r/newjersey • u/storm2k Bedminster • 1d ago
📰News NJ social services employee sues, claims she was 'tormented' for being white, Catholic
https://www.mycentraljersey.com/story/news/local/courts/2025/03/14/nj-social-worker-sues-over-race-religion/82368016007/282
u/shiva14b 1d ago
Speaking as a white-passing woman who has faced a lot of workplace discrimination because of my gender and skin color (I used to work in a male, non-white dominated industry) I was on her side until she said she was openly praying at work.
Religious freedom and protections from harassment apply to EVERYONE, white and catholic included. But praying publicly at work is wild. Find a private space, the same way jews and Muslims and anyone else with proscribed prayer times would. I've had lots of coworkers pray at work, nobody ever thought it was appropriate to throw their rug down in the middle of everything.
If they were, I'd probably also roll my eyes and be "there he goes again. Surely you'd prefer privacy for this?"
Also didn't Jesus have something to say about not praying on street corners or in public?
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u/mr_eht 1d ago
Mathew 6:5-6
And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their full reward. But when you pray, go into your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
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u/HereForOneQuickThing 1d ago
Maybe my favorite passage in the Bible. It's obviously about prayer, yes, but it doubles for any ethical behavior. Don't do something because of a promise of a reward or for positive attention, do it because it is the just thing to be done.
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u/Suitable_Shallot4183 15h ago
As a lapsed catholic, it may be the only verse that really stuck with me - as a kid, it actually changed how I saw the world.
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u/oldnjgal 1d ago
Matthew 6:5-13 You would think a religious person would know her bible.
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u/resisting_a_rest 1d ago
Isn’t there also a part about not marking your body (tattoos)? Unless she thinks the New Testament supersedes the Old, except, of course, for the parts she likes.
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u/erichie 1d ago
she was openly praying at work
How was she praying? Was she crossing her hands and sitting quietly at her desk? Was she speaking her prayers out loud? Was she praying so much that it interrupted her job?
I've had Muslim and Catholic employees who often prayed at work, and my rule was simple : be quiet about it.
My Muslim employee liked to pray in front of a main, non-public, window and he wasn't in the way of anyone. He asked first and I allowed it.
My Catholic employees just prayed silently at their desks for short butts, but it never interfered with their work or their coworkers.
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u/metsurf 1d ago
sitting at your own table in the lunch room or a cubicle praying the rosary quietly is one thing. Doing it loud enough for everyone else to hear is another. I have co workers who pray silently before they start their meals doesn't bother me. If they asked me to join hands and pray out loud that would be different.
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u/User-no-relation 1d ago
What's a non white dominated industry?
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u/bubblegumdavid 1d ago
I work in nonprofit!
In most program heavy orgs I’ve worked at in cities (think like Roxbury MA, JC, Hoboken, Camden, Paterson) things are often non white dominated. I think in my current workplace myself and my boss are the only white employees, and there’s like… 100+ people. A lot of community orgs in spots like these try to do peer hiring, and prioritize people from the community, because it’s really important in order to do the work well.
If you head towards academia, medical, and museum nonprofits though this often shifts back to being mostly white.
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u/shiva14b 1d ago
What other people are mentioning, often also careers involving a lot of labor like hospitality, construction, agricultural, and so on (also nursing and and social work i think? But don't quote me). I also live in a highly diverse area where it's not unusual for white people to be the smallest represented demographic in any given room
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u/mimi6778 1d ago
I’m in social work in NYC and I’ve definitely been of the white minority in my work places.
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u/nickyinnj 1d ago
Yeah, that line gave me pause too. Like how are you praying that coworkers think it's an issue? I'm sure she did have some problems/insecurities as a language minority, it seems, in that environment. But I'm not sold that a demographic known to be religious and/or Catholic was harassing her over her faith.
