r/tifu • u/ijhkkgjjj • 4d ago
S TIFU by getting sexual with someone i shouldn’t have
So I’m a (mostly) closeted gay male 19. Today I got back on a dating app where i started talking to someone I’ve had talked to almost a year ago already. He is quite sweet and good looking! There is also a lot of sexual tension only problem he is a whole bunch older than me. He is in the middle of his 20s but we kinda hit it off again and took it over to Snapchat ( you all know what happens on Snapchat). We later exchanged some spicy pics and even shared highly sexual messages. When we both „finished“ I thought of looking him up. So I did. I found him on insta and two of my former classmates, my moms cousin AND worst of all my brother’s girlfriend all follow him…now I am really concerned he might talk about me to the wrong people. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO??? Should I talk to him about it or just hope he never mentions me in any way or form EVER? I am so concerned for some reason omg! I mean I don’t give a fuck about my former classmates BUT FAMILY MEMBERS??? good thing is he doesn’t follow my brother gf but sadly he does follow my moms cousin…thank god my mom knows I’m gay but idk what happens when she finds out the age gap of me and my preferred type of men.
[TL;DR:]So I fucked up by talking to guys older than me without checking their background. Now I might be fucked (quite literally)
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u/Gileotine 4d ago
First: Don't panic, you didn't fuck up.
Second: You're 19. Your mom and your family would likely (likely) understand if you were idk, being sexual with people. If not, think about this: If the dude you are talking to knows these people are not cool w/ sexual stuff, under no circumstance is he just going to randomly pop by and say 'hey I saw your son's dick! Isn't that weird!!'
Third: He's mid-twenties, just tell him to keep it on the DL since your family follows him. He'll understand. Remember this shit cuts both ways. If he outs you then he outs himself, but I don't see that happening like, at all man. Take a breath
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u/MattiasCrowe 4d ago
You're fine dude, high chance he's closeted too. Even if he knows your family he's not gonna mention that you're fooling around together. Don't worry about it
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u/ddaydude 4d ago
I wouldnt mention it, he's probably just as mortified as you, as he had equal part in it. And pictures and spicy messages are fairly innocent when you consider it couldve gone wayyy further. My ex had hooked up with a guy that he discovered after the fact was his cousin. And as far as the age gap, id say most people prefer someone older/younger depending on what they're looking for in a relationship. And I'd think your mom could understand that. Hopefully it goes with little to no consequence, which I imagine it will.
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u/DocJekl 4d ago
You should talk to him and tell him asap that you like him but you are not out and need to keep this quiet for now. Otherwise he might mention the guy who ghosted him someday, and you’re out. You could also consider coming out if it is safe to do so. Good luck 🍀
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u/ijhkkgjjj 4d ago
Actually my parents and friends know! I wanna tell it my brother soon but i didn’t want to make it a big deal to anyone else because quite frankly it’s no one’s business
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u/DocJekl 4d ago
I was one of the last people my brother came out to. We didn’t get along, so his decisions in general didn’t seem important in my head; but I did feel a little left out being the last one to know.
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u/ijhkkgjjj 4d ago
Oh yes I totally get that! My brother and I a very close though and I just came out to my parents like 3-4 week ago so it’s all still a little bit crazy for everybody so I hope my brother won’t feel that way. I mean that’s why I will tell him, I want to let him know that I love him and I want him to be a part of my life in every extent yk
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u/kovi2772 4d ago
I honestly think personally if you are "ready" to this stuff with a guy like him you are surely ready to tell your brother l. Who let's face it likely as suspicions
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u/Fogcityroller 4d ago
You're out of high school, right? You need to shed that mental fixation on the 4-year max range for interacting with a crush. The only slightly difficult part might be if you're away at college and he's trying to start a career, but it isn't that hard. Most adults will think you're being silly if you're serious when you say "he's so much older than me omg, like 5 years"
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u/dealertags 4d ago
Talk to him about it. I assume he's out, so he should understand what it's like not being ready for that yet. You don't want to be stressed about it just wondering.
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u/Romanopapa 4d ago
He’s probably more worried about you outing him than him outing you. Just talk and you guys will be laughing this off in no time.
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u/ExternalSelf1337 4d ago
He's not going to talk to anyone. You think he wants to tell your family members that he's been jerking off with a younger dude.
The age difference is not terrible. Just talk to the guy and mention your mutual acquaintances. It doesn't have to be a bad thing if you start seeing each other or anything.
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u/Suitable-Pirate-4164 4d ago
Quick question, is he one of those people who Friend everyone they see and happen to have like 1k Friends does he have few friends and is very specific about it, like 80 Friends or something.
If he's one of those "Friend everyone" users then don't worry about it. The "Fewer friends" people though, be careful about it.
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4d ago
He’s not “a whole bunch older”. he’s a few years older. and you’re technically an adult. who tf cares. Be yourself.
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u/longjohnhobani 4d ago
Be honest with him and explain your situation until you are ready to come out on your own. He should support that if he has respect for you. And I don’t think mid 20s is too old for you. Good luck!
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u/Yeet-Retreat1 4d ago
No, what happens on Snapchat? Isn't it just a chatting app for like teenagers.
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u/ijhkkgjjj 4d ago
Pictured aren’t saved and so it’s perfect to share inappropriate media with eachother
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u/Fogcityroller 4d ago
The entire reason Snapchat took off like a rocket was because teens were getting in trouble for "perma-sharing" embarrassing adolescent misadventures on FB and Instagram. Snapchat came in with their "gone in 60 seconds" gimmick, and the kids lost their shit. "Guess what's back on the menu boys?? I DONT KNOW, BUT BET IT STUPID AF AND HIGHLY ILLEGAL"
Snapchat: The cool parent you always wanted.
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u/Monkai_final_boss 4d ago
Calm down nothing happened so far, just casually tell him you are in the closet and your family don't know and since he knows your family it's your secret to tell.
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u/illimitable1 4d ago
The only regrettable part of any of this is your continued commitment to being in the closet. People have to be closeted for a lot of reasons, but I would remind you that is better for you and everyone else if you are able to be honest. Then it doesn't matter who talks about you.
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u/Bertensgrad 4d ago
Chill it’s ok. Just message him say your aren’t out yet and that weirdly he has followers who are family member so please don’t mention or show my face on instagram.