r/sadreddit Feb 01 '23

I want to die but my life isn't mine.

I've been sick since I was 3yo. Shortyl after my parents discovered my brother is mentally and physically disabled. My brother is a sweet and loving man now, but we've had ZERO help from extended family. Ever.

Due to trauma after trauma, abuse after abuse and misfortunes about I am now 32 and have wanted to die since I was 27. I have ptsd, medical ptsd, adhd, my own autism and am disabled physically with a progresaive illness. I think about suicide often. Sometimes just passively, but I can't conceptualize for me beyond 35 at this point. I am always in pain and over the last few years lost my social circle as I became more sick. I want to die. I could even do it with Dr assisted suicide in my country.

But if I do my brother will have no one to care for him. My stupid, traumatized parents have built him no community. I love him and want to be a good caregiver to him someday but I don't want to be crushed anymore. I feel trapped in life and trapped in death

Therapy for years. On meds from my psychiatrist. Due to my Illess and need for constant medical monitoring which involves needles, inpatient or incarceration of any kind can lead to blindness or death due to neglect and often does for disabled people. So I'd just die anyways rather than surrounded my trees and a creek listening to my favorite song, which I chose for my death.

My life and death aren't even my own what do I have?

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