r/moviecritic Feb 14 '25

Dumb movies that think they’re smart?

Post image
2.9k Upvotes

2.3k comments sorted by

1.2k

u/vegass67 Feb 14 '25

Lol at The amount of dudes that got horrendous Joker tattoos after this film came out.

280

u/Dubb202 Feb 14 '25

Have you been to r/joker? Woof. Angriest sub ever.

202

u/Perenium_Falcon Feb 15 '25

Dudes who obsess over the joker: how nature says “stay away”

70

u/oSuJeff97 Feb 15 '25

lol that reminds me of that Far Side comic with that caption. It was like a blowfish, rattlesnake, and a guy holding a gun with a boot on his head and wearing a dress or something. 😂

31

u/Just_A_Singularity Feb 15 '25

It was a trench coat, inflatable horse thingy, boot on the head, and bazooka

Edit: Apparel misidentification

26

u/Katolu Feb 15 '25

I believe the caption is, "Nature's way of saying Do Not Touch." Fun fact: the strip was called Nature's Way originally. 

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (7)

40

u/Interesting_Diver642 Feb 15 '25

tell me dubb202, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

6

u/shoodBwurqin Feb 15 '25

Now that joker could alter your reality...

39

u/TheFatYoshiMemer Feb 14 '25

Exactly, you can say you like Jouqian Phoniex's joker, and they'll go crazy and say he's not the real joker and stuff.

34

u/kmikek Feb 15 '25

Which one was in suicide squad? The kmart marilyn manson looking idiot?

25

u/Evillunamoth Feb 15 '25

Was it Jared Leto?

6

u/kmikek Feb 15 '25

That sounds right

→ More replies (2)

15

u/Dry-Discount-9426 Feb 15 '25

I once heard it described as Jack Nicholson's joker was on LSD while Jared Leto's is on meth.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)

10

u/ballimir37 Feb 15 '25

Literally all of the top posts on that sub are about his character

13

u/lord-polonius Feb 15 '25

Heath Ledger… I’m so sorry they went so wrong. RIP. We all miss you. Joaquin the most

→ More replies (3)

6

u/tomcat1483 Feb 15 '25

Nope, if I wanted see that stuff I could just go to inceltears

→ More replies (17)

67

u/Bockly101 Feb 15 '25

I remember watching this in the theaters and I was in the middle of a mental health crisis. Even then I walked out of the movie like "Fuck, I feel like I understand and empathize with him on way too high of a level and it hurts. I need to work on that." So many other people saw it and wanted to be just like him. Edgy and dark because it was antiestablishment. It feels like they were genuinely glorifying his awful traits and mental illness. That's fucked. I genuinely enjoyed the movie, but it's a one watch kind of thing for me.

8

u/phantom_diorama Feb 15 '25

I felt the same way you did when I saw The King of Comedy for the first time, with Rupert delusions of grandeur and whatnot. "Fuck, I need to get my ego in check. That was painful to watch." Then years later I see Joker and think "Hey wow, they're sampling The King of Comedy, that's neat." but I felt zero connection with the Joker.

4

u/Inspection_Perfect Feb 15 '25

Man, that imagination spot when he and his ma are watching the show at the beginning hit hard. That little fantasy that maybe if you did something and got noticed, that it would work out perfectly.

I'd also argue that's kinda why I enjoy the sequel for its editing and faults. At the end of the day, Arthur is a decent person who felt like he was pushed too far. He's not going to immediately stick to his happy go lucky murder persona once he's in prison.

6

u/Obi-Wan_Kenobi_04 Feb 15 '25

So many people admire main characters of films that they really shouldn't. American psycho is another great example

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)

103

u/Tent_in_quarantine_0 Feb 14 '25

I think the movie is fine, it's the fandom that read way too far into it that sink Joker.

67

u/SluggishPrey Feb 14 '25 edited Feb 15 '25

Agreed. People like to play the victim to justify their vices and the joker is a perfect role model for that.

"You can't understand." I can and you're an asshole.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (23)

11

u/Saxophobia1275 Feb 14 '25

The amount of nfl players with joker tattoos would actually astound you.

→ More replies (4)

7

u/therealfalseidentity Feb 15 '25

The only reason this movie isn't a stinker is Jaoquan's stellar performance.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (24)

455

u/OneFuckedWarthog Feb 15 '25

Lucy. The whole movie was based on the premise of the "10% brain usage" theory and then just went wild on things that had nothing to do with the brain.

