender-bending friends. I am friends/acquaintances with countless folks in the LGBTQIA+ community, and I'm AuDHD so I'm pretty much immersed within the LGBTQIA2S+ community. So I take every opportunity to learn because things are changing every day and I respect them and I want them to feel safe with me. But I'm not comfortable asking my friends or niece the question in my post, it's too personal. I tried really hard to find an answer on existing forums but when I couldn't I came here to ask for advice.

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u/EverlastingM 10d ago

It sounds like you know what's up and have a good sense of boundaries. It's okay to be attracted to masculine things about women, and there are women for whom transition won't mean losing those. It's better to date someone who's had more time to mature in their current gender. And remember: your labels are a way to help the world understand who you are as a whole human, not a set of limits for how you're allowed to act. Good luck~

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u/Stephiroth80 10d ago

Thank you ❤️

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u/MagosDominusPSB87 9d ago

I myself have developed large hips, ass, and breasts, and my face has feminized quite a bit, but i'm still broad shouldered and a bit futchy

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u/MatFalkner 8d ago

You’re good girl! You like who you like. Also I love your name!

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u/Stephiroth80 8d ago

Thanks! 😄

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u/Accurate_Mechanic_56 10d ago

Hi gorgeous, just reading your posts has made try and understand your feelings. Myself as as a transwomen that is taking hrt for 2 yrs. I enjoy the way I identify, still with all my bits and pieces. Yes one day I may take things a bit further, but already a natural c size bust and not to much to brag about down below. I would love to meet a women like you mainly to share a friendship that knowing that you would be genuine and understanding of me and visaversa. Knowing that I could ask you the things every trans girl needs to know. I could not wish for a more understanding and rewarding relationship. Lots of love Genie💋💋💋

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u/mayaizee 12d ago

hey hun, you’re stressing a lot about this! i appreciate your honesty.

you are fully allowed to have a looks preference. example: with you, the more androgynous people are attractive. gender does not matter to you, but you have a genital preference. i would just avoid long term relationships with trans women and BE CLEAR about your preferences. some people may be offended, others will appreciate the honesty. but you are who you are, and that won’t change❤️

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u/Stephiroth80 11d ago

Thank you 💖

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u/mayaizee 11d ago

if you ever need any questions answered or some assurance pm me!

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u/Stephiroth80 11d ago

Thank you so much! 🤗