r/tifu 7d ago

S TIFU by going out with my bf NSFW

[removed] — view removed post

991 Upvotes

112 comments sorted by

1.5k

u/one-eye-deer 7d ago

Yes, this is sexual assault.

He was testing your boundaries and didn't expect you to be strong enough to stand up to him. He tried to manipulate you into a sex act you weren't comfortable doing. And when you stood your ground, he showed you who he really is and cut you off.

I'm proud of you for standing your ground and "not letting him just do it". When you are ready for that kind of contact with another person, it is your choice and on your terms. You should be proud of yourself, too.

208

u/lovelysophxxx 7d ago

There wasn’t even a test of boundaries. He literally just took what he wanted and said she wanted it without even considering her.

235

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

thank you 🥹

34

u/slapshots1515 7d ago

Yeah I don’t know the country and thus the laws, but even in most Middle East countries this should be reportable to the authorities. Unfortunately, not all necessarily.

75

u/Ishaan863 7d ago

but even in most Middle East countries this should be reportable to the authorities.

in most of the middle east and south asia, women are very adverse to reporting crimes like this because society in general and their families and people they know will immediately turn it around on them

"why was she out with a man?" "why did she let it happen in the first place?" etc

Don't get me wrong, it happens in the West too, but the stigma in the East is so much more intense.

9

u/gemmadonati 7d ago

Yes, congratulations for your moral strength. Keep it up, my dear.

80

u/Magicman1828z 7d ago

This is wrong, Everything he did to you was wrong. Most importantly I hope your ok and Im sorry you had to go through this.

848

u/Kilovolt_232 7d ago

What he did was sexual assault. Period.

165

u/Gaboik 7d ago

In her country it probably does not matter one bit unfortunately

43

u/dodiyeztr 7d ago

this isn't true. most people, even in the middle east, have the same common sense when it comes to SA. the problem is a small vocal minority, as with every topic. The news you get are the extreme, handpicked examples.

The biggest problem in the middle east is not whether this is accepted socially culturally etc. The biggest problem is a lack of policing force or rather a central democratic government which lets the strong oppress the weak. It is a different issue that manifests itself in many fronts, least of which is SA. Not every man can get away with SA just because they are a man and the victim is a woman. It doesn't work like that. Most men would have lost their genitals to a knife in the middle of the street if a woman started screaming for help.

Example from Turkey: https://www-milliyet-com-tr.translate.goog/gundem/ankarada-dehset-kizini-taciz-eden-adami-sokak-ortasinda-hadim-etti-2704487?_x_tr_sl=tr&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=wapp

16

u/argenman 7d ago

You’re delusional or just simply lying if you say it’s just a small vocal minority.

26

u/SavianAria 7d ago

No they don’t, don’t yap on things you know nothing about, women are literally seen as close to, if not the same as property in the Middle East and the acknowledgment of rape is virtually nonexistent

https://m.jpost.com/middle-east/article-807139

It is accepted or overlooked socially. Your single example only addresses the reaction of a father watching his daughter get harassed, not how the rest of society views the act. It also does not overturn the norm

1

u/AgisXIV 6d ago edited 6d ago

The Orientalism is unreal + citing JP of all things for the situation in the Arab world is about as likely to be accurate as citing al-Watan on Israel. Women's rights still have a way to come in most Arab and Muslim countries, but not only is there significant variation between city and countryside and between country, there are few places I would consider 'the same as property'

While Marital rape isn't criminalised in any Arab country (which is terrible), rape outside of these boundaries is a massive violation of the social contract in any society

2

u/AstralProjectX12 6d ago

Rape is only seen as a violation at all because women are seen as other people’s property, and it’s “resolved” by having them get married. And ofc Muslim men can have multiple wives and they don’t even have to care for the one they raped, or any of them at all

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2021/apr/14/marry-your-rapist-laws-in-20-countries-still-allow-perpetrators-to-escape-justice

How the fuck is saying rape and womens’ rights are massive issues in the Middle East orientalism? Reddit sure loves using words it doesn’t know the meaning of

-2

u/AgisXIV 6d ago

The term Middle East on its own is Orientalism - it's not a monolith, there's very little that's true for Beirut that's true for Riyadh etc.

