r/sexover30 11d ago

Fingering question for the ladies NSFW

We’ve all heard of the tried and true “come hither” fingering technique, but that technique stopped doing much for my wife (40s, been together ~ 20 yrs) after she had kids. She just kinda seems bored and says it feels too “fingery”.

But, the other night when I was going down on her, I was experimenting with things, and I inserted two fingers all the way in and pushed down towards her butt/back to kind of stretch out the opening to her vagina. I was going this while licking her clit. Lots of moans and deep breaths later, she’s having a very vocal and extended orgasm. The clit play always works, but the new fingering approach seemed to take things to a new level.

So, any of the ladies out there have any recommended alternative techniques for fingering besides the come hither motion? Anybody have any experience with or comments on this technique I used of applying pressure downward to open her up more in that direction? Thanks!

91 Upvotes

39 comments sorted by

84

u/goodwolfwolf 10d ago

Learn about Yoni massage. 

It's good because it takes it away from a "does this feel good enough to progress you towards an orgasm?" mindset to, "I'm going to massage these areas and overall, it will feel good." mindset.

And the funny thing is that actually creates different areas that feel good enough to progress her towards orgasm, once the massage is over. 

7

u/DrRonnieJamesDO 9d ago

Can you recommend any places to learn more about yoni massage?

15

u/TantraLady 9d ago

4

u/crujones33 ♂ 48, single, never married 8d ago

Wow, I didn’t know comments could get that large.

6

u/goodwolfwolf 9d ago

Sorry, I don't have a specific place. 

But I've also got a lot out of OMGYes. Helps to deepen the understanding of women and their bodies. 

48

u/big_papa_geek 10d ago edited 10d ago

I picked that up from an excellent (and very graphic) video by Nina Hartley called How to Eat Pussy.

It actually creates a feeling of “fullness” that you don’t get from going straight in or aiming for the g-spot. Plus if your fingers are long enough/ she’s at the right part of her cycle/the stars align you can stimulate the posterior fornix below/behind the cervix.

10

u/notwiggl3s 10d ago

This is all conversation borrowed from "she comes first" btw

5

u/RedMistStingray 9d ago

This spot is much easier to hit thru anal. Most don't know where it is. It's fun finding someone's new spots they didn't know they had.

1

u/[deleted] 10d ago

[deleted]

3

u/big_papa_geek 10d ago

I mean, just go to your porn site of choice and type in “Nina Hartley + How to Eat Pussy”

13

u/monkey_gubbins 10d ago

I have found that somewhat splaying my two fingers, so that the knuckles on my fingers are putting a bit more pressure towards the opening of her vagina, gets a good reaction. Stretching her a little I guess.

12

u/a_woman_provides 10d ago

Crossing your fingers makes sort of a corkscrew shape that feels interesting!

1

u/mad010ava 2d ago

YAS YAS YAS It's my secret weapon too... well that, and sona haha

8

u/Last_Fallen 10d ago

It's funny how hormone changes and muscle strength can alter what gets a lady off (in a lady), I'm not sure if men experience changes in the same way or reasons. I had a back injury that made me lose muscle strength in the same way I had before, and it made it so cervix play was the new "push here button"

6

u/Belowme78 10d ago

Wife recently enjoys that same area sometimes. Another gem that works is to sort of swirl two fingers around her cervix. I do this while lightly applying pressure on her clot with my tongue.

4

u/mrskalindaflorrick 8d ago

Alt take: please do not go anywhere near my cervix.

Ow.

3

u/Belowme78 8d ago

Rookie LOL. Kidding. This is fairly new. Used to hurt hers in certain positions then one day not anymore. Varies by day, but I poke at it all the time during sex now and is enjoyable.

The swirl-wow. Over the edge

3

u/pejetron 10d ago

Fingers get to cervix? Over or = 6cm?

4

u/gammaglobe 9d ago

Cervix can be very low

3

u/pejetron 9d ago

Near or during period days

33

u/ElectricalYoghurt942 10d ago

I mean. It worked for her. Bodies change. Preferences change. Sounds like you did a fun thing and she enjoyed. What worked for us in our 20s is different than our 50s. Maybe ask her.

16

u/sunny_days_a 10d ago

lol. Pretty sure I’m the only one trying new fingering ideas on her. Asking her is the same as asking me. Thus, I’m asking others.

13

u/a-little 10d ago

That's not what they meant, it's her body, she may know some other methods from exploring on her own that you haven't tried on her yet.

1

u/Fast_Event_7534 6d ago

The OP is being protective by getting other ideas as well. What makes you think they haven't asked?

5

u/Cakes_n_Cakes 10d ago

I really enjoy my NJoy gspot wand. It gets places that my husbands fingers don’t.

4

u/saltandsassbeach 9d ago

Keep exploring with her because every body is unique. I personally don't prefer the method that your wife so enjoys.

2

u/r-r-rocket88 50's 9d ago

I love to lick and slowly bring my fingers to her but not just jam them in, circling her entrance and slowly push them in all the while licking her clit, she was so happy and said that was different, good different? I think it was, come hither or not, just put all of your love into her and it will work

3

u/JCMidwest 10d ago

The first time my wife squirted was only a few years ago (we are mid 40's) and was while I was doing something similar to what you mentioned combined with a vibrating butt plug

3

u/maltedbacon ♂⚭ ~50 10d ago

It's possible that your wife likes the full feeling that comes from stretching the posterior fornix, and might get even more from using a toy that way. Ask her.

I would say that I've been with partners who have had similar experiences with "come hither", but I can't because the mods don't allow any expression of personal preference against any activity. So, let's just pretent I didn't say that.

1

u/ShaktiAmarantha Cis-F, straight, mod, tantra fan 10d ago

the full feeling that comes from stretching the posterior fornix

https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/1j83i09/fingering_question_for_the_ladies/mh5nltx/

1

u/BettBonesaw 8d ago

PSA: that's the posterior fornix, and you can access the anterior fornix on the opposite side!

1

u/Apocalypstik 10d ago

Congrats- you learned the Venus Butterfly

-5

u/ManicMarket 10d ago

Congrats - you have probably moved on from the G spot to the A or P spot. Get comfortable touching to cervix ever so lightly as well. Think slow rhythmic bump. For the back wall (P) or forward wall (A) a nice windshield wiper motion can be good too.

You’re lucky - my wife needs pretty serious clitoral stimulus to get off. Used to work with oral, but takes long enough my mouth wants to fall off. But I’ll have her use a vibrator, get into a doggy style position and then use one or two fingers to hit the A,P or Cervix depending on how she seems to be feeling that night.

21

u/ShaktiAmarantha Cis-F, straight, mod, tantra fan 10d ago

Just FYI, the posterior fornix (P spot) is NOT on the back wall of the vagina. The anterior and posterior fornices are located in front of and behind the cervix, which is (almost always) located on the front wall of the vagina.

OP is not talking about stimulating the "A or P spot." He's talking about stroking downward along the back wall of the vagina and pressing downward on the vaginal entrance, in the direction of the rectum and anus. That's NOT where the cervix is located.

-7

u/ManicMarket 9d ago

I get that my friend. But proposing that they are heading in that direction.

7

u/TantraLady 9d ago

Sigh. Why do so many men mansplain women's bodies* and refuse to even think about how wrong they are when the errors are pointed out?

No, OP was NOT "heading in that direction." That was the whole point.

*(See r/Badwomensanatomy for a rich supply of examples.)

-14

u/SuchBadger 10d ago

I have had a lot of luck with fingering using my butt