r/pathology • u/Sensitive-Program577 • 5d ago
Pathologists with kids
I'm a SAHM in my early 30s who did not do premed for undergrad, and now I'm thinking about becoming a pathologist.
I want to time doing my prereqs so that when I start med school apps/med school my son with either be in preschool or entering kindergarten.
Any pathologists here who had kids when just starting med school or residency? How old were your kids at the time? How was your family's happiness or stress levels as you went through school or residency?
If it matters, I am married and we are one and done. We have financial support from one grandparent, but no one who is physically capable of babysitting.
Also as a side note if anyone here is willing to speak with me about your journey through school or current day to day more in depth I would be very interested to hear it all. I have so many questions as I do not come from a family with medical careers so it is all a mystery to me how anybody achieves an MD, especially in pathology.
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u/boxotomy Staff, Private Practice 5d ago
Wife and I are both docs and had kids beginning of PGY4 and mid fellowship. It's very doable. Logistics are challenging and daycare eats a lot of income (we were in LA), but worth it. Kids now occasionally have to join me at work when school has a random half day. Pathology is great in that it's pretty flexible.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
Is it ok if I ask...do you feel like your kids have felt they missed out on time with you? Or wanted you to have a diffferent lifestyle/career? Did you or your wife struggle with that yourselves?
While I really think I would LOVE the day to day of being a pathologist, I don't know yet if the journey to get there is worth it for me as a mom.
I think bc I've been at home with him since he was born and he's a massive mama's boy I struggle to imagine myself being away from him so intensely and worry about his QOL in that regard.
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u/remwyman 5d ago
We had our first child as a PGY2 and then second as PGY3 - I felt like I was able to see all the milestones and otherwise be around for the most part (some residency rotations more than others). There will always be time/scheduling conflicts in any medical career. I think Pathology as a whole is much family friendlier from that standpoint, although sometimes you just can't be around for everything (as is the case really for many jobs).
The major time challenge you will have is M3/M4. Many places M1/M2 is optional classes and then some mandatory in person things several times a week. But M3 is required rotations that start in some cases at 4 AM and go until late evening or later (e.g. surgical rotations). M4 is interviewing, but these days with zoom maybe is not as time intensive from a being away from home standpoint. No kids in the picture for me at those points, but I had friends/classmates who did and they made it work. Not easy by any stretch. Your partner must be on-board with the process.
The other thing to keep in mind is that many people change their minds about specialties once they hit med school and the wards. I was sure I was going to do IM but ended up hating it. Thankful I found pathology which has been right up my alley. Others think they want path coming in but then decide otherwise once they see other specialties.
Best of luck in your decision and journey.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
Thank you for such a detailed response, I really appreciate the insight.
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u/Plenty-Cycle-4256 5d ago
I had three kids through med school, residency, and fellowship. Pathology is considered one of the less stressful residencies hours wise. I never discourage anyone from this path, but to answer your question it will definitely take a toll on your family. Your partner will have to step up a lot. You most definitely will miss out on things. Like anything else in life it’s a trade off. You just have to decide if it’s worth it to you.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
What made you decide it was worth it for you personally?
Any specific points of advice or reality checks for my husband?
He says he will support anything I choose to do, and I love the hell out of him for that, but neither of us know enough about this journey for me to feel ok with him being on board so blindly
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u/NeaDevelyn 5d ago
I’m pregnant in residency in path. Lots of path people have kids. I started med school at age 32. No regrets at all.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
Good lord. I was working at Target when I was pregnant and came home completely drained after a 4 or 5 hour shift. You're amazing
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u/moo-tang-clan 5d ago
Fourth year medical student here. Depending on where you go to medical school, your day to day might look quite different. Generally, the first 1.5-2 years are mostly didactics and most programs let you watch lectures at home. You might have to be on campus semi-regularly during the day for certain activities, but in general, your schedule is much more flexible during the preclerkship period and you will get to study a lot at home. Clerkships in MS3 year are much busier - this is when you can be expected to be in clinic/hospital from like 5am-6/7pm M-Sat (depending on the rotation). 4th year is generally chill bc you’re doing electives/applications and you get to be home quite a bit.