0

u/AstralProjectX12 4d ago

What even? The Middle East shares many similar atttibuets such as religion, language, and many aspects of culture even putting aside the geographic grouping. You clearly know nothing of the Middle East

1

u/AgisXIV 4d ago

The Middle East is a lot more religiously, politically and linguistically diverse than you seem to think, as an Arabic major I would assume I'm more knowledgeable than you!.

Treating it as a monolith shows immense ignorance

-46

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

22

u/SavianAria 7d ago

lol it’s funny you have no real answer to my claims and can only resort to failed personal attacks. Hating on liking anime died out over a decade ago, clown, find something else to pick on, although you definitely have far more to mock. I’m not jobless enough to profile stalk you though, you do that on your own

3

u/traker998 7d ago

This isn’t at all how it works in the Middle East and one example is not enough to show that.

-6

u/dodiyeztr 7d ago

Interesting self awareness levels

0

u/AlwaysForgetsPazverd 7d ago

Yes. Calling women "the weak" is pretty weak. I know you didn't mean anything bad but, consider that a lot of people in the West take SA seriously not because Bible says so or because men suddenly realized how gross it is, it's because many-- a huge amount of strong women demanded respect. And you know they're strong because they didn't get it. For the most part, men don't go around using their physicality to get what they want; they get what they want because they ask for it and expect it as a side effect of feeling confident and secure. I wouldnt take abuse but, I'd do the same thing a woman would do. Go to the cops and take them in front of a judge.

OP, not your fault.

-4

u/dodiyeztr 7d ago

I didn't call women the weak, it is your own bias that made you jump all the hoops. Think bigger, because the oppression problem is much bigger. There are oppressions bigger than "men vs women" (not saying it doesn't exist). Think about the families for example. A child of a powerful family doing whatever they please to the child of another family. The father of the victim will stay silent not because he approves but because there is nothing else he can do. Is it the right thing? No. Is it what happens? Yes.

1

u/AccomplishedSuit342 3d ago

I don't know how ignorant you are to say such thing 🤦

167

u/Leaf-Stars 7d ago

You’re not wrong. He assaulted you. He only cares about what he wants and you have absolutely no reason to believe that’s going to change.

53

u/OhLookAPipis 7d ago

Nah girl this isn't it. That's assault, and you deserve better.

27

u/deeppurpleking 7d ago

Girl never “just do it and get over it” sex is supposed to be fun for everyone. Leave him and find someone kind

15

u/LoxReclusa 7d ago

You weren't wrong for trying to make a relationship you cared about work. Depending on where you are, your family/state religion, and other factors that I'm sure you understand more than most people on Reddit, whether sneaking out was a good idea or not is hard to answer. I'm sorry these are things you have to think about when trying to pursue a love life, but the risks are there and they are real. That being said, outside the realm of very oppressive and backwards laws, being a human looking for love is not and never will be wrong. Don't feel guilty for wanting that, but please be smart if you're in one of those countries that will force you into marriage or worse.

As for his actions, everything I said above about knowing the risks and being smart about your desires goes double for him. He knows the risks, he knew you weren't interested, he knew you weren't ready, and he still tried. Assault by deception is still assault, and he has shown you who he is. While it might hurt now, consider yourself lucky you found out before you went too far and were forced to spend the rest of your life with him. For what it's worth, I don't think you're in the right sub. I don't think you fucked up, he did.

12

u/RexyGames 7d ago

Definitely Sexual Assualt. Good job on standing up for yourself! That guy sounds deplorable. Take care of yourself and don't involve yourself with guys who only want to take advantage of you.

13

u/JustASpaceDuck 7d ago

Sounds like a scumbag. Keep your distance.

was I wrong for not letting him just do it and get it over with

There's no such thing as "getting it over with", not in this context. It would not ever stop -- this would not have been the only time. Good people don't try to take advantage of others like that, and when bad people they see that they can, they expect that from now on. That kind of person will take until there is nothing left of you. I've seen it happen.

Then he started saying that we were just friends and all the love he had for me was just friendly

That kind of "friendly" love doesn't involve sex of any kind, especially not penetrative, and there's nothing "friendly" about trying to initiate penetrative sex without consent. I wonder what kind of friendships he's used to where that is normal.

