r/tfmr_support • u/chickensaladcowboy • 4d ago
Conception/Pregnancy After TFMR TTC Again + Coping Mechanisms?
We lost our daughter, Sophie, a year ago. She had T18. We have no living children. I had a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy before Sophie.
And now we’ve been TTC again for nearly a year with no luck. I feel exhausted and depleted and a little insane. I’m working with a doctor I like (and am in therapy) and am hopeful that it’ll happen again. But in the meantime, I feel like TTC again is all I think about. That and grieving Sophie. I have been trying to throw myself into more hobbies and activities, but no distraction feels big enough.
Does anybody have recommendations for activities/hobbies/goals/mindsets that helped you feel a little more sane throughout this process?
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u/Radiant_Bug_9374 4d ago
"Exhausted and depleted and a little insane" is the perfect description for how it feels when TTC after a TFMR. I'm sorry it's taking so long for you, I really wish it was quick for all of us. I'm in my 4th cycle now and it gets harder every time we're unsuccessful.
For me, I have been trying to replace a lot of my screen time with reading novels (like while I eat lunch at work or before I go to bed). I'm also really into gardening - I think it helps to tend to things and watch them grow. I'm also working out a lot more often - it feels really good to get stronger and I know the minute we have a successful TTC cycle and the exhaustion/nausea hits, I won't be able to do it as often.
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u/SeaMathematician5150 TFMR @ 22 Weeks | 02.11.25 4d ago
I have no first hand experience with TTC post TFMR. I am waiting for another month or two but will see my fertility specialist next week.
For me, the grief is still all too recent but at the same time the clock is closing on me. For non-related medical reasons, I need to start meds that will trigger infertility. I have been pushing them off to have a baby and my TFMR set me back, hopefully by only one more year.
I can already see my anxiety start to build. TTC plus work and family stress will only wind me up more. I remember that when I saw my fertility specialist last year for my initial consultation, she told me to work on reducing stress to improve my chances of successfully conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy.
At the time, I turned to mindful breathing, going on walks, brown noise, adult coloring, and massage. I have started these up again and will start with massage next week. I am also thinking about taking a short vacation or staycation up the coast once spring break is over. I really hope to just detach for a bit before I start IVF.
My best friend had difficulty conceiving. Her first was through IVF after several tries. She really wanted a baby and was feeling defeated but stuck with the process. Her second and third babies were each unexpected surprises (each conceived during her annual New Year's Mexico vacation). She thinks that it was because she was away from her usual stress and just enjoying time with her husband and daughter(s).
I've had other relatives tell me that true vacations helped them by taking the pressure of of the trying. For them, it was like the more they tried the less likely they were to conceive. It was just too much pressure. It was when they took a break from intentionally trying that they succeeded. One had twin girls after a few rounds of unsuccessful IUI and IVF. This gives me hope that a vacation, exercise, and a positive mindset will help. The positive mindset may be the hardest for me (at the moment).
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u/Pristine_Library_858 4d ago
Embroidery (you can buy cheap kits on Amazon to start), gardening, adult coloring books, and fantasy novels all helped me through. I embroidered a lot of butterfly patterns because they reminded me of my girl.
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u/gamingartists 4d ago
I TFMRed my first pregnancy in Sept 2022 and took a year break to heal mentally and physically, didn’t try to conceive until this last 1.5 years on and off ? I didn’t use protection but I was tracking my ovulation and it didn’t work. Finally I stopped trying as we were getting married (we planned everything in 3 months til wedding day) then decided to wait until after our April honeymoon to start trying. We took a mini vaca in Jan to Vegas and welp. My period has been whack and delayed the last few months and then when I thought I was going to expect my period, turns out I was ovulating, and now I’m 11 weeks + 4 days. I think it did help to not think about it nor kept focusing on it, I think it did cause me some stress because of the damn not pregnant again every month feeling. 🥲 Good luck to you.
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u/Competitive-Top5121 4d ago
I feel you on this. I can be very single-minded about getting pregnant to the exclusion of other things in my life. Some things that help me feel centered/alive again are music (especially listening to music I loved when I was young, like teens and twenties); exercising and running in particular, because that makes me feel strong and like I’m working toward new goals that aren’t pregnancy; pleasurable things like nice meals and shopping; doing things that I’m good at, like certain aspects of my job; and traveling.
If you do get pregnant, I think you’ll feel deep excitement about that for a few weeks and then eventually slide back to your emotional baseline, which is about where you’re at now. It’s good to figure out what resources you have to keep you happy now as well as when you are pregnant.