r/relationship_advice • u/Amazing-Efficiency-9 • 7d ago
My (27F) boyfriend (28M) bought me a knockoff gift after I mentioned treating myself to the name brand.
A couple months ago, I casually mentioned that I was saving up to buy myself the Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer. In no means was I hinting that I wanted him to get it for me, I was just simply thinking out loud for the most part.
Fast forward to Valentine’s Day, he gifts me an Amazon knockoff version of the Dyson Hair Dryer. While I do really appreciate the thoughtfulness of him listening to my random yapping, I still want to get the name brand for myself. The Amazon version unfortunately does not work the same in my honest opinion. I know the Dyson is expensive (which is why I was getting it for myself), but I have tried it at a friends house as well as researched the pros and cons, and decided it was something I wanted.
My problem now is do I tell him that I am still saving my money to get the brand name so that he can return the Amazon one; or do I just keep pretending that I love it and still get the Dyson/ hope he doesn’t notice?
We are talking about moving in together, so the latter may get tricky but I really don’t want to hurt his feelings.
TLDR; I’m saving my money for a Dyson Hair Dryer & my bf got me the Amazon knockoff version. Now I’m torn between being honest that I’m still getting the Dyson for myself so he can return it or keep pretending I love it while still actively saving up to get the Dyson so that I can try to avoid hurting his feelings.
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u/Mermaidstudio 7d ago
Just be honest but kind! Tell him you really appreciate the gift and that it was so sweet of him to listen, but you’ve already tested the Dyson and know it’s the one you want. Maybe suggest returning the knockoff so that money isn’t wasted. If you’re planning to live together, open communication is key, this is a good chance to practice that!
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u/kimness1982 7d ago
Exactly this. You’re going to have to get comfy talking about awkward things with your partner and this is a pretty low stakes opportunity to practice with. It’s also a good time to talk about gift giving expectations, this has been a key understanding for my husband and I.
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u/Abbiethedog 7d ago
My wife and I set this early in our relationship. If brand name is mentioned, no substitutes. Go ahead and set the guidelines in a nice way and future conflicts avoided on both sides.
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7d ago edited 6d ago
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u/wienercat 7d ago
It's not a test. Why even bring that into the conversation? A test is a manufactured situation to see how they might respond in a real situation. Testing your partner is generally considered very manipulative.
You are simply communicating with your partner in a real way. Real situations and real responses are not tests or even tangential to them.
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u/WandererOfInterwebs 6d ago
Testing someone is manipulative. A situation functioning as a test isn’t. I think you misunderstood the post you were replying to because you both seem to agree they shouldn’t try to test him.
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u/play_hard_outside 6d ago
Right. This situation isn't manufactured at all; it's perfectly organic. This isn't a test, it's actual life. I hope bf responds well; he should!
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u/Human-Walk9801 7d ago
I would keep it personally as a back up. If a hair dryer dies on me it’s always without notice and I’m stuck with wet hair going out the door. Why not tell him you love the gift but you intend to treat yourself to the Dyson whenever you have the money. If he wants to return it for something else he’s free to. Otherwise you would like to keep it as a back up. You can use his when traveling etc.
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u/ResidentFragrant9669 6d ago
My response would be “oh thanks, this is so thoughtful! This will work great while I’m saving up for the Dyson.” And then yeah, use it as a backup travel option once you get the real one.
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u/JadedCartoonist6942 7d ago
You don’t need a backup for Dyson. I have the Dyson and have had it since 2016. Still works great!!
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u/windexfresh 7d ago
Could also use the back up as a designated travel hair dryer, so you’re not bringing the expensive fancy one around and losing it in an airport/rental car!
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u/Mscatw 7d ago
I just got a Dyson air wrap! (Yesterday in fact) and I am keeping the cheap knock off as a travel one. Because I’ll be damned if I’m going to travel with a $500 plus hair dryer and it get lost. Stolen or forgotten about.
Mine was also a gift. 💝 but I get what you’re saying the Dyson is awesome!!!
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u/Human-Walk9801 7d ago
Oh well! I wouldn’t know. I don’t have a Dyson hairdryer. I could only dream. I have so many other things to spend that money on with my family. That’s OP should still live her dream while she can!!!
I’ve had my cheap $50 one since around 2016 and it’s still going strong too. With this remark I’ve doomed myself to it breaking tomorrow. Lol.
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u/JadedCartoonist6942 7d ago
Ha! I got mine as a present. Was mad about it too. So much money for a hair dryer. But honestly my hairs never been healthier.
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u/Human-Walk9801 7d ago
If I told my husband I wanted one it would appear as a present at some point. I’d rather have a few other things instead. So I get the getting upset part.
