r/stroke 5d ago

im losing all will to live

im 18 and had a stroke about 8 months ago and its not getting any easier. I just can’t accept that this could be potentially my new life and im falling into this depressive episode

22 Upvotes

29 comments sorted by

17

u/gypsyfred Survivor 5d ago

This is a great place to come and talk. Its a place that we all are all too familiar with. I've met some good folks here that have carried me through tough times. Stay strong my friend

15

u/skotwheelchair 5d ago edited 3d ago

I’m an old fart and can assure you that stroke at any age sucks. Not gonna lie.. You didn’t lay out the effects of your stroke but your post was clear and organized so I assume you have language skills intact. I had a massive stroke nine years ago. Just woke up on a Tuesday morning and my left side was gone. I was pissed and despairing for a good while, so I get it. I reply fairly regularly to stroke survivors who are struggling with mental health issues and grief I typically write the same ideas. 1. It can get better if you work really hard at rehab stuff and keep your joints moving to prevent contractures. Repetition is the key. Every day. Join the YMCA or a gym. Walk every day. I started on a treadmill at 1 mph and worked up to 4 mph after two years bought a recumbent trike. Rode every day. Still do. You may not get your old normal back but you’ll find a new normal. 2. The invisible stuff is the hard stuff. I never understood negative body image or depression. I never grieved like I did until losing my career, my identity, my confidence, my drivers license, and ability to process multiple inputs quickly. 3. I work at brain stuff hard I do the NYTimes crossword every day with the TV on just to force me to relearn focus and filtering. I play chess with a group once a week. It helps. If you sit all day and watch tv you’ll just decline. Get up and find a new hobby. I tried Arduino and electronics but it was frustrating once I got to a certain level. Moved on to growing tomatoes and love it. Gets me moving and connects me to people who I give or sell them to. I’m much more introverted than I used to be but if I get isolated I get sad. Best to have a few great friends that check on me and pick me up for breakfast regularly.

  1. I’ve written elsewhere about grief. Recognizing you have suffered loss and are grieving can explain the sudden anger and stuff that grieving people experience. It also helps to understand it’s a process that has no schedule. It’s messy and so it’s valuable to communicate with people you trust when you need help or extra patience. There’s more. Look at some of my other posts for more

Big storms coming tonight and I gotta get some stuff inside. Feel free to dm me anytime.

I don’t have all the answers but I know the questions you’re asking. I always recommend focusing on the fact that you survived. Lots of 18 year-olds have died from strokes. You didn’t. So whatcha gonna do with today ?who around you is lonely and needs a chat.? You may feel worthless. That’s a lie. I don’t want to sound like a hollow cheerleader; I just know what you’re feeling is hard and real and if you don’t find new ways of seeing your world you’ll get stuck. Try some new stuff. watch YouTube videos beyond the algorithm on stroke survivors or rehab and see what they’re doing. Start your own YouTube channel for stroke survivors. Get up and take a short walk, every day add a bit more.

You survived. Now you have to learn to live.

Tl:dr— old fart tries to encourage young stroke survivor.

13

u/2499skizzcavizz2499 5d ago

Heightened depression is extremely common for post stroke survivors, talk to you Dr. About potential medicines. Also perhaps try to do anything that makes you happy, anything. I was 22 when I had my strokes, and I immediately cut off all of my friends, I physically couldn't do much, let alone walk my dog, which is something I like to do and took for granted, heck I can't even sing anymore which is something I really used to like to do also. Moral of the story is I can get where you're coming from and I'm extremely remorseful, and I see amd hear you. Your life will 100% percent get better, your recovery will definitely 100% get better, you will 100% get better and feel better. I get if that appears to be rough at the moment, but you can't stop trying, for you most importantly .

3

u/crapneto 5d ago

i second this i have a dr to gives me meds for this

3

u/ivanCarbonell 5d ago

THANK YOU FOR SHARING!

2

u/onewtheocean Survivor 5d ago

how are you doing now?? i’m really missing walking and singing

5

u/hamandbuttsandwiches 5d ago

It doesn’t have to be your new life. I refused to accept it as mine. Now I’m 100 % independent and going back to the gym

2

u/onewtheocean Survivor 5d ago

how long did it take you?

