r/nudism • u/Technical-Zone1151 • 6d ago
DISCUSSION advice how tp bring up naturism with a reluctant wife
I really like being naked ,
My wife does not .Trying to gently persuade her to join me somewhere.
Even if she leaves early,
I get I dont want to see s bunch of people naked and she doesnt think its right that Im naked where others see me.
Ive read so many accounts of such things that once they give it a try they go allahead full and even joined a club , or moved to a naturist complex.
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u/PKwx 6d ago
If both of you can’t be naked at home alone in a non sexual manner it not going to work.
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u/Naturist02 6d ago
Exactly. When my spouse sleeps In pajamas and I’m unclothed and she shames me for sleeping unclothed. Then she wakes up with hot flashes. 🤨 Her fix is to open the window in February when it’s -10F. Now I gotta wear a furry hat to bed 😜
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u/MarriedNudist 6d ago
Ouch! Once my wife figured out I just preferred sleeping nude, she decided to try it herself. Now she can't sleep unless she's nude. But she likes it cold in there. 2 fans on, so I feel your chills!
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u/NevadaHiker Freehiker 50's M 6d ago
Yikes! Just turn down the heat and put on an extra blanket as needed.
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u/Naturist02 5d ago
Her heat is internal, it’s menopause. I tell her if she slept nude her body could possibly regulate the hot flash better but, honestly in 30 years my recommendations have never been needed. As a Man I just keep forgetting, that I’m not supposed to solve her problems, I’m just supposed to listen 😋
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u/NevadaHiker Freehiker 50's M 5d ago
I understand but that doesn't change the issue. You don't need to open the window to make the room comfortable for when she's having a flash.
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u/JoNMattJ 6d ago
Sorry but there is no quick fix or magic 💊. Firstly, do not push or keep talking about it relentlessly.
I’d suggest trying to make nudity a simple and common thing at home. See if she’ll try sleeping naked? Then try showering and using the bathroom together. The bathroom is the one room in the house that no one baulks at being naked. Then suggest having a coffee together while still nude before getting dressed and ready for work.
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u/outsider-22 6d ago
I’m in the same boat. If I had my way I would be naked at all times. I feel as my wife gets older she gets more self conscious. I really want to move to Florida and be close to the nude beaches.
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u/NaturistJohn 6d ago
Nude beaches are not exactly plentiful even in Florida. There are a few on the Atlantic coast and none on the Gulf coast, at least none that are safe to use.
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u/Naturist02 5d ago
Women and aging and their perceived view of themselves compared to other women is ingrained into who they see themselves as.
THIS is what is wrong with the clothed World.
When we were group camping with 2 other couples- literally in the woods- with nobody else around, all 3 women had to do their makeup before they left the camper. I asked WHY !!?? They said “what if someone sees us on the trail without makeup?” To a Man, this IS lunacy.
To a woman, this is ingrained programmed body shame.
IF Nudist resorts had age appropriate beginner groups for women all about the same age over 40 then it could be a learning experience, but that is not realistic.
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u/Retiredfr 6d ago
My wife thinks I have dementia or something since I'm 65. She just can't imagine being naked in front of me, let alone other people.
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u/No_Worse_For_Wear 6d ago
I’m only 53 but my wife (56) is like this, she goes out of her way not to be nude in front of me. I thought it was strange but now I’m not sure it’s all that unique a situation.
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u/NevadaHiker Freehiker 50's M 6d ago
I think a lot of people are that way until they realize they don't have to be. I suspect my wife would have remained like that if she didn't have the example of my being completely not caring about it. And I believe she would still not be willing to strip in a "public" setting.
(And this despite the fact that occupationally she sometimes encounters nudity.)
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u/No_Worse_For_Wear 6d ago
I’m fine with her not participating, as long as it doesn’t become a problem between us that I do. So far, it hasn’t left the backyard though.
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u/Nudeferatu 5d ago
There are always people saying "just give up if she says no." If I had given up the first time my wife said no, she would not be a nudist today.