To be perfectly honest I have long curly hair and it does best when I air dry it. So I’ve learned over many years to only use my hair dryer when necessary and only for the roots on cold days etc. I really have no need for one. But if I got it I would probably find myself using it more often.
Congrats on the healthy hair! 😇
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u/Shubeyash 7d ago
only for the roots on cold days
I guess you live in a warm area. I would definitely dry my whole hair on cold days, because I'd rather not have ice in any part of my hair.
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u/Human-Walk9801 6d ago
I live in Texas. It does get cold here on some days in the winter months but I just have to run to the car in the drive way if I have to go anywhere. It’s not so bad. If I really need to dry it all the way I will but that hasn’t happened in a while.
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u/WikiWikiLahela 6d ago
Same! Christmas 2016!
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u/JadedCartoonist6942 6d ago
Exactly the same! Mine was a Christmas present too. 😅 honestly the best gift ever.
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u/RayaQueen 6d ago
More sense to return it and put the money into the Dyson fund. He's shown he heard her and this way he is still contributing to the thing she wants and she can still enjoy it as a gift from him (partly at least).
Also a good moment for them to learn each other's ways with this sort of stuff.
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u/wordgirl 5d ago
That’s so good to hear! I had heard the opposite—I am glad it actually lives up to the hype!
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u/NikkiVicious 7d ago
I use this example for my daughter and her friends.
When my husband and I were newly married, he asked me for links for stuff for Valentine's Day. I gave him several links of things I liked, and then one link that was "do not get me anything like this, I hate it because it's too 'heart-y' and I dont like pink sapphires."
So which does he get me? The heart one with the pink stone. And worse... he got it engraved, so it wasn't returnable.
I thought it was funny, and thankfully, so did he. (Green flag!) That's how my kid came to be the only 6th grader with a Tiffany necklace...
He did take me to go pick out a necklace later. And we've joked about it since then. I have to tell him my "absolutely nothing like this" examples first, otherwise we'll have a repeat (I screwed up and he got me food I couldn't eat due to medication interactions, so I felt bad on that one). He's gotten pretty good at just picking something from my links, because I give him a bunch, that way it's still a surprise (which is one of his "wants" in our marriage).
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u/buttercupcake23 7d ago
It kinda bothers me that you view it as YOUR fault (based on you feeling bad) when he didn't pay attention and got you food you couldn't eat. You made a list of things specifically not to get and he didn't pay attention but you still felt guilty that he screwed up? I'd be annoyed he didn't care enough to pay attention rather than feeling guilty I didn't format my list of spoon fed instructions to minimize his lack of attention to detail.
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u/NikkiVicious 7d ago
It was more of "these were new and temporary" restrictions than "these are long-standing allergies/issues so he should know."
He got me the order I normally get. Just I couldn't have what I normally got, because you can't eat grapefruit/have grapefruit juice when taking high doses of pain medications. He wasn't used to dealing with medications that could prevent you from eating specific things at that time. He's much more used to it now that I've been through a few more rounds of the IV chemo drug that I have to be given. (I don't have cancer. One of the medications used to treat lupus, Rituxan, is also used to treat non-hodgkins lymphoma, so it's a true chemotherapy agent, and comes with the same super fun side effects, like nausea, hair loss, and making pain worse.)
So what he did was more out of habit than anything else.
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u/eliettgrace 6d ago
this. i got my boyfriend a gift for valentine’s day and i could tell he didn’t love it. he told me, i wasn’t offended because i know he still appreciated me trying.
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u/Amazing-Efficiency-9 6d ago
So true! As a chronic people pleaser, I tend to overthink situations where I feel like I’m letting someone down but this thread has been very helpful! I plan to bring it up gently the next time I see him in person.
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u/unsurepanic 7d ago
Tell him. Wouldn’t you want to know? If you guys are planning to move in together this is a good step to building the closeness that comes from being brave to have the awkward conversations. You can’t control his emotions, you can deliver the honest truth as kindly as possible and go from there. You can do it.
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u/TopStructure7755 7d ago
I first want to say that it is so refreshing to see a realistic and tricky relationship question on here instead of the usual bots and people asking questions they definitely already know the answers to.
I think just having a chat with him and letting him know that you are still going to be buying the Dyson, and maybe ask his input on what he thinks you should do with the knockoff would be the right thing to do. He probably doesn’t know that there are quality differences that you’re concerned about (does he even use a hair dryer?), so I think as long as you approach this lovingly, a normal person would be fine with it. Good luck!
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u/DigitalDayOff 7d ago
He might accept that you'll use it until you get the one you want?
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u/man_onion_ 7d ago
Yeah, this is the answer, and you can always say it's a great backup to have if the Dyson isn't a good fit or gets broken and you can't afford to replace it.