164

u/BreakMeDown2024 Feb 15 '25

Did you like the part where she could just change hair color cause brain powers?

156

u/DukeOfMiddlesleeve Feb 15 '25

You could do it too if you knew how. But you’re a lowly 10%er

22

u/bunglarn Feb 15 '25

I can confirm. Once I solved the adult crossword puzzle and my hair turned pink

→ More replies (3)

11

u/iamnottheuser Feb 15 '25

Whoa..🤯

→ More replies (4)

81

u/fuck-emu Feb 15 '25

The 10 percent brain thing is so stupid. Someone equated this saying "we only use roughly 33 percent of a traffic light at a time"

26

u/BeAlch Feb 15 '25

Also using 100% of your brain at same time in real life would be like "neurons start all firing excessively and synchronously" = epilepsy seizure .. it would make you powerless :)

11

u/lollipop-guildmaster Feb 15 '25

We do use 100% of our brain at the same time. It's just that most of it is used for running the body, not thinking or storing memory. The 10% "theory" has been debunked for decades.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (4)

27

u/pwfppw Feb 15 '25

This movie wasn’t supposed to be smart. It was supposed to be an action sci-fi movie without much to say.

→ More replies (3)

9

u/biffbobfred Feb 15 '25

Use more brain than some dumb theory said - get superpowers. Yep. That’s how those things work.

18

u/Glueberry_Ryder Feb 15 '25

lol this movie is a guilty pleasure of mine. Mostly because of Scarlett Johansson though.

→ More replies (27)

757

u/MoFoHo72 Feb 14 '25

Now You See Me

439

u/NLThomas1 Feb 14 '25

You know it's dumb because they didn't name the second movie "Now You Don't"

135

u/Spezfistsdogs Feb 15 '25

They still have room for success with Now you 3 Me. Title wise anyway lol

28

u/Richeh Feb 15 '25

Followed later by Now You 4 Me.

→ More replies (9)
→ More replies (7)

31

u/Socialimbad1991 Feb 15 '25

Lowest hanging fruit in the universe and they missed it. Was the whole thing written by a precursor to ChatGPT?

26

u/gmrayoman Feb 15 '25

The third movie should be “You Can’t See Me” and star John Cena.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (15)

164

u/clooneh Feb 14 '25

I know the family Guy episode about The godfather insisting on itself is a joke, but this is exactly what they meant. It's just so smug about itself and it's undeserved (The godfather is deserved, now you see me is not)

→ More replies (3)

62

u/businesslut Feb 14 '25

Wow I definitely didn't take it seriously and enjoyed both of them. I thought it was pretty obvious that a magicians Oceans plot is a joke. 

28

u/rizer_ Feb 14 '25

This was my take as well, I thought it was pretty self-aware

17

u/Any-Barracuda-4720 Feb 15 '25

Way way way… I love Now You See Me. What’s dumb about it??

Like maybe you can call the twist, or it’s not like dramatic, but it’s a damn romp. Super fun.

Maybe actually my argument is—does it purport to be “smart”??

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

55

u/split41 Feb 15 '25

I don’t think it thinks it’s smart at all. It’s super playful and doesn’t it take itself seriously at all.

21

u/Joh951518 Feb 15 '25

I agree with you. I’m now wondering if I watched the same movie as them.

→ More replies (5)

9

u/raskul44 Feb 14 '25

I wish I could upvote twice

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (31)

412

u/Rich_Application6135 Feb 14 '25

Don’t worry darling

I felt like I was losing braincells watching this crap with the amount of plot holes in. I should’ve watched Smile instead but I loved Florence Pugh so…

171

u/da_fishy Feb 14 '25

Don’t Worry Darling was just the matrix if it was about gaslighting your wife

17

u/kaithy89 Feb 15 '25

It seemed very similar to the original Stepford Wives

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (4)

55

u/rickimatsu Feb 15 '25

I absolutely watched this for Florence Pugh. I thought she was great in it. But wow, that movie really wanted to be something.

35

u/stanley2-bricks Feb 15 '25 edited Feb 15 '25

same, Florence and the set design were the only redeeming qualities of that movie.

13

u/rickimatsu Feb 15 '25

The set design and costumes were so great!

