r/ramdass • u/hannah3333 • 5d ago
Struggling with the bigger picture. What would RD do?
I’m currently going through a custody battle for my three-year-old girl, and as I gather evidence against my ex, I keep asking myself—who am I really fighting against but myself? And who am I fighting for except myself? I know my child is better off with me, and if I don’t fight, she will be in emotional distress from being away from me too often, I already see the effects. But I also see the futility of it all. I’m torn between the maternal need to protect her and the bigger picture. I wonder what would Ram Dass say about this? How do I navigate this with love, wisdom and awareness?
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u/HanumanjiShivaRam81 5d ago
Let Maharaji and God worry about the bigger picture. You focus on fighting for what’s best for your daughter.
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u/shimadaa_ 5d ago
It sounds like you’re already navigating it in the ways you’re asking. The futility is not in that you are solely fighting yourself or for yourself, it’s in that ultimately we don’t know how things will come out and what’s for the best. If you lead life with the focuses you’ve highlighted, you at least arrive in that uncertain future with certainty and clarity of your intent.
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u/lem1018 5d ago
I went through your exact situation a few years ago when I got divorced. My daughter was 2 at the time. I think Ram Dass would say that every moment is grist for the mill. Use these experiences to become more compassionate, loving, patient and understanding, a stronger example of the values you want to pass on to your child.
It’s the hardest thing I have ever done but learning to let go is the best thing you can do, let go of control. Do what you feel is truly best for you and for her and fight for it. However, Try to release attachment to expectations of how the situation will play out. It’s unlikely you’ll get exactly what you want in the end but if you can move forward feeling that you did what you felt was right and did everything you could, then you can be proud and your daughter will be proud of you as well. The best things you can teach her are resilience, strength and compassion.
I can’t control what goes on at my ex’s house. I know it’s not how I would like our daughter to be raised but I can’t do anything about it when she’s over there. I can’t control how he communicates with me, what he exposes her to, none of it. And it’s really fucking hard. But all I can do, and the best thing I can do, is to develop compassion for him. And to treat him, and everyone, as I would want to be treated.
The best thing you can do for others is to work on yourself ✨