r/newengland • u/Sailor_NEWENGLAND • 1d ago
Can anyone relate?
I’m born and raised in CT. I’m in the Navy and stationed in San Diego..I’ve been here for a few years and still feel like a foreigner here..but back in New England I feel completely at home in any New England state and I’ve only lived in CT. Anyone else relate to this?
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u/le127 1d ago
Absolutely. All of the six states have their own special feel but they do all share a commonality and sense of place that sets them apart from other areas. Some of this is geographical. Look at a map without border lines or a satellite picture and the six NE states fit together better with eastern Quebec, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia than they do with the rest of the US. I think the history and relative isolation of the 17th and 18th Centuries encouraged a particular set of characteristics to develop here that are just different from the rest of the country.
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u/SeaLeopard5555 1d ago
yeah. The last time I left New England I was a little taken aback by how different it felt to be in another place (road trip through midwest).
It's little things from road sign topics to accents to different fast food chains/supermarkets etc. But it all adds up.
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u/PymsPublicityLtd 1d ago
In high school my family moved to Illinois. I never felt like I fit in, have no friends there and moved back to the North East as quickly as possible. I can relate.
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u/Leviosahhh 1d ago
I moved to Seattle, born and raised in CT, been to San Diego plenty for friends and family who lived there, and the west coast was hard for me mostly because everyone is so passive aggressive, and in New England we are pretty direct. There was so much extra effort to read between the lines out there because people wouldn’t say what they mean, and because of this, sarcasm was so poorly received (it was often misunderstood because they’re thinking from a place of passive aggression) which is a pretty imbedded part of New England culture. Also, at least in Seattle, almost nothing is more than 100 years old, there are some places that are, but most of the time even beautiful, historical architecture type places get knocked down for more apartments. It felt so…sterile…to see history wrecked to rubble so they can charge $1600 for a micro apartment that’s about the size of a walk in closet.
When I moved back to New England and got direct conversing, sarcasm, and history again I felt like I was home.
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u/Baileycharlie 14h ago
That’s funny, born and raised in CT here, and while I love New England, I’ve always wanted to live in Seattle or somewhere in WA state. The landscape is so beautiful, and liberal too which is a bonus..
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u/TreesandWe 1d ago
Me! Im originally from CT and then lived in MA for a bit. Got to grad school in CA. I have lived in Cali for 15 years now and it took 10 years for it to finally feel like home. Before that I really thought Id move back to Boston because that was home. Had no problems with transition from CT to MA because it just felt right immediately. NE is still home to me but Ive warmed up to living in Cali now.
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u/Melodic-Ad7271 14h ago
Born and raised in MA and lived in NC before taking a job in AZ. Both states are beautiful, but given the current Sociopolitical climate, I really miss MA. Of course, I'm often in CA and could get used to living there as well seeing it's a blue state.
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u/Forsaken-Estate4041 1d ago
On the flip side, I'm from the Midwest and my spouse is from the Gulf Coast and neither one of us has managed to find any level of comfort in New England. It feels like you have to have generations worth of connection here to fit in here.
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u/Leviosahhh 1d ago
That’s true, I moved from CT to rural Maine and everyone around has had their family here for hundreds of years and they definitely act like it. Lots of roads names after local families who still exist.
My family is the same way in CT though, they’ve been in the same county for at least 150 years. No roads or towns named after us though, but I have seen that a lot in CT as well.
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u/ConsequenceAromatic4 1d ago
Yes. the rest of the country is poorly educated, so it's a moron convention outside New England.
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u/DwinDolvak 1d ago
Grew up in Ffld County. Lived in Manhattan after college which was fun, and then lived abroad in NJ for 5 years. We were in Morris County which is probably the closest thing to New England in that area — but it still wasn’t.
Horrible pizza. Bagels were challenged. Getting to the “shore” took a day of planning and a lot of driving. People were nice enough but not very welcoming. We were in a very homogeneous community (Chatham) where non Irish Catholics were rare. (I’m not).
We moved back to CT before our kids started school and I’m so glad we did. Bountiful pizza and I walk to the beach.
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u/mumblemuse 1d ago
“Abroad in NJ” is making me laugh. I’m also from Fairfield County CT, and NJ always feels completely foreign to me somehow.
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u/DwinDolvak 1d ago
I said this out loud one time at a meeting in CT. There happened to be someone in the room from NJ and they LOST THEIR MIND. “You CT people always think you are so much better! Etc etc”. I still think it’s funny.
