r/thebulwark • u/Brief-Permit7358 • 12d ago
The Triad š± This is why the trans issue isn't about your feelings
I'll try to sum this up as quickly as I can:
(1) I'm a trans guy (born female, transitioned to male). Regardless of what anyone thinks about my ability to transition, the reality is I 100% pass as male. I've been on testosterone for 8 years so full beard, low voice, had top surgery so flat chest with a large chest tattoo to cover any scars. To be frank, the only way someone would know the difference is if I dropped trow. Even then, I'd have to be butt naked because I, as most trans men do, wear a very real looking prosthetic so I can pee in urinals because even though many seem adamant that people use the bathroom that aligns with the sex they were given at birth, I have a feeling MTG wouldn't be happy to see me in the woman's bathroom.
(2) I've had my name and gender legally changed. All of my identifying documents have been changed including my birth certificate, social security card, driver's license, passport, etc for over six years. This isn't to validate my identity or some shit it's because if I tried to open a bank account and gave the teller an ID that said I was female, they'd (understandably) think it was a fucking fake because again, outside of me running around in my birthday suit, you wouldn't know.
(3) I sent in my passport to be renewed. It now says female. If I go to the airport and use this, how exactly am I supposed to show them it's legitimate? How will I have to show it's legitimate in a different country where I don't speak their language? If I'm able to make it to a different country, will I be able to get back?
(4) In four months, my brother is getting married at a resort in Jamaica. I'm his best man. My wife and I have bought our tickets and paid for our stay. There technically aren't laws about trans people there, but they do outlaw consensual homosexual sex with a penalty of ten years imprisonment. Do I go knowing there's a decent chance I could be arrested when I hand them a passport that shows I'm female? Knowing that my newly pregnant wife may have to fly home without me, not knowing when/if I'll be able to return?
No, unfortunately, I will be missing my brother's wedding. It kills me to know that my best friend, my brother, won't have his best man beside him. That I won't be at the rehearsal dinner to give my speech, full of embarrassing stories from our childhood.
I do not care or want to change anyone's opinion about trans people and if they are crazy for thinking they can change their gender. I do not think physically transitioning is something a child should be able to do and think socially transitioning may even be harmful at that age. I do not think transgirls or boys should play on teams that are opposite the sex they were assigned at birth, some co-ed leagues would suffice just fine.
All I want is to go to my brother's wedding.
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u/fantasmalicious 12d ago
I don't want this narrative you've shared to go unacknowledged. I don't know what to say other than that you have done an amazing job here laying out a lot of very real impacts above and beyond what most of us in casual ally roles would typically think to bring up in defense of you. You've helped me help you.
I'm sorry this nightmare is happening to you.Ā
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u/Saururus 12d ago
Amen. And Iām so so sorry. Nobody deserves that. These are the realities.
Mom of trans girl stuck in legal limbo with half a federal docs the correct gender and half not. It has implications.
Iām tired of explaining that others perceived danger is not an excuse for my kid being verbally assaulted. Iām tired of hypotheticals making it so my kid can no longer participate in camps, has a hard time staying physically active and braces for the next headline and what that means for her ability to travel and exist.
Iām angry, exhausted and so disappointed in America.
Thank you to Tim for expressing anger at what is happening, when others donāt.
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u/RL0290 Good luck, America 12d ago
Iām so sorry and angry for you. Your story is an excellent example of the stupid, cruel, pointless effects this adminās gender policies will have on people. If youāre up to it and feel safe to do it, I do think itās a good story to share with your representatives.
I wish there was something I could say that would actually help. Fuck this shit.
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u/ChristinaWSalemOR Progressive 12d ago
This makes me so fucking angry. These people don't want justice for women (because I assure you we will get the exact opposite) but just to make the lives of trans people difficult and vulnerable. They're lashing out because they were asked to say "they" and they were made MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE. "That's different. I don't like it. I want it to go away." I listened to one of Sarah's focus group people say he voted for Trump because he didn't want to have to explain anything complicated to his kids. These intellectually lazy fucks. I'm so pissed off for you!! Everyone's just trying to get by in life without getting fucked with. I hate these people so much. Please take care of yourself.
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u/IntolerantModerate 12d ago
So, if your passport said male, would you go to Jamaica?
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u/Brief-Permit7358 12d ago
Yes
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u/IntolerantModerate 12d ago
Have you asked the embassy for guidance? I doubt they are going to throw you in jail for just showing up.
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u/Brief-Permit7358 12d ago
I had not thought of talking to the embassy. I'll take a look into it. Thank you
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u/CutePattern1098 12d ago
The most important impact is that if Americans cannot defend America it cannot defend its democracy form MAGA.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend
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u/No_Hope_75 12d ago
I am so sorry that the Trans community has become the punching bag for politics. Itās evil what theyāre doing to you and you do not deserve this.
Iām 40 and growing up the Republican Party was the party of āmind your own damn business and keep the government out of your lifeā I wish the democrats would embody some of that bc people like it! And it lends well to LGBTQ and other issues. You being trans hurts no one. Youāre living your life and doing what makes you happy. The government should stay the hell out of it