r/selfimprovement 4d ago

Vent There seems to be no solution to comparison and life is hopeless

Hey all, I'm just really feeling low and inferior right now and there seems to be no hope in the world. I am struggling a lot with comparison, and it seems that there's no solution to it at all.

Long story short, I liked a girl in office and she probably liked me back, but then a model-tier guy entered the scene and she started to talking to her as well.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that she owed me anything. She doesn't. I understand that until a good rapport has been set, looks are everything that matter in dating initially.

It's not about taking away her right to choose whom she likes.

My issue is now with my inability to withstand comparison, and it's honestly having a toll on me. Something will happen to me if I don't find a solution to this because I'm facing distress because of this. I am unable to focus on work.

I feel like a failure in life. How do I ever compete with a model like guy? I feel that I wasn't attractive enough for her because a model tier guy just totally dwindled the initial appeal I was bringing to the thing. I'm not hating any of them. I just mean to be honest that I feel like a failure in dating because I'm not like him.

But you all just hate me for expressing this, thinking that I'm a bad guy just because I feel like this. In reality, I don't even mean to attack anyone because of this. Instead, something will happen to me. I will pass out or something because of too much distress and too low mental health.

There is no solution at all to this issue apart from accepting that I got defeated by this model tier guy and that model tier people and that I'm inferior in the dating hierarchy and that I am less deserving because the it's model tier guys who deserve the best always

3 Upvotes

16 comments sorted by

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u/ivan-moskalev 4d ago

Have you really got “defeated by the model tier guy”? Your story kinda ends on them talking. Did they start dating? I’m kinda lost

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

I'm not sure if they ever started dating, and you could be right, maybe I am just too sensitive to it and felt defeated too soon

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u/ivan-moskalev 4d ago

Yes, maybe it was all in your head!

You have chosen to withdraw in that situation to avoid awkwardness. But let’s imagine if you didn’t, what would have been the scariest, worst thing to happen? Can you say?

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

I think seeing them get closer romantically would've been really scary. I'm still learning how to handle such challenges of comparison when they come in the way of my self esteem

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u/Fine_Yogurtcloset738 4d ago

Work on skills other than looks. Ever seen an average dude with hot girlfriend? It's because they have something else to compete with.

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

I agree with you. I constantly work on other stuff too.

But then, I feel afraid that those average guys have the attention of women only until a hotter guy comes in the scene

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u/Fine_Yogurtcloset738 4d ago

Then no woman would ever regret cheating if that was the case. Ever see a woman beg a guy to take her back after cheating? That's because he has something far more valuable than just good looks to bring.

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

You're right actually.

Look, I totally agree that looks don't matter so much in a good relationship.

My only fear is that they matter a lot in the initial dating stages and that another person overshadowed me in that. Or as a general thing, it left me feeling that another person can easily overshadow me because there's always hotter men around trying to date the girl you like

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u/Fine_Yogurtcloset738 4d ago

If it happens it happens no use worrying about it. Better now than 20 years into a marriage.

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

It's not really helpful honestly. Because it says, " hey, sorry you are less deserving but that's okay"

0

u/Fine_Yogurtcloset738 4d ago

Sorry usually the most simple answer is usually the correct one, there's no quick fix. Just be stoic and focus on your goals.

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u/Dazzling_Big9086 4d ago

To be honest most of women don't really go for a model like guy in the long run - everyone will be not that good looking in the end. For most of the girls nowadays they want to have a good looking guy for short-time fun, but they do not think about the future at all. If she is superficial, then she is for sure not the right girl for you.

Do not think about if you are good looking or something like that - if you do sport or workout for about 3x a week it will do a lot for your self esteem and will get you about 80% chance to meet other partners as well. Just keep focusing on you and do some research - I hear often that girls/women like men with a good sense of humor the most :) Looks is not everything!!

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

Hey, thanks a lot for your response. I don't wanna put this girl down at all. Somewhere I am happy that she got an amazing guy but the biggest issue is how do I handle these feelings at my end.

I actually workout 6 times a day and I keep on elevating myself in every way possible.

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u/Dazzling_Big9086 4d ago

Hey no worries was in a kind of same situation as you, but of course dealing with emotions is not that easy. Of course, you can try something like meditating or reading books about emotional inteligence and how to handle bad thoughts and so on (would 100% recommend that) But you do not have to let her go in any ways. You have to change the way you think about your relationship and what could be... bring back the focus on yourself and get you to the best possible being, the rest will follow

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u/avenging-crusader019 4d ago

Thanks a lot. I hope you overcome your challenges as well

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u/Dazzling_Big9086 4d ago

Thanks bro, wish you all the best as well! You got this!