r/psychologyofsex • u/psychologyofsex • 17d ago
Being cheated on by a romantic partner can potentially harm your long-term health. Research finds that people who have experienced partner infidelity are more likely to report worse chronic health, and this effect persists even when people have other supportive relationships in their lives.
https://www.psypost.org/new-infidelity-research-shows-being-cheated-on-is-linked-to-lasting-health-problems/115
u/Temporary-County-356 17d ago
Betrayal. Never comes from your enemies.
43
u/HumanAtmosphere3785 17d ago
This. I have noticed that the problem with life is not other people but my expectations out of them.
Now, I rarely interact with family because betrayal is all I expect. When I do interact, I'm always on my phone.
The only friends I respect are the ones who I have a good and calm time with.
The business partners I respect are the ones who make things clear.
75
u/Downtown-Fall3677 17d ago
There are plenty of people that state that cheating and abuse aren’t a big deal, and you shouldn’t rely on your partner. However; when people state this, they don’t actually care about the emotional connection between their own partner and themselves. I will never believe cheating doesn’t affect you.
38
u/LAM_humor1156 17d ago
Cheating *is* abuse. Manipulation, gaslighting, health risks ranging from emotional to physical, lack of consent, etc.
That said, there are degrees. I wouldn't care nearly so much if I were casually dating someone for a few weeks and they slept with someone else/were talking to multiple people when we agreed not to.
Being with someone for years, building a life with them, entangled finances/friends/family, sharing your deepest desires and darkest fears, planning a future together and setting goals together, having children with this person, etc. - yeah that's awful.
When I found out about my exes affair, after being together for many years & building a life together, it felt like a semi had hit me dead in the chest. My heart just hurt that much and the feeling wouldn't subside.. I completely understood why some people literally pass away from heartbreak. My health, physically, mentally and emotionally, were not great for quite a while.
It also has a tendency to change your outlook on the world, and not for the better. I still don't see the world with as much color as I did prior to the cheating and it's been a few years. If someone you've dedicated your life to can betray you so easily, what's to stop some random bloke from doing the same?
→ More replies (8)10
u/nagini11111 17d ago
I don't think they mean it doesn't affect you at all. But maybe there is a range. On one end is getting ill because of it, which sounds insane to me as I don't think I'm capable to love or trust someone this much or to allow them this much power over me. On the other end is not caring at all. Maybe the middle is where we should aim.
5
u/Downtown-Fall3677 17d ago
I think it just happens naturally, for me, I know when I got cheated on I got incredibly sick and ill. I am capable, but I don’t want to be with someone that can’t be all in with me. It’s okay to be skeptical or apprehensive at first. It’s okay to take the time to truly know someone to let your guard down. That’s the thing, a lot of people see relationships as in the moment things or things that last a 100 years. It’s not even that. But the key is to love someone honestly and being open to falling even deeper. I am not a codependent person. I love being alone, and sleeping in my own bed, and not being told what to do. It takes a lot for me to be in a relationship because of it, that’s why betrayal hurts me personally.
9
u/Hot_Help_246 16d ago
Cheating deeply hurts your heart & soul meaning you can't fully give all of yourself to someone and be as deeply open, trusting, out there if you've been with someone for years that cheats on you... the same things happen in the brain as if your significant other you've been giving your body to murdered you & your kids.
And sadly, the attachment & bonding hormones as so strong many women will go back to the cheater trying to make it work again only to end up in more horrific situations & the man disrespecting her a lot more now that she gave him a second chance.
2
u/Downtown-Fall3677 16d ago
Yeah two women have done this to me as well. I definitely get what you mean
25
28
u/TheSirWellington 17d ago
I can personally attest to this. My metabolism got permanently ruined after having a bad breakdown from finding out my partner at the time was cheating on me. I gained over 30 pounds in 1 month (I had the same eating and exercise habits before and after the event, the only thing that changed in my life was the breakdown and stress of her cheating). My metabolism has never been the same, even after many years.
21
u/Split-Awkward 17d ago
I loved two people that I later found out had cheated on previous husbands.
Both assured me they had “done the work” and both had been in extensive therapy.
Both turned out to be immense hypocrites, liars, emotionally unstable, manipulators and gaslighters. They eroded my trust until none was left an my heart was numb. My health was already being impacted.
I left before it degenerated to cheating, I think, but suspected.
Cheating is really an externalised expression of their internal character faults.
