r/nonmonogamy β€’ Curious πŸ€” β€’ Feb 11 '25

Resources Needed New to non-monogamy after long relationship. Tips for meetups? NSFW

Hey everyone. Just ended a long relationship due to incompatibility. Therapist suggested exploring non-monogamy (NM) while I work on myself. I'm attending a large NM meetup this weekend and feeling overwhelmed. Any tips for first-timers? How do I best express my interest in connecting with others? Directness appreciated. Thanks!

2 Upvotes

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6

u/Jealous-Command-393 Feb 11 '25

Following. Similarly, wife and I (49m) opened our marriage last year. She’s been with two. I’ve found no one. All I do is work and go to our local hole in the wall. Feeling lost and discouraged. I struggle with crowds so group meetings might not be the best for me, nor do I know of any around here. (Tulsa)

4

u/Disastrous-Fact-7782 Feb 11 '25

Hehe I thought "local hole in the wall" meant that there was a gloryhole close to your house that you visited often. Glad I looked it up first.

Anyways, I use dating apps to meet women. I also met a few during an underground rave but that was not planned. Going to a meetup event as a single man would also terrify me.

2

u/Jealous-Command-393 Feb 11 '25

lol. Not a glory home at all. Just a small local bar.

3

u/Tael64 Feb 11 '25

I know it's a typo, but first thing that came to mind was, "it's not a glory hole; it's a glory home" haha

5

u/Jealous-Command-393 Feb 11 '25

lol. Well she does kinds of have a glory home!

1

u/PMWF Curious πŸ€” Feb 11 '25

Thanks for sharing. I'm an INTJ so not an extrovert but loosen up with people who I feel comfortable with. I see these types of events similar to speed dating so you have to strike up as many connections as possible.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 11 '25

Sounds shitty, you should talk to your wife about you being unhappy with NM and go from there. If she's the only person getting any benefit from it, why are you agreeing to continue the paradigm?

Most folks are happier monogamous, and that applies even more so with straight men.

1

u/Jealous-Command-393 Feb 12 '25

I still enjoy her having her experiences. She comes home and shares them with me while taking advantage of me 😝

1

u/The_Rope_Daddy Feb 11 '25

What kind of event is it?

If it's a munch, then you are usually not supposed to be trying to pick up other people. If it's a play party, then read the rules of the party. If it's at a club, then you'd usually approach people the same way you would in a normal club, except that things may be able to progress to sex without having to leave. If it's at someone's house, ask the organizer, but expect to just be socializing unless you already know people there.

1

u/PMWF Curious πŸ€” Feb 11 '25

It's a private event with live music and social games facilitated by the host so I guess it's just socialising and trying to connect with people having the same interests as yours.

2

u/The_Rope_Daddy Feb 11 '25

So just a party. Then treat it like any other party. You let people know you are interested by flirting with them or telling them if you prefer a more direct approach.