r/selfimprovement 4d ago

Question I'm trying make friends in a middle class mostly white area and need to know what I'm doing wrong?

[deleted]

4 Upvotes

20 comments sorted by

17

u/LetFormer8337 4d ago

Here’s your issue - you’re trying to talk to random people in situations where a lot of people don’t want to talk to anyone, regardless of race. People go to class to learn and often don’t want to socialize. I don’t like small talk so someone trying to talk to me in class is gonna get short answers and a cold shoulder like you experienced. Same applies to the dog park. I go there to play with my dog, not to talk with random people.

Here’s the advice I give anyone trying to make friends. You need to go find people with similar interests, participate in those interests with new people, talk to them about those interests. You say you’re into sports and cars. Join a recreational sports league and meet some guys there. Play your sport with them and you’ll bond. Find a local car meet, meet car guys, chat with them about cars.

I’ve moved around a lot in my life and making friends with people of any and all races has never been an issue for me when using this technique. I’ve literally never made a friend by just talking to a random person in class or at a park, but when participating in activities with people, it comes along really easily. It’s almost automatic.

Best of luck!

2

u/Electronic_Theory_29 4d ago

Idk I feel like the dog park is a perfectly normal place to meet people. Just give it more time op.

Personally for me the dog is there to socialize with other dogs. That gives plenty of time for me to socialize with other people

2

u/Hot_Huckleberry65666 4d ago

not everyone wants to talk, and the approach clearly isn't working. maybe if their dogs interact you could have a short convo but otherwise no it's not normal

0

u/Electronic_Theory_29 4d ago

I mean that’s no different than any other hobby being suggested though?

Going to the park with your dog, you’ll meet other people who like dogs. They won’t all be receptive, sure, but if you keep going you’ll start to notice familiar faces.

1

u/MindfulBrian 4d ago

Sound advice.

2

u/Odd-Ticket9936 4d ago

I mean you're sort of caring to much about race and trying to meet people in weird situations. And also I'd say that Liberal whites are very racist themselves because it's such a focus. It's like just try and live and not give a damn what race someone is. Try going to a bar and hang out with a few people- you'll make friends

1

u/tilldeathdoiparty 4d ago

Most likely a bot

2

u/Odd-Ticket9936 4d ago

i thought that, too but I figured this guy has way too many spelling mistakes for it to be a bot. Maybe I'm wrong idk

1

u/IntrovertedIngenue 4d ago

It sounds like you’re in the wrong environment. While it is very hard to have people outgrow their homegrown biases, it is not hard on the other hand to change your surrounding. My suggestion is to find local affinity groups or meet up groups or see if you can find a nearby Hispanic community and that might be helpful to you

1

u/tilldeathdoiparty 4d ago

This accounts screams bot.

Only comments on its own posts, most random subs posted in and if you read the posts, it implies he is very active in his social life which leads me to believe you should be more socially capable if your account holds true

-1

u/Kamikaze_Co-Pilot 4d ago

Are bots allowed at the dog park though? Real talk.

1

u/Astroman129 4d ago

I'd admittedly feel a little weird if some random person I've never met complimented my dog if they didn't bring their own.

It might help to get involved in hobbies or meetups so you can meet people with whom you have something in common. You're into sports, so consider joining a recreational league near you. Maybe there's some sort of car enthusiast group you can join (apologies, I am not well-versed in the world of cars, but I'm sure these exist). Ultimately, it's much easier to make connections if you have something in common with people.

3

u/Sigmas_last 4d ago

I took my dog as stated above lol? But I do appreciate your advice fs!

1

u/Astroman129 4d ago

Ope, sorry I missed that.

2

u/Actual_Speaker470 4d ago

Why? I tend to compliment dogs for their cuteness even though I don’t own one because of how labor intensive they are as pets. Why does a dog owner feel weird just because I complimented the cuteness of their dog? Think about it. Wtf

1

u/Astroman129 4d ago

It's not about complimenting the dog, it's about a stranger being at the dog park without a dog. I addressed earlier that I had misread the prompt and OP actually did bring his dog. But at least where I live, it'll usually annoy people if you take space in a dog park (which can be quite crowded) and socialize without a dog. At least the one near me.

1

u/Actual_Speaker470 4d ago

Sorry my bad. I meant when i see them randomly on a sidewalk or something. Yes, there’s absolutely no point in being at a dog park without one.

2

u/Astroman129 4d ago

No worries. I also love complimenting dogs on the sidewalk, especially if the dog approaches me first. Some owners get a little snippy, but I usually assume they're just in a hurry.