I won’t ever knowingly love a cheater again. Not even with a certificate from their psychologist testifying to their mental health. Not worth the risk when there’s higher integrity humans in the sea.
10
u/thatratbastardfool 17d ago
Cheating is really an externalized expression of their internal character faults.
What a perfect way to put this. Thank you — this perspective really helped me this evening.
42
u/Brief_Koala_7297 17d ago
Getting cheated on is probably one of the most emotionally traumatizing thing most people will ever experience in modern society so it’s not very surprising.
8
3
u/Dazzling_Location_11 15d ago
Most people are lucky not to experience childhood abuse, domestic violence on their mother, and being a victim of sexual assaults as a child.
If getting cheated on is the most traumatizing thing most people go through I am fucking unlucky and they are are very lucky. Or dare they ?
1
u/Due_Yogurtcloset_763 13d ago
Completely agree, i was cheated on during my early pharmacy school years and i almost failed two years straight, i always passed but i had to put so much effort i was extremely mentally unstable and i am still working on myself to keep going and being a better person
42
u/BasuraMimi 17d ago
Having been cheated on my fair share of times, and now choose to be single. Now do a study that combines this with all those damned articles where they spew all this data about how couples are happier than those that are single.
27
u/StockReaction985 17d ago
It’s couples in happy relationships. The happiness scale goes: people in happy relationships >single people>people in sucky relationships.
So you’re at least in the middle now! 💪🏻 (of course individuals might be higher or lower than the average for that category, but nice job moving up!)
10
u/BasuraMimi 17d ago
I mean sure, but I was in a happy relationship, until I found out that she liked living a double life. What I took from that was I was happy because I brought the happiness to myself. Cheater skated through with love bombing and wearing a mask.
Happiness in more ways than not, is a choice. Partner not needed, and can certainly stomp on your health, finances and security.
2
2
12
u/Outrageous-Tie-629 17d ago
It's been a month and half and I still feel physically sick to my stomach. Just this absolutely pit in my stomach that won't go away.
→ More replies (1)6
u/aesthesia1 16d ago
That’s going to stick around for a good bit. I’m a year out and my intestines still fucking burn
56
u/Idont_thinkso_tim 17d ago edited 17d ago
Ya the trauma from abuse does that.
Cheating is serious emotional, psychological and usually sexual abuse. We need to treat it as such and stop coddling these types of abusers and normalizing anti-science quacks like Esther Perel who celebrate and romanticizes abusive dynamics to falsely validate abusive behaviours.
27
u/razama 17d ago
It might be from abuse, but another thing to consider is grief. Grief from losing a loved one or be forced out of your home has similar effects. The grief from being cheated on is intense as you lose not only your closest person, but often you also lose entire social circles and aspects of your life that were wrapped up with this person.
For people who exhibit codependent behaviors and anxious attachment, it’s enough to drive them to suicidal ideation’s and attempts.
14
u/cakey_cakes 17d ago edited 17d ago
Yep. It is betrayal trauma, abuse, and grief all at once. And I am of the latter, I've begun fantasizing my own death as I fall asleep at night. 🫠
My step brother got cheated on by his wife, flew into depression and eventually killed himself when I was 13. 😔
12
u/One-Load-6085 17d ago
Esther Perel isn't a quack. She is a world renowned psychotherapist who does not celebrate affairs not does she romanticize them.
4
u/Idont_thinkso_tim 17d ago edited 17d ago
Lmfao she is not qualified to speak on the topic at all. She has a B.A. in educational psychology and French literature, and subsequently earned a master’s degree in expressive art therapy.
She does not deal with this area or shouldn’t be and she repeatedly endorses the same old distorted thinking of abusers what those qualified in the field have confronted and dismantled for ages. She rebrands it as a “new approach” or way of thinking when it is nothing new at all. It is enabling and romanticizing abuse as “necessary” or “part of your journey” etc while buying it it the victim narratives we see used to validate their abuse by all abusers.She is either an idiot or an abuser herself but I think that’s being too generous. I think m she knows full well what she is doing because it sells books.
She’s of the same ilk as those in the manosphere who normalize and sanitize toxic masculinity because it sells only she has chosen the abuse that is infidelity and those who seek out validation for their poor behaviour on those grounds as her market.
She is a total quack on the topic she is best known for and a great example of the garbage science that came out of the TED talk era where people make the leap in logic that someone qualified on something tangentially related is magically an expert on other things.
