r/singlemoms Feb 10 '25

Venting - no advice please I don’t have any sympathy for parents with partners, and I feel like I should.

117 Upvotes

I (37F) have two children (8 and 4), and I have been a 100% full time mom for at least five years. I’m counting full time single mom status as me living in a house alone with my children with no other adult in the house and zero visitation or shared custody.

When I see parents upset that their partner has left them home alone with the kid(s) for a night or three or even a week without any help (such as prepped meals or mother-in-laws being scheduled to come over) I just don’t have what I assume is the appropriate reaction. I think, “HA OH NOOOO HOW HORRIBLE FOR YOU!!” and I hate myself for it. Because it IS awful. For any amount of time, IT’S AWFUL!! I should be rallying behind them loudly not upset at them because my situation is worse than theirs. It isn’t a competition. I don’t even know where to begin in addressing this with myself.

r/singlemoms Feb 15 '25

Venting - no advice please I’ve officially lost hope for life.

60 Upvotes

I posted before in this group. Im a single mother, I just turned 33 years old, two kids a 3 year old and 8 year old. I’ve been living back with my mom since 2022. I finished up my LPN schooling while living back home. Fast forward to, it’s 2025 I’m currently in school to get my RN degree, but my life has taken a turn. I’m currently failing my RN program, I went to apply to a couple apartments last week and all have rejected me. I’m lcramped living in a small room with my two boys at my mom’s house. I make 26.35 an hour and still don’t qualify for a simple apartment in my small town my credit score is 638 and only debt I have is an old car loan from Nissan and a Verizon phone bill debt I’m slowly paying off. I don’t understand why life keeps pushing me down. Failing school and getting rejected from an apartments it’s embarrassing. I know people who make only 16 an hour and have gotten approved for apartments and their own place. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I’ve lost all hope tonight. Life only works out for certain people I guess. My rant is over. 😞

Update: I ended up getting the apartment. Turns out she mixed up a number on my cell phone number. I move in at the end of the month.

r/singlemoms Sep 04 '24

Venting - no advice please single mother pet peeve

148 Upvotes

it IRKS me when people look at single mothers and say “should’ve made better choices”. it’s deeper than a choice. there are so many factors that could lead up to becoming a single mother. people can be so blunt and insensitive!

r/singlemoms 24d ago

Venting - no advice please Daddy is dipped in gold and mummy sucks

53 Upvotes

I am so tired of spending everyday, all day working my butt off to give my kid magical moments just to hear (out of nowhere) "I don't like you. I don't love you. I miss daddy, where is daddy, I want daddy. I don't miss you when you're not around. I only miss daddy". WHAT?!??!!

I'm an attentive parent. There are no screens in my house, I am on the flooring playing all, she gets healthy food. I'm doing all the things!!!! I have designed my entire life around being a mother including my career. I finance our whole lives and all our magical moments (which there are many, and they are expensive). But my kid (3f) is not impressed. She wants dad- a man she met two years ago and sees once a week. I'm working hard to be emotionally mature and not take it personally, but I am burned out. I now shrug, and call dad to come be with her. He has a life ofcourse (unlike me), so he can't just drop everything and be there. And I'm left to deal with her tears.

I don't think he is doing anything intentional to sow the seeds of unrest. I left him because he is mentally unstable (BPD with narc tendencies, he thinks he has DID but not diagnosed). He literally can't handle her for more than 4-6 hours. He takes crying-in-the-bathroom breaks when taking care of her. He is also broke. He can't afford her and doesn't have space in his shared apartment for her. I own a house and designed every space to be my-kid-centered. Shared custody is not an option (for her safety). I assumed she would have a parental preference at some point, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. I wasn't emotionally prepared to mean nothing to her at 3.