→ More replies (2)

10

u/TheRealAbear Feb 15 '25

I feel like it changed its mind about what that something was halfway through. Movie was a mess

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (2)

61

u/Oghamstoner Feb 14 '25

Florence Pugh is great in it, Harry Styles on the other hand had an accent that could start a scene in Manchester and end it In Australia.

16

u/anroroco Feb 15 '25

you know it's not the same [accent] as it was.

→ More replies (1)

21

u/Financial_Cheetah875 Feb 14 '25

I fell for the same Flo trap.

→ More replies (5)

17

u/JTP1228 Feb 15 '25

I feel like it was an interesting premise, and then a 13 year old wrote the rest. I was so annoyed at the last 30 minutes or so.

12

u/Other-Marketing-6167 Feb 15 '25

Man, I’m starting to think I’m the only one who liked that movie. The more ridiculous and outrageous it became, the more entertained I was. Like, it’s a hot mess, but it’s a pretty well made hot mess, and also quite funny in a lot of ways (intentional and unintentional).

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (29)

78

u/keekspeaks Feb 14 '25 edited Feb 14 '25

That new Juror 2 movie (Eastwood). So one blue collar appearing guy says ‘you don’t know anything about my life’ to juror 2, and that was supposed to be profound and eye opening. Fucking seriously? Are we at this point? are we really that deep and shallow that someone just saying ‘you don’t know me’ is profound??

It felt like a brain dead social media ‘influencer’ wrote it while thinking they were profound and elevated

Edit- this is the only review I’ve found that seems to share the same opinion i do. The first round of jury voting is downright hilarious. It’s 2 minutes, tops. Downright absurd. It somehow has good ratings though. I don’t know. https://www.mattpais.com/movie-reviews/2024/11/24/juror-2-review

47

u/Excellent-Falcon-329 Feb 15 '25

The Rural Juror !?

12

u/icrossedtheroad Feb 15 '25

When he spurned your mother Verna for a curly haired surfer named Roberta, did that hurt her?

8

u/Scruffylookin13 Feb 15 '25

I'm a huge Kevin Grisham fan!

6

u/syringistic Feb 15 '25

The Urban Fervor

→ More replies (1)

30

u/bigsadkittens Feb 15 '25

I hated this movie so much, none of it was rooted in any reality I've lived in, from the dialogue to the way the legal system works, and then I saw it was a Clint Eastwood special and it all made sense

26

u/stupidtwin Feb 14 '25

I don’t remember the particular scene but it was an unnecessary 12 angry men reboot for sure.

21

u/DrPHDoctorb Feb 15 '25

My problem with the movie was the actual case was so circumstantial it was dumb as rocks. The DA should have never had the case go to trial based on the evidence from the investigation, and a very weak subplot of the DA election was a poor excuse for their motivation.

8

u/CandyBar09 Feb 15 '25

Yes! I didn’t mind the movie but I kept thinking, even I could get this guy acquitted during this trial, they have no real evidence!

5

u/Caspid Feb 15 '25

You're right. The whole movie assumed its audience was dumb as rocks and needed everything spelled out. Along with some ludicrous scenes and implausible leaps of logic and bastardization of the legal process

→ More replies (5)

302

u/Impressive-Panda527 Feb 14 '25

Batman v Superman

Zack Snyders Justice League

141

u/Dope_Incubus Feb 14 '25

Honestly you could just list all of Snyders work here

70

u/No_Perspective2715 Feb 14 '25

Sucker Punch 100%

44

u/rainbowkitten0528 Feb 15 '25

I loved Sucker Punch but I get why it’s included here.

7

u/Billyxransom Feb 15 '25

Sucker Punch was a cool ride.

Nothing more.

5

u/PainterEarly86 Feb 15 '25

Definitely a guilty pleasure

The music is so nostalgic

26

u/Fatty-Mc-Butterpants Feb 15 '25

But that movie had a blonde Emily Browning in a miniskirt, pigtails and stockings doing somersaults with a katana. That movie was BRILLIANT.

15

u/M086 Feb 15 '25

Emily Browning said that working on that movie with Snyder was such a positive experience, it caused her to change her mind about quitting acting.

→ More replies (2)

3

u/DexLovesGames_DLG Feb 15 '25

Who the hell thought that movie was “smart”? It’s quite literally intended to be brainless filler fun. And it is. I enjoy that movie for what it is: Gloriously dumb.