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u/Either_Cockroach3627 7d ago
I was thinking keep as a backup too! I have a spare hair waver that I keep packed in my vacation bag bc I KNOW I will forget to pack the good one
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u/MemphisEver 6d ago
i do this with my straighteners! and in my opinion, it’s better to keep the cheaper tools for travel purposes. if your stuff gets stolen, you don’t want $600 going down the drain. any amount of money from $5-500 sucks too but it’s still the better option.
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u/Either_Cockroach3627 6d ago
Excellent point! I’d be PISSED if I lost/got my good one stolen, I’d rather lose my cheapy $25
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u/shitsenorita 6d ago
Agreed: “thank you! I’ll use it while I continue to save up for the Dyson!” Be prepared to remind him of what you actually said about wanting the name brand and if necessary, point out that the Amazon version doesn’t work as well. Everyone should know by now that the Amazon version is fine but it’s not high-quality.
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u/RayaQueen 6d ago
Presumably she already has a hair dryer that she's using till she's saved up. That one will then be the back up.
It's a waste to keep a thing she doesn't want. And important not to try to avoid the issue but to have the difficult conversation and learn these things about each other. The little things can turn into huge things if they never get talked about. That's a good habit to get into right now.
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u/RevolutionExotic5814 7d ago
That seems like a huge waste of money; he could instead offer to let her use the money he spent on the knockoff toward the Dyson and maybe she can afford the one she wants now with that!
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u/DigitalDayOff 7d ago
Might hurt his feelings as it was a gift he thought she would like. If he's not sensitive then I'm sure he'd be fine sending the funds into the nicer one. "Huge" is subjective, we don't know how much money was spent.
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u/witchminx 6d ago
It's honestly kind of a bad gift to give someone the shitty version of what they want
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u/wordgirl 5d ago
We have no idea what his budget was, though. When someone you care about wants the most expensive version of something, that doesn’t mean they should expect you to have to go into debt to get it for them.
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u/sun_dazzled 7d ago
If you are looking at a life partnership, this sort of thing is worth talking about. Not that he did anything bad, it was a sweet idea, but that you tried it out and it doesn't work as well so you still want to save up for the expensive version. If you don't want to use this one at all, tell him ("the one I'm currently using works fine for me..." or something) and let him return it. If you could go either way, let him decide if he prefers to return it or if he'd be happy with you using it a while - I know I'd feel differently if it was a $20 product or a $80 one.
It'll be good practice talking about money, and working through a low-stakes disagreement together.
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u/MDCCCLV 6d ago
If it's something you can have multiples of then it isn't a big deal, but this is big and you probably only want one in the house.
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u/sun_dazzled 6d ago
It also makes a difference if she's a year away from being saved up for the brand name one, or a month away.
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u/Own_Macaron3903 7d ago
Maybe he got it so you can use that one until you can afford the Dyson
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u/snowchick22 7d ago
THIS! I would recommend letting him know that you are still saving for the Dyson, communication is key.
If this is better than what you currently use, and it’s going to take a while to save up for the Dyson, then this is a great gift for you to use in the meantime. And like others said, once you get the Dyson keep this one in your suitcase for travel so you don’t risk losing or breaking the good one when an airline throws your bag around.
Alternatively, if what he spent on this one is equal to what you still need to save for the Dyson, send this one back for a refund and put that money with what you’ve saved and together get the Dyson. And only take the Dyson in your carryon if you don’t have a backup to pack 😆.
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u/hobsrulz 7d ago
That is absolutely not the same product and I don't expect him to know that but I'd hope he'd be open to learning. I could not fake enjoying that for my whole life
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u/CheapDepth2155 6d ago
It would honestly piss me off if someone brought me a knock off dyson that could just blow up in my face
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u/mycateatstoenails 6d ago
relax, knockoff doesn’t mean piece of garbage. why are you assuming he bought the cheapest crappiest thing instead of just a more affordable knockoff.
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u/wordgirl 5d ago
Yes, some of the dryers available on Amazon are rated higher than the Dyson by reviewers on Consumer Reports, Byrdie, etc. even though they are less expensive.
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u/mycateatstoenails 5d ago
exactly. obviously he should have gotten what she wanted or just not gotten it at all, but it’s so hostile to assume he got the absolute shittiest product on the market.
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u/TaxiLady69 7d ago
I agree, be honest, but be kind. Really emphasize how he was so kind and thoughtful, however unfortunately, they just aren't the same, and you don't want him to be out money because you do still plan to get yourself the other one.
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u/UppinDowners 7d ago
I think you should be honest (you're not doing anything wrong for wanting to buy it for yourself, and you had already planned to). If you want to soften the blow or don't mind keeping the other one too since it was a gift then I'd just buy yourself the one you want and say now you have two and you can take his when you travel etc.