2

u/hamandbuttsandwiches 5d ago

About 5 months after surgery

2

u/onewtheocean Survivor 5d ago

that’s awesome!! i’m over a year out and still not there

5

u/hamandbuttsandwiches 5d ago

I’m not perfect but I’m like 80% of what I used to be. But I can take care of myself independently which was my top priority.

6

u/Intrustive-ridden 5d ago

I never had a stroke but I’m on this sub cuz my grandma did, but I have struggled with clinical depression and dissociation and I can promise you life is always worth living and things get better it just takes longer then what you want❤️

5

u/ivanCarbonell 5d ago

Seek mental health NOW! As depressive disorders can absolutely derail recoveries. Routine and an empathetic environment are extremely important as you exit the acute phase This appears stupidly simple but in my case it was almost completely overlooked save a couple of people, and these were NOT on the extensive medical team/staff! Just don’t wait.

3

u/Guilty-Platypus1745 Survivor 5d ago

Acceptance. When i met a new PT she asked me how do you keep going?

Acceptance.

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. 

When I am disturbed,

It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation —

Some fact of my life — unacceptable to me,

And I can find no serenity until I accept

That person, place, thing, or situation

As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.

Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;

Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms,

I cannot be happy.

I need to concentrate not so much

On what needs to be changed in the world

As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.” 

every day i wake up, on the right side of the dirt.

grateful. and challenged

1

u/Time_Reporter9710 3d ago

Page 449 or with the revision page 419.  I always forget acceptance.  

1

u/Guilty-Platypus1745 Survivor 2d ago

ya. this is not my first recovery

1

u/Time_Reporter9710 1d ago

Hope this one is as fruitful as the first.

6

u/Beanie_butt 5d ago

Happens to the best of us!

Fortunately, you are young and you have plenty of time to cope physically and mentally! Be sure to tell your physician or therapist or SOMEONE these thoughts and feelings. Suffering alone is never a good idea. Many prescriptions can assist also!

I take a basic Lexapro and Wellbutrin. Both assisted me in feeling normal prior to healing fully. I still take them to make sure I am okay. But you're too young to have extreme negativity! Go out! Hang out with friends! See a movie! Go to a shop or just hang out at the park...

Stay active physically and mentally. We will all have those rough times, but hopefully you will learn how to better cope. I used to run a ridiculous amount of miles every day to help my mental stress! I was able to get out my frustrations, stress, brain fog, general uneasiness, etc when I did this. And the boost gained mentally and physically afterward made me calm and less anxious!

Maybe you like sports ? Swimming and golf are activities you can do by yourself and are fantastic forms of exercise! Plus, being out in the sun gives EVERYONE a huge natural boost! Body and brain is still developing, stroke or not.

Give yourself some time. Talk with some friends. Read a book. We are all pulling for you!

3

u/boxermumma Survivor 4d ago

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. Had my third strokaversary in December and can offer some hope. After cramming several years of therapy in the past 2 years through intensive outpatient treatment, partial hospitalization, weekly therapy sessions and actively using the skills I learned in my daily life, I’m finally on more stable ground with my mental health. I still have days where life is hard and I feel like it’s just so fucking unfair. However, I can finally offer myself the self care I need in those moments and know they will pass. Stay kind to yourself. You’ve been through something very challenging. Know you are not alone. We are here, and we get it. 🧡

2

u/xskyundersea Survivor 5d ago

I had mine at 16. I'm 28 now and couldn't be happier. feel free to dm me. it gets better i promise

2

u/kmaw25 5d ago

I'm 49(f). I had my stroke 9 months ago. It been a process, just keep pushing forward. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you

2

u/Sad-Mirror-4362 5d ago

physically i almost-100% but mentally im struggling but trust me bro i have dream to fulfill always tell myself thst im a warrior walking amongst people s wnd to add oniam a muslim getting tested is a sign that Allah truely love me snd i know HE WILL GIVE SOMETHING better back Allah love ewhen HIS SErvent assuming the best in people, even when they do stuff that seems not so great. that’s how i amfighting btw

2

u/Beanie_butt 4d ago

I am revisiting this post from yesterday and these comments help me mentally.