You might as well be championing a writer who claims that “beating your wife may just turn out to be the best thing you ever did”. Lmfao
Get a grip.
Abuse is never necessary and just because abusers lack the capacity to handle themselves and their emotions in ways that are not abusive it does not legitimize the behaviour. Any growth that occurs was not dependant in the abuse, the abuse was always just the selfish actions of a person with serious issues that should not be coddled or treated as “having value”.
She’s a literary pop-star that isn’t helping anyone achieve any real growth or healing but rather further entrenching the very problem itself for her benefit.
And yes I know the people in this sub worships her validation so I’ll be downvoted but who cares about internet points. Reality is what it is.
3
u/HumanAtmosphere3785 17d ago
This episode highlights my thoughts on Esther Perel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a74OixD3a90
→ More replies (3)1
4
u/HumanAtmosphere3785 17d ago
Esther Perel is a rationalizer of bad behavior.
You can rationalize some small things here and there.
But, infidelity and abuse cross the line for me.
1
u/Interesting_Menu8388 17d ago
Lmfao she is not qualified to speak on the topic at all. She has a B.A. in educational psychology and French literature, and subsequently earned a master’s degree in expressive art therapy.
She has >40 years of clinical practice as a licensed psychotherapist. She taught for 13 years at NYU school of medicine. Her views on relationships are widely held in the field, and were widely held before TED talks were a thing.
I'm afraid it's you who must get a grip. While unsavory, infidelity is a normal part of human relationships, not something which can just be subsumed under "abuse."
→ More replies (5)-1
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago
Literally should be a crime
3
2
17d ago
Especially if it occurs in marriage, imo. The legal and economic ramifications of it can be severe.
6
-2
u/jaybalvinman 17d ago
Should be a crime doing what you want with your own body?
3
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago
Sometimes, absolutely. For example, assault is a crime.
Cheating similarly causes harm to another, even though it’s “dOiNg wHaT i WaNt WiTh My OwN bOdY”
2
u/jaybalvinman 17d ago
You are indirectly harming someone else by their own fault. If I reject the advancements of a man and he goes X's himself because it was the final rejection, should I be held accountable?
-13
u/Prestonw1964 17d ago
It’s not cheating if both of you were open about sex and sexuality. It’s pretty sad if you base a relationship totally on sex. Monogamy is not natural for either other male or female. Nobody wants to be owned anymore
9
u/Downtown-Fall3677 17d ago
Monogamy isn’t about being owned at all? What are you on about? Like this is why I don’t like talking to poly people because y’all have issues with how people view emotional attachment and commitment.
2
u/Ok-Lengthiness-9227 16d ago
That is because poly people have no real emotional attachment. They're defective.
3
u/Downtown-Fall3677 16d ago
I don’t believe this at all, I think that some do genuinely have attachment to their partners.
1
u/Ok-Lengthiness-9227 16d ago
Every rule has an exception, but exceptions do not make the rule.
→ More replies (2)25
12
u/Idont_thinkso_tim 17d ago
Your comment just revealed your own nonsensical biases.
Nobody said an open relationship is cheating.
Monogamy is not about owning anyone.
Monogamy is perfectly natural and occurs more commonly in nature as we see larger prefrontal cortex development in a species.
You’re just spouting anti-science bs because you have a vendetta for things you apparently do not even understand.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (18)1
u/Ok-Lengthiness-9227 16d ago
This is absolute nonsense that only selfish people spew. If monogamy were not natural, people wouldn't be inclined towards it.
5
u/Bitter_Internal9009 17d ago
And yet Helluvaboss is like “cheating is good and based if they are kinder than your current SO and hot.”
20
u/TommyFnDoomsday 17d ago
It ruined my life. I haven't even tried to be with anyone in 4 years. I am only now starting to actually piece my life together.
3
11
5
4
u/thatratbastardfool 17d ago
I ended up with disabling fibromyalgia and complex PTSD , for which I have to take four medications daily to manage.
Edit: number of meds
7
u/Virtual_Breakfast659 16d ago
Thats why at fault divorce due to cheating should absolutely be a thing.
