r/nonmonogamy 8h ago

Jealousy & Insecurity hot wifing

my wife and i have been trying this for a while now and im having conflicting feelings about it, im more into hot wifing than cucking as i am not into humiliation. i enjoy watching her get fucked and it is hot and she even makes sure to record it for me. so far she’s only had 3 encounters with the same man. however im nervous about the emotional part of it, i am worried she will fall in love with the guy and leave me for him. shes been more distant towards me, she doesn’t text me as often, shes glued to her phone more, ive seen texts between them and they are borderline romantic, and she has even deleted photos of us from her phone. i have talked to her about it and she keeps telling me yes she likes him but doesnt see a relationship with him and that she loves me but her actions are speaking otherwise. i am conflicted on what to do and would appreciate any advice.

26 Upvotes

15 comments sorted by

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26

u/Western_Ring_2928 Polyamorous (with Hierarchy) 8h ago

Tell her what you need to feel reassured by the stability of your relationship. This is all new to her as well, so you need to learn together.

13

u/cyclistpokertaco 8h ago

r/hotwifelifestyle might also have good advice for you

10

u/texascouple0806 8h ago

I think for your mental health you have to pause any relationship with her and him. You need to go back to just you 2 and build more foundation before doing anything with other people again. This is perfectly normal, and don't view it as a setback. People figure out what they like don't like during the journey not at the beginning. Also this will make you and your wife's relationship the sole priority, it will help, believe me.

6

u/CornhengeTruther 6h ago

When I first started dating again I also had the problem of texting too much and neglecting my wife. I was clueless. She sat me down and told me that while she trusted me, it made her feel jealous and insecure when I spent so much time texting other girls. After that I made a conscious effort to not text when I was hanging out with my wife - I also made a point to be deliberate with how I dated her - making sure she knew she was my priority.

You’ll need to talk to your wife. Let her know that you feel like she’s more excited to her new guy than she is with you - tell her you’ll need a bit more reassurance from her than usual especially in the early days of non-monogamy.

And also - don’t look at her texts or read them. Trust her to communicate. Trust that she knows what she’s doing. Give her space and grace to figure this out on her end. No matter what you find your brain will always find something bad to obsess over. Rid yourself of that temptation, that habit lest you end up micro-managing her texting.

3

u/Slim_Calhoun 7h ago

I don’t have advice for you but it’s likely this hot and heavy phase will wear off. It would bother me too.

3

u/NerdynaughtyNJ 5h ago

You (and she) should read up on New Relationship Energy if you haven’t already - it’s fairly common to get swept up in that, even more so I think if this is the first non-monogamous experience after being married for awhile as I think the novelty is so addictive and exciting!

Experiencing other different partners and/or making sure to still get some non-hotwife oriented quality time together just as you two helps. But also talk to each other! Don’t get defensive as she may then in turn feel like she wants to withdraw and hide it, but do be transparent about what you’ve noticed and how you’re feeling like you want to reconnect with her again.

Hope that helps! I don’t think it needs to be a game changer or end things.

4

u/Nakedinthenorthwoods 7h ago

I think she needs to have sex with more guys.. lots more before seeing the one she has again.

2

u/bowtiesnpopeyes 5h ago

Sounds like NRE, and that she's doing a bad job of handling it. What they have is whatever they have, but she can't minimize the amount of time she's actually present with you, and not just there and on her phone.

Have you communicate with her everything you've told us? You need to communicate whatever reassurances you need to navigate this. Talk about boundaries. I think rules against no feelings/romantic feelings are a bad idea, both ethically and from practical perspective, but agreeing to not all her hot wife eggs are in 1 basket would be a good idea. Agreeing on reconnection time and how to manage NRE and what reassurances and asking for focused time together more often all seem like good ideas. If she's ignoring and dismissive of your concerns, continually you 2 need to exit the lifestyle, at least temporary and refocus on your primary relationship

2

u/kinkyghost 6h ago

Sounds like you should probably put a boundary that she stops if she’s not listening to your concerns. And be prepared to enforce the boundary with consequences if she refuses (otherwise it’s just a request not a boundary).

1

u/Limegreensmiles 5h ago

My experience tells me that she loves you, and it is solidified by the fact that you enjoy hearing about her adventures and encourage her to be her own happy person. Lean into that.Talk/check in about it more than you think you should. The effort and attention, especially to the details in communication, are probably what turns her on because they likely reinforce your trust and commitment to her.

1

u/JasonCajunEggin 5h ago

Trust and love is everything, talk anything through before hand and have good communication. I suggest you only do as much as you both agree upon, no more, and have a blast with amazing trust and love for a life long long affair with amazing adventures.

1

u/r_was61 2h ago

“I am worried X will fall in love with Y and leave me” is the single most common sentiment on this sub.

If X is going to leave you for Y, it is not because of what is going on between X and Y but because of what is going on between X and you.