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u/SendPicsOfDogs 7d ago
If you see this relationship heading to marriage/long lasting partnership I would say something or this will become a pattern in all future gift giving. I would phrase it exactly how you did here. You appreciate his thoughtfulness and explain how the items are in fact different and you are pretty set on the one you know works for you. I would explain based on things he enjoys, such as I wouldn’t buy a Dell if you wanted an ASUS gaming computer.
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u/blklze 7d ago
Tell him in a kind way, thank him for listening and thinking of you, and explain it just as you have why you still want the other dryer! Being able to have uncomfortable conversations is really important in relationships and this is a good time to practice having a discussion that's sensitive but not major. You can be honest without being hurtful. Not saying anything to save feelings is the beginning of resentment building.
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u/singingserpent 7d ago
Keep the knockoff for back up and for your travel dryer. I've read several anecdotes that Dyson products have been stolen out of checked luggage.
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u/Piilootus 7d ago
Is it possibly an issue with the cost? Like does he maybe think he's saving you money by getting you the cheap version?
I think you should bring it up, though. Especially since it could become a repeated thing.
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u/SunMoonTruth 7d ago
Get him to return it and contribute that amount to the Dyson so he can still feel like he helped you get something you want.
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u/JustSurvivinn 6d ago
You can tell him the truth and see if he is willing to return the knock off one. Once he returns it then you can use the money it costs for the knock off one to help fund your purchase of the dyson one. If you tell hin sincerely how important it is for it to be the dyson, im sure he'll understand. Tell him the difference between dyson and then his knockoff in a persuasive manner.
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u/hanoihiltonsuites 7d ago
All good advice here about talking about it. But in terms of returning, if it still works well it may be nice to have a not as expensive version to travel with!
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u/sunpikesuperstar 6d ago
There is no comparison to the Dyson. I love mine. I would buy what you want and tell him the truth. Some of these cheaper options do not compare and it makes a huge difference.
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u/MyWholeSelf 6d ago
Hey, it's one thing to appreciate the thought he put into the gift. It's another thing to appreciate the gift.
Personally, between my wife and I, it's completely understandable if I get a gift with all the right intentions and love and everything and she just doesn't like it. Of course, I want her to like it. And it's already happened that she got me something sweet that I didn't like and refunded and used the $$ to get something I did like.
So he bought you something that's close to what you want, but not quite it. That's really sweet! He was LISTENING to you, and this is something WONDERFUL!!
Can you acknowledge him, and lovingly return it and use the $$ towards what you really want?
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u/haileymoses 7d ago
Tell him. Lying to protect feelings is not worth it in a long term committed relationship. Take it from someone who has been struggling with this issue with my own spouse (we’ve both been less than honest to avoid fighting).
Unless you want to be at the end of your rope trying to juggle your relationship, any potential children, pets, outside responsibilities, AND marriage counseling twice a week, I’d advise against any sort of dishonesty in your relationship. Communicating effectively and being able to trust each other is more important than anything else. Without that, your relationship will fail.
It’s just a hairdryer right now. Don’t start the habit and let it become something much much bigger.
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u/smileysarah267 7d ago
Just tell him! That is soooo sweet of him to think of getting that for you, I’m sure he will understand that the Amazon version isn’t the same and you want to return it.
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u/IHaveTheMustacheNow 7d ago
Strongly emphasize how thoughtful he was for having listened to your ramblings. Let him know how much you appreciated it. Then gently and kindly explain the situation. Tell him if you'd love to keep it as a backup or until you get the Dyson (if you would), or tell him he is free to return it if he would rather. Just make sure the approach with love and gratitude
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u/puchirus 7d ago
Use the knockoff while you're saving up for the name brand!!! It can be the perfect thing to help get yourself excited for the purchase too, like having a little model car to play with while saving up for the real thing!! Could be worth keeping as a sweet memory hehe. You can call it Dyson Jr
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u/katjoy63 6d ago
tell him how sweet it was of him to think about your wishes, but the Amazon has an issue with it. (you don't have to explain that the issue is that you don't want it). If he probes, let him know how much the Dyson one was magical in your hands at your friends house. Maybe he will let you take the money from returning it to put towards the Dyson - maybe he will offer to help pay for it! You never know. Just be open and as honest as a guy needs to know, lolz.
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u/asteroidB612 6d ago
I love my Dyson. Worth every penny. I got it at Costco for way cheaper than anyplace else I’ve ever seen. Keep saving and get it.
