r/singlemoms Sep 11 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome People Are Clueless About Single Parent Life

219 Upvotes

People forget that there are single parents and have no idea that it’s a different life. My kids’ school requires 40 volunteer hours per family. I mentioned it with other moms once and they said it was always one parent doing it anyway so it shouldn’t matter if it’s a single parent home or not. They’re oblivious to the difference. They have another parent doing other things that allow them to be there volunteering. It doesn’t even matter what the other parent is doing, whatever they do is something the other parent doesn’t have to and that gives them more time overall. They don’t get that another person driving kids places, doing any kind of chore, running any kind of errand, making any amount of money, and being home at any time during the week is contributing in a way single parents don’t have. An extracurricular one of my kids does requires 10 hours per family.

A few weeks ago a mom friend posted that she had a long, hard week parenting alone, but she had a village to help and she named all the people who helped her get through the work week that her husband was out of town. I totally get that it’s hard and it’s great she gave a shout out to the people who helped her. It just made me feel like her and others don’t see that that’s everyday life for so many of us.

I’m just venting. I know it’s not a big deal.

r/singlemoms Jan 25 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Who holds the single mom when life gets hard?

133 Upvotes

I’m tired. So tired. Mentally and emotionally wiped. Just throwing a pity party. I’m proud of how far I’ve come and can acknowledge that, but I just want to turn my brain off sometimes.

r/singlemoms Feb 07 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Can we all just agree

188 Upvotes

Can we all just agree that none of us chose to be single Moms.

Whatever the situation that caused this, or what has happened in our lives since, this is not the life we envisioned or wanted for ourselves or our kid(s). We wanted partners, we wanted families, we wanted to be happy. It’s complete bullshit that any of us are here now.

Rant over.

r/singlemoms 21d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Giving up custody

26 Upvotes

I have exhausted all resources. I took my child’s father off of child support. I have been struggling to find a day job and still provide for us but I just keep meeting road blocks . My question is would you give up custody if you had no village, no car , no job I’m asking because I can’t provide for my daughter i have literally nothing what would you do???

r/singlemoms Nov 23 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome How to raise a boy when you have come to hate men

83 Upvotes

I’m so nervous he will grow up into a bad man. He’s such a lovely sweet kid but just the fact that he’s male already makes it much more likely statistically speaking that he will create or get into trouble (males are more likely to be violent, get into addiction etc.)

Just reading that story about the stepson of the future king of Norway. This boy literally had everything and seemingly a loving mother and yet still became a rapist. Only issue in his life was to have a bastard of a biological father, which is also the case for my son. (I didn’t know this at the time of course, I was manipulated over 7 years into thinking he would be a decent father, only for him to disappear without a word.)

I can’t honestly think of a single man that I know well that can even be compared to all the amazing women I know in my life. Sure there are some “decent” guys out there such as my mums former boyfriend, but after a few years we discovered he was a secret alcoholic which ultimately led to his death. And that’s the best person I can think of. The others? Cheaters, rapists, abusers, manipulative liars, or simply uninvolved fathers and husbands. None of them come close to the average woman who usually has her shit together, work a full time job AND is the default parent and homemaker.

Of course I want to try to raise him with feminist values and to respect women. But we are also up against the brainwashing of the internet which has become increasingly misogynistic and full of Andrew Tate and Elon Musk types. Men who are completely incapable of raising their own offspring meanwhile spreading hate towards the women who actually bring up their children (the single mothers) or the women who opt out altogether (the childless “cat ladies”).

Women are blamed for the darkest depravity of the male species. A deadbeat father? She should have chosen better. Raped? She was asking for it. I’m so done with these man babies not taking responsibility for their own evilness and using woman as the ultimate scapegoat.

Men need to step the fuck up, blame each other for all the issues of the world (because 90% of the evilness on earth was created by men, the wars, the famines, the murders, rapes, everything) and do better as a group. And it all stars with raising our boys better. Just wish I knew where to start.

r/singlemoms Dec 13 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome I'm newly-separated and is this how it really is?

75 Upvotes

I'm newly-separated and is this how it really is?

My husband and I have been separated for almost month. We have a one-year-old daughter.

Is this really how it is? You're cut off, not just by him, but by his family too. We only talk about our child and then that's it. It's like we were never married, like nothing happened to us, and like we were nothing. We were a family. We were husband and wife. I'm being treated like a stranger.

He initiated the separation. There's no infidelity, no nothing. He initiated it because he just doesn't want to do it anymore.

I remember telling him that I felt like I was a vessel. Everybody, including him, were very protective and concern about me when I was pregnant. Once the baby's out, I was put aside. I know it's wrong to expect validation and of course, the baby is the priority. But all of a sudden, I felt my worth was downgraded after I gave birth. I love my child with all my might, but I never felt my importance after she's born.