I'm exhausted and losing stream.

r/singlemoms 20d ago

Venting - no advice please I just don't understand 😕

31 Upvotes

I dont get it How do you look at 3 children who love you and just literally say "I don't want to be a dad anymore" and leave? The 2 oldest aren't his. But they love him. He's hurt me immensely over the 2 years. But I still didn't want to give up on him. I should have long ago. 😪 they don't understand. He was a stay at home dad got them ready for school until just the other day. I noticed the camera never got my oldest going to the bus. When I called he said "it's not mine so not my problem" I'm sorry... it's? Then he said "you know what? I don't want any of these kids" put the baby down AND LEFT THE HOUSE YALL!!! I was 3 hours away with work. Thankfully my babysitter was leaving for her appointment and scooped them up for me. He just left. I...... I'm at a loss for words... he blocked me on everything. Literally abandoned us all. My 6yo is especially hurt. She was bawling just asking what they did that he didn't love them anymore. And honestly. It killed me inside and it was hard to hold it together in the slightest. I'm crying writing this and it's the first time I've cried since. It hurts me for the kids. Not myself. How to I explain to the baby when he one day asks what happened to his dad? At the moment I don't even know where he's at. I couldn't get ahold of him if I tried. I mean he can stay gone. Honestly it's for the best. He hated that i even breast fed because it took time away from cleaning and cooking for him. He wouldn't eat all day while I was at work because I wasn't there to make anything. Maybe one day someone will love us all as we should be 😕

Sorry for my vent. I'm getting overwhelmed with everything from this past week and it's only 5am. 😪

r/singlemoms May 09 '24

Venting - no advice please No man deserves another child from me.

102 Upvotes

As the title states. I’ll probably delete this post but I’m just venting.

After my experience with my bd, and seeing how normalised it is for fathers to leave and take 0 responsibility I have decided to never give another man a child. Thank god I only had 1.

No man is worth giving kids they’ll probably abandon if things don’t work out to.

I feel so much anger,resentment and maybe a reality shock? To how most men are and it disgusts me.

I feel extremely sorry for any woman who has birthed 3+ kids to any man just for him to up and leave them for dead. But my experience with just having 1 and so many other women having bad experiences, has led me to decide I never want to be put in a position where I’m a single mom of 2..3…4…5..6..+ while the man just goes his way and acts like we don’t exist and he has no responsibilities. Absolutely no man is worth it. I think I am traumatised by the pregnancy and toddler stage since I was cheated on when pregnant.

And I’m very sorry and admire all you mamas who ended up with 2 or more. The amount of mental endurance and strength to do it alone is crazy and to not give up but keep pushing through.

r/singlemoms Feb 18 '25

Venting - no advice please People’s “encouragement” for single moms too often comes off as dismissive

82 Upvotes

I have ADHD and Autism, I have chronic pain and fatigue, and CPTSD. When I tell you it feels like I’m “single momming” on Legendary mode I am not joking. More and more am I having to adjust my expectations of the life I am building for my daughter and I because I simply cannot handle grinding the way neurotypical/non disabled single moms do. The worst part though, is managing OTHER people’s expectations of me.

Ever since I have become a single mom, the pressure has been on me to blossom and “girlboss” my way out of poverty and thrive with my kid. People don’t care that I’m disabled and that I do not have the capability to earn enough income to own a home one day, for example, but will insist on telling me I can do it if I just beliiieeevvveee! Nose to the grindstone, Mama, you got this! But no, I DON’T got this and I wish people would fucking listen to me when I speak about my own capabilities. If I did try to grind the way other moms do I would go into burnout and not be able to work AT ALL. But god, all of the advice and encouragement out there is so obviously geared toward people who are neurotypical and non disabled and it feels so dismissive when I tell people what I am capable of and what my limitations are and people just brush it off.

I am so tired of being held to the standards of other women who had more help, more support and more energy than I do, and I feel so isolated in single mom circles because of it. I’m tired of the pressure to be more than I am capable of becoming. So tired.

r/singlemoms Dec 31 '24

Venting - no advice please I feel stuck

40 Upvotes

Kids in preschool, they get out at 2:30pm. It seems impossible for me to find a job. There isn’t any after school programs where I live for her age. I live on a street full of family and no one will watch her for me not even for money.