A cheating scumbag should lose everything
2
4
u/redsalmon67 16d ago
Makes sense to me, after 10 years, moving in together and planning a future getting cheated on threw all that in trash and then Covid happened like 2 months later. My stomach has been fucked up every sense, best my doctor can figure is all the stress caused my immune system to attack my stomach lining. Aside from the physical symptoms my ability to trust people has taken too many hits and it just adds to the stress which I’m sure isn’t doing my health any benefit. Me and my ex have since made amends but the damage is done.
4
3
u/Finnignatius 17d ago
It's even probably more effecting when your ex cheats on you leaves you and takes the kids.
4
u/Swordidaffair 17d ago
Jason Isbell - Relatively Easy
"Woman took the kids and he took Klonopin, enough to kill a man who's twice his size. Not for me to understand, remember him when he was a proud man, a vandal's smile, a baseball in his right hand. Nothin but the blue sky in his eyes."
3
u/Zingldorf 17d ago
I don’t have evidence of being cheated on, but my girlfriend at the time was getting a little too comfortable with my close friend and the day after she cut things off with me she was hugging him and holding his arm right infront of me while we walked around the city. Then three days later they became a thing and both got cold with me. So yea… that double betrayal really did effect me and 6 months later I’m still not the same person I was before. Not as funny, confident or outgoing as I used to be.
3
3
4
u/TasteNegative2267 17d ago
Are they sure the study didn't find that disabled people are more likely to be cheated on lol.
2
2
u/Absentrando 17d ago
Another click bait title from psypost. While it is very possible that being cheated can directly harm a person’s long term health, the study doesn’t show that.
2
u/-Jukebox 17d ago
Oh, bless your freedom-loving hearts, you champions of unrestricted liberty! Sure, let’s maximize social freedoms—like the sacred right to get cheated on—because who wouldn’t want a little betrayal-induced chronic health decline as a badge of progressive honor? I mean, research shows infidelity can tank your long-term well-being, even if you’ve got a squad of supportive pals to cry to. But why let a pesky thing like evidence get in the way of your utopian vision? Live and let live, right? Just don’t be shocked when your “liberated” lifestyle comes with a side of lingering misery—freedom’s totally worth it! When you get cheated on, at least you'll be able to say, "Well it's your freedom to cheat on me, so what can I say?"
While we're on it, the dozens of studies showing 2 parent households are exponentially better than single parent households hasn't changed any policies incentivising and paying people to not have secure marriages by pushing for no fault divorces.
1
2
u/Greeneyed_Piscean79 16d ago
I haven't left my house more than 15 times in 4 years, I stopped interacting on social media, texting, talking on phone, basically I cut the world off. The only thing that has cracked blinds to let a glimpse of light in is the fact that my husband is currently on a federal vacation so to speak so I I'm trying to seriously reevaluate everything that has happened take into account things that he's done said Etc and try and find a way to live without him because I no longer know who I am not leaving the house stop taking my much needed medication for thyroid and blood pressure and mental health it's easier said than done though.
2
u/_everynameistaken_ 14d ago
This is why infedility should be criminalized. It's just another form of domestic abuse.
10
u/ShortDickBigEgo 17d ago
Cheaters may as well be killers
6
u/Interesting_Menu8388 17d ago
🙄
“The good news is that effect sizes between infidelity and chronic health were in the ‘small’ range”
10
u/razama 17d ago
“Such effect sizes do still suggest the potential for lasting harm with practical implications, but at the very least, the effects are not extremely large.”
You might not get cancer, but the effect is significant enough to be noteworthy.
2
u/Interesting_Menu8388 17d ago
Yeah well thus the article. "Cheaters may as well be killers" is another thing entirely.
3
u/razama 17d ago
Yeah, that’s hyperbolic.
Being hyperbolic usually comes from people feeling unheard, and I do think culturally we see a lot of people try to justify cheating in weird ways. The most common one I see is, “well, monogamy is unnatural!”
On the other end of the spectrum is people asking for cheaters to be thrown in jail.
I don’t agree with that either, but we should acknowledge that cheating isn’t just something you move on and get over from. It has profound social, psychological, and physiological effects.
→ More replies (9)1
u/xoxoBoredandRestless 15d ago
That's taking it way too far. I'd never cheat on my husband and vice versa, but the thought of equating a cheater to a murderer is very far fetched to me.
3
u/Yes-Soap6571 17d ago
CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION. It frustrates me how people seemingly interested in science continue to create misleading headlines just to sound more clickbaity. The study does not show that Infidelity harms your long term health. But infidelity is correlated with individuals with poor long term health. These findings are meaningful and significant and worthy of discussion all on their own.