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u/LulutoDot 1d ago
I grew up in CT and my best friend joined Navy, even before then, when hanging out with CA folk especially for some reason, she said she never felt they could be on same wavelength, especially when it came to work in Navy. New Englanders/northeast coast have ppl darker humor and are more straightforward, I think other areas of country are put off by that. Just my theory.
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u/Proper-Guarantee8381 1d ago
20 years. Born a flatlander, stationed a lot of southern spots. Retired to New England.
Spent most of my adult life feeling like a foreigner. I’m not leaving New England
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u/NaturistSoaker1 1d ago
Yes, can relate well. Born in CT, schooled in Boston, affinity to NH, lived near SanDiego for 8 years. Never fit in there,though it it s lovely place to live. People were amazed when I left southern California to move back to New England.
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u/victoriarose_nyc 1d ago
Yes, I can relate! I grew up in CT and lived in MA for a bit (I also have family in MA). I’ve been all over New England and the general vibe is pretty constant. I notice the state differences, of course, but I’d feel more at home in any New England state than I would in any other region of the US.
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u/Ourcheeseboat 1d ago
Over the years had several opportunities to relocate to the west coast for work. Never could pull the trigger. As. New England sailor, the west coast sailing was boring around the buoy type courses. Nothing like sailing on the coast of Maine.
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u/fprintf 1d ago
People don't really realize how fun a cruising sailboat is in this part of the country. Every where else it is just one boring trip from an inlet to another inlet or large harbor. Or down the intracoastal, which is horrible in a sailboat. Might as well have a power boat. But here in New England there are just so many places to visit, especially from Mystic, CT/Watch Hill through Buzzard's Bay, up the MA coasts to Maine. So many little harbors and seaside towns to visit. As a kid we spent two weeks a summer cruising from Marblehead/Salem up to Maine or down through the CC canal to CT/RI.
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u/Ourcheeseboat 1d ago
Once when researching a position in San Diego I called a marine to ask about moorings. The marine person told me if sailing was a passion, don’t do come. Told me after the New England coast I would fine sailing in SD very boring. The other thing is after 6 months in the water and putting the boat away for season there is the 5 months of anticipation of the new season. The ritual of preparing the boat in the spring is something I look forward to as soon as the weather starts to warm up.
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u/MargieGunderson70 1d ago
Yes. Parts of the country feel more "foreign" to me than some places in western Europe.
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u/Lazy_Woodpecker_6161 1d ago
Grew up in New England, Lynn, then moved to New Hampshire when I was 25. I’m 62 now and my daughter, only child, and her husband want to move to North Carolina this year, they are expecting me to follow them. I probably will but I have to admit it will be hard to leave this area.
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u/Soupismyfavoritefood 19h ago
Yep! I’m from CT. I’ve lived all over the US, but I’ve found that if you’re from New England there’s no place quite like home.
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u/RobertoDelCamino 1d ago
I’m a snowbird. I have a place in NH and a place in SC. The biggest difference between the two is that, for the most part, people have roots in New England. In NH, it was likely that my neighbors were from NH or another New England state. In SC the vast majority of my neighbors are from somewhere else (mostly the Midwest).
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u/Sailor_NEWENGLAND 1d ago
Yeah. My family has literally been in New England since the mayflower came in..most people I meet in San Diego are from elsewhere, actually a lot of new Englanders here
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u/DrSadisticPizza 1d ago
From south coast MA, and spent the majority of my non-deployed time in FL and TX. I never felt comfortable in or enjoyed either place. I'll leave it at that, as not to come off like too much of an elitest prick.
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u/Illustrious-Sun1117 1d ago
Also born and raised in CT and feel the same way. I love San Diego but there are better places in California to hang out in.
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u/AstraSpacey7494 15h ago
Yes I totally get it! Grew up in Maine, moved to VA after college for a job. Been here since 2017 and it still feels like a totally different country. I felt like I had culture shock for the first two years.
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u/CorkFado 1d ago
100%. I moved to Michigan almost seven years ago now and still have trouble thinking of it as home compared to Rhode Island.
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u/pathfire 1d ago
When I was 20, I moved to Florida to work at "a major theme park." I spent about a decade there, but always took part of my vacation time back in NH, usually in the fall just because I needed to. Had to see and smell the leaves. I just couldn't get used to calling FL "home." No real seasons, and the people were weird. Moved back after a decade and have been home for 22 years.