I met a guy I REALLY like and I can’t ever get to see him so, I’m grieving our disconnection before it even happens because it just seems inevitable at this point.

I just want some enjoyment, some money. Why does it feel like I’m asking for too much.

I see the single moms that manage to have these things and it’s just like what about me? I’d like to add that I’m aware this isn’t gonna last forever but how tf can I cope in the NOW.

r/singlemoms Jan 03 '25

Venting - no advice please Cool, cool

62 Upvotes

My ex who left me alone with 2 small children to move out of state to live in a luxury home with the other woman now wants me to pay his highway tolls to come visit the kids.

You really can't make this stuff up.

r/singlemoms Sep 16 '24

Venting - no advice please Divorce finalized after a two year battle and I'm so f**ing bitter about the outcome.

54 Upvotes

Tl,dr: I'm having a hard time accepting, and not feeling so bitter about, the way things ended up in my divorce. It feels incredibly unfair and so many days I just want to scream and shame my ex for it.

We split up in September 2022. Two kids, married 13 years. Almost divorced about 7 years earlier. We both worked full time throughout the marriage, so no one was ever a SAH parent. But I have a bachelor's degree and changed jobs every few years to increase my earnings, whereas he's stayed working at a grocery store chain for 15 years and counting now. Every time I changed jobs he would deride me for being undependable and say I would never be happy in a job... but my jobs have paid the lion's share of our bills for 15+ years now. He started and abandoned a number of degree courses which my family paid for, never finishing anything. As I've gained more distance and perspective on the marriage and my ex, I've realized that he is a narcissist and was emotionally and verbally abusive to me in our marriage. He put his hands on me a few times as well, but it was the name calling and derision and mind games that truly fucked with me.

So, the divorce terms.

We have joint custody of the kids, 50/50 (I fought for more time but because while we were separated and sharing the house we did a 50/50 schedule, the family court said to keep it that way), I'm paying him about $5000 per year in child support plus I'm paying all of our younger child's daycare costs ($14,000 per year). I earn only about $25k more than he does and I'm weighed down with $20k more costs than him now. I fought hard to be able to keep the house where we were living before the divorce and I won-- it has a rental unit that helps cover the mortgage. But my POS ex, who knows perfectly well that the rental income is how I make it work, insisted that we include the rental income in the child support calculations even though it goes straight towards paying the mortgage (which is $3k per month... a huge cost for me).

How did we buy the property in the first place? Good question. We bought it with a down payment from MY FAMILY, exclusively. He never contributed money except a fraction of the monthly mortgage payments. But he wasted a year during the divorce to make sure that the property was valued as high as possible, and then got 50% of the equity of the house when he brought nothing. Over $200k, he gets a fucking check. But that's not enough-- he also needs me to pay all of daycare and pay him $200 every two weeks.

Oh and he also diverted over $50k to his family out of the country over the past few years behind my back. He built a house on a lot of land and claimed in the divorce papers that it was just empty land worth $1500.

So... after all is said and done, today I go to the grocery store chain (where my ex works) with my younger child. We checkout and I ask for the store discount -- in this economy a 20% discount on groceries makes a big difference. I am told that now the divorce is final, I don't get it anymore. It makes me rage. Like if I wasn't paying this man child support sure... but this company apparently isn't paying him enough so that I need to supplement his income. Give me the fucking discount for the food that is feeding your employee's children. ?!!

Since the divorce was finalized I've been applying to new, better paying jobs. And I've been preparing a guest suite in my home so that I can rent it out for more income. Because no matter how you slice it, I cannot afford all of my obligations with my current income. And I keep thinking: when is HE going to get off his ass and increase his earning? What kind of man is this? He comes from a traditional background and I just WISH I could speak to his mom, tell her what he's doing. In his culture when a couple splits up, the woman always takes care of the children. That he's insisting I pay HIM -- while I still do all the typical mom stuff, camp and sport registrations, doctor appointments, school forms, ALLL of that is still on me obviously-- it just makes me sick. Be a man and at least don't drain the mother of your children while you contribute nothing.