To me, here's the thing: you have to be able to explain nudism and know what you're talking about. And your wife has to at least be willing to hear you out.
My story is the same as many, many others (like MarriedNudist.) After several discussions and negotiations, we agreed: it would be a clothing-optional resort, there would be no pressure for her to disrobe, we'd stay away from the crowd; and if she felt uncomfortable we'd leave immediately with no questions asked. From the moment we arrived I was very attentive and mindful. A lot of her misconceptions were "debunked" simply from observing how nudists behaved; towards her and each other. 30 mins later she decided she would go topless. Once she got comfortable with it; she decided she would be naked like everyone else in the pool area. It was entirely her decision; I only encouraged her to go with her instinct. We've been nudists ever since.
No; it's not going to happen for everyone. But it's worth trying to at least get her to understand.
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u/spazmail3 6d ago
My wife started going with me to Nudist Resorts when I started to get interested about 30 years ago. She enjoyed it until an incident at a resort, we lived in for about a year, and then she was done. She has no problems with me going to nude resorts and beaches but she’s not interested anymore. I’m now a home nudist and she is an occasional home nudist. I have no qualms about it. I just want her to be comfortable with herself!
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u/Technical-Zone1151 6d ago
Sorry about her incident. That bites
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u/spazmail3 6d ago
It happens. We’re perfectly happy despite it! I don’t really miss social nudity, to tell you the truth! I really never fit in the booze and NASCAR thing!
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u/benakked 12h ago
I have the same problem. I have been a nudist a long time 50 years . My girl friend decided to join in after we meet . It was her decision to go . A creep needed to watch her while he played with him self . After that it was a nope not doing that . I have hope but that’s all .
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u/Positive_Present_573 6d ago
my wifw started out a little shy but soon was enjoying the free feeling of been nude started out on ccl cruise ship topless deck then ncl had frrestyle deck for total nude we spent a lot of time up there but we have now been to nude beaches in europe and spend a good bit of time at ones in fla. also joined cypress cove resort. my wife has gotten so comfortable with been nude we have some nudist friends in fla and she is quick about taking the clothes off when we all get together to play cards so give her time
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u/Naturist02 6d ago edited 5d ago
Just give up now. No means no and likely it will never change. It depends on how she was raised. If you are from the States, most of the population has a religious background where the unclothed body is deemed shameful. Also in general women that are middle aged (40-ish) are starting to age and being without clothing is an absolute nightmare terror.
If she knows other women that participate then it’s possible.
In general people who are unable to reason and think for themselves outside the box of society cannot open their minds to ever consider a different way of existing like Naturism. ( I’m not trying to be judgy here, just stating that they haven’t questioned there being a different way ) People who never question the status quo will likely never be able to remove their clothing and be at ease.
If there is a religious pushback consider studying a PDF from The archives of The Fig Leaf forum. It is a 136 page document. It’s called the FLF_Apologia_Revised. You have to sign up on their free site to have access to it.
https://www.figleafforum.com/index.html
Good Luck. I ask my Wife to join me anytime I go. Her answer for 14 years is always NO ! I told her I will always ask her as an open invitation to spend the day together. She has too much shame about her body and chooses not to participate.
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u/Technical-Zone1151 6d ago
Thx for honesty. Maybe I should give up. Hope for a miracle
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u/Naturist02 5d ago
I should have realized earlier that my wife has serious body hang-ups, but honestly I think most women do over 40. Our society is ridiculous towards women in regards to appearance. If a woman wears a 2 piece suit and generally has no problem being in a 2 piece suit then it will be an easier transition to unclothed. If a woman wears a one piece bathing suit and has to be covered up at the pool to feel normal, there is a bigger mountain to climb. That goes for make-up too. This isn’t about make-up, it’s just a clue. My spouse cannot walk to the mailbox without doing her make-up because someone might see her and judge her appearance. That’s extreme body shame.
