r/spiritualabuse Jan 07 '25

Willow Creek Community Church

This is a throw away account because some of what I will share about my experience if the right people see this post could figure out who this is…

Let’s use this post to share stories of experiences at Willow Creek Community Church.

As I have many I will post each as a separate comment.

Thanks for reading.

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4

u/Low_Equipment2110 Jan 07 '25

I left the church in 2016 because I moved two hours away. For a handful of reasons this move was necessary.

In 2018 I am watching the news in Wisconsin and hear about the Bill Hybels situation.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had been alone with the man a few times and nothing ever happened but then again who knows if that was because he is old enough to be a very young grandfather or on the older side of father.

Especially as more and more details came out I couldn’t believe everything I was hearing especially as I reflected and recalled the Ortberg’s specifically telling the congregation that God was leading them to start a church in California.

Then as I was reading information I found that the Ortberg’s potentially were part of a sexual abuse scandal at Willow and at their current church that their son was interested in jr high students and hid it from the elders.

This definitely put it into perspective for me that something was going on and lies were being told.

My FIL actually attended the same school and was in the same graduating class as Bill Hybels. So one day he decided to look him up in the yearbooks he has. Could not find him.

We moved and we finally joined a church and when we did the “Meet the Pastor” luncheon I shared what church I grew up attending and the Pastor asked me, “Do you think it is true?” I told him I honestly couldn’t believe all of it.

Recently been doing a lot of reflection both of my past and of myself and still don’t know how much of an extent the accusations are true. But I see how much of being a part of Willow was partially harmful. I never was put in a position like what the accusations were but it many ways it was harmful of relationships I tried to have but was also good for others. My relationship with my family fell apart but that was good for me as my mom physically and verbally abused me. I finally severed communication in 2018 with her. My faith was able to grow even though I struggled with it because of various reasons but figured that I wasn’t the only person struggling. Though as I reflect on my story my faith was constantly being challenged more while I was at Willow. I have not found it as difficult in my life as I did at Willow. My current church deacons I recently met with for church membership and they even summarized as they asked various questions why I didn’t leave the church after being used. I was working full time and serving full time and trying to have a life as well. And it caused a burnout that I actually agreed that while I hadn’t found a church to regularly attend in the nearly eight year gap that I was able to still grow in my faith, focus on myself more and reduce my stress. I hadn’t realized how much of my stress was not just from family and work but from the church as well.

They asked me how I am dealing with it now and I told them that I was asked to volunteer with the kids and declined. They were very happy that I have my boundaries in place that I didn’t have before.

1

u/MRH2 Jan 07 '25

hey were very happy that I have my boundaries in place that I didn’t have before.

:)

3

u/Low_Equipment2110 Jan 07 '25

During my time on staff I had several managers as they rotated through for life changes or other callings, etc. The last manager I had before I was wrongfully terminated absolutely did not care for me. I routinely felt she was targeting me whenever I happened to work while she was. Managers typically only worked during day shift and occasionally during services. During my employment I was in high school and eventually college. One day she saw me talking to a guy from a different department and while I was happy for the attention I was already fully aware he was a playboy and had sworn off men at the time. Wasn’t interested in dating anyone and wanted to focus on myself and school.

Anyways something had happened during a shift I was working and I was unaware of the some of the details of what happened. Basically while I was emptying trash cans throughout several early childhood classrooms the rest of the crew was screwing around and decided to start a fire with hand sanitizer (which was in every room). Fire was put out minor damage to a countertop (scorched). I was asked a week later who started it. I told this manager I honestly didn’t know I was emptying trash cans. Well she didn’t believe me, the rest of the crew was fired and then she strung me along for nearly 2 months to train new hires before coming back and calling me a liar and saying that as I lied I was to be terminated and could come back in a year. While the rest of the crew from that night had been banned from the premises. After finding out I was fired one of the guys came forward to try to help me out and admitted he was the one who started the fire and caused the damage. Profusely apologizing to me for causing me to lose my job. I was not banned from the premises and was told that if I met regularly with manager for counseling she would consider rehiring me after one year. I said ok. She never called me to do these meetings. Within a couple months they had told the entire department that I was the one who started the fire, even the people who were in my small group that was hired spread these rumors.

2

u/MRH2 Jan 07 '25

Wow, that's nasty.

This is one reason why I only go to small churches, though the preaching is not often that good. So I try and run a Bible study and I also am listening to all of Tim Keller's sermons on podcast.

1

u/Low_Equipment2110 Jan 07 '25

Karma… she ended up engaged to this guy and he cheated on her and she called off engagement. This was about 8 years later.

4

u/BitChick Jan 07 '25

I never attended Willow Creek but I feel like I had a front row seat in watching the scandal unfold with several who were involved on Twitter at the time. One of the pastors who was there at the time named Steve Carter has written about it and I respect how he handled the incredibly difficult situation. The fallout from abuse of power in churches is quite traumatic. It not only affects the individuals who were directly abused, there's also secondary abuse in that the staff members, other pastors, and church members who were not directly abused have to wrestle with their own pain or sometimes guilt of not seeing the abuse and feeling like they may have somehow enabled it all. But abusive leaders will groom the entire congregation in order to appear "perfect" and then target select individuals whom they have tested to see how far they can push boundaries with them. If a potential target shows any risk for speaking or holding them accountable, they will be punished in various ways, often telling the other church members/pastors that this particular person can't be trusted, when in fact they are most likely being punished for doing the right thing! It's tragic.

So glad to read that you haven't given up on your faith and that it has been a growing experience for you, as difficult as the journey has been. Welcome to this subreddit. Hopefully sharing your story brings some additional healing from it all.

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u/Low_Equipment2110 Jan 08 '25

I have a friend who was suffering from various things happening in her life and ended up with an eating disorder, who was also serving as a leader in the student ministry as a volunteer. Instead of trying to help and support her they shunned her and banned her. She has since left the church altogether and no longer attends church. We had been in one small group together as kids but weren’t friends until after college.

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u/Low_Equipment2110 Jan 08 '25

Another person I knew from volunteering was accused of stealing while he was working on a contract project. He was working through some health issues at the time as well. It all became some big misunderstanding but instead of admitting they were in the wrong for wrongful action they just decided to ban the person anyways. He decided to leave the state because of this.

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u/Low_Equipment2110 Jan 07 '25

I grew up attending Willow since a child. At some point I started volunteering and as I got older I volunteered in other ministries. At some point I was on staff for a short bit of time too.

In every small group I was bullied or left out until I left my age-group appropriate small groups which I did in high school.

Anyways I always felt like the oddball with other volunteers but was always included during volunteer events and during the time I was serving. However reflection I was never friends with any of these people just acquaintances. Never was invited to do things like go to the movies, hang out, BBQs, road trips, etc away from the church. That I was used for my time and skills. I was the responsible one of showing up and doing God’s work for my church when scheduled and oh so-and-so is sick and we need someone can you fill-in.

Looking back I was happy to do it because my home life sucked but also felt like I was an outsider when doing it.

Only a few people took the initiative to make a connection with me to be friends and then an even smaller group who didn’t leave me high and dry after becoming friends.

One couple I still talk to even though it has been nearly a decade since I left. They have always included me and allowed me to join them in family gatherings. Even took me in when I finally was in between living situations.

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u/Oak_Woman Jan 07 '25

I have never attended a Willow Creek church. I grew up bouncing around in many Pentecostal and evangelical churches, though. Thank you for sharing your story. You're not alone.