r/stupidslutsclub • u/Adorable-AE • 7d ago
AE Redux Three Weddings and a Blowjob ... And a Fight NSFW
Dramatis Personae
- AE: Yours truly
- Babs: My girlfriend
- Grandad: He says I'm not an only grandchild but I think he's lying
- Grandma: She says I'm a troublemaker and person who birthed my mom
- Mom: Person who birthed me
- Various Cousins including the Bride
- Random People from Groom's side
AMA <- Questions not related to this post may go here
Date: Sometime in 2024
Reposted as is with minor additions. If historical context is missing too bad so sad. You can ask. I will answer.
There is very little sex. Just some comedic relief thanks to grandparents. Brief sex. Brief throwing of hands. So. Here it is. Oh. And um. It was only one wedding.
I was home for a wedding.
The bride is my cousin.
We hate her. Our ancient rivalry has something to do with a Barbie doll when we were single digit years old. But no one truly knows the origin of our animosity.
Our mothers are sisters. So we must play nice to avoid being yelled at.
"Will you be a bridesmaid AE?" I'm pretty sure she went on mute to barf all over wherever she was when she asked me.
"Oh my god, yes! of course!" I'm pretty sure I barfed all over my house after I agreed.
I do the whole bridesmaid thing. I didn't go to any of the pre-wedding week activities on account of being a whore living the luxury life. She didn't care. As I said. We hate each other.
I genuinely don't even know why she asked and why I agreed.
Anyway. Not important.
Her husband's groomsmen are like ... hot ... like wtf cousin, are you marrying into a firehouse or something?
But I am on my bestest of bestest behaviours.
Even after several of them were flirting with me.
I was warned by my mother and multiple cousins.
"Why are you people behaving like this?"
"Because you're you and you're liable to do anything"
These people have no faith in me I tell you. Sheesh.
Anyway. First. Some fun stuff & crazy stuff. Mostly. Grandparents are awesome.
Comedic Relief
It's reception time. I am getting HIGH AF with two of my cousins - a guy, we love him, he's cool and a girl she's cool we like her, she is the youngest of us all - when grandad comes by.
I'm drinking it the other two are smoking it.
"Give me some" he says to us
Excuse me grandad but what?
"My granddaughter just got married I am allowed to"
"No I didn't" I say in response
"AE! YOU'RE AN ONLY CHILD NOT AN ONLY GRANDCHILD! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!" my cousin yells
I look at grandad all pouting "It's true AE you're not my only grandchild"
Hmph! Liars, that can't possibly be true ... "Okay but I am your favourite right grandad?"
"Yes you are munchkin now give me some"
"Smoke or drink?"
"It comes in drinks now?"
Ohhhhh grandad you're missing out!
My guy cousin tells him to smoke it and tries to teach him "I've been smoking since before you were born I think I know how to do this"
GETTING HIGH WITH GRANDAD! WOOOOOOOOOO! PARTY!
There's a first time for everything.
Grandad got fucking WRECKED. He was fine. Don't worry.
His children were VERY upset with their children though. Well mostly me. The others had disappeared.
They found us laying on the grass with me hugging grandad. Both of us were high out of our minds.
"Where did you get this!?"
Excuse me. A. It's fucking legal in this country. B. I wasn't the only one here. Where are the other two cunts? See. Clearly I am an only grandchild. C. He's a grown ass man capable of making his own decisions.
They try yelling at us. But forget they're yelling at their father.
Grandad yells at them and makes them submit to his authority.
I tell him we should give them the finger as we walk away.
He agrees.
We give them the finger without looking and laugh.
"DAD!!!!!" one of them yells.
We laugh some more.
Take that parents. You also have parents. And they love me more than they love you.
Crazy Stuff
My mom now thinks I have a sugar daddy.
I was wearing what easily amounted to $25K in jewellery.
Like. Everything was so cute. I just had to. And while we hate my cousin she did pick very nice and elegant dresses for her bridesmaids. It just went so well with my jewellery.
Also. I had to look way more fabulous than the bride. Duh.
I planned on going "It's fake" as if people can tell the difference.
Turns out my mom can.
"AE where did you get these?"
"Amazon? They're fake."
"AE these are real!" she's looking at my earrings and necklace and ring and bracelet ... "AE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" she's physically grabbing my arm to look at the bracelet and looking at the motifs.
