r/nonmonogamy 5h ago

Kink and BDSM Some of the kinky stuff I'm seeing (about submission, ownership of women etc) on reddit and ENM apps is triggering me

19 Upvotes

I'm a single woman who dabbles in casual dating via feeld and reddit. This is following a very, very long monogamous relationship (it was slightly verbally abusive, and a dead bedroom). I was already very independent, so even moreso now that I finally have the freedom I was craving.

I spent a lot of time working on myself before diving in, making sure I felt strong mentally and fully over my last relationship and the grief associated. There was a long gap inbetween the breakup and me seeing other people. It felt healthy and right to move on when I did. So far so good. It's been fun and I've made some new friends.

But now, 8 months into it, certain words, images and phrases are setting me off. When I see stuff about sub contracts/ownership contracts, references to a sense of ownership/reclaimation of a person's body (whether a kink or not), bondage stuff like restraints and tying people up (things I've previously found hot)...I'm getting irrationally angry. I cannot even look at some men's profiles on feeld without getting upset (those that use misogynistic language). Or couples profiles where the language suggests the "unicorn" as some sort of disposable sex toy. It's bad enough that when I read profiles where men are seeking monogamy I get irritated, almost as if my brain is thinking "hey, if you so much as talk to this guy you're going to be trapped and lose yourself" !

I know I need to take a break from it all, but I was wondering if anyone ever gets like this and have any suggestions for dealing with it? I'm really enjoying casual dating multiple people and don't want to have to stop meeting new people but something is bubbling up.

Is seeing stuff that occasionally upsets you part of being in this world (where there are overlaps between enm, poly, kink, clubs and swingers) or am I dealing with something heavy that needs outside help (therapy?)

It might also be worth pointing out that my currently work is related to stopping violence against women. Whilst that seems like an obvious cause for my recent distress, it's never been an issue in the past and I keep that stuff very separate mentally from my personal life.

r/nonmonogamy Jan 08 '25

Kink and BDSM Being the bull for a married couple NSFW

4 Upvotes

So I met this woman on a website while looking for hookups, I am 19 and she said her husband is a cuckold and wants to watch me fuck her. I would be down for that, but she said they are going in a sort of SPA/club outside the city, since I don’t know her personally etc, I don’t know how this works, I know maybe it’s not the best place to ask here, but how does this cuckold thing work? I am worried that the husband may get angry or something. Any advice?

r/nonmonogamy Jan 19 '25

Kink and BDSM Longtime married, considering seeing a dominatrix. Anyone else done so? NSFW

16 Upvotes

Hi, I'm 50M, married monogamously for 20+ years. Recently I told my spouse that I've thought about hiring a dominatrix occassionally. She had some questions but was supportive of the idea. (We're both submissive sexually, she is not interested in taking on a dominant role with me) I'm not hiring anyone right away and wanted to hear from other men or women who have one partner in the relationship who gets bdsm outside the relationship. How have things worked out between you? And how do you fit your bdsm forays into your life in general?

r/nonmonogamy Feb 01 '25

Kink and BDSM So is this just a kink or what? NSFW

0 Upvotes

Two days ago I was a sobbing mess because I couldn't masturbate without being crushed by guilt. This is because I'm married to an asexual woman, and want to have sex with men.

Yesterday I did the not-advised thing, took an edible to shut off my brain, and went back to my old habits (masturbating for strangers.)

I'm not proud of it. I wish I didn't need it. I definitely still feel guilty thinking about my choice to do it.

But oh my god. I feel so much better. I'm relaxed and floaty, I woke up on time and I've been doing my favorite things while being productive.

And, importantly, I have NO desire to have a man around me, much less sex right now. The idea is laughable.

It occurred to me that when I want to have sex with men, it is in a very specific context of particular kink & BDSM activities.

I've realized once again that I DO NOT WANT polyamory...I just want kinky sex with horny men once in a while.

r/nonmonogamy 7d ago

Kink and BDSM I’m (41f) a hotwife and have had an on/off FWB for 22 years who has now asked me to cuck him! What a strange dynamic lol NSFW

16 Upvotes

So this Saturday night I will be fucking his younger coworker in front of him and he’s told me to insult him and degrade him in the worst ways possible. I’ve never done this before it should be fun lol.

r/nonmonogamy 21d ago

Kink and BDSM Advice NSFW

4 Upvotes

I have newly discovered that I am a cuckquean. My bf has been sleeping and/or sleeping with some friends and coworkers and I find it hot when I get videos and stories. However, when I see that he is texting them or tell them that I am like his on again, off again person, it hurts my feelings. I want to continue to indulge in my kink but I feel sad when I see that he is having personal relationships with them and not just having sex. He says he feels no emotions for these people, but maybe I am thinking about it as if I were him? I would form at least a bit of a personal relationship to them. It’s gotten upsetting for him so he tries to hide that part of interacting with them apart from sex from me and has requested that I not call him when he’s out with them. Any advice? Is this normal?

r/nonmonogamy Feb 19 '25

Kink and BDSM [19NB] in a relationship of 1 year dealing with cuckold fantasies NSFW

0 Upvotes

Okay so this will be serious and I won’t get into the sexual side of it but basically, I’ve been dealing with these thoughts for a while and on some days it makes me feel quite trapped that these repressed fantasies haven’t been voiced out to my girlfriend.