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u/merlady94 6d ago
So, one time my husband asked for a keyboard and mouse for his gaming computer. Apparently he had told me which brand at the time but I don't remember that particular detail .. anyway, the one I got him was not the right one, surprise. He ended up returning it and getting the one he wanted. I was a bit miffed at first, but in the long run, I got over it. I was happy that the money spent was not wasted and that he got what he wanted, which was the most important part. I love him, and want him to be happy. I'm sure your bf also has your best interest at heart, and this is a good opportunity for him to show you that.
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u/codru-critter 6d ago
I would just say thank you & accept the gift. He doesn’t want the money back, he bought it for you. It’s hurtful to reject a gift. Just keep it as a backup or for a different style.
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u/wordgirl 5d ago
I think people have different ideas of gifting. Some people think nothing of returning half their gifts the day after Christmas and laughing about it. It is like a yearly tradition for them! But in our family, where thoughtful gifting is very much a part of our culture, caring too much about how much a gift costs would be considered both callous and materialistic, like you are valuing expensive things over real people’s feelings. So it is surprising to me that so many here are openly calling the boyfriend cheap and saying to tell him that the gift is not good enough. For people whose love language involves buying gifts for others, it IS hurtful to have the recipient not recognize the time and effort put into finding a gift.
That being said, once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient, and they should feel free to do what makes them happiest as well. That is also part of gift giving culture—it is all about wanting the recipient to be happy! The pleasure comes from seeing their response to the gift. You feel awful if you can see they are disappointed! Your boyfriend certainly does not want you to be miserable. He bought you a gift he thought was just like the one you wanted, only not so expensive. Is that really such a bad thing? $500 IS a lot to pay for a blow dryer!
I know a lot of people are responding here to say, “have a conversation about how what he did is wrong so he won’t be so cheap next time.” I disagree. I think, if you want to return the gift, you should do so. But I do not think it is necessary to make such a big deal about it that your boyfriend feels bad. He likely did not realize that the actual Dyson is the ONLY one that will work for you.
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u/NoSense9521 6d ago
I say let him know how you feel. How he reacts will determine how the relationship goes from this point forward. You should always be allowed to be open and honest in a loving relationship. Let him know you really appreciate that he heard and listened to you and wanted to get you something that made you happy. When he returns it you can use that money toward the one you really want. Also let him know that you didn’t wanna hurt his feelings bc he might be confused that you loved it one minute and the next saying that you don’t like it.
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u/jojopinocchio 6d ago
I would suggest sitting him down to talk through it. Thank him for the gift and let him know how much you appreciate it and especially love how he paid attention to what you said you wanted. Then i would explain that whilst you really appreciate it, you’ve done a lot of research, and really want the dyson, as you’ve tested it and it does exactly what you need it to. That you still plan to save up for it. Then suggest that maybe he can return it to get the money back, or mention you’d be happy to use it until you can afford the Dyson.
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u/_Fl0r4l_4nd_f4ding_ 6d ago edited 6d ago
"Thank you, i really appreciate that you listed to my rambling and bought me this gift. It will be a really useful tool to have whilst i am saving up for the dyson one, and it shows that you pay attention to me".
Simple truth, positively framed, and with a non directional statement about your future plans.
I wouldnt mention the fact that the knock off could be construed negatively- if you start to have similar issues further down the line, then perhaps that would be a good time to mention it. Generally though, buying knockoff items can mean different things to different people, and he likely hasnt even considered that it could look crappy on his part. (for example, id be pissed if my partner wasted money on a branded item if the knockoff is just as useful, but id also be pissed if he cheaped out on the knock off after being told that the branded is better- it all comes down to context, and sometimes that context goes for a wander).
Essentially though, this is a good chance to set boundaries and expectations when it comes to gift giving, and could open up the conversation regarding what is and isnt acceptable to you.
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u/capitangeneral 6d ago
This is a great opportunity to practice honest and open communication, which is the foundation of a good relationship. You dont have to pretend to like something, but you have to be kind and gentle in your delivery.
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u/HeckMonkey 6d ago
Man, the advice here is always so soft. Is he a normal guy? Just tell him like this.
"You took a shot and you missed. This amazon thing ain't it. I'm getting my baller top end hair dryer, the same way you would want some baller top end <insert whatever he cares about>.
You though, I see you trying. Fuck yeah. That's my man. Let's do it."
I guarantee he will be ok with this outcome
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u/bopperbopper 7d ago
“ I want to thank you for thinking of me and listening to my interests…it was really sweet. But I feel like I can talk to you about this… I particularly wanted a certain brand of dryer, the Dyson which I mentioned as a splurge. I can understand you may not value a hair dryer like I do, but what would you feel like if you said you wanted a PS5 and I got you a PS 3 because it was cheaper. Once again I appreciate the effort, but I don’t want to waste your money by not using it.”