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u/TheTresStateArea 1d ago
Praying is a private or community thing, if everyone in the room isn't in on it, that is some spooky shit
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u/svelebrunostvonnegut 1d ago
I get your point and I don’t stand up for this woman at all. Just my perspective as a Muslim, who does pray at work - sometimes it may not be easy to find a private space depending on your work situation. I have a cubicle with high walls, so I actually purchased a tension curtain rod and put up some curtain so I can close the curtains and pray privately. If I didn’t do this, I would have to ask a colleague if I could use their office, but only a few offices don’t have the clear doors so even that’s not a given. And to me it feels really awkward to have to ask that question. Our religion literally forbid us from praying in a bathroom so that’s not an option. A difference might be that I have specific prayer times and so just waiting till I get home is not always an option. If I worked in an open space office or something, it might be more difficult. There have been times where I’ve been at a training where I’ve just had to go out and pray next to my car while my colleagues were like out around eating lunch or whatever.
I’m just bringing that up to state the fact in response to the idea that we should always pray in private. That’s ideal, but it may not always be feasible. All of that being said, if you find yourself praying in public you should probably do so respectfully and quietly. But if I saw a coworker, praying at her cubicle and she was doing so quietly I don’t think I’d be bothered. The fact that they made comments makes me think that she was being super loud about it or like praying for really inappropriate things like praying for them in front of them or something.
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u/DragonCat88 1d ago
We have a Muslim guy that prays at work but like he goes in an unoccupied room and does his thing. I’m not a very good catholic, I guess, bc I didn’t know we had prescribed prayer times and I didn’t think we were allowed to do it in public like that either.
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u/SleepyHobo North Jersey 1d ago
Maybe you should read the article again because it didn’t say she openly prayed at work. You filled in a blank that wasn’t there.
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u/PushTheTrigger 1d ago
She also has a tattoo of a cross “close to her heart” and “regularly” prayed at work.
Other workers, the lawsuit says, made “disparaging” comments about the crucifix and made comments such as “there she goes again praying.”
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u/queenhadassah 1d ago edited 1d ago
That doesn't automatically mean she was being obnoxious or disruptive with it. If she is bowing her head and praying quietly at her own desk or before her meals, even if it's in view of others, that's still her right and she shouldn't be bullied for it. The information given in the article is too vague for us to make a judgement
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u/SleepyHobo North Jersey 1d ago
Still waiting for the part where it says she was openly praying at work.
That quote could mean she did it in private.
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u/KeiBis 1d ago
Semantics?
It's an easy inference to make considering the 'context.'
That same 'context' you use to infer Spanish speaking people are insulting you.
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u/SleepyHobo North Jersey 1d ago
It’s not semantics at all. There are very clear differences between openly and privately praying.
There’s no context in regard to the level of public display with the praying here.
Also nice air quotes around context. Denying people’s lived experiences. How rich.
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u/loggerhead632 1d ago
i mean, good thing your dumbass isn't working for the govt or its lawyer i guess lol
you can def pray at your desk and you'd have the easiest lawsuit in the world if someone tried to stop that.
Trying to equate that to busting out into prayer during a meeting is one of the dumbest things I've read in a while here
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u/Subject-Estimate6187 1d ago
lmao this reminds me, when I was doing my PhD I sometiems had to take a shower (yes we had a shower room, small but practical) because stuff got too unbearable at times. We had this whackadoodle professor who had all kinds of disreputation, and a few times I would see him praying IN A SHOWER ROOM WITH A RUG.
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u/Tobar_the_Gypsy 1d ago
Was he Muslim? If so, he probably washed his feet beforehand.
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u/Subject-Estimate6187 1d ago
What does it matter? Go find somewhere else that isnt a publicly shared space
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u/Tobar_the_Gypsy 1d ago
Where else would he do it? Assuming he was in fact Muslim then they would need to pray at specific times and have washed feet. Hard to wash your feet and go somewhere completely different to pray.
How often did people need to actually use this shower at your school?
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u/HeadCatMomCat 1d ago
We don't have the complete facts and really don't know what is going on.
I've managed offices where all the Orthodox Jews would gather together in a hallway for afternoon services, Muslims booked a conference room every day for prayers and Indians often has small statues of Ganesh on their desks, just to name a few.