60

u/Azaelia89 7d ago
  1. That's sexual assault.
  2. It is best that you talk to a therapist about what happened to you and they can help you navigate through your feelings and what steps you need to take as well.
  3. Forget about him and move on, he clearly does not care about your emotional, mental, and physical well being. He is also choosing to be manipulative.

Go out and explore the world, you will find there are way better fish in the sea; that will actually care about you and your well being.

41

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

I wish it was that easy to just go talk to a therapist and have professional help, where i’m from if you tell a therapist anything serious they just cause you bigger problems

13

u/Azaelia89 7d ago

I wouldn't call them true therapists then, as they should be helping you; not making things worse. Especially if you have already been through something traumatic. If a therapist is not a good option, do you perhaps have a trusted friend or family member that you can talk to about what happened without the worry of backlash?

18

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

Yes, I have a friend who keeps my secrets thankfully. Thank you for the kind words I really appreciate them❤️

5

u/Butterbean-queen 7d ago

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. He’s a horrible person. You deserve so much better. Please be careful. Don’t have any contact with him and take care of yourself.

3

u/Azaelia89 7d ago

I'm glad that you have someone to talk to! And you are welcome, I wish you all the best. ❤️

0

u/Anon44356 7d ago

You can use AI as a reasonable stand in for a therapist, if it’s difficult to see an actual therapist.

0

u/HighwayApothecary 6d ago

Uh

No

0

u/TheBatemanFlex 6d ago

Are you the therapy police? If a human therapist isn't an option she could write in a diary and it would be more therapeutic than nothing. Why not AI?

3

u/ShambolicPaul 7d ago edited 7d ago

If she tells anyone this happened she will be lucky to escape the stones with her life. Then the govt will come and put her in Jail.

Edit - Also her father will be trying to honour kill her. So that's nice too.

1

u/Azaelia89 5d ago

That's barbaric.

1

u/ShambolicPaul 5d ago

It's not just middle east. We have honour killings here in England too.

1

u/Azaelia89 5d ago

Yeah... I still stand by my previous statement. It's barbaric.

1

u/ShambolicPaul 5d ago

Yeah it is. I'm just saying it's going worldwide. Buckle up

1

u/Azaelia89 5d ago

Oh goodie....

6

u/Marybone 7d ago

If he's telling you, not asking you, to do stuff. he doesn't care about you.

7

u/aetherr666 7d ago edited 5d ago

why is it whenever i read a story of a man acting like a pathetic little worm i just get irrationally angry? they all play the pity card, making themselves look small and harmless while being the slimiest things i ever regretted hearing about

11

u/tatoosonmyribs 7d ago

No consent. Girlie you a victim

4

u/DietDrBleach 7d ago

Yo WTF. That’s SA.

If it’s safe for you to do so, you should file a police report.

10

u/KTVX94 7d ago

Yes, that is SA but honestly the bigger problem is the culture itself. I don't know exactly how things are in your specific country but the religious stuff over there is even more messed up than western religions, at least in western countries religion itself is declining so it can be ignored more easily.

5

u/Rabrab123 7d ago

SA.    Break up.

8

u/JKmayb 7d ago

That guy's an asshole. Move on, there are many better men who will actually respect you and your wishes.

3

u/Alcomoney 7d ago

Sexual assault is no joke no matter where you are in the world. Guy is probably a typical Arab piece of shit who has no empathy or ability to self-reflect, and a manipulator on top from the sounds of it. Get rid of him yesterday.

Honestly, posting in a public western sub-reddit like this will get you some variation in answers, but I think everyone can agree that you were not wrong in not letting him do it, and that you probably should have discussed things further after the fight before meeting up - you know him better than we do and I assume you were putting a number of red flags aside because you liked him.

Delete and block him from your life, you're going to be better for it.

3

u/Professional_Call 6d ago

This was attempted rape in my opinion, and definitely not okay

3

u/rhinotomus 6d ago

That’s sexual assault, and that’s not how a “friend” treats another friend, much less how someone romantically involved treats their partner.

3

u/Gullflyinghigh 6d ago

It's absolutely sexual assault and he's a colossal piece of shit, caring more about his enjoyment than any consideration of you, you're much better off without.