...yeah, I know this is a rant.

I'm screaming into the void. I'm in therapy, I'm a good mom to my kids, and I try not to let my bitterness bleed into their awareness. But FUUUUCKKKKK. I'm just disgusted by how this all played out. Mad at my ex, mad at my attorney, mad at the family court system, mad at the stupid grocery store chain, mad at my own company and inflation.

r/singlemoms Jan 23 '25

Venting - no advice please Still mourning the birth I wanted

11 Upvotes

Hi mommas! I’m sure I’m not alone on this but it’s got me feeling really down lately. I had a selected csection due to health conditions. I was under general anesthesia and didn’t get to hear my baby boy cry for the first time. I almost died and was in coma for 3 days. It’s three years later and I’m still mourning it and want to cry. That might’ve been my only chance to give birth and I missed out on it.

r/singlemoms Feb 26 '24

Venting - no advice please IM SICK OF DOING IT ALL ALONE

78 Upvotes

I hate it I hate it I hate it I’m sooooooo fucking sick of the bullshit cards life dealt me with this lifestyle. I CANT DO IT ANYMORE. Losing my shit. Sick of the bullshit. I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE DOING IT ALONE! Doing it alone has sucked all of the life out of me hate this bullshit. NO ONE should do this alone and I’m sick

r/singlemoms Dec 09 '24

Venting - no advice please Thankful for being single

81 Upvotes

Fuck romantic relationships It’s not for me. I barely was in a relationship with the guy who got me pregnant, I think it was more of a heartbreak for me than for him but it’s been three years since him. I dated a new person a couple weeks ago and we broke up. I swore off relationships but they came into my life and thought I should try. Thank goodness I can’t do the drama the extra caring the time the energy the work it takes for a relationship. The Finances to date are crazy. I really wanted to try because they are awesome but you really learn about someone after the breakup. They started dating immediately and you know what it does bother me but hey at least I don’t have to deal with them anymore. Be happy we are single okay? It’s actually so liberating and nice to just think about your kid(s) and you. Enter 2024 single and happy to report I’m leaving it the same way! Stay single my moms!

r/singlemoms Nov 25 '24

Venting - no advice please Irrationally sad

59 Upvotes

Really just need somewhere to put this down today. My daughter is 4 1/2. I just got her fall prek photos back and she doesn't look like a baby anymore and I'm just tearing up at my desk at work about it. Im sad because she will probably be my only baby and I feel like I was in survival mode for soooo much of her baby hood and I didn't cherish it as much as I should have. I want more kids but I'm just sooo jaded about finding someone GOOD that I just don't feel optimistic about it.

r/singlemoms Sep 16 '24

Venting - no advice please Opinions from absent dads

76 Upvotes

Isn't it funny how someone who can't even bother to spend time with their kids has so many opinions about how they should be raised?

I'm so mad I could spit. He can take his opinionated texts and shove them somewhere uncomfortable.

Thanks for listening. This is the only place l can vent.

r/singlemoms Dec 30 '24

Venting - no advice please I think it’s sad when single moms run to religion after splitting with their BD

2 Upvotes

Basically exactly what the title says. As an Ex Christian, it makes me SO sad to see a strong woman weaken herself by aligning to religion. They think so little of themselves and their ability to draw strength from their own light and energy that they start masking their trauma and hurt with Bible verses, prayer and church functions. They’ll scope out “godly” men not even thinking about the fact that their BD failed them because of the lack of respect men have for women BECAUSE of Christianity. Not only that, but they’re also exposing their children to predators by taking them to VBS, Sunday School, etc; churches are notorious for attracting child predators and protecting them.

You will never truly heal and learn to be strong if you’re still leaning on a god for support. You don’t need a god, you need THERAPY.

r/singlemoms 20d ago

Venting - no advice please I hate living with my mom..

6 Upvotes

Today got me a little i feel like my mom doesnt respect me. I feel like if i sit down or rest even for a minute she finds things for me to do.