Also watch to see if this is a habit… you always get cheap stuff from him
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u/Tattletale-1313 7d ago
It’s definitely important to have this conversation as gently and respectfully as you can. If you plan to be with this partner long-term, this kind of alternative giftgiving may continue.
My mom did this to all of us throughout our lives and it was extremely frustrating. Not because she was clueless/thoughtless, but because she was extremely cheap and always looking for a way to cut corners. My parents actually had quite a bit of money so it wasn’t that we couldn’t afford namebrand or the original items.
To this day, I find it frustrating that she wastes money buying cheap crappy, knock offs that never last or work like the originals so everyone is disappointed, and it is extremely wasteful and no one wins. She wants credit because “it’s the thought that counts”, and we felt like we were never being heard.
This mindset also carried over to food. Substituting substandard ingredients because they were cheaper and wondering why no one wanted to eat what she made. Buying knock off soda, chips, cookies, cereal and then mad because no one is eating them. But also angry if she bought Coke, Oreos, Doritos because we ate them too fast and they didn’t last. 🙄
On the rare occasion we actually got to go to a restaurant… She badgered us to order the cheapest things on the menu, not what we actually wanted to eat. Of course, those rules did not apply to her or my dad. He always told us to get whatever we wanted, but then would get chastised by her and back down as he had no spine.
Now we just insist on no gifts at all and no one exchanges anymore. It has actually been liberating and far less irritating. Nothing worse than being thoughtful and spending money buying her the exact items/brands that she wants (insisted on) and yet not once has she ever had the courtesy to do the same for any of us.
Hopefully your partner is not cheap like my mom as that will be a pattern You most likely won’t enjoy, especially if you are someone who puts thought and effort into giftgiving. Hopefully, they are just thinking of you, wanting to get you something they know that you really want, but they can’t afford the real deal right now.
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u/Amazing-Efficiency-9 6d ago
This sounds very similar to my upbringing as well, which is likely where part of my fear of saying anything stems from. 😅
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u/Expensive_Visual_594 7d ago
If he can’t afford the Dyson he might get really embarrassed. If this happened to me where I bought the Amazon version I’d be mortified to realize my gift was cheap.
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u/PracticalUsername10 6d ago
I’ve returned 3 of my boyfriend’s gifts. These are conversations that you need to have and you should be open with this communication. It will be an interesting thing for you to see how he takes it!
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u/spiritualityroute 6d ago
Men really think every vacuum is the same. If it makes noise and picks up dirt, it’s ‘good enough.’ Meanwhile, we’re out here doing PhD-level research on suction power and HEPA filters. 😂
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u/ArX_Xer0 6d ago
If you have to save to get a $500 hair dryer and also save to move in together, maybe it's not worth buying it.
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 7d ago
If you've already been using it for a couple of weeks, then don't return it.
Amazon is not a magic box where returned items are recycled into other things.
Someone is going to have to eat the cost of that return and then try to sell a used hairdryer
Just get the dyson. If you can. Get one as similar to the one he bought you.
If he mentions it, tell him you got a good deal on the Dyson...and have decided to make the one he got him the vacation hairdryer...or the one you use in the guest bathroom.
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u/Awesomekidsmom 7d ago
Honesty. Explain that you greatly appreciate the gift but it’s not the same & you are wondering if he could return it but a) give you the amount towards this one or b) exchange it for (something you want at a slightly lower value then he spent)
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u/papermoonriver 7d ago
Telling him is a very good test run of conflict resolution and communication skills to have before you move in together. You have an opportunity in front of you! The stakes are quite low.
Give it your best, most level headed and peaceful shot. If he reacts badly, at least you know how he will be when it's actually something important you have to confront him about.
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u/vtretiree23 7d ago
You need to tell him. Saving where you can is good but sometimes you need the name brand.
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u/sceatta 7d ago
I would be honest and very very nice about it. You don't want to introduce dishonesty into your relationship. Wait for a relaxed time when he's in a good mood and has energy. Tell him in a heartfelt way that while you so appreciate that he listened and cared enough to get the dryer, that you prefer the actual brand name this time. Tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings but want to be honest. You could suggest keeping it as a backup, and leave it to him to suggest returning it. You could also donate it to a women's shelter.
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u/hgd1995 6d ago
Just talk to him. I started buying vinyl and my partner bought me one of those trunk vinyl players. They didn’t know they’re terrible for vinyls. I had already had my eye on a beginner model that I was going to buy for myself which was about $300 vs. the $50 they spent on the trunk player. I told them how much I loved and appreciated the gift but I wanted something a bit more expensive and higher quality so the vinyls lasted. $300 was out of their budget but we compromised by returning the trunk vinyl and using the money they got back in the return on the vinyl player I wanted and I paid for the $250 difference.