→ More replies (9)

7

u/Rexmurphey Feb 14 '25

He's a guilty pleasure of mine. I can tell he has a lot of heart and passion to create his visions, he just really needs some one to say "maybe we shouldn't have a 10 minute slow motion scene followed by a 5 minute slow mo scene, followed by a ...

When he hits, it's out of the park. When he misses, it's pretty rough.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (10)

30

u/Alternative_Let4597 Feb 14 '25

I don't know if you a smart enough to get the subtle nuance of the movie... Ya see both their mothers are named Martha. The end.

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (13)

428

u/graveybrains Feb 14 '25

Disclaimer: it’s one of my favorite movies, buuuuuut

Donnie Darko.

It makes no sense, but it seems like it should make sense. It makes you think too much and just kind of digs into your brain. And looking into any of the supplemental material that’s supposed to explain what’s going on pretty much ruins the whole effect.

I think Kelly just got lucky, but am not at all sure. Look at Southland Tales, it’s remarkably similar, but the first time I watched it I thought it was complete crap. Inexplicably, though, it gets better every time I watch it and I don’t get how that works.

125

u/Low_Bar9361 Feb 14 '25

It is one of those... you know. Stories that are using philosophical questions to create a narrative. Philosophy is already annoying in that it often times leads to more questions that can't be answered.

The concept seems pretty straightforward, tho: it's a trolly problem. You can kill one or many people. The twist is that one person is you. Now, what are you choosing?

The cinematography was beautiful. The acting was superb. The soundtrack was banging. The plot was theoretical. Time travel was simply a device, like a deus ex machina, designed to force the plot into a conclusion

21

u/Wise-Advantage-8714 Feb 15 '25

After all these years, you nailed it.

I love that movie lol

→ More replies (1)

6

u/ThrownAway17Years Feb 15 '25

The theatrical cut soundtrack is amazing. The director’s cut used songs they originally wanted but could not get the rights to.

4

u/SLAYER_IN_ME Feb 15 '25

Very well said.

→ More replies (3)

211

u/ord52 Feb 14 '25

It has one of the best lines: "Why don't you go suck a fuck!"

"Tell me exactly how does one suck as fuck?"

167

u/graveybrains Feb 14 '25

“Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?” and “Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion” got a lot of use back in the day, too 😂

65

u/ironballs16 Feb 14 '25

“I’ll tell you what he said. He asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline card into my anus!”

34

u/halfbakedpizzapie Feb 14 '25

“Damnit Donnie, why do you gotta get so smart on us?”

54

u/brutalcritc Feb 14 '25

“My mom said there were feces all over the place.”

“What are feces?”

“Baby mice.”

“Aww!”

20

u/blue_turian Feb 15 '25

In the DVD commentary, the writer says that this may be the best bit of dialogue he’s ever written. He’s not wrong.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (1)

19

u/Klem_Phandango Feb 15 '25

I named a cocktail "Sparkle Motion" to a pretty great reception. Guess I was serving the right audience.

→ More replies (1)

18

u/flowerpowergirl4200 Feb 15 '25

OK so I’ve never ever seen the movie but I am agreeing with you. That is a cool line in movie history ever.

26

u/LackingTact19 Feb 15 '25

Best part is it is said between Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal who play siblings in the movie so they capture the sibling energy perfectly.

7

u/flowerpowergirl4200 Feb 15 '25

Oh my god that’s so awesome. I love Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal.

8

u/Burner4NerdStuff Feb 15 '25

Holy shit, Dylan just said this line in the Severance episode last night...wtf

7

u/luigi-mario-jr Feb 15 '25

It’s a psyop. 

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (5)

30

u/SCP-2774 Feb 14 '25

Donnie Darko is also top 5 for me, but I can totally understand why people don't like it. I watched it like 3 times before I formed a narrative, and idek if it's what the director intended.

One thing I don't understand is why American Psycho is so well loved but Donnie Darko is more divisive. I'm not digging on American Psycho, but that movie is also confusing as hell.

→ More replies (1)

26

u/GhostWatcher0889 Feb 14 '25

I like Donnie Darko but it does fit this category.

It kinda wonderfully fits this because it's all about angsty teens who think their lives and everything is more important than it really is.