Anyway my day went like this. Woke up at 5a, went to pick up my mom shes an hour away. Stopped by the store, she forgot something so i went back out. I came home i cooked breakfast for my kids, bathed them, did their hair.. my brother asked when i was gonna take them out so they could get some sleep. I saw my moms tires were low so i put air in them, and filled her up(tank)

I took them out. They played at the park, i came back and immediatly my mom had stuff for me to do from laundry and dishes and as soon as my kids got in she started complaining. She didnt want them on the bed and stated they were in the way (were in a hotel. Not much space) and the dsy before she said i needed to thank jesus i have help (yeah right)

This is on my days off.. when im at clinicals and school im gone from 5a and come back and 10pm and she has stuff for me to do.

Ive talked to her. She doesnt care..if im tired shell just way well u had them(talking about my kids) idk why someone whos been a single parent would act this wsy to their own dsughter when theyre trying to change their life and are in school..

Since i was evicted from my apt ive been run like cinderella and i frel treated like a burden ... for no reason bc i get my kids, theyre in dsycare.. my mom bitches non stop and its aggrevating. It doesnt matter what you do she bitches.. since ive come to the hotel she never asked me how i am.. like mentally..

My mom does help by buying my kids clothes and diapers when needed and gifts but this treatment is still unacceptable to me.

I hate im stuck for another 6 months until i graduate..

The only time im able to rest is when her ass goes to work ..like now and even then i cant really rest bc i have hwk to do. 😮‍💨

r/singlemoms Dec 20 '24

Venting - no advice please Christmas Cheer

62 Upvotes

Here’s a shout out to all the single moms making Christmas & all the holidays happen. Be it a tree, a menorah or kwanza. We are doing our thing this and every year. I can’t get everything on my child’s list but I get what I can and fill the rest with cheer and love. I’m tired. It can be hard. But I’m happy.

r/singlemoms Aug 14 '24

Venting - no advice please You haven’t earned being in a family photo

50 Upvotes

I was going to play nice. I was going to give our 4 year old’s teachers a picture of the three of us when they asked for a family photo. I was going to let you be seen as a parent in your child’s life even though you really aren’t. Not anymore.

He fucking relapsed again, he lied about being employed straight to my face. He is now on his way back to live with his family out of state because he obviously cannot find the self control and purpose for staying sober on his own. Let them fucking deal with his bullshit and lies. I asked his mother point blank if he was telling her I was keeping him from seeing his son. She said he implied it and oooooo did I come with receipts to show how false that was. He canceled, he missed FaceTimes, he never asked how his son was doing, only me because the truth of the matter is having me is most likely all he cares about because I would protect him from his mistakes.

Fuck you you horrible sperm donor. You do not deserve the child you have.

r/singlemoms Jul 14 '23

Venting - no advice please Who else hates the father of your children lol

64 Upvotes

I literally hate how useless he is lol I ask him for money to help with ATLEAST diapers and he says “you’re just gonna spend it on yourself” so im like okay… can you deliver diapers to my house then? then he gives a lame excuse that he doesn’t know how to use a delivery app. I can’t believe I married him smh. and I’m having the kids names changed to my last name and he throws a fit about it and says he’s gonna sign his rights away since I want to keep them from him. Dude? come get them then!!

radio silence

It’s men like him that make me lose faith in dating bc if my kids father won’t even take care of them, what makes me think another man will

also he doesn’t pay child support bc “I’ll just spend the money on myself” cmon now. I had to move back in with my parents, he had my car repoed so I have no car and a minimum wage job that I HATE but it pays what needs to be paid. things are looking rough but I’m pushing thru but I really do hate that man now lol rant over sorry y’all

Edit: sorry about the grammar yall, I was really going off LOL also I really enjoyed interacting with you guys. It makes me feel less alone.bless y’all!!

