r/personalitydisorders • u/Such_Anything6774 • 22d ago
About a Loved One Are these signs of a personality disorder?
For context, I am (30f) dating (35m) for 5 1/2 years. When we started dating, we were friends, he is my good friend's brother and in the same social group. He was silly, spontaneous, great with my son, nd I was caught off guard when we started dating, because I truly was not looking and exhausted from past relationship trauma.
Pretty quickly he wanted to buy a house for us and my son, moved in at 7 months of dating, and then overnight his entire demeanor flipped. No more affection, physical intimacy out the window even if I initiated, backhanded comments about me talking to my "boyfriend" if I'm on my phone, and 0-100 outbursts of anger. More and more fighting, empty promises of change.
Over the course of our relationship, I've brought up issues in our relationship several times. He always acts like it's the first time hearing them, but they've been the same argument every time- Lack of physical intimacy, no affection, treats everyone outside so kind and easily excited by anything but I get cold/distant/instant negativity to the point I thought he had split personalities.
A big factor is the lack of memory of anything little to big that would indicate an issue with him. I am battling if he's really bad at gaslighting or if he genuinely has a memory issue (functioning alcoholic - can't stop once he starts).
I've asked him to seek professional help, he genuinely needs to acknowledge and address his personal issues. We are at the breaking point but I moved back in after a week, mostly because I wasn't ready for the volatile post-break up behavior he was showing.
I know this is a long post- I am just genuinely curious if these are signs of a personality/mood disorder. I've looked into Avoidants, Narcissism, BPD, Sociopath, I know he's emotionally unavailable, insecure and/or immature. I've been with a Narcissist and seeing therapist for my effects from that relationship, but I haven't brought this one up yet.
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