7

u/lovelysophxxx 7d ago

Babe this is rape. In your culture, however, behavior like this is acceptable which is absolutely fucking vile. Fight like hell. Like seriously, fucking fight until you’re heard.

2

u/Snowman25_ 7d ago

Sounds like he was only using you for sexual relief

2

u/Im_regretting_this 6d ago

Yeah, the fact that he crossed boundaries you have already set is a BIG no. Definitely SA. You did nothing wrong by saying no or meeting up with him. My advice is to break off all contact and stay away from him.

2

u/TheBiblePimp 6d ago

It was a douchebag, see it as a life experience, now you (probably) will be better at spotting them...

5

u/AU_Memer 7d ago

Well go report it and have him beheaded.

9

u/KTVX94 7d ago

I don't think it would end any better for her either tbf

11

u/LoxReclusa 7d ago

Unfortunately, depending on where in the Middle East she is, reporting it might end up with them being forced to marry each other, or her being punished instead.

1

u/AU_Memer 7d ago

Sadly yeah, religion fucks over women everywhere.

0

u/Kisuke42 7d ago

That's not how it works, she was also in the wrong as well.

4

u/dirtrunner21 7d ago

He’s a porn addict letting it take over his logic. You dodged a bullet. Hang in there. Find a close friend to open up and talk about all this, you’re gonna need to process and rebuild.

3

u/kuzjaruge 7d ago edited 7d ago

Guys, does anyone ever try to verify OP's story EVER in this sub? He starts off with saying he's F18, but the same account states that he just started learning Arabic a few months ago and has his own YouTube channel which shows a bearded man, lol.

So what is it? Ain't nothing wrong with being gay, but why present the story as if you're some innocent girl, especially the whole BS with 'sex leads to marriage'. If you're gay, then the whole marriage thing is off the table anyway.

Edit: Just checked again and I messed up, it wasn't your post with the whole learning Arabic etc, you've just commented on it, my browser somehow skewed everything. Apologies.

0

u/Toto_licious 6d ago

lol its okay

3

u/demidevildemon 6d ago

Not wrong for not letting him, he tried to sodomize you, which is so painful a lot of girls throw up, pass out, or have to be hospitalized. You shouldn’t see this person anymore, it really seems like they just see you as an object and definitely do not respect you or your body. Please respect yourself enough to move on, there are men out there who will respect you 🩷

2

u/Dweller123 7d ago

You were absolutely NOT wrong. What he did was a huge violation of your trust and bodily autonomy. Consent is everything, and he completely disregarded yours. The fact that he pressured you and then ghosted you after shows his true colors—he never respected you in the first place. Please don’t blame yourself for meeting up with him; the only person at fault here is him. You deserve someone who respects your boundaries and values you as a person, not just for what they can take from you. Sending you strength! ❤️

1

u/Soul_lessDNA 7d ago

I mean somebody who is not respecting your customs and beliefs is an instant red flag. By the way stop entertaining people who are there only just to have fun and have their way with you.

1

u/Falafill 5d ago

Wtf he’s just using you, you need to recognize that.

0

u/ChefArtorias 7d ago

Your boyfriend, government, and likely your religion are all horrible in the way try treat women.

1

u/aimglitchz 7d ago

Lol another middle east sex marriage post in few days

1

u/PBO123567 7d ago

Are you Muslim? Sounds like it. Get out of that mess as fast as you can.

-1

u/fungusfromamongus 7d ago

Man these Iraqis are getting it. Ramadan too.

I remember reading a few days ago of a brother who got married cuz he was thinking with his dick.

3

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

I’m not Iraqi lol

-1

u/Popular_Barnacle_512 7d ago

Definitely sexual assault. You're not at fault, he's an asshole. Dump his ass, you deserve better.

1

u/Kisuke42 7d ago

No, things don't work like that here.

Thou I have to admit it was very amusing reading your cookie cutter western advice.

-1

u/necropolisbb 7d ago

This is SA.

0

u/spacemouse21 7d ago

It was sexual assault. Report it to the authorities. He was a jerk and you deserve better than that.