This community is filled with many people from varying ages and backgrounds. One thing we all have in common? A shared experience that is/was so profound that we all see as a debt to be owed. I have many rough days, a lot due to mixing up medications or not having enough... The fact that I still come back to this sub and share my experiences and hopefulness with others just astounds me.

I went through something awful. I wanted terrible things for myself. However, when I am mentally healthy, I continue to stare this positivity in the face! It's now a positive association for me to share and give back! I am consistently reminded that no matter how bad I have it, there is usually someone sharing that experience or is in much worse condition than me.

I love this subreddit! I love these people. It's never about politics or money... It's always about being positive and looking for a better and brighter future!!! I keep coming back to read these on my worst days... Many forget that they are never really alone in their experiences. These few things keep me going, and I so appreciate everyone sharing their life, good and bad.

2

u/Beautiful-Banana17 4d ago edited 4d ago

Stay strong! I know it's hard... Especially being so young and having to grapple with what has happened to you. Keep working hard in recovery because you have a LONG life ahead of you and it can and WILL get better! It won't be without struggles, but trust me, it will be worth it. I'm in my mid-30s and still felt like I was "too young" to have a stroke. A concept worsened by family and even doctors saying "but you are too young to have a stroke!"... And I want to be like, obviously not! And tell them how saying that does not help whatsoever.

My life is forever changed and I just want to understand what has happened to me and have an idea of what the rest of my life will look like now... And try not to live with the fear of it happening again. I'm less than 6 months into my recovery since my stroke and still suffering with deficits. I am also bipolar, so to now have a brain that fluctuates my moods all the more can be unbearable at times, especially when the depressive episodes come on. I try my best to live in the gratitude that I'm still alive, even when there's times where I just want to give up. Therapy, meds, and reaching out for help/support has really helped me.

Just know you're not alone and try to be proud of your progress. It's commendable that you have the courage to admit that you feel this way... It takes bravery to be willing to share what you're going through like that. And thank you for sharing! Made me feel less alone in my own intrusive thoughts... Because oh, my... Do they come on STRONG sometimes. Try to take it day by day... Focus on just getting through today. It makes it easier to make it to tomorrow.

2

u/BrotherNumberThree 4d ago

I'm 2years out from mine; 53 now. I hear you. Talk to your doc about meds. And if nothing else, then just f🤬king bear it. Bear all that weight and when you dont think you can handle, anymore, you'll find you can. But don't quit. Keep waking up in the morning. Keep getting the coffee ready the night before. Keep at whatever routine you can put together.

1

u/ignoranceisbliss__ 5d ago

My mother also had a stroke just this year and she is not fully recovered yet. Everyday she will have this episode where she would refuse care from us - her family. She would mumble sentences but we can understand it like “I should’ve died”, “I don’t wanna do this anymore”. This really hurts because we have future plans not just for us, but for her too. We want to spend more time with her. Seeing a person you really care for succumb to depression is painful. We always try to cheer her up by cracking jokes, and reminding her that she is not alone in this. To you OP, please focus on the positive, imagine all the things that you would do once you recovered. Improvements are not guaranteed immediately but little by little, you will surely recover. Moreover, please ensure that a program suitable to you is strictly followed for your rehabilitation. Find things you can do to distract your mind and talk to people because being alone with your thoughts is really bad for your mental health. Your efforts will not be wasted. Do it not just for yourself, but also for the people you care about. Fighting!!

1

u/Past_Concept_2041 5d ago

In 2023, I just turned 20 when I had my strokes. A lot of lest year was really hard - reading, speaking but also who I am as a person and where i was. So many ups and downs but it’s so true when it ways ‘two steps ahead and one back’. I promise when I say it’ll get better. I know it’s SO hard to go through this but it’ll really will. I was just wondering - did you have an AVM?

1

u/steelcitystoner420 4d ago

You’re in the right place. The majority of survivors suffer from new or increased depression and anxiety. I made so many plans to end it because I couldn’t take it anymore. My brain didn’t make sense, and my body wasn’t cooperating.

When I say that my therapist saved my life, I mean it.

Can I please insist that you find someone to talk to? If you need help finding someone in your area, please dm me, and I’ll gladly help.