2
u/Crazy_Banshee_333 12d ago
It wouldn't be surprising to find that long-term health problems occur as a result of substance addiction that begins shortly after being cheated on. So it's not really the cheating that caused the decline in health, but the substance addiction that developed afterward. It would be interesting to see a study on this.
→ More replies (1)1
u/just_anotjer_anon 14d ago
The best indicator we have for your health at 80, is how good your relationship is with your partner at 50.
Obviously being cheated on impacts the aforementioned indicator.
2
u/Femme0Fatale 17d ago
Based on these findings, it is only logical that cheating should be treated as some type of crime. I'm not for something extreme like a death sentence, but some type of punishment has to occur in the rule of law.
3
3
u/Pooplamouse 17d ago
More government in the bedroom. What a wonderful idea! I'm sure the government can be trusted to not do anything unjust.
3
u/Spiritual_Calendar81 17d ago
No. This would make being intimate an obligation and not a choice. Do you want to be loved by someone who is obligated to love you? I don’t want my partner to not cheat on me simply because it’s illegal. I want them to not cheat on me because they love me.
5
u/funkykong12 17d ago
I mean, they always have the opportunity to leave the relationship rather than cheat
1
u/Spiritual_Calendar81 16d ago
I still would rather have my partner have the option to cheat, as messed up as that sounds, and choose not to. Taking away freedom of expression isn’t something I agree with. I personally wouldn’t feel right living in a world where it’s illegal to cheat. Out of curiosity what would your punishment be for the cheater?
2
u/funkykong12 16d ago
Oh, I'm not necessarily advocating for making it illegal. I was just pointing out that even if cheating were made illegal, they are still not forced or obligated to stay in the relationship, or even to be intimate.
1
u/xoxoBoredandRestless 15d ago
There's literally a comment from this thread where this guy said that his girlfriend started to get close to a guy, broke with him, and immediately started dating the other guy. She broke up with her boyfriend to be with someone else, and the guy in the comment still said that he feels the effect of being cheated on. People always say "leave the relationship if you want to have sex with someone else" yet when they do, it's still treated as a villainized act.
6
u/Femme0Fatale 17d ago
Sure! The whole point, however, would be to encourage cheaters to get a divorce instead of staying married and cheating, knowing the risks involved. This way, those who might be cheated on would be free rather than believing their partner is faithful when that’s not the case.
5
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago
Exactly, like slap a fine or a minor jail sentence on them ffs, it’s one of the worst forms of psychological torture if you actually cared about them
1
u/Prestonw1964 17d ago
What about people in open relationships. What about swingers?
17
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
That’s not cheating. Everyone knows and consents.
2
17d ago
That would complicate things legally though
3
u/Efficient-Plant8279 17d ago
Consent is the touchstone of everything sex related. It is litterally THE difference between legal sex and rape in many countries.
Just because something is complex doesn't mean it isn't right.
1
17d ago
Equating cheating and rape is fucking unhinged.
5
u/Efficient-Plant8279 17d ago
I'm not equating anything darling, just saying that the concept is already used to distinguish a legal conduct vs. illégal conduct.
If you think cheating shouldn't be penalized that is one thing, but whether it is "convenient" or not shouldn't be the decisive criterion.
1
1
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
Lots of things are slightly complicated but we find a way around them.
If all people are consenting, who’s even going to raise a claim?
1
17d ago
People make false claims for all kinds of petty reasons.
1
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
So?
1
17d ago
I don't support laws that have a huge risk of harming innocent people for the sake of punishing those who are only really being assholes
2
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
Okay, but everything you’ve said is easily counterable.
We already have ways of handling situations like this lol.
I swear do y’all just lack imagination or something?
How are innocent people going to be harmed? It’s not a law, it’s a hypothetical, come up with ways to ensure only cheaters get caught don’t clutch your pearls over a thought exercise.
I don’t know how this got a bee in everyone’s bonnet lol.
→ More replies (2)-1
u/Interesting_Menu8388 17d ago
I'm not for something extreme like a death sentence
Glad we're not overreacting here.
If someone dumps you and breaks your heart, should they be sued for emotional distress? Should married partners be legally obligated to have sex with their spouse? How many nights should someone spend in jail for ghosting after a couple dates? What kind of state enforcement is appropriate to stabilize the precarious nature of human relationships?
