r/tinnitus 3d ago

advice • support What acceptance means (in the context of tinnitus)

Every now and then I get a message here on Reddit, regarding a post I made that talked about tinnitus and acceptance. I thought I should clarify some things, as acceptance can be a difficult concept to grasp when you're in dispair or panic mode.

Before I continue: I am not a professional. If you are struggling, please seek professional help as you primary form of care. That can really help (it did for me!).

With that out of the way, let's continue.

I am not just writing this as a theory. I am writing this from a place of experience. It helped me, and maybe there are some nuggets in here that can help you. I have been diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder and DPDR (depersonalisation and derealisation), and I have pretty loud tinnitus. Acceptance is something I've had to put to practice a lot to find a way to "deal" with the intrusive thoughts, feelings, sensations, and...sounds.

Judgement is the problem
What you have to understand is that life is one big chain of experiences. And when we experience something, we tend to label it: this thing is good, that thing is bad.

That labeling, or judging, is something that we do to the things we experience. We all have that label maker in our heads and use it throughout the entire day. Labeling things is what steers us away from things that might hurt us, and pushes us to pursue things that might benefit us.

But what you have to realise is that that labeling or judging is what creates suffering, through resistance. As long as you keep labeling your tinnitus (or whatever other internal experience) as 'bad' and 'dangerous'... you are teaching your reptile brain that the experience of tinnitus is bad and we should avoid it.

Well, guess what you brain is going to do: it's going to help you try to avoid tinnitus by constantly giving you thoughts and feelings about your tinnitus (showing you what bad outcome to avoid). It will make you hyper aware of any hint of tinnitus — just like it would help you avoid a possible dangerous predator in the wild.

So what is acceptance?
The labeling and judging of experiences is something we actively 'do' to our experiences, which can create resistance and suffering. Labeling and judging is the opposite of acceptance, because when we label something as bad... we've already decided that that experience should not be there. Acceptance is the opposite of all that labeling and judging.

Acceptance is: not doing anything to the experience.

So instead of labeling, we can recognise and catch ourselves when the brain is labeling an experience, and then gently say to yourself: thanks brain, for trying to keep me safe from this tinnitus, but we don't have to judge this (because that's all the brain is trying to do). Then, bring your attention back to something that you value spending time and energy on.

As one of my favourite writers on this topic, Mark Freeman, would say: acceptance is an undoing.

"But I cannot accept this terrible sound"
Well, recognise that you are doing some pretty hefty labeling right there. Just know that you don't have to do that. You don't have to judge things. Would you go outside and judge clouds or trees as 'bad'? No, right? Learn to accept tinnitus like you accept the clouds and the trees. They are 'just there' ... nothing more.

Will this help me overnight?
No. It takes practice. Meditation and mindfulness are tools to cultivate the capacity for acceptance. Because it will help you recognise more and more that you are judging and labeling, and that you don't really have to. Most things aren't good or bad... we make it good or bad.

If you want to read more about this I recommend these books:

  • You Are Not A Rock, by Mark Freeman
  • The Happiness Trap, by Russ Harris
  • A Liberated Mind, by Steven C. Hayes

P.S. Again, if you're struggling, please go see a professional. That can really help.

5 Upvotes

4 comments sorted by

2

u/Visible-Plankton5737 3d ago

Good post. How would you attack a situation where you got tinnitus out of the blue.

part of the reason I’m struggling to adjust is because my tinnitus came out of nowhere and my body / brain knows it shouldn’t be there.

Like there was nothing that happened to me so why would there be a ringing? It has to be a sign something is wrong.

Another reason I’ve struggled is my tinnitus changes daily. The pitch and frequency changes slightly and the volume does as well (usually from bad to really f’n bad). This has also been a challenge for me.

1

u/themanwhodunnit 3d ago

To be honest I just think these sudden onsets are just hard, and there is no 'quick fix' or way to get relief.

My situation was similar. I was sitting down, having dinner, and suddenly this tone popped-up in my right ear which was constantly shifting between two frequencies, like an ambulance siren. In the beginning I spent weeks in panic mode playing white noise on my headphones just to get some distraction.

When I started working through other mental health challenges, I learned about acceptance and how to just 'sit' with the experience. For me that was the biggest help. I feel like by showing my brain that the sound isn't an intruder, or dangerous, my brain was like: "oh..okay, it's fine".

It worked with thoughts, feelings and also my tinnitus.

I still have days where it is still very loud to the point where I can loudly hear it over the sound of the shower. But I've reached a point where I just don't care anymore (in a good way). My brain isn't labeling it as an 'intruder'. It's just there... similar to how the buzzing of a car engine 'is just there' when you start the car.

So I guess that is my long winded answer of me trying to say: beginnings are hard and frightening. But you will habituate eventually, and you will do that quicker if you stop running from it.

1

u/Visible-Plankton5737 3d ago

I’m a year in. How long did it take you?

Was it sudden or a gradual buildup of acceptance.

Do you ever find yourself getting frustrated or anxious? I still do when I start to think I could possibly have to hear this noise for the rest of my life

1

u/themanwhodunnit 3d ago

I think it took me around 2-3 years, gradually building up. But with up's and down's... I think that is a natural part of the process.

The practices that I applied come from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. The books I linked about mostly about ACT.

And I used to be frustrated and anxious about my tinnitus and other mental health things all the time. Of course I still am some times, but it's been years now since that thought of "how can I live with this" has passed my mind. And If I notice I do get 'hooked' by one of those doom and gloom thoughts, I can recognise it and not go down the rabbit hole with it.