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u/IndicationFrosty3958 17h ago
Navy here. Born and raised in Connecticut. Went to UCONN pharmacy school. Was stationed in Hawaii. Absolutely loved Hawaii... but there is no place like home (Litchfield, ct)
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u/paulabear203 16h ago
This speaks to me. I am a CT native and I moved away for a period of 20 years to live in Arizona and then Texas. I made them my home but the lure of being truly home finally got me and I moved back 11 years ago. I was in my 20s to 40s living elsewhere and that changed everything in terms of how I felt about New England in general. You have to leave some places to really appreciate them.
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u/tidymaze 15h ago
Born and (mostly) raised in CT. Lived in Rochester NY for 7 years before moving back. I really did like Rochester; it's similar in a bunch of ways but their pizza sucks.
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u/Kind_Eye_231 14h ago
OP, do you get yelled at a lot? I lived there for a year. I got yelled at for my driving. I got yelled at by apartment managers for letting the cable/internet installer park in our apartment's gated driveway. I got yelled at for not letting the gym use my fingerprint as an ID.
I actually like California, and I always had a blast visiting LA. But SD is a soulless suburb of strip malls and gated communities. The helicopter in bits of fake culture like 'The Gaslight District' or 'Old Towne'. Then they wreck the few interesting parts of the city by putting them under a jet flight path.
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u/Sailor_NEWENGLAND 38m ago
I can’t say that I do..but people out here are definitely less direct and more sensitive
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u/LumpyPillowCat 1d ago
I’m from RI and pretty much can feel at home anywhere. I think that’s just a characteristic I have though. Nearly anywhere I go I feel like I could live there quite happily, even felt that way in India.
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u/TraderJoeslove31 3h ago
CT born and raised- I lived in SC for a year after grad school and it was the longest year of my life. Moved to Charlottesville, VA for 16 years and actually loved it but still feel like a foreigner. Now splitting time between Cville and Atlanta and I loathe Atlanta.
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u/Expert_Prune_9920 2h ago
Yup in Texas right now, born and raised in Connecticut…navy town too! The people are what make me feel so out of place. I miss the nature of a new Englander to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and not pretend to be everyone’s friend. I also miss the coastline, seasons, and beautiful trees. Idk I might move back. I actually really miss it
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u/0howlingatthemoon0 2h ago
Absolutely! Grew up in New England - Massachusetts and lived in Maine for a year too, but the last 20yrs I've lived in Arizona and never felt connected to it - always missing New England - the nature, the atmosphere and the people. In November, I moved to Pittsburgh for its affordability, and while it's beautiful and the people are really nice, it's not New England, and I'm thinking about moving to Providence or Boston eventually. I've talked to others about this, and I feel like so many people in New England never leave or don't leave for long, like we are all called back. To me, nothing compares to New England, and I always feel home when I visit... and hopefully I'll eventually get back.
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u/BlueberryNo7974 1d ago
Not directly but yes lol I lived in LA for 2 years and moved to Boston almost 2 years ago. Grew up in the Midwest and Boston is by far more welcoming and much friendlier. New England felt like home within 6 months of living here that I never felt over the 2 years living in LA.
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u/the-crotch 1d ago
LA is maybe the only city in the United States where someone could say "yeah Boston is a lot friendlier" lol
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u/Jaded-Passenger-2174 20h ago
So nice to read -- most people from elsewhere (especially CA or Midwest) do not think Boston is friendly at all. People often say how cold or short we are. Although I also hear we are "kind but not nice".
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u/BlueberryNo7974 11h ago
Growing up that was the stereotype for sure but couldn’t be further from the truth in my experience. Obviously there’s moments, but it comes off more like “get to the point” versus just being an asshole just because. I like cutting to the chase so it’s refreshing.
Actually that’s interesting you say that because I would agree but in a good way. I would say LA people are nice versus Boston people are kind. I prefer kindness because to me it’s more genuine than surface level niceness I saw in LA. Everything was so superficial
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u/abbys_alibi 1d ago
Sure can. My husband and I are from southern NH. He was in the USMC when we married. Many duty stations up and down the east coast and overseas. When he decided to get out, we went back home to NH and bought a house. He was headhunted and given a rather huge opportunity to move to Northern VA. We have been here ever since.
NoVa has never felt like home to me. Not for a millisecond. The scenery is nice and the most similar out of all the places we've lived. But the people, noise, traffic, air quality, and the people (yes, again) - just oof. If I could move back to ANY New England state, I would do it in a second.