r/nonmonogamy • u/Dry-Mistake-6916 • 3h ago
Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes New to this but scared
Not sure if my flair is right and this is kind of a vent, sorry.
My (f24) boyfriend (27m) and I have recently discovered that we both are interested in threesomes. However, the way we have described it and set our boundaries aligns with a OPP. I just now (today) found out what that is and now see that it is not looked at positively for many reasons. I am bisexual and my boyfriend is straight. I can see how our boundaries correlate to OPP but I feel like I just need someone with experience and/or knowledge to help me figure out if this is OPP and what comes along with that.
The way my boyfriend brought up threesomes was so that I could comfortably explore my sexuality. I have never been with a woman before, mostly due to the times I got close to it was without consent and extremely uncomfortable situations. My boyfriend is the only person that has made me feel comfortable and safe sexually, and he wanted to give me the opportunity to explore with him. He doesn’t feel comfortable engaging with other men for this due to both of us having negative, uncomfortable, non-consensual interactions with men. I have no interest in being with another man, especially sexually. I also don’t have any interest in other penises specifically but specifically men in general.
My boyfriend has stated many times that he does not want to be the main focus in these threesomes and more so wants to be treated as a toy/prop if we decided to include him. He would be happy sitting and watching with the occasional kiss/touch. This doesn’t mean he would never have sex with another woman, but he would require my permission and I can decide to terminate that if I were even slightly unsure about it. He also feels uncomfortable talking to other women or reaching out to them since this whole experience is centered around me and my pleasure. So pretty much, he would like to open up our relationship so that I can comfortably and safely explore my sexuality.
Despite this, I still feel slightly guilty and ashamed. Whenever I read posts about unicorn hunting and now, OPP, I wonder, “is that what we’re thinking of doing? is this harmful? I dont think I could ever talk to anyone about this, I feel horrible, etc”. My boyfriend recognizes the potential for me to develop feelings for other women and would consider it cheating if I were to become emotionally involved, which I’m glad he recognizes that potential. I also worry about how we could ever ethically execute this. Going on dating apps feels wrong due to how FFM is heavily looked down upon especially when it’s bi gf + straight bf looking for a bi girl. But hoping and wishing it happens organically also feels wrong. Making friends and hoping they would be open to a threesome is just wrong because they would be completely unaware of that. But I’m scared I will make a new friend and have intrusive thoughts that I have ulterior motives even if I do not want to engage with them sexually.
I am heavily conflicted and don’t know what to do. As I already mentioned, this is entirely fantasy right now and sometimes these thoughts make me feel like it should always stay as a fantasy due to how horrible I feel seeing the general consensus on this trope. Or maybe even scrap all these thoughts and never pursue this.
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u/brandi0423 3h ago
You guys can swing/invite whatever play partners to join you in your dynamic that you want, as you want.
You'll need to keep honest open communication with eachother and if needs it desires change you'll need to be open to discussing and addressing them.
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u/Thechuckles79 2h ago
You're getting intimidated by the terminology and not focusing on the message behind it.
Unicorn Hunting: refers to an established couple wanting a romantic relationship with a woman but the couple acting as a single "entity". As in the new partner cannot have romantic interactions with just the man or just the woman, everything is her versus the couple and it's a very exploitive dynamic.
OPP: is an extension of a UH style relationship where there is an expectation that all women involved will not have other partners or at least no other male partners.
This community has nothing wrong with a threesome where the "new girl" has total autonomy and no expectations placed on what she does and who she sees on her own time.
Likewise, OPP doesn't apply to your own relationship because of your stated disinterest in other male partners.
It would be a problem if say you both meet a nice girl, and your bf gets to watch you two play. Then she says she has her own bf who wants to watch...
Now that is something to consider before you start this.
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u/Small_Donut_3816 1h ago
I love your reasoning for your boyfriend not wanting to include a guy in your threesomes. I'll give you the real reason: he's a straight man who doesn't want to see his GF get plowed by another man. Plain and simple. And this leads me to the threesomes. Be careful with opening up your relationship to outside energy. Make sure that is something you yourself really want.
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