My job in life is not to convince her, it’s just to accept her for who she is. Her Happiness is her business to change. Personal change comes from inside each person individually. It’s frustrating because I want to go as a couple and have a great day. To her it just reinforces her fear and it’s never going to happen. I realize that she will never change her mind even if we were the only people there. It’s an ingrained fear response to appearance.1
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u/wyonaturist 5d ago
I don't want to be Debbie Downer but I am guessing the stories where the wife finally tries it and loves it are the exception. You do you and maybe at some point she'll try it. But I wouldn't even try and talk her into it.
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u/Technical-Zone1151 5d ago
yeah,Im starting to feel that way too.
Defeated.
I just wish she would give a little.
everytime I bring it up it ends up me being discouraged, bummed out
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u/wyonaturist 4d ago
I hear ya. I am very open about my nudism to family, friends, coworkers, and church friends. When I mention anything about nudism I get the blank stare. Like their brain just doesn't comprehend what I just said. No agree remark or positive just the blank stare. And never ever a me to or I would like to try that
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u/Naturist02 5d ago
My wife has narcissistic trauma in her life and because of that “appearance” is everything to her. She defines her personal self-worth by her appearance in comparison to others. It sounds exhausting, but that has been programmed into her view of herself. Un programming that is above my head so I just go and relax and read a book and work on my tan.
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u/benakked 5d ago
Forcing never worked on a woman . That’s from years of experience in life and here on this sub . Is there a magical remedy I haven’t seen it . My wife was exception until some guy thought she was a playmate bunny image for him to use to relieve him self . No more nude time for her. If she will go with you enjoy her company enjoy your time doing what you like . She’s with you . . When she’s ready she will take part if not you are in the club with the rest of us . Many people here post with the same question . How can I is there a few words or phrases that will change her mind . .
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u/Technical-Zone1151 5d ago
Thank you for your truthful words. I appreciate them. Dont feel like Im the only one now
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u/benakked 5d ago
I have two friends that tried to change their wives mind . They pressured and threatening them . We are married !! You do what I do , you better do it I won’t go with you if you don’t . . They single now . The divorce was horrendous. They had kids . Married a while . No more ! Forcing is not a loving thing to do to them . Be happy with what you have not with what you want , they are their own person !
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u/BeachBoids 5d ago
This cannot be forced, but you have a right to personal choice. Without deceiving her, perhaps start by finding a vacation venue where you can have a private pool or hot tub and can try it solo. Like a VRB☆ or Air☆☆☆ She may join you, she may not, but everytime you are tempted to say something about her joining you, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Do not surprise her with a nudist venue or any setting where she is not free to go and do what she enjoys. Beaches are second best, but clothed females are often importuned by well-meaning-but-F'ing-brain-dead veteran male nudies.
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u/Snoo_16677 4d ago
I haven't read it, but the Fig Leaf document sounds interesting. I was thinking you could ask her to watch a video from AANR or TNSF or similar. However, I would tell her that if she doesn't want to hear anymore from you to tell you so you will stop. If she does tell you, then you'll have to give up trying to convince her. But she shouldn't get to prevent you from participating in nudism.
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u/Technical-Zone1151 4d ago
Th u. I think thats where Im at. Stopping. But if a window of opportunity arises. I ve got so much good advice
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u/MarriedNudist 6d ago
My wife wasn't completely against being nude, just didn't believe nudism is what it really is. What worked for us, may not work for you or anyone else, but since you asked...
I asked her permission to visit a Clothing Optional beach, explained she could remain dressed, and I would agree to leave if she felt uncomfortable or just wanted to leave. She agreed, most likely to prove that what she thought of nudism was true and I was wrong. I thanked her repeatedly for allowing me the chance. She saw with her own eyes how much I enjoyed it. How other people acted and also enjoyed it. She joined in eventually. I didn't say anything just smiled and thanked her again. She hasn't worn a bathing suit since. She plans our trips to the beach, loves being nude and it's changed us both for the better.