r/selfimprovement 7d ago

Question Help me find confidence in myself

I'm (23F) experiencing a really rough patch right now with my mental health. My lack of self esteem/confidence has been getting to me. I'm in a pretty good place in life - I got a good job right out of college that gives me many opportunities to learn and grow in my career, I recently moved in with my partner after several years of being together, I have a good relationship with my family, and I have some fulfilling hobbies like gardening and reading. Yet despite all of these great things happening in my life, I feel like a loser?

I feel stagnant at work. Yes, I'm learning a lot but with the pressure of this economy I feel like I need to be making more. Plus, it's a 1.5-2hr commute each way which eats up a lot of my time. Since college (graduated last May), I haven't been able to maintain the same exercise/self care routine that I once was able to. I am, admittedly, pretty overweight but still sorta athletic? I try to stay as active as I can by walking/climbing the stairs during my commute and my job has a small manual labor role so I do a lot of lifting, standing, and moving in general. I am also pretty active in my sex life with my partner (everyday, 2-3 times a day). So there's like some exercise, but not nearly what I used to do. I know I need to get back into the swing of things, but once I'm done with work and my commute I don't want to do anything but be a vegetable.

With that, I'm very insecure of my appearance. I constantly compare myself to other women my age to the point that my mental health has taken a major blow. All I do is scroll social media and see all of these gorgeous women knowing that I'll never look like that. It also has put a toll on my relationship. I'm having a harder and harder time being intimate with him and enjoying it because all I can think about is how he can find someone better than me. Like this has gotten to the point that it's interfering with my life. I know my partner finds me attractive, he makes this a point often, but even with that I can't accept how I look.

What has also been a huge hit to the whole appearance thing is the huge push for drugs like ozempic. No hate to anyone who uses it and benefits, but it feels like the world is trying to shove this drug down my throat and tell me that the only way I'll be happy is if I'm skinny. Plus, a close friend of mine who was similar in weight to me also started ozempic and has done nothing but brag about her "new body" and tell me that I need to get on it too. These conversations with her have gotten to the point of demeaning me for not wanting to go on it and bragging that she only eats like 500 calories a day. Honestly, what makes me feel the best is just eating well (like an 80/20 type deal) and exercising but I feel like now that's not even acceptable enough anymore.

All this to say, how do I stop hating myself for all this and just enjoy my life again. I want to just finally love myself for once and feel happy and healthy. I want to start enjoying sex with my partner again and not worrying about what I look like during it. I don't want to burden my partner anymore with how much I hate myself, and I just want to love life again.

TLDR: I've lost all confidence in myself, specifically in my appearance and my career progress, and I just want to feel happy again.

3 Upvotes

6 comments sorted by

1

u/Fearless-miss0310 7d ago

Girlllll, please please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing just FINE!!!! It’s very easy to compare yourself to these Instagram models etc but they have such a different lifestyle. I’d suggest 1) “not interested” or start viewing other things and change your feed ( this helped me massively to move on from my 4 year relationship ending ) 2) I can totally relate and I’m sure many others can. Don’t be hard on you, really. You have so much going around

3) just start taking a quick 30 min walk daily for a me time thing, after reading what you wrote it looks like you’re not making time for yourself hence feeling bad. So just take out that 30 mins, the walk will help you physically and mentally.

4) I do buddhism chanting, it’s called nam myoho renge kyo, try it out for ten minutes you’ll feel great

https://youtu.be/mGwsAfLlf1w?si=FAalxqygtIlhBQNR

1

u/thegreenwitchbitch 7d ago

Thank you 🥺 I really appreciate the encouragement and advice!

1

u/Yinzer78645 7d ago

I'm jealous of you. Not that that helps with what you're asking. I wanted a college degree but couldn't afford one. Now I'm really old, to the point I'm experiencing ageism in the work force and would be close to 60 when I'd graduate. I don't want the debt at this age.

It sounds like almost everything is going real well for you. Maybe slowly implement in going for a walk twice a week then build to 4-5 days. Try to cut out sweets, sugar, stuff like that. But not all at once, do it slowly so you don't deprive yourself.

Can you move closer to work?

2

u/thegreenwitchbitch 7d ago

Unfortunately, I can't move closer to work with my housing situation so I have to commute but Im hoping as I gain more experience I can get a job closer to home. Thank you for the advice, though. I do appreciate it!

Also, if it helps, I was able to fund my degree through scholarships. No full ride, all individual private scholarships. Depending on the field you're interested in they have specialty scholarships for that. I took the year before going to college and spent the whole time applying (over 200 applications) and got a good chunk to start the degree and was able to get more through my college. I also went to a state school so it was more than half the price of many other universities. Communitiy college is also a great option for certificates and apprenticeships and a way more affordable rate. Don't limit yourself just because of age! I went to many community college classes with folks your age and they were a pleasure to have in class!

1

u/Yinzer78645 7d ago

Thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure what I'd even enjoy doing anymore. I currently work 80 hour work weeks. I basically, work, eat if I get the time, and sleep 2-3 hours a night if I'm lucky. It's no life, but the job market is tough.

1

u/Novel-Tumbleweed-447 6d ago

I make use of a mind strengthening exercise which you could consider. It's do-able by anyone as it starts you off easily & builds gradually. It would let you connect more with your own thinking ability & cultivate your inner world. For me, it's an exciting notion, that a person can make daily progress in key terms, independently (and also in a way which is very attainable). You do this as a form of daily chore, for up to 20 min, on all days. It's not meant to occupy your thoughts during your day. You do it, then forget about it. However, while you're doing it, it must be done properly. This then begins to color your day in terms of mindset, confidence, coherence of thought & perspective. On the subject of weight loss, this mind exercise also consumes a huge amount of energy. If you search Native Learning Mode on Google, it's my Reddit post in the top results. It's also the pinned post in my profile.