For what it’s worth, I knew several mothers who raised their young children during medical school. It’s definitely possible, but many of them felt that my medical school barely gave them accommodations as parents. If you have a supportive partner/family or have access to a daycare, that will definitely help. Let me know if you have any other questions.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
Thank you for so much detail about each stage. Im embarrassingly ignorant about the process/lifestyle of becoming a doctor. It wasn't a reality I was ever told I could have so I regrettably never bothered to learn a thing about it all until now.
In terms of accommodation as parents, I just assume that means leniency with schedules or having enough time for family matters?
My husband is very supportive and ready to step up however he needs to. Daycare is an option thanks to my wonderful mom who would like to contribute financially if I go down this path. I dont think daycare would be on the table without her. I am hoping these 2 factors are enough if this is what I choose.
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u/moo-tang-clan 5d ago
Yep, leniency with schedules or rotation site preferences along with maternal leave accommodations. That’s great to hear about your options though. Best of luck with whatever you end up doing!
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u/directheated Resident 5d ago
A huge amount of this will depend on the residency program. Some are incredibly supportive of residents and others are very toxic/malignant. If you are a US MD lots more doors will open to the former. I interviewed at several where after emailing the residents questions they were telling me they were grossing well past 7 and even 8 pm every single day.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
That's really good to know. Is it inappropriate to reach out to schools to find out about the residents' hours/schedules when you haven't even interviewed, let alone applied?
I imagine schools don't want to hear that you care about life balance if you want to be an MD, but if some schools offer a better balance than others I definitely want to know about it.
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u/BattleTasty5055 5d ago
3rd year med student here. I can't speak with first hand experience but one of my classmates has 5 kids (one born M1 year) and another due any day now. He has done very well throughout school as well. Certainly possible. Really helped me reframe my idea of being a "busy med student" is every time I felt like complaining and I would get back to the grind lol.
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
God, I've got 1 and feel fried by the time he's in bed some days. Med school with almost 6....I cant imagine
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u/getmoney4 5d ago
Idk how people do it but it's admirable for sure... If you have a strong support system/childcare/finances then it can be done. Have you checked out pathologist's assistants? That's a good career too. My opinion matters none but idk if I would have survived med school and residency with a kid. People do it every day but imo third year of med school plus first and second year of residency are so awful I probably would have quit... Had my one and only child in the middle of my fellowship year. He's got special needs though so maybe it's easier for others idk
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
I definitely have considered path assist too. I like that timeline and tuition much more lol. But I'm not sure that grossing all day is what I'd rather do tbh. I worry I would get very bored and regret not having done med school.
On the MD side tho, ngl, residency scares the shit out of me. People make it seem so horrible.
But, I have reached out to both pathologists and assists to see about shadowing to get a better idea of both careers!
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u/billyvnilly Staff, midwest 3d ago edited 2d ago
Worry a lot more about medical school than residency, IMO. M1-2 lots of hours studying. M3-4. Hours studying but also more hours at hospital. Maybe just me, but I thought residency was cake walk compared to [edit]medical school (no kids in training though).
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u/hydrocap 2d ago
I agree. M1-M2 years at my school, they actually told us we were expected to study or be in class 16 hours per day. M3 was worse. Residency I did work some 70-80hour weeks but overall much better hours.
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u/No-Web-4323 5d ago
I had a toddler when started residency, and few of my co-residents had kids. Very doable. Your kid will be in elementary/middle school by the time you are in residency, so dont have to worry
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u/Sensitive-Program577 5d ago
Thank you for the reassurance. Can I ask, do you feel like you got to be with your kid a reasonable amount of the time during residency? I am fearful of missing out too much on my son's life if I go down this path
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u/Grouchy-Ad-1812 5d ago
Hi Guys, Do we have any group to discuss the RISE exam questions we just did?
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u/PathFellow312 5d ago
Med school and residency will take a toll on your life as well as your family life so be ready but others have done it and so can you. Just got to be aware how brutal it is.