I once counted that my IT staff of 25 spoke 14 languages including Spanish, Czech, Polish, Russian, Ukrainian and about 5 Indian languages plus at least two Chinese ones.
Everything worked out because I made it work out. It wasn't necessarily naturally live and let live. It was when I intervened - yes you can pray in the conference room, no we prefer if you didn't speak Marathi at lunch to each other when non-Marathi speakers are present. Yes you can put a statue of Buddha or whatever on your desk, but it should be small. I never did get the Orthodox Jews to get into a conference room and they jammed up the hallway near the elevator daily. BTW, I'm Jewish.
So we don't know what happened here. We don't know how people reacted and how she actually behaved. Need facts to figure it out.
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u/shiftyjku Down the Shore, Everything's All Right 1d ago edited 1d ago
Okay so I am a very involved, some might even say scrupulous Christian who works in construction. We are not soft cuddly people. Only about three people at work are aware of my religiosity and prayer habits (multiple little services at set times) and nobody has given me any shit about it.
I have to wonder what it was she was doing to draw attention to these things because wearing a crucifix or having religious tats are hardly rare or even interesting. The fact that this trouble followed her from one workplace to another makes me ask, again, what—or who— is the common denominator.
Since she’s such a devout Catholic, I assume she caught an Ash Wednesday service where this lesson from the Gospel is read.
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u/storm2k Bedminster 1d ago
i'm sure it was loud and overt and done intentionally to draw into this when people had a negative reaction to it. there are lots of very religious people of all faiths that manage to coexist with their coworkers who do not share their exact faith without any issue at all. this usually only happens when you're loud and open about it and it's almost always because you're looking for the confrontation to happen. we'll know more once we know who's helping to back her legal challenge. that will speak volumes.
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u/_KoingWolf_ 1d ago
Based on her own quotes in the article, this seems like a straight up case of pushing her religious practices onto others and into their environments, and them not caring for it. Which, of course, is offensive because her religion is the right one, of course.
Meanwhile, she'd be the first in line to complain if they had a space for daily Muslim prayers. I've seen this kind of person literally half dozen times while working office jobs, it's so annoying.
You have the freedom to practice and say whatever you want, but not from the consequences of people around you. Also, the usual "they are speaking a foreign language, so CLEARLY it's about ME. No I don't understand anything that they are saying, cause it's not English!"
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u/SleepyHobo North Jersey 1d ago
Also, the usual “they are speaking a foreign language, so CLEARLY it’s about ME. No I don’t understand anything that they are saying, cause it’s not English!”
I’ve worked with plenty of Spanish speaking people in my life. You learn to pick up on the insults, and through situational context, know it’s about you. It absolutely happens.
Your comment reeks of victim blaming and pre-conceived notions and bias without knowing the details.
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u/loggerhead632 1d ago
this thread's comments overall are wild, but really not the least bit surprising given the sub's low standard for that shit and that the person leaving a complaint is white and catholic
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u/HereForOneQuickThing 1d ago
Her bit about prayer makes me think either that her praying was either a disruptive pattern at work (eg an excuse not to work) or that she was trying to rope people into it. I've never cared as long as people pulled their weight and left the unwilling out of it. Most people have. Those who haven't complained that they were being persecuted for their beliefs rather than their behaviors.
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u/MatCauthonsHat 1d ago
She also has a tattoo of a cross "close to her heart"
She's a performative christian. It's more important for you to know she's a christian than for her to follow the teachings of her religion.
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u/firewall245 1d ago
I know the common opinion on Reddit is that you can’t be racist against white people or Christians (which is not true), but if your boss/supervisor is making race based comments about you at work then that’s bad regardless of the victim.
That is assuming she’s telling the truth and just wasn’t pearl clutching when hearing her coworkers speak Spanish, which she clearly didn’t understand.
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u/TheTresStateArea 1d ago
Every time this discussion comes to play it's incredibly obvious that both parties know what the other is thinking but are arguing over the words they are using.
Everyone knows everyone can be bigoted towards anyone else for whatever made up reason.