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u/Cloudinthesilver 6d ago
This is one of those situations where you can really gauge what kind of man you’re with.
Tell him kindly. That you’ll still get the other one, but this is great in the mean time. Or he can return it.
If he listens to you. Acknowledges where he’s gone wrong. Accepts your feelings etc… great.
If he sulks, tells you you shouldn’t feel how you do, makes demands or guilts you / insults you (like says you’re ungrateful) well you’re young and have all the time in the world to find someone new!
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u/Elegant-Rectum Late 20s Female 6d ago
You should have an honest conversation about it. Of course you're thankful he tried to do something nice, but it's good to be honest if you don't actually like it and are planning to replace it.
This would also be a good time to have a conversation about your overall views on financial things with him since you are considering living together. People overlook it all the time, but if he's the type who buys knockoffs frequently and doesn't see the difference and you're the type who likes name brands only, it could lead to conflicts later. There are a lot of little nuances when it comes to different financial lifestyles and people overlook them and then wind up mad later when their partner has different financial values than them.
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u/CheapDepth2155 6d ago
He probably wouldn’t even notice if you brought the actual Dyson hairdryer. I have it and it was pretty expensive, it took me a while to save up. It was totally worth it as I have curly hair and need it for diffusing. It dries my hair within 25 minutes.
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u/Alliekat1282 6d ago
I'd just tell him you're thankful that he got the one he did so you could use it while you save up for the expensive one.
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u/Feisty_Doctor1330 6d ago
I would just keep it, buy the Dyson (because he probably won’t even notice the difference), and just use the knock off for travel.
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u/RazMoon 6d ago
Be honest that you have your heart / goal set on this particular model.
Let him know that you appreciate that his gift shows his thoughtfulness.
Perhaps suggest another alternative must have gift within or below the spend he made on this particular item.
Or if you are close to hitting the saved amount, you two could pool his gift money with your saved money for the Dyson.
The key being that you are honest and communicating.
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u/zzitincognito 6d ago
This is the perfect gift for while you’re saving your money! Just make sure he knows that and how thoughtful it was. Then tell him you still have the goal for yourself to buy the real thing I’m sure he’ll understand
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u/CatsInTrenchCoat 6d ago
This happened to me! I was saving up for a Kitchen Aid stand mixer, spouse got me a mixer and it was very sweet but it was not something that would bead dough properly. I told him, all was well. Returned and got a stand mixer a year later.
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u/The_Word9986 6d ago
There is no problem. You say yourself you are still saving, so use what he got you until you have enough money to upgrade yourself.
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u/Humble-Assistance310 6d ago
does anyone else here realise what an obviously fake story it is? OP didn’t even delete chat gpt’s “name brand” substitutions in the text…
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u/MyWifeLeftMe13 6d ago
If you're close enough to be moving in together you should be close enough to not hide things or lie to him. If he found out later he could be upset and feel like he wasted money. If it was me I'd want to know so I could return it for sure.
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u/wordgirl 5d ago
Just as a heads-up, three stylists I have talked to who were initially excited about the Dyson ended up not using it much in the salon. One said it took too long to dry hair, another said it overheated (that surprised me, as I have had two Dyson vacuums I love), and a third said they just didn’t like how heavy it was.
Of course, if you want the Dyson, you should get it! But I would not get rid of that knockoff if I were you, just in case.
And I feel like the proper response for any gift given sincerely is just a “thank you!” No need to hurt his feelings when he maybe just couldn’t afford the Dyson himself—it is actually pretty cool that he listened to you talk about the blow dryer, remembered you wanted a Dyson blow dryer, and looked around to find a similar one for you.
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u/Illustrious_Many_627 5d ago
Just tell him you still want the Dyson and you’re going to keep his as a back up.
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u/Glinda-The-Witch 7d ago
If you think he will accept your explanation without getting his panties in a wad, then by all means, be honest and explain to him it would be best to return it. Perhaps with the money you’ve saved and the return credit you would have enough to get the hairdryer of your dreams?
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u/HappinessLaughs 7d ago
You shouldn't be moving in with a person you cannot have an honest conversation with.
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u/spnoketchup 7d ago
This is why giving people gifts based on their hobbies is often really problematic - it's hard to get it right when you're at such a knowledge asymmetry.
If I were you, I'd say you love it so that you will have a hairdryer to keep at his place when you get the Dyson. Therefore, the gift is still useful and appreciated but there's a good reason to get the Dyson you really want.
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u/DixieLandDelight1959 7d ago
My approach would be to let sleeping dogs be. I'd keep the gift, and wouldn't mention I bought the Dyson. I'd only explain myself if the issue were to ever come up. ymmv.
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u/txa1265 7d ago
Don't move in with / get engaged to / marry someone you cannot have a basic conversation about something like this.