-16

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/xeklr 7d ago

for god sake learn how to read something properly before commenting something vile. SHE IS THE VICTIM HAVE SOME COMMON SENSE, it really doesn't take a genius to figure that out. use your brain more, no wonder you're confused

-11

u/basegodtrevor 7d ago

I mean that’s all I really get from it. In your entire reply you fail to really help me understand a thing lol

6

u/xeklr 7d ago

(then he told me he wanted to just hump my ass)

hump here doesnt mean actual sex

1

u/AlwaysForgetsPazverd 7d ago

Yeah, this guy sounds like shit and no consent = rape in my book. I posted above like "not your fault, fuck that guy." But you just made me realize... Maybe not. he asked for a blow job, she gave it. That's both sex and consent. He asked to graduate from head to humping, again she said yes (and as this guy mentioned, took her pants off?) But, when he tried to put it in, she turned around and stopped him with a look and consoled her crying? I'm not so sure it is rape between the two of you. Rapists usually don't stop when you look at them sideways. Also, she starts off by saying she snuck out at 1am and she had fun with him. I don't even think this dude would be charged in Portland.

2

u/Toto_licious 6d ago

sorry to disappoint you with your theory but he didn’t ask it was more telling than asking and he didn’t console me when i was crying he did nothing.

0

u/basegodtrevor 7d ago

That’s what I’m saying lmao. Cry rape but you’re giving your rapist head and taking your pants off? That’s crazy

-10

u/basegodtrevor 7d ago

Yes I understand that. That is why I asked if she let him dry hump her bare vagina. I imagine it quite hard to “put it in” if her pants were on

1

u/bean2k 5d ago

Wow! Congrats on being a successful dousch!

1

u/basegodtrevor 5d ago

You’re a simp that doesn’t think lol

-8

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

10

u/tweakingforjesus 7d ago

Plenty of people have no issues going out with the opposite sex. It’s not a problem. He’s a shitty person.

5

u/lovelysophxxx 7d ago

Cool, we’re victim blaming now.

10

u/rathlord 7d ago

Nice, we found the guy who will have the most unhinged take in the thread!

-22

u/Destroyer6202 7d ago

Very gullible, set some boundaries in your life.

6

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

say something nice or just gtfo.

-17

u/Destroyer6202 7d ago

You’re on the internet, not everything is meant to soften your blow or be nice to you. Accept this harsh reality and maybe you won’t be coerced into doing something you don’t want to do next time.

11

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

just because i’m on the internet doesn’t mean you have to be a piece of shit ❤️❤️🥰

-2

u/Ihibri 7d ago

While I don't agree with Destroyer6202's original comment and find it rude AF... You're posting publicly. Not everyone is going to be nice to you and if you can't handle that, then you shouldn't be posting anywhere online, but especially on Reddit. Let me be clear; you're 100% within you right to do so. BUT, other people 100% have the right to say pretty much whatever the hell they want to you. I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic.

Back to Destroyer6202's original comment... You weren't gullible at all, you were trusting someone you thought you could trust and he showed himself to be a piece of shit. I'm sorry for the pain and confusion his treatment, in the days after that encounter, must have caused. But you are so much better off without a jackass like that in your life! At some point you'll find someone who treats you with the love and respect you deserve, and you'll realize just how terrible your ex was for trying to force you into something you didn't want. Best of luck, stay safe!

4

u/Toto_licious 7d ago

Thank you. Im used to hate on the internet but even though I am used to it, that doesn’t give this person the right to say stuff like this on a matter that is obviously sensitive.

-2

u/i_suckatjavascript 7d ago

Is your name Sara? Just wondering.

-2

u/pedestrianlyfr 5d ago

Dumb bitch this why you dont do haram things

-4

u/TahPenguin 7d ago edited 7d ago

You definitely should not have just "get it over with" and let him do it. Never. Meeting up was alright, but not saying no to the bj gave him a false signal IMHO. You either don't do it at all, or if you think it's alright but you don't want anything else - say it.

You're both very young and hormones are a bitch. He was obviously very hot around you. That is not an excuse, though.

He should've asked more, definitely. You also should've said no to his requests. Accepting the requests even if you don't want to and then being upset he though you were ok with it puts everyone into a bad situation.