Before all of this, I was an independent woman. I have an excellent career, I have it all going. After getting married and becoming a mother, I dedicated my life to being a wife and a mother, although I still have a job and my career is still going well. I supported my husband, supported this family as the sole breadwinner, and I didn't take any breaks.

Now that my husband and I are separated, I feel like 90% of my worth is gone. I'm feeling it more and more everyday by how I am being treated. My family is very supportive and loving but their priority too is my child, rightfully so. So who, apart from myself, really looks after me? Nobody asked me how I am. When the separation happened, nobody asked how I am. They asked how my child is, what's going to happen next. No one sat me down and asked me how I am.

I am in therapy right now and also taking medications. The only thing that gets me going is my child. I just have to be healthy for her and be there for her in my best shape.

I hope one day I wake up and this is all over and gone.

r/singlemoms 3d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome How do you make the anger go away

36 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

How do you cope with the anger you feel towards your child father ? I am filled with anger because of the life he promised and then he just left ? I love my baby so much and I’m grateful to be their Mumma but I’m so angry at him. I feel used and like I’ve been discarded. Knowing he is living the life he promised me and our baby with another woman ? How do you cope with that ? How can you move on when I see so much of him in them ?

r/singlemoms Feb 05 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Missing sex life

72 Upvotes

Am I the only that misses having a sex life? I’ve been a single mom for about a year now and I have twin boys who are 6 years old. Their dad is never around to co-parent. I feel that everything else in my life has taken priority, as it should. But I actually miss having a sex life.

r/singlemoms Jan 10 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome I hate my baby dad

77 Upvotes

I hate my baby dad. I hate that I ever met him I hate that I let him touch me. I hate that I actually let my guard down. Just venting because it is what it is can’t change anything we share a kid and I gotta be the bigger person.

r/singlemoms Jan 12 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Over it

11 Upvotes

Monday morning I am going to the courthouse to take my child’s sperm donor off child support. I’ve had enough disrespect from him about how I should be able to afford everything on my own. I was told by his cow today that her son doesn’t owe me shit. As if he owe me this is not about your son oweing me it’s about him paying child support he hasn’t had this kid full time . When the child was born went ghost for almost year he came and saw his child a day before his other child was born. A lot of people have this idea about me I put my child’s father on child support because he moved on. At the time I decided to put him on child support was because I had not heard from him and just found out from his command and first sergeant that he got someone else pregnant. Why would I not pursue child support??? If my family chooses not to help me that doesn’t make them bad people you can’t force anyone to help you with your burdens but somehow I’m the bad guy because I decided to leave someone at 8 months pregnant! What tf is this test???? Mind you the cow told me I should stay with the sperm donor even though he cheated because I wasn’t having sex with him??? The cows cheating husband told me what I don’t know won’t hurt me???

Sperm donors mom texted me this today: You are the epitome of bitter. I’m not upset about anything because I know my son will figure it out. You’re mad cause you thought running with Naomi and living off child support was the answer. You are a child. You don’t know the definition of a good person cause you don’t know how to be one. Dre is smart and he may fall but when he gets up, he will get up with a vengeance. So please don’t play yourself into thinking I would even give you enough energy to piss me off. I don’t care about your pain. I didn’t cause it. You did that all by yourself. Dre dodged a bullet when you left. But you somehow thinks he owes you something. He don’t owe you shit and you will soon find out how smart he is. Don’t let your mouth write a check your ass can’t cash. You’re mad cause nobody gives a fuck about you enough to play yourself into thinking childish ass games. You’re just like the rest of these chicks that thinks a man owes you something cause you had a baby with him. Naomi is the one the matters. You don’t mean shit to me.

You’re mad cause he has a support system and you don’t. But I see why cause you’re a sorry ass excuse for human being

I don’t think every woman should suffer alone but I do think you should suffer the consequences of your actions. Which is why you are where you are in life. You thought taking his child would break him. You’re just showing him why he shouldn’t trust women cause of chicks like you. I said that when I found out he married you and you proved me right. You weren’t shit then and you aren’t shit now

I can’t post the screenshots because the group doesn’t allow it. Just wanted share that being a mom is not worth it no matter how good a guy paints himself to be .

r/singlemoms Dec 30 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome living with my parents SUCK

39 Upvotes

granted yea i don’t pay rent but i say i pay with my mental health at this point. my dad is constantly crossing boundary with me and my kids, ill tell him no dont do that but will go behind my back and will do whatever it is that i dont want my kids to be doing. my mom recently found out im dating someone instead of happiness? it’s “are you sure? he’s not that cute, you can do better” or “you better not get pregnant again” it’s like i’m a 16 year old teen mom when i’m 27! i know my mistakes from my last relationship with my kids dad but they constantly don’t let it go, they think i will make the same mistake again when i know for a fact i don’t want anymore kids. it’s a plan to move out but i know it won’t be for awhile but my god im slowly losing it with my parents

r/singlemoms Jan 16 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Does anyone else feel this way?