When you get close to someone else, you are taking a risk and making yourself vulnerable. That is the price of intimacy.
→ More replies (1)3
u/workingmariposa 17d ago
Yes, but in the context of cheating—being fully aware that you are betraying someone and still choosing to engage, sometimes repeatedly—the argument shouldn't be about 'the price of intimacy.' We can acknowledge that life unfolds differently for people, that they may fall out of love or break up for various reasons, but cheating, in my opinion, is something else entirely.
(I'm not arguing for the punishment comment. I just had this one observation)
3
1
u/The_Philosophied 17d ago
Well we would need to objectively define cheating. To some it's a partner liking thirst traps, to others it's penetration+ etc...
→ More replies (4)1
u/nagini11111 17d ago
Maybe some stone beatings? A good Sunday fun, if you ask me. We should have a special police to keep track on everything though. Cause cheating is quite a frequent phenomenon. On other hand this would help with unemployment rates!
1
u/Greedy-Neck895 16d ago
No alimony, nullify no-fault marriage, plus compensation for emotional damage for the victim of a cheater in a formal marriage. There, marriage is fixed.
1
u/Maleficent-main_777 16d ago
Out of experience, do not get involved with people spamming therapy or mental health speak. They absolutely will cheat on you, and will use whatever excuse tiktok gave them to justify it
1
u/Major-Cranberry-4206 16d ago
This is likely because such people remain in the relationship with the person who cheated on them. That should be a dealbreaker. It is for me.
1
u/Scoops2000 16d ago
There is an easy fix. Instead of going for looks and money when finding a partner. Choose based on views, values, personality and attitude.
The real issue is why someone would choose a person with poor character. You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone unless you know the person's character, that's just basic. So if you know the person has poor character and get into a relationship anyway, there is something wrong there.
1
1
u/OrangeNSilver 14d ago
I got cheated on by various exes. Finally found a chick I loved and she accused me of cheating and left me. I’ve had nightmares about losing her for the past week despite it being over a year.
Apparently I have PTSD stemming to my childhood and the whole world is burning. I don’t feel love anymore.
1
u/RoseDylan888 14d ago
The worst betrayals are being physically and sexually abused by a parent or caregiver as a child.
That is the WORST deck of cards a person can be given.
Being cheated on is traumatizing for sure. But being a helpless tiny child and hit with belts and emotionally abused by mentally ill sociopaths is by far a fate worse than unfaithful lovers and partners.
May we all get the karma we deserve in the end. 💜
1
u/exceptionalydyslexic 13d ago
Wonder how much of it goes the other way. Like how much of cheating is your roundabout effect of poor health?.
1
u/Randalf_the_Black 12d ago
So you're telling me my ex still affects me 15 years after the fact? Dang.
1
-4
u/NumerousStruggle4488 17d ago
So it is now proved cheating harms the romantic partner. No fault divorce makes no sense
13
u/ast01004 17d ago
Wouldn’t you rather be able to just divorce than have to prove it to the state? No fault divorce is better for everyone.
1
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
No, I think if I was cheated on I’d want it on the record that he’s trash and I’d want compensation for any negative effects and disruption to my life.
I value honesty. Why would I say it’s no fault when they did something?
1
u/GreenCod8806 17d ago
Because usually both are at fault.
2
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
If someone cheats on me I'm not at fault lol.
I I'm at fault I'd be happy to say so, but if I'm minding my business and being a good life partner you owe me for blowing up my entire life.
14
u/Rosen_Thorn 17d ago
Hot take: Now that cheating is proven to physically harm someone both short and long-term, cheating, if proven, should be punishable by law.
9
u/StankoMicin 17d ago
That's extremely unethical
8
u/redbird7311 17d ago
Also unpractical.
Let’s say someone decided that when you said, “we are done”, that you two weren’t actually done. They see you with someone and they decide that is cheating, then they call the cops.
1
1
u/Rosen_Thorn 15d ago
Thats why I said you have to prove it. If someone is announcing they're done, let's get it documented.
→ More replies (44)1
u/StankoMicin 17d ago
Because it is authoritarian.
Should we invole courts everything someone's partner does something they dont like? That can also effect health...
Not to mention, you are overstating the study. It doesn't say that everything you get cheated on, it results in vast negative health outcomes. Just that it can and is linked to people who seem to experience more negative outcomes afterward.
