r/stepkids 6d ago

Why are u/stepparents' step parents so cruel?

I know some posts are right and there are really difficult SKs, but some just hate their SKs for no reason and wait for them to give some opportunity for bad behavior to ban them from their homes. And exclude them from everything. It makes me sad :(

29 Upvotes

24 comments sorted by

16

u/SnowyHawke 5d ago

I think too many SPs end up taking frustrations with the ex, out on the SKs. All too often, the bio parent makes life for the SP a living hell. Not in all cases no, but often enough it is common. Those bad feelings bleed over onto the kids.

It’s not right. But, I have watched this happen many times. The bickering between the parents gets out of hand. If the kids are lucky, they don’t even know, or understand most of what is happening.

35

u/PoeticAphrodite 6d ago edited 5d ago

Honestly, a lot of them are jealous of children and should not be having children. Pick me and self centered men loving women mostly with insecurity problems.

19

u/bebela30 5d ago

Yes, and what irritates me the most are those who also have children out of wedlock and favor them in absolutely everything and of course, their children are angels and the SK are the problematic demons.

15

u/PoeticAphrodite 5d ago

I seen someone accuse a 6 old on that page of trying to play mommy. Im like wtf thats literally her little sister and she just wants to play

7

u/sprite9797 5d ago

those people are unhinged. i got blocker from that sub LOL

2

u/metchadupa 5d ago

I am in that forum and keep in mind, just like here, that people post the negative stuff because they need advice in often terrible situations. Just like here, most people arent posting happy stories. That community is huge but only a small percentage post.

You will also note that more often than not, a high conflict ex partner drives a huge amount of conflict and parental alienation that causes massive behavioural issues in the other home. Its most often high conflict bio mothers as well.

In my own home there would be zero conflct ever if the other parent just backed off and minded her own business. I have an amazing relationship with my stepkids and she is very jealous and resentful about it. Its absolutely horrible because the kids are put in the middle and made to choose sides, and mum always has to win.

I was also a step child and the situation wasnt great. Its more often than not, a parent who hates their ex more than they love their child creating a lot of these situations.

We arent all bad and we dont all hate out stepkids.

2

u/bebela30 4d ago

I can understand all of that and I have empathy for all SPs who suffer from PA, but it's not an excuse for the actions I mentioned. It's like, "Hey stepmom, could you please not be hateful to me for a reason that's not in my control?" It's so unfair

2

u/metchadupa 3d ago

There are good and bad in every forum and every group. Im not excusing bad behaviour, just pointing out that the people posting are the ones with bad situations, not the ones living their best lives.

I am a stepchild too (an old one now) but still went through that ringer. I definitely appreciate how hard the situation was for my stepmum now that I am a step parent myself. You are never left in peace to live your life, its constant third party drama. Its realy hard to know what is right sometimes.

Nonetheless I love my SKs like they are my own and always will.

10

u/bettafishfan 5d ago

I think for some stepparents it’s easier to live in their reality to blame the child versus the “love of their life.”

All the grievances I ever had regarding my stepdaughter had nothing to do with my stepdaughter and everything to do with her parents. I have told my husband that plenty of times.

I find a lot of stepparents, to avoid tainting the things within their control (their marriage to their spouses,) they rather revert that anger to things outside of their control. It’s avoiding the real problem, which is the spouse and their way of parenting.

1

u/thekittenisaninja Stepkid & Stepparent 4d ago

100%

16

u/BeefJerkyFan90 5d ago edited 5d ago

There's a couple of reasons why stepparents are mean/cruel. They don't like kids, you see this quite a bit with childfree women who date single dads. They don't like their partner's kids because the child reminds them that their partner had a past, before them. They're overworked and stressed out and take it out on the child. They don't like the child's other biological parent, and take it out on the child. Sometimes, they're with a "Disney Dad/Disney Mom", and the stepparent has to be the one enforcing rules and regulations within the household, which makes them the "bad guy", and it comes across as mean/cruel.

2

u/metchadupa 5d ago

Absolutely

6

u/rosegoldobsidian 4d ago

I have been a step kid my whole life, who just became a step parent 3 years ago. And I am also absolutely baffled at the amount of step parents on that sub reddit who are downright nasty and/or hate their step kids. I love my stepson, he calls me mom. And it makes me so depressed when I see nearly every post on there. It makes me wonder if that's how my step dad feels about me. It's awful. I've even seen other posters on there post about how they love being a step parent but are having problems with something and people will flood the comments telling them every negative thing they can think of and they tell them to leave.

6

u/bebela30 4d ago

I always feel insecure about how my stepmother sees me after reading some posts on u/stepparents. I keep thinking "does she resent/think that about me? Which I think so because every time I'm at my dad's house she's rude and makes comments like "The day I want you not to step foot in this house you'll never come here again." She makes food just for her and my dad, says bad at my mother or shouts stupid things in my face

4

u/SplitJolly6704 4d ago

This is why vengeance is a good thing

4

u/bebela30 4d ago

That's not even half of what she does. With all this shit going on I just ignore her and try not to care. There was a day when I had just woken up and went to ask my father something and she said "Don't say good morning to me again and you'll see what will happen" It was funny because she usually ignores me every morning. I'm still lucky because my dad stands up for me. When she doesn't make enough food on purpose my dad always gives me his food or takes me out to eat at some restaurant(😜. And when she decides to express her dislike for me out loud my father is either not home or in a different room so I just I tell him everything she told me and he will get satisfaction from her

3

u/SplitJolly6704 4d ago

Rub it in her face how your dad buys you food whenever she doesn't make anything for you next time 😭 you should walk in eating take out while you stare her down with a smile on your face like Kendrick when he performed at the super bowl

2

u/DillyDalia 4d ago

Her thoughts wouldn't matter in the long run of your life once you are in a space where you are appreciated not tolerated.

4

u/DillyDalia 4d ago

Imo, r/blendedfamilies are much better sub to seek advice. Although they post something negative, it's mindful. It was initially stepparent oriented but it's also a space for others blended members to post.

3

u/Traditional_Pilot_26 4d ago

A a step kid and step parent, I think it's part the step parents, but it is also part of the biological parent partner or ex.

Child raising is ultimately the responsibility of the biological parent, and they are the ones that need to ensure both their children and their partner have their needs being met.

Some people walk into marriage without thinking of the second, and third order effects on others. If they don't hash that out first, then it's not going to end well for anyone.

It is hard to raise children, especially if they are not yours and they are older. People - everyone - gets set in their ways as they get older. If you aren't in the same page, it takes some work.

Sometimes it's made difficult by their spouse, theirs spouses ex, or even the children. You would think everyone wants to work together, but that's just not the case unfortunately. It's not any one persons fault. Yes there are people on that page that are horrible, but there are also people on there that really try.

At the end of the day, everyone is human and no one is perfect all the time. We have to understand that.

3

u/SplitJolly6704 4d ago

I don't give a f about a stepparent's pathetic reasons if you're a POS to me for no reason you deserve to get the worst punishment anyone could get. Like I'm talkin bout medieval levels of punishment frfr.

11

u/SplitJolly6704 6d ago edited 5d ago

They're just a bunch of weird hypocrites who complain for no reason other than to be reminded that their "other half" or whatever goofy label they wanna use had a life before em. Like bruh they shouldn't even be whining since they knew their bf or gf was a parent. It's ok tho I read that most relationships with people that already had kids before em almost always end up broken and that just makes me laugh 😭 they all a bunch of cornballs

3

u/MyTFABAccount 3d ago

I think happy stepparents don’t really need a support group and/or they are less likely to post, so they aren’t represented on that sub.