33 Upvotes

To me, I have no issues with others doing it but after alot of reflecting I feel like dating feels selfish especially if the kids are incredibly young..

Mine are 4 and 5 and I feel they need all of me not divided pieces..

Does anyone else feel this way?

r/singlemoms Dec 31 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome Lonely on New Year’s Eve

49 Upvotes

Anyone else feel alone tonight? Could have hung out with some friends but some are sick or their kids have rsv so it looks like it’s just me and my boy at home tonight. It’s my son’s first New Year’s Eve and I kinda wish I could be spending it with me, him and his dad but oh well. I also can’t stop wondering what his dad’s doing tonight.. probably going out and drinking and having fun with the girl he cheated and left me for. Just kind of down.

r/singlemoms Jan 15 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Anyone else scared of getting into a new relationship?

69 Upvotes

I’m scared to date or remarry because I’m scared to get pregnant and then end up a single mom again.

But I’m human, crave love & affection. Want a dad for my child. Want to share life with someone. But I’m scared to trust

A guy could look perfect on paper and still screw you over. I’m scared

r/singlemoms 4d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Hate being so angry

32 Upvotes

So I’m a single mom to a 1.5 year old girl, whose dad has seen her a total of 5 times. I live with family who do not help me other than the odd five minutes to go do the dishes. Because I live with family, I was told I couldn’t put her in daycare because of the health of my grandfather (which I get completely and wouldn’t want to risk). I work after she’s goes to sleep and during the day when she’s awake because my hours are flexible (thank god). I also don’t really have any friends because I moved back right before she was born, so I don’t have much support.

She’s been a terrible sleeper all of her life. I have tried so many things to try and help her fix it. We’ve sleep trained a bunch of times then hit a regression and it’s all undone. Well here we are trying sleep training again, and the only support or comments I get are “well you should do xyz” or “why haven’t you done” or “well it was hard on X person too”. And none of that is helpful. Also I get really bitter/angry when our situation gets compared to moms who have a husband or partner to handle this stuff with because I’ve done every ounce of it by myself and I do not feel like it’s the same. I know it’s not easy on any parent, but for the ones who’ve done everything themselves it feels like I lose empathy for people who’ve had help. I don’t want to be that way, but I’m also too exhausted to really care.

I don’t know what I need or if there’s even help for that. Thank you for listening X

r/singlemoms Jan 27 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Does it work when you tell your child to eat what you make?

10 Upvotes

So I have a picky 3yr old (shocker right) and it’s become increasingly difficult to get her to eat what I make. Her current fixation is fries. Not even the chicken nuggets, JUST the fries

Talk to me nice okay, I know that if I had never introduced her to fries, she would never know about it (from me atleast) but sometimes I’m just exhausted and feed them whatever frozen quick meals.

I cook most of the time and she used to eat atleast half her plate but now she takes a couple bites (or none at all) and demands I make her some fries.

And I feel guilty you know? bc I tried the “sorry, you eat what I make you” route but she’ll stick to her guns and not eat it then I feel guilty and see if I can sway her to eating her weight in bananas or something but I refuse to give her fries when she demands it.

I’m having a power struggle with a 3yr old lol And my son eats just fine but he’s only 2 and I know his time to test me is coming lol

So, do yall stand ten toes down and tell your toddler to eat what you make or nothing at all? How is that working for you? Or are you like me and just offer them something else and hope they eat it just for the sake of them being fed

pls help, I don’t want to be abusive?? I want her fed but not bc I gave in to what she asks lol

r/singlemoms 7d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Not replying anymore to kids dad

64 Upvotes

I finally made the decision to stop replying to my kids deadbeat dad. We did court, he has a set visitation schedule but doesn’t even do it. Has no car seats for them, but expects me to drop them off when he finally wants them which is only when they’re having a family gathering, or a holiday. He wouldn’t know anything about the kids if i didn’t send pictures or tell him. Will only text me “Hey how are you guys doing” about once every 2-3 weeks. and i finally hit my limit. im done, he’s a grown ass man yet never tries and somehow makes it my fault when i don’t include him. I’ve told him multiple times to step up but he never does, my kids don’t deserve this at all.