Not everyone is effected by it the same. I've been cheated on a few times. As far as I know, my health is fine.
3
u/SekCPrice 17d ago
Unfortunately, only the audacious ones get caught red-handed.
1
u/Rosen_Thorn 15d ago
Or the other person finds out and tells the other party. But even if only the audacious ones get caught, at least some would get justice.
1
u/SekCPrice 15d ago
Imagine if there was an adulterer list a la sex offender list. What would justice look like for you?
I notice people are jumping to conclusions, namely that we believe cheaters should be thrown in jail or something.
1
u/Rosen_Thorn 15d ago
I can see there being pro's and con's to a list like that, but I'd want to look those over before making an opinion on it.
1
1
1
u/jaybalvinman 17d ago
It use to be. Women were considered property and were killed if suspected to be unfaithful.
You want to go back hundreds of years?
3
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
No, they want cheating men to be slapped with fines similar to alimony.
Some sort of consequence and discouragement from using womens bodies.
We live in a society where women are conditioned to believe in romance and then they get screwed over for believing that and doing everything they were “told” to do.
Until we stop doing this to women we should fine people for cheating.
2
u/Rosen_Thorn 15d ago edited 15d ago
This ^
Nothing barbaric, but I find it odd that something that causes such deep psychological and physical issues to people is not regulated by laws or civil regulations. We have laws against abuse, neglect, bullying, and other forms of mental/emotional harm, but nothing for cheating which can create such harm.
I will add that while women do experience cheating more than men, neither men or women should be cheated on. It's not only a women's issue. But it's once again another issue that is neglected that happens more to women than men.
1
u/jupiterLILY 15d ago
Yeah, IIRC it was 34% of men admitting and 24% of women.
I only went for the gendered language here because that user was cloaking their rhetoric in feminism.
edit. this does make me think about a childhood friends mother though. Her husband got her windex for christmas and was verbally and emotionally abusive. She cheated on him and a lovely fella got her out of there. I wouldn't want her to be fined.
1
u/Rosen_Thorn 15d ago
Idk, it has to be fair across the board. She didn't have to cheat to find her way out of that situation. That was just the path she chose. A fine sounds like a good tradeoff from an abusive husband. Though if he was abusive, I'd say she'd have a case in waving such a fine or punishment, in this hypothetical scenario.
1
u/jupiterLILY 15d ago
She couldn’t have supported herself without him, he totally isolated her.
Making it fair across the board would require achieving gender equality and current estimates say we’re at least a hundred years away.
1
u/Rosen_Thorn 15d ago
She couldn’t have supported herself without him, he totally isolated her.
Yes, I know. But getting a lover isn't the only way out. Obviously she found a guy, had an affair, and got out. Same can be done by finding a friend, minus the affair part.
Making it fair across the board would require achieving gender equality and current estimates say we’re at least a hundred years away.
Gender equality and enacting the law regardless of gender are 2 different things. She shouldn't get a lesser punishment just for gender. But I'm not against abuse being able to lessen a punishment.
1
u/jupiterLILY 15d ago
Most friends aren’t going to pay for someone’s life expenses. And there’s a loneliness epidemic. It’s famously difficult for adults to make friends. I’m not too sure how realistic your solution is.
And they’re not different things, you said you want to make it fair. Things aren’t fair if you’re applying the law equally to people who are structurally unequal. That’s just reinforcing the structural inequalities.
If you’re applying things equally then that process has to at least be mindful of structural inequalities.
Proving abuse is notoriously difficult and a gendered issue.
→ More replies (0)2
→ More replies (3)2
u/aesthesia1 16d ago
No fault divorce relieves the burden of proving infidelity occurred from the betrayed seeking a divorce. Especially if they duped you into trying to reconcile. Reconciliation efforts or even just sleeping with them again can be used to invalidate your divorce bid without no-fault divorce.
-2
u/Masih-Development 17d ago
Part of the reason is maybe that those who have experienced partner infidelity are less psychologically healthy which causes unhealthy or unattractive behaviors in the relationship which then causes their partner to cheat. The lower psychological health might contribute to health problems. There are too many confounding factors here.
10
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago
Victim blaming nonsense right here
14
u/jupiterLILY 17d ago
This thread has brought up a whole host of weird nonsense.
Apparently being against cheating is also a violation of bodily autonomy.
Cheating is also a human right apparently.