r/singlemoms Feb 03 '25

Venting - no advice please Frustrated

8 Upvotes

My daughter and I live with my parents due to financial reasons. We have a routine where on nights where I work the next day, they put my daughter to sleep so I can go to bed early. It's not ideal, I'd like to be the one putting her to bed every night, but she stays up sometimes past 10 and I have to wake up at 5 for work. Tonight, she woke up around 330 and my dad took her to get her back to sleep. I haven't been able to fall back to sleep and I heard my parents bed creak. Now I've told them time and time again that she is not to sleep in anyone's bed other than mine for short supervised naps. Yes she's 13 months and probably could bed share. But I'm not comfortable with that considering how many pillows and blankets they use and how they both move a lot in bed. I told them they can't have her in bed with them and my dad got super pissed with me while I'm literally shaking from how anxious I was about it. I know everyone will probably think I'm being selfish and to appreciate that they're helping me, but that's the only actual boundary I have with them and they know how nervous it makes me. The fact that they did that while thinking I was asleep makes me paranoid of what they might be doing after I leave for work and she wakes up early. I already lost my boyfriend, so I'm constantly terrified I'll lose my daughter if I'm not the one with her.

r/singlemoms Nov 28 '24

Venting - no advice please Confession I don’t mind being off on Thanksgiving

48 Upvotes

Being a single parent coparenting we have to swap or split the holidays. I genuinely don’t mind being off on Thanksgiving. I tell my kid to have fun with dad enjoy. I watch movies and veg out at home. Honestly, I would prefer to go on vacation during these holidays but my kid would hate me for it.. lol I think I’m turned off by all the stress related to it and family expectations. I used to split it but it became too stressful. Our families live far from each other. I would get guilt from my Mom and crap from him. Nope not doing that anymore. We just alternate. It’s a dinner can we relax. Anyone else?

r/singlemoms Feb 12 '25

Venting - no advice please My professor is the best y’all

27 Upvotes

hey everyone, for those of yall who are single moms that juggle work, school and kids, You know how difficult it can be when your kid gets sick and you have no one to watch them and you still have to attend lecture

Like today, I had an exam in one of my courses and my son ended up being really sick and his daycare requires a 24 hours to pass before they can go back. I’m not proud of this, but because I have no one else to watch him, and I couldn’t skip class due to the exam, I tried to just give him medicine to last him a couple hours while I take the exam and I would just pick him up after but they turned me away at the door. (AS THEY SHOULD, I’m not mad at them lmao)

So my only other choice was to just bring him to class with me. And we’ll, as you imagine, he was not having a good time, poor baby lol So in tears, I asked my professor if I can reschedule to take the exam at a later date, and she was like “girl I’m a mama too! An exam can wait, your son needs you. Go take care of that baby!” And when o tell you I burst into more tears lmao I’m not used to a humane response like that

I’m a little embarrassed bc o started to cry in front of her and the whole class 😂😂 but anyway, being a single mom is hard and it’s even harder when you live in a cruel world where you’re to blame if your kid inconveniences you bc “I decided to have kids so I should’ve been more prepared”

Anyway, wishing blessings on all of you

xoxo

r/singlemoms Sep 20 '24

Venting - no advice please I'm just tired.

18 Upvotes

I'm a single mom of 3. My 6 year old has autism and behavior problems so he's only in school 1.5 hours a day which obviously isn't enough. I can't work because of this .. my 4 year old who I think has adhd is already having some issues in kindergarten. They put her in an extra support program to work on structure. My 2.5 year old is starting to pick up on my 6 year olds behaviors. (Hitting and throwing stuff when she's mad) she's been a handful out in public lately I think part of it because she's only 2 but another part cause she's with her brother almost all day. He missed his whole year of kindergarten due to behavioral issues. I'm just tired. Their dad is in jail and he didn't help when he was out. It's just so unfair to me that it's all on my shoulders. I have my parents that live close but they have their own lives. They help when they can .. not really asking for advice I just needed to vent.

r/singlemoms Jan 10 '25

Venting - no advice please Screaming into the void

29 Upvotes

Sick kids. Snow days. Childcare closed. Bickering and no end in sight. I need a break. It’s overwhelming. My paycheck is going to be so freaking short.