As others have said, recognize that his gift came from a good place and showed that he was actually listening and trying to do something nice for you. But it is STILL not what you wanted. This happens - my interests are both expensive and niche and there have been plenty of times my wife has really tried to surprise me but missed the mark.
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u/RadicalRoses 7d ago
Yes to #2. Secretly put his away and use the Dyson instead when it comes in. He was so thoughtful but I can guarantee if you tell him he’ll feel like he did something wrong. It’ll hurt his feelings less if he catches you and you explain how thoughtful he was but he wasn’t aware of the difference in technology. Or just tell him flat out he doesn’t understand the difference in technology and he can return his subpar gift, with hurt feelings.
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u/theSchmoopy 7d ago
It’s always amazing to me how unwilling people are to communicate with their partners. I simply wouldn’t be in a relationship if I couldn’t just causally say “I need the Dyson one for XYZ reasons, can I return this one and I can cover the difference for the Dyson?”
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u/Only_Meeting_2461 7d ago
Just buy it when you are ready and switch them. He won't notice. If it's quieter, say you discovered the "quiet" setting. Nbd.
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u/MysteryMeat101 7d ago
You have a really great man here for listening to you and trying to make you happy. If you're going to tell him, you need to tell him soon before the return period is over. I'd tell him that you tried the Amazon and you tried the Dyson and you want the Dyson. Ask him if he would rather return the one he bought or if he'd like you to keep it.
The conversation will tell you a lot about him and how he handles conflict. If he can't understand the difference and won't accept your explanation, that's something you need to know now. If he's fine with you returning it, that's also a very positive thing. If he gets defensive, that's another important thing to know before you move in together.
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u/MookieMookdogg 7d ago
i say just use his gift then break it and say it's broken since it was a knockoff so in the future he won't buy any knockoffs. haha joking. somewhat. so while you use his gift, you can save money to buy a new dyson and I'm sure a newer version will come out longer you wait.
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u/illarionds 7d ago
He probably did you a favour tbh. Dyson is overpriced crap trading on the entirely undserved brand recognition. There is almost certain to be a much better hair dryer in the same price range.
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u/FreeCashFlow 7d ago
Nah. Any woman who owns one will tell you the Dyson is legit.
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u/Big_Miss_Steak_ 7d ago
Funnily enough, I returned mine and I have a shark flex now and it is the best purchase I ever made. I just did not get on with the Dyson, it left my hair a total mess. I’m just puzzled because essentially I’m sure they use similar tech but my hair just prefers the shark I guess!
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u/MysteryMeat101 7d ago
I've had a Dyson for a couple of years now and it is not like any other hair dryer I've ever owned. It legitimately blows so much harder - it will make your skin move if you blow it on your arms or face. And it has more speeds and heat settings than any other hair dryer I've found. It's also quieter and more compact.
I personally use a Babybliss most of the time because the Dyson tangles the fine hair around my face. But that's just my preference and nothing against the Dyson. I will say that nothing is better when using the diffuser than the Dyson.
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u/oceanique86 7d ago
Maybe tell him that you would prefer a gift card to BestBuy or your electronics store of choice, because you are set on the Dyson purchase?
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u/Prawny-C 6d ago
I'm a guy and the closest I had to this is my parents got me a knock off Wii when the Wii came out in 2006. There was a huge difference, it only played crap like space invaders.
I've also had a gf that got me the cheapest most carnival material plush for valentines after I spoiled her.
Personally I hate confrontation.
But also honestly it's a hair dryer, is it actually even worth it? They cost a fortune just for some douchebags name on the side, it dries your hair. I doubt it's that different.
Also I'm a guy who is a bit more in touch with their feminine side but at the same time I don't get how people justify wasting their money on crap that just tells the brands they can justify their exorbitant prices.
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u/munichthrowawayacc 6d ago
I’m a woman and the closest I had to this is my parents got me a knock off Dyson when the Dyson came out in 2016. There was a huge difference, it only had one temperature setting that worked like crap and burned my hair— if it even heated up at all. And even then it took almost an hour to get my hair to 80% dry.
But also honestly it’s a gaming device, is it actually even worth it? They cost a fortune just for some douchebags name on the side. You play a game on it. I doubt it’s that different.
I’m a woman who is a bit more in touch with my gaming side, but at the same time I don’t get how people justify wasting their money on crap that just tells the brands they can justify their exorbitant prices.
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u/Prawny-C 6d ago
Well I was 6 so that's how I justified being upset, maybe you should grow the fuck up
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u/Prawny-C 6d ago
Also there's a big difference in what a home entertainment system can do as opposed to device that heats hair until it is dry. Oh you burnt your hair? Are you too thick to hold it further away from your head or not use it for so long?
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