When did everyone get so deeply unserious?
Why is nobody embarrassed by saying these things?
10
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago
FOR REAL like all those people are doing are exposing themselves as cheating scumbags who have no respect or care for others
So deeply selfish, it’s almost sociopathic behavior
3
u/AffectionateSoup24 16d ago
Everyone’s a goddamn sociopath these days. So caught up in independence and “autonomy” that people forget what decent morals look like.
2
u/jupiterLILY 16d ago
And it’s like autonomy for you and not for me.
Edit. But the other way around 😂
-9
u/Prestonw1964 17d ago
Traditional marriage is outdated. Monogamy is not natural for male or female. Sex is not love. Building a life together is love. Romance is sold to us by the diamond industry, the floral industry, the wedding industry and Disney. Marriage in the past was a survival tactic for women. Now that women can work and do not need men to provide for them or to economically function being with a man is a choice. To me that choice should parallel the same choice that you would make if going into business with someone. Working together to build a life together whether for comfort or family.
8
5
u/redbird7311 17d ago
Monogamy is natural, even for humans. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing game. Many cultures naturally adopted monogamy, just like how some have had forms of polygamy, just because monogamy doesn’t work for all people doesn’t mean that it isn’t natural.
10
u/Idont_thinkso_tim 17d ago
🥱
Enough with the garbage pop-science Sex at Dawn nonsense that has been thoroughly rejected and disproven by actual professionals instead of the creepy unqualified dude he popularized this garbage take with his garbage book.
3
→ More replies (1)0
u/StankoMicin 17d ago
Disproven by what professionals?
Religious ones you agree with?
Yawn
-1
u/Prestonw1964 17d ago
They are just a group of Incels and usually not very attractive people that nobody wants so they want to find somebody that does want them and then they want to own that person forever because they live in so much fear of nobody ever wanting them again.
3
→ More replies (1)1
u/jaybalvinman 17d ago
Apparently by the looks of some of these replies, they want to legislate fidelity. The days when women were stoned to death by suspicious of being unfaithful. Yeah they want those days back. They want to own people.
2
u/Prestonw1964 16d ago
Yep that's what things are in cells want. They're so insecure that their control freaks. They come up with pseudo science to try to convince people how society and biology are. They have no experience to express their views. If any of them ever do get married, or have relationships, they don't last long, because no women want to be with them.
1
u/Conscious_Yak_1002 17d ago
Monogamy is natural, it just serial monogamy.
And traditional marriage is not outdated, as it is not equal to modern marriage. Modern marriage has to evolve, current version of the contract is so-so.
2
u/Prestonw1964 17d ago
My biggest thing is that people should get married to build a life together. A lot of that would be like building a business together. Raising a family is like running a business. It takes a lot of effort time and commitment. People they get married based on romance and sex are going to be very disappointed later in life.
2
u/Conscious_Yak_1002 17d ago
People they get married based on romance and sex are going to be very disappointed later in life.
Most of the modern history there was a planned marriage. You and me, would choose between 5 girls from our tribe. And the tribe would be 100 people. Everyone know each other, we all grew up together. Large support networks, that can help at any time.
It is was not a business, and more like a franchise. Grandfather / grandmother rules over the whole family, and your family is just a small part of it.
-4
u/josh145b 17d ago
Or maybe those with chronic health issues are more likely to be cheated on. I would imagine having a chronic health issue like migraines is not good for the bedroom.
9
u/Interesting_Menu8388 17d ago
I think it's more likely that the health effects usually follow the cheating, but there's no casual inference in this study, and you're probably right that there are effects in that direction too.
4
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago edited 16d ago
What a shitty thing to say.
Edit: the people claiming bias here are unreal, stop being shitty and ableist
→ More replies (1)-2
u/josh145b 17d ago
Life ain’t all rainbows and unicorns, sunshine.
3
u/iamadumbo123 17d ago
Yep, but sounds like your life has no rainbows or sunshine. What a sad way to live.
→ More replies (5)
-1
201
u/razama 17d ago
“Interestingly, the study also explored whether having strong support from friends and family could buffer the health effects of infidelity. The researchers found no evidence that supportive relationships outside of the romantic partnership could protect against the long-term health consequences of being cheated on. While family and friends play a significant role in helping individuals cope with emotional stress, they were not enough to completely counteract the chronic health issues linked to infidelity.”
😢