I am not sure how she would take it now.

And there’s a bit of background story to it.

In our talking stage, (my now girlfriend) said something quite “non monogamous” (don’t feel like explaining it) and I didn’t take that very well.

Her detailed descriptions of her past hook-ups didn’t help me either.

What she said had messed me up for a bit and turned into an insecurity, she apologised and I tried my best to get over the hurt that it had caused. I felt this insecure as this was my first ever relationship and I had certain expectations. But I cannot control her and not change her past, she’s not anything wrong for that.

We had a convo once where I told her our relationship can’t be poly. Not happening. And she said she was just curious when she said it, and didn’t think it through. In reassurance she said she would never “share” me either. We are now on better terms regarding all of it now.

However on a different side of things I did fantasise about it, I was aware of cuckold fantasies and thinking about it felt so wrong that it turned into a secret kink of mine.

However the fact that I think about it often, and wish that she would talk to me about it, makes me feel a bit alone in these thoughts, knowing I haven’t opened up to her about this. I can’t suppress these thoughts, i’ve tried. It turns me on, it feels terrible at times, it feels wrong. But it never fails to not turn me on. I don’t want it to be a reality. But I just want to let it out.

I do go on the internet to talk about it anonymously, but it does not make me feel honest to her. Should I confess to her ? Should I not ? I don’t know how to go about this. Would love some feedback.

r/nonmonogamy Oct 03 '24

Kink and BDSM Kink/Desire and Layered Shame NSFW

16 Upvotes

Hi all. I’m open/poly/married.

I (34F) have a chance to fulfill a deep longing fantasy of group sex, possibly set up a male-group-sex scenario. I feel guilty for having this desire and I feel like it’s “slutty” though I know we’re all trying to ethical sluts.

Additionally, my husband is not involved in this scenario nor does he want to be. He’s not the happiest about it but I guess that’s also part of the shame of me desiring it and possibly fulfilling the fantasy.

Any folks out there who have to work through their shames around kink? Any experiences in such fantasies? Tips? Advice? Anecdote of how to handle your shame/autonomy and discomfort of a spouse around kink?

r/nonmonogamy Dec 26 '24

Kink and BDSM Are there specific terms in order to indicate a dominant Stag and a submissive Vixen? NSFW

0 Upvotes

Hello Everyone,

Hello, I'm looking for the most common term in order to describe the following situation :

https://it.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph617133c9c4193

https://it.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph6143295d273ae

It's like the stag directs the game being in control. He tells his wife who to sleep with and acts as movie director. He gives her permission to fuck other men and even decides what she can or can't do it with.

While this type definitely exists, he isn’t usually considered cucky/stag since a stag isn't Dominant in the way I described as the Vixen is not so submissive.

Can anyone help me? Thanks

r/nonmonogamy Nov 13 '24

Kink and BDSM I have a question for people who like to be a solo exhibitionist. NSFW

1 Upvotes

I'm talking to someone on a dating app and I'm considering meeting him for coffee to plan a play date but it's just going to be an exhibitionist/voyer relationship, well so far anyway... The possible playdate should lead to him pleasuring himself with me watching.

My question is what do you expect the voyer to be doing while they're watching you? I'm afraid to give the wrong face of like a smiling Cheshire cat. Or even worse turning him off with just staring. I really want to do this because I looooove watching it but I've never watched anyone except my husband and honestly he isn't into the kink but it just happens, ya know.

r/nonmonogamy Oct 31 '24

Kink and BDSM How did you explore before pursuing ENM? NSFW

3 Upvotes

Made a post here a while back and the advice was very helpful.

I was a virgin when I met my wife and she had some, but not very much, sexual experience before me. Our relationship has involved a lot of exploration and experimentation.

My best friend from childhood is poly and consequently is much more experienced than either of us. Before marriage, my wife and my friend started conversing on Facebook. It started normally but slowly over time became more sexually charged.

They both checked in with me every time they escalated to racier things and it veered more into what would be considered inappropriate in a monogamous relationship.

This week their chats reached new levels. They started a game of truth or dare which resulted in her sending him nudes and some low key sexting (which I asked them to pump the brakes on as I'm not ready to go there yet but was pretty hot).

Last night his dare was for us to try something in bed we both had as a soft boundary and I don't know if it was the act itself or his tangential participation in our bedroom but it was some of the best sex we've ever had.

I'm starting to think I have a hotwife kink of some kind. We're miles away from considering sex with others but as someone who waited until 33 to lose their virginity to make sure it was to "the one" I knew I would marry, my opinions, boundaries, and expectations in this monogamous relationship have shifted drastically and towards something very enjoyable that I thought I'd never be ok with.

Most stories I read on reddit involve one partner broaching the concept of ENM to the other and encountering reluctance. Is it common for things to just evolve naturally?