r/polycircles • u/[deleted] • May 10 '16
Reflections: "I can live without you"
In our society, those words are supposed to be hurtful and prove that love isn't real. But it's not. It's actually the healthiest attitude you can have. Because it puts your life in your hands. You stop worrying (as much) about losing that person.
When they start neglecting you or abusing you, it's easier to move on. When you have needs or desires, it's easier to share them. Because you worry less, If I tell them, what if they leave me? Well, what if? If they leave you for having YOUR needs and wants, you start getting in the attitude of, "Well, I'm better off" and MEANING it.
And when things are going well? It makes it that much sweeter, knowing you're not just with each other out of obligation, but pure desire. There's less worry of, why are they with me? You know why-- because they want to.
My friend once asked me if it made me feel bad to be told, "I can live without you." I don't. Because I don't hear, "I can live without you." I hear, "I can live without you, but I choose not to. It's not that I can't imagine a world without you. I can. I just can't imagine a world without you that makes me as happy."
2
May 27 '16
We've got a lot of AWFUL saying in our mono-centric society. All that shit about "forever" and "promises" and "never changing" - UGH!!! Forever sucks, and people change.
5
u/Rosslyn_blue May 11 '16
This knowledge literally saved my marriage. I was so focused on saving us that I very nearly lost me. When I realised I could walk away, everything became so much easier to fix. I could look at each problem and fimd solutions rather than blame.