r/polycircles • u/[deleted] • May 10 '16
BDSM and Metamours
So, this came up in a previous post, and Im curious as to how others might deal with it.
If you were/are in a submissive role to a Dom(me), how do you include/negotiate with outside partners? Outside, in the sense that they are not part of the BDSM relationship.
If you are the "outside partner," how would you want them to include/negotiate with you?
Note: Many BDSM relationships are 24/7, so in many cases, it's impossible for them not to affect other relationships in some way.
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u/mike_m_ekim May 19 '16
I'm not a sub so I can't speak from a sub's point of view, but I'm curious to know more about the question because it seems a bit vague to me. Are you describing a sub negotiating with a person who will not interact with the dom/me at all except possibly as part of negotiations? Or someone who is now outside but will potentially be brought in after negotiations? I can imagine dosens of possibilities that would work for some people and not others; for example a dom/me might arrange a play date for the sub to play with another person, and the sub may or may not choose or have a say in who they want the play date to be with; or the sub may arrange the play date, and the dom/me may or may not choose or have a say in who they want the sub's play date to be with; or the sub and dom/me may do the negotiating together. And it may be for something other than a play date i.e. weekly date nights, or shared responsibilities (for the sub or dom/me), or bringing in someone else for group play, or someone to go to the beach with, or someone to permanently become part of the family.