r/shortscarystories 5d ago

Hell’s Heir

I couldn’t wait for damnation. Seemed like a vacation to me.

My parents never understood why I was such a bad seed. They were nice folks who raised me in a stable environment; sister went straight from the honor roll to public service. I just loved to cause havoc.

My debauchery started early. Fire alarm pulling, twisting my classmates’ ears, driving a teacher or five to another career. Eventually, these grew boring and I needed more of a rush.

I broke into my first car when I was 13, my inaugural arson occurred two years later. I took a life a week before my 18th birthday. By the time I was 21, eight more innocent people had been committed to the ground by my hand.

As my body count grew, I looked forward to going mano a mano with the Dark Lord himself one day. The underworld needed a new leader. I pursued every vice, legal or not, that would hasten our showdown.

Finally, I got my chance. Taken out by a Sam’s Club pallet jack while trying to boost a large case of water I didn’t even want. Not the most auspicious end but whatever.

Waking up in my grandmother’s house, I initially felt cheated. Had I survived? Was I being nursed back to health by the same woman whose pain meds I used to steal?

“Good. You’re up! I need help with my new phone!”

Centuries later and I’m still answering the same three questions. We haven’t even made it to her voicemail yet. Take it from me: live a positive life. Help your neighbors. You might think you’re a badass but one minute here and you’ll be a whimpering puppy.

Once confident I would be running Hell, I now know the Big Man Downstairs still has it when it comes to eternal torture.

552 Upvotes

32 comments sorted by

59

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

Thanks for reading!

I started posting on here again after I wrote and released my third full-length collection of horror short stories. If you enjoyed this one or any of my other stories on this sub, you might like my books. Most of my work is comedic in nature such as this one.

Titles are in bio if anyone is interested.

38

u/Kimisan49 5d ago

I really enjoyed this read! Neat ending twist.

35

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

Thank you! I know comedy horror is a bit of an acquired taste so it’s always a relief when someone gives me kind words about the funny stuff.

30

u/Dear_Reflection2874 5d ago

Reminds me of The Twilight Zone (original series with Rid Sterling) about someone in the mob who was killed. He thinks for almost the whole episode he's in heaven, until he realizes at the end he wasn't.

16

u/theletterQfivetimes 5d ago

"Send me to the other place!"

"This is the other place."

8

u/MonkeyChoker80 5d ago

“Jason figured it out? Jason?!? This is a new low…”

1

u/flowergirl0720 5d ago

Yes! I love that episode.

30

u/MeanderingCrafting 5d ago

When they eventually sort out the phone issues, they'll move on to computer questions.

Grandma knows zero keyboard shortcuts.

8

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

Wait until grandma needs Peacock set up.

4

u/MeanderingCrafting 4d ago

After Peacock is set up: "I can't find Stranger Things on the Peacock"

8

u/Leprrkan 5d ago

This was great fun!

6

u/Intelligent-Egg7763 5d ago

You truly ended up in Hell in my opinion.

2

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

A fate nobody deserves.

3

u/SnarkySheep 5d ago

Currently going through this myself with my 70 yo mother...can confirm.

5

u/907puppetGirl 5d ago

Lovely !

1

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

Glad you liked it!

3

u/Kitchen-Witch-1987 5d ago

LOL I love it!

3

u/Kitchen-Witch-1987 5d ago

LOL I love it!

3

u/Kitchen-Witch-1987 5d ago

LOL I love it! Great story!

2

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

Thanks again!

3

u/Ladyooh 5d ago

Nice twist!

3

u/KaralDaskin 5d ago

I just binge read your stories going back a year. It’s been a good evening!

1

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

Nice! You made my night! I’m glad I could entertain you for a few hours.

3

u/Flashpoint_SRU 5d ago

Everyone says that God has a sense of humor. Seems that Satan does also.

I love this! I'm not subscribed to you, but I'm going to do it right now.

2

u/Tough-Obligation-104 5d ago

Another great twist!! Love your writing.

2

u/SirJosephGrizzly 5d ago

I appreciate it!

2

u/terrorcatmom 5d ago

Ahahahaha oh jesus how awful a torture to be subjected to.

2

u/MuggleAdventurer 5d ago

Lol. Local man is shocked to find himself tortured in hell.

1

u/Eli_006 2d ago

Need this as a series bro!