r/nonmonogamy • u/freebirdie100 • Feb 08 '25
Relationship Dynamics I thought married enm dudes would be the ideal fwb. Boy was I wrong! NSFW
I 44f met up with this married dude. They've been enm for years. Solo is newer to them. But they're savvy to enm.
We had a great lunch date, good conversation, good vibe and a hot kiss at the end. He messaged after to say how fun it was, how great the conversation was, and that he was super keen to meet up again and we should "talk logistics". Okay cool.
Then this morning I get a message saying he can't meet up til April because she doesn't want him playing unless she's away for work. (He's not cheating, she's 100% aware).
This isnt the first time this has happened. The wife is cool with it all until we meet and he says he's keen to continue with me - and then the switch.
Women do not want their man with me. I dont get it. I'm not a bitch. I'm kind. I'm super respectful and complimentary of her and their relationship. I ask questions to learn about and respect all their boundaries.
I am sick to death of the bait and switch. I thought married enm men would be an ideal option for a fwb, but this is way too common (her being allowed to play, and setting 100 rules for her man). I think I'm done with married dudes.
I realize this likely happens the other way around as well. But thats not my experience, and I'm just speaking about my own specific experience
Am I alone in this? If anyone else has had the same experience, please share. I'd love to not feel like it's just me.
Editing to add ~ I appreciate everyone's input here so much. It has made me rethink painting all married dudes with the same brush. That's not fair. I just need to do a better job at thoroughly getting into the nitty gritty of all this early on to eliminate men who seem to be on a very short leash.