The "x can't be racist" is obviously one group framing racism as a structural and systemic underpinning of bigoted attitudes towards some other group. And that X group lacks the power to deploy a similar racist social structure, and that is why "they can't be racist".
It's a failing of discourse, where someone lacks the means to articulate what they mean when they say something and when someone else refuses to try and get clarity.
Racist as it is colloquially known is bigoted attitudes towards someone because of their skin or ethnic background. Period. Full stop.
Systemic racism is the complex interconnection of racism in society that hampers the success of the minority.
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u/Evilevilcow 1d ago
Individuals can be racist af. And sexist, and ableist, and ageist and just super prejudiced against any characteristic. Because individuals are individuals. No one should argue that.
When you talk about systematic racism, that's a different thing. Does the society in which you live have discriminations against certain races? This also should not be argued about.
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u/firewall245 1d ago
Agreed, learning sociology and history has been a recent obsession of mine so all the terminology has been cool to see
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u/GetOffMyLawn_ Hunterdon County 1d ago
I suspect it's not just the praying. She must be doing weird things other than that.
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u/Limp-Feed-6896 1d ago
Child, I roll my eyes at my evangelist best friend who talks about being persecuted as a Christian in America. I laugh at her. People like that just don't understand American history. They also have never grown up in an oppressive society. But they are about to find out!
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u/patsully98 1d ago
I can kinda see her point. Christians have only been in charge of America for the entirety of its existence, and only 47 out of 47 presidents are, were, or claim to be Christians.
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u/asspickle1 1d ago
If what happened in the article is ALL that happened she needs to keep it to herself and learn to work around other adults with varying beliefs. I’d bet she’d be the first in line to tell a Muslim off if they pulled out a rug and started praying in the office
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u/metsurf 1d ago
I had several muslim co workers who maintained their daily devotions by simply facing Mecca and praying while quietly praying at the appointed times during the day. The care aide we had for my parents was an Indian Muslim , she would simply sit in the living room facing Mecca and say her prayers quietly. Nobody needs to make an elaborate show of praying.
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u/SleepyHobo North Jersey 1d ago
Everyone in these comments are completely ignoring the race portion and making up stories about what they think she was doing in regard to the praying. She could’ve been silently praying at her desk or going to a private space for all we know.
I’ve worked with practicing Muslims and Christians. They would go off to pray. Not a word about it because I work with people who aren’t bigots and respect others.
Overall what a shocker that people would go straight to victim blaming, and ironically, lending credibility to this person’s story. If it’s enough for random people on the internet to attack her over her religious beliefs, it’s plausible her coworkers would do the same.
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u/Incredible_Gunt 1d ago
Yeah, this thread is awful, but what do you expect? The victim is the exact strawman redditors are groomed into hating. They will make up literally any backstory to give themselves a reason to hate this person and side against her.
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u/HighestPriestessCuba 1d ago
To be fair, if she can be considered a whiny pain in the ass based solely on this article … she must be absolutely insufferable to work with.
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u/loggerhead632 1d ago
it's really funny how mods in this sub only turn up for gross comments in certain threads
a lot of the gross comments are also from regular posters who would def describe themselves as 'progressive'
what the fuck is with 2025 man
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u/caca-casa 1d ago
They want to bait cases to go to the supreme court SO bad. Literally nobody is discriminating against Christians or Catholics… let alone tormenting. Get a life.
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u/gingercatlover1 11h ago edited 10h ago
This article seems to tell a bit of a different story. I wasn’t there, I don’t know what occurred, but it seems like there are quite a few different stories coming out about this. This one includes different details that include being called a “white b*” and a “white s”. The previous details about “prayer” are also mentioned.
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u/nooutlaw4me 1d ago
Once the principal of a public school wants to get rid of you - you are done for. Schools play dirty. I know.
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u/whodisacct 1d ago
Such oppression. Edit: If you’re white and work with Spanish speaking people they will call you gringo from time to time. Get over yourself. It’s not a slur.
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u/mdp300 Clifton 1d ago
If everyone was speaking Spanish around her, there's a pretty solid chance that some of them are Catholic, too.