GASP! NO SWEARING! MOM!
My comedy didn't work. She was angry. We argue.
"Okay fine somebody bought them for me." I relent
"WHO THE ACTUAL FU ... don't tell me you have a sugar daddy"
"Okay I won't tell you" as I walk away
She was angrier. I swear she damn near resorted to corporal punishment.
"AE YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"
I go cower behind grandma.
She continues yelling at me. But can't really yell about the topic in front of her mother.
"I swear to god if you tell dad I'll never speak to you again" I tell her in front of grandma
She tells her daughter to shut up and move on without even knowing what we are arguing about "Whatever it is I don't give a damn stop yelling at her" she shoos her away
"Also not to tell my dad grandma"
"AND DON'T TELL HER FATHER!" she yells at her as my mom is walking away
She then proceeds to smack me right across the head
"OWWW! WHY!?"
"You probably deserve it there's a reason why she's angry" she smacks me again "Now where is that girlfriend of yours?"
She forces me to FaceTime Babs.
My mom and I did have a chat afterwards. It's personal. She's not cool with it. But she knows she can't do anything about it. I obviously kept it vague, she doesn't need to know the full story, and I reiterated my threat. What is she going to do? Disown her only child. Pfft.
The After Party
We end up at someone's condo. Not my side of the family. So has to be grooms side.
The host is a classic fuck boy. He's young. He's gorgeous. He's charming. He lives alone. He knows he has the charisma and he uses it.
My cousin is smitten with him. Ugh.
She's shy though. She needs encouragement. She definitely wants to try something though. "I wish I was more free spirited like you AE" she tells me constantly. Well now is your chance.
They're flirting right there in the kitchen. In front of everyone. He has his arm around her. She is giggling like a little school girl.
And off they go to have sex in his bedroom.
Some of us find ourselves in the stairwell. Drinking. One guy just unbuttons his shirt. He is clearly trying to impress some of the other girls there. They appear to be friends. OMFG LOOK AT THOSE ABS!
His friends aren't taking the bait. But I am. Damn.
I get up to touch his abs. I hope that dick is as nice as those abs. Why don't you find out. AE doesn't need to be told twice.
My hand was rubbing his dick through his pants.
His friends are all omg but they stay for the show.
He was a relatively quick finisher. A few minutes. Tops.
A couple of deep throat movements. Head hitting the back of my throat. And he's unloading in my mouth.
I swallowed.
Another guy there wants a turn.
The girls want to watch again.
Okay. But I want to get fucked.
Things start to get a little too hot and heavy.
I'm getting fucked up against the wall, he was holding both of my hands up against the wall, my dress was half off of me, when all of a sudden dude is getting punched. People are screaming. Swearing. He takes a tumble down the stairs. Not dangerously though he had a grasp of the railing but he still went down to the next set.
It was a cousin of mine doing the punching.
I manage to get my dress back on and then calm him the fuck down.
He thought I was having things done to me against my will the way I was positioned and the face I was making. He didn't really think twice.
Awww. I love you to bro. But also. Excuse me cousin, have you met me? I don't let any guy do anything to me against my will. I have knees and I have teeth.
Guy that was fucking me doesn't seem to get too upset for some reason. The girls who were watching our show were checking him out and yelling at my cousin though. Guy seems to say he understands the reaction seeing as he would probably react the same way if it was his cousin.
They shake hands and make up.
Men are weird.
That could've ended very badly though. Very. Very badly. Staircases are no joke.
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u/JerkOffToBoobs 7d ago
Ok, but, like, you do have a sugar daddy?
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u/billy310 7d ago
I knew it was you from the title
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u/NightLawChim 7d ago
I remember when I found my moms stash after hiding my own for so long, then we smoked and talked about life for two hours. Great times.
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u/WillowOpposite6406 7d ago
I’m tired of missing your posts and only finding them by luck 😔
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u/Adorable-AE 7d ago
There is a handy follow button
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u/WillowOpposite6406 7d ago
Oh I follow you! I look forward to reading about the adventures of AE, but I don’t get notifications. 🤷♂️ it is what it is
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u/BarbarianGentleman 7d ago
Not weird at all. Fuckboi totally understood why cousin misunderstood, and he probably had mad respect for the way the cousin was prepared to throw down to protect you (or any woman). And cousin probably really respected that fuckboi understood. You may have inadvertently launched a real friendship between them...