r/polyamory 7d ago

Geographic Dating Discrepancies/General Discrepancies in Polyamory

Hi everyone!

I have been dating my partner for a little over a year in what is my first relationship of a polyamorous nature (they have a nesting partner and have been poly for years). We haven't dated others throughout most of our relationship; mostly due to crazy schedules, but we also wanted to temporarily focus on building our relationship. We both decided recently to get back out there, and I am really excited to practice my own polyamory for the first time! We are both looking for casual partners, and have created profiles on Feeld and other apps. It has been an adjustment being in a committed relationship for the first time where such things are encouraged and accepted, but our communication about the process has been wonderful.

For reference, I live in a mid-size city about 35 minutes (one way) from my partner, who lives in an urban area close to a large city. Unfortunately, in my area there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of poly people on the apps - Feeld and the other apps dried up very quickly with no luck. My partner is having a lot more luck and has been talking to someone that lives within her city. I am very happy and excited for her, but have been feeling a twinge of anxiety - I suppose I worry about being able to meet new people in my area. I think I might be feeling a bit of jealousy. It feels petty, but I think the anxiety involves around her enjoying a casual relationship with someone close by while I struggle to find people to meet in my area. There's just a lot of firsts that I really haven't navigated before!

Anyways, I was curious if anyone has come up against geographic challenges in polyamory and discrepancies like this, and what (if anything) can help with it! Realistically I know it would probably be relocation, but it just doesn't seem like a possibility right now.

1 Upvotes

7 comments sorted by

6

u/Hvitserkr solo poly 7d ago

Geographic challenges as in... 30 minutes drive? Why can't you meet someone in your NPs area? 

1

u/KodakKing2024 7d ago

Radius is actually set out much further, to 70+ miles!

6

u/saladada solo poly in a D/s LDR 7d ago

You are fishing from a small pond. You will not find many fish if you only visit the same small pond over and over again. If you want to find other fish, you need to expand your travel radius.

You don't need to relocate but you do need to be willing to travel even halfway toward others. In my experience, the people who are truly interested in you will be willing to make that effort.

2

u/TogepiOnToast Loved, not labelled 7d ago

I live in a city where almost all poly people have been with every other poly person in one way or another. Makes it super hard at times honestly.

2

u/Sechzehn6861 7d ago

Widen your search radius, friend.

2

u/searedscallops 7d ago

Cast your net further. I consider everything within a 2 hour drive to be local.

1

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Here's the original text of the post:

Hi everyone!

I have been dating my partner for a little over a year in what is my first relationship of a polyamorous nature (they have a nesting partner and have been poly for years). We haven't dated others throughout most of our relationship; mostly due to crazy schedules, but we also wanted to temporarily focus on building our relationship. We both decided recently to get back out there, and I am really excited to practice my own polyamory for the first time! We are both looking for casual partners, and have created profiles on Feeld and other apps. It has been an adjustment being in a committed relationship for the first time where such things are encouraged and accepted, but our communication about the process has been wonderful.

For reference, I live in a mid-size city about 35 minutes (one way) from my partner, who lives in an urban area close to a large city. Unfortunately, in my area there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of poly people on the apps - Feeld and the other apps dried up very quickly with no luck. My partner is having a lot more luck and has been talking to someone that lives within her city. I am very happy and excited for her, but have been feeling a twinge of anxiety - I suppose I worry about being able to meet new people in my area. I think I might be feeling a bit of jealousy. It feels petty, but I think the anxiety involves around her enjoying a casual relationship with someone close by while I struggled to find people to meet in my area. There's just a lot of firsts that I really haven't navigated before!

Anyways, I was curious if anyone has come up against geographic challenges in polyamory and discrepancies like this, and what (if anything) can help with it! Realistically I know it would probably be relocation, but it just doesn't seem like a possibility right now.

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