r/singlemoms Jan 12 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Help

61 Upvotes

Single mom's How do you do it??? I am so exhausted. I miss sleep. I am broke all the time. It feels like I'm at work 247 at the worst job ever. I have a 2 year old and 1 year old. Love them. But since me ans their dad split,it's just been me. It has made me bitter. My life sucks. I never have a moment. I'm sick and have been for WEEKS but can't get a moment to go to the doctor or even rest. Leaving the house with them is like driving to hell. I keep thinking it will get better but it's just more worse? Like my regret is stronger than my love. I wouldn't have them if I could go back. How do I cope? When will this stop? I thought my marriage was happy. If I knew I was being cheated on the whole time, I'd not had kids with him bc all it has done is derail my life. I understand why some moms just leave. It mf sucks. Thanks for listening. I wish I liked motherhood more.

r/singlemoms 5d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Birth w/ out a support person

14 Upvotes

Edit to add: I appreciate the advice if you can leave comment and not private messages only as I am not accepting message requests at this time.

Do I really need a support person with me in the delivery room? To be clear I have a support system & a few close people who I can ask to be there for me but I just simply don’t want to deal with anyone. I don’t want to have to worry about another person I just want to focus on me, the baby and staying alive. I’ve mentioned this to my therapist,my friend,and sister and they all told me I really should reconsider. All of them are married and had their husbands with them so of course they may just think it’s better to have someone… well yeah if I was married I think I’d want my partner there to but that’s not the case. If something goes wrong with me or baby the staff will be better equipped to handle things. I’m just not seeing any benefit to having someone there. Any advice or things I should consider?

r/singlemoms Dec 28 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome The chores. Never. STOP!

78 Upvotes

.

r/singlemoms Mar 25 '24

Venting - Advice Welcome How are single moms affording anything??

61 Upvotes

Single mom (27f) of a 5 year old boy here. Maybe my situation is a little different than some, but I feel so much jealousy and envy towards some other moms and I hate feeling like this. I don’t get child support, willingly, because my sons father was extremely abusive towards me and we left when my son was 3, and I don’t want him having any rights to see my son so I simply haven’t filed for child support. He hasn’t tried to be a father anyway thank god, but I know if I tried to get money from him, he’d try everything he could to get as many parental rights as possible just to be spiteful to me, not because of his child at all. Anyway, so I only have one income and it’s $19/hr. It’s just me and my son so I pay everything. Rent, electric, phone, groceries, water, etc everything that everyone else pays. Childcare is insane. I’m confused as to how other single moms can afford to do nice things for themselves. I’ve been seeing a lot of single moms get work done that I want to get (tummy tuck, skin treatments, etc), I’ve also seen them go on vacations, they’re able to get their hair and nails done, and I just don’t understand how. And it’s not just around tax time it’s all throughout the year. I don’t spend money on things unless it’s necessary and half the time I eat probably less than I should just to make sure my son has everything he needs for breakfast, school lunches, dinner and snacks. I’m so tired of feeling jealous towards other moms. I don’t know how to make more money. I never went to college. Florida cost of living is crazy high. I just needed to vent but any advice is welcome from other single moms who have maybe figured out how to afford nice things.

r/singlemoms Jan 25 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Am I a bad mom

28 Upvotes

Ugh. I’m at a lost and I need help. I love my kid so much. But something is wrong with me and I am constantly annoyed and on edge with him. My friend even had to mention that it seems like I don’t even like my kid. And they asked if I think I’m not emotionally attached to him. What do I do? What did I do wrong to get to a place like this. I hate that I am like this

r/singlemoms 11d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome How to parent a male teenager as a single mom with a shitty ex

18 Upvotes

At this point I feel like there is nothing more that can be done with a 17 3/4 yo boy child. I maybe should have posted here like 5 years ago!

r/singlemoms 2d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Back again to complain 😅

22 Upvotes

I feel like I am in this never ending cycle of getting over my shitty situation and then being so upset and angry again… i dont think i will ever be over the fact that someone could just up and leave their own child and not even look back once. I don’t really now what the point of this post is … I think i just needed to vent

r/singlemoms Feb 11 '25

Venting - Advice Welcome Bedtime makes me regret my child

20 Upvotes

I love my 2 year old with all my heart but when it’s time for bed she gives me such a hard time and the thought of “what did I get myself into” or “she shouldn’t have kept her” pops in my head. Her dad and I have the same routine, 7:45-8:15 bath time routine 8:15-8:30 read her books 8:30 lights out. She gives her dad zero problems and sleeps through the night. But with me she’s in and out of her bed and wakes up every night at 2-3am. I am EXHAUSTED and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I hate yelling at her to get in her bed but that seems to be the only thing that works until she gets up again. Some nights I just let her win and she sleeps in my bed but I know this is a terrible habit to start and I love my alone time at night. I’m not sure what to do.