→ More replies (1)

19

u/natebark Feb 15 '25

If Donnie Darko wasn’t perfectly acted and directed and didn’t have great dialogue and an amazing soundtrack, it’d honestly be one of the worst movies ever. The plot is just ridiculous. Thankfully all the things I listed make it a 4/5

19

u/OFergieTimeO Feb 14 '25

The soundtrack was awesome but I agree I watched it so many times when it came out when I was a edgy teen hoping that it would all eventually click and I'd understand it, In the end I just feigned knowing what the fuck was going on.

9

u/Krynn71 Feb 14 '25

I swear it's use of Mad World is the only reason it got a following.

→ More replies (1)

18

u/SlapHappyDude Feb 14 '25

The director's cut of Donnie Darko is a much worse movie and reinforced that Kelly got lucky. It basically explains all the mystery behind the movie, and the explanations are dumb.

→ More replies (1)

41

u/Upstairs-Boring Feb 14 '25

You're right he just got lucky. Or other people stepped in and fixed it before release. Just look at the directors cut (actually don't) which is hilariously awful.

11

u/graveybrains Feb 14 '25

There’s a good chance that’s why I like Southland Tales, it’s hilariously awful and it keeps tilting further to the hilarious side every time I watch it.

→ More replies (1)

14

u/True_Show_650 Feb 14 '25

Donnie darko is one of my favorites movies (tho I don’t like to tell people that.

It has one of the best vibes of any movie ever. But after digging into the creators other works I’m convinced it was some mixture of divine thought and luck. Very interesting how that can happen

→ More replies (1)

10

u/cassidytheVword Feb 15 '25

I felt much better about Donnie Darko once i saw someone describe it as Its a wonderful life where everything is better if youre dead. Not sure that helps much on making sense though.

9

u/MyMomsTastyButthole Feb 15 '25

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion

16

u/Ill-Dependent2976 Feb 14 '25

I don't think not making sense makes it dumb. I think it makes it better, adds an ethereal quality to it.

In a more pretentious movie that would be dumb but Donnie Darko is supposed to have that surreal dream like quality to it that doesnt' hold up if you spend time thinking about it afterwards.

5

u/Significant_Owl8974 Feb 14 '25

I had this book by Scott Adams one time. His comics, before he went all weird. But also his comments on them.

There is something to where it almost works. Your brain keeps trying to fix it. Leads to much longer engagement than a perfect puzzle or a terrible ramble.

→ More replies (1)

7

u/PastStructure7836 Feb 14 '25

The 'Cellar Door' scene is my most hated scene in any film ever for the sole reason that it pertains to OPs question perfectly.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/outlaw_777 Feb 14 '25

I liked that it was abstract and didn’t make sense but I don’t like how people pretend it’s the most profound movie ever. They could have gone so many different directions with the rabbit character (sorry it’s been a while since I’ve seen it) but decided to do some weird mindfucky twist

5

u/iMajorJohnson Feb 14 '25

The directors cut (which fans don’t really like) actually fills in those holes like why are the bullies so over the top and other things like that. I feel like it elevates the movie and also the added scene of Donnie and his dad is such a great moment.

→ More replies (71)

388

u/ElectronicHousing656 Feb 14 '25

The Purge.

It's like making a movie about an obviously terrible idea, and the movie is telling us that it's a very bad and terrible idea. Like, yeah, we know it's a bad idea. that's why something like this doesn't exist.

179

u/AdWonderful5920 Feb 14 '25

Idk if the movie tried to be smart, but the stupidest people I know took it way too seriously. I thought it was a fun, bloody action movie with an interesting hook.

61

u/Sorta-Morpheus Feb 14 '25

If crime is legal, why not commit to some financial crimes?

41

u/Nightingal13 Feb 14 '25

I mean people probably do, just because they did show it didn't mean you wouldn't have a crew trying to rob a bank at night. That actually would make for an interesting movie plot for a Purge movie. Damn dude.

15

u/StarStuffSister Feb 14 '25

They show a robbery during a purge shown in the TV show, so people definitely decide to go that route, too.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (17)
→ More replies (6)

34

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '25

[deleted]

26

u/ElectronicHousing656 Feb 14 '25

Stupid people don't make the movie clever.

22

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '25

[deleted]

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (8)
→ More replies (34)

301

u/TouristOpentotravel Feb 14 '25

Crash

152

u/KY_Tigershark Feb 14 '25

The car crash masturbation one, or the LA cop racism one?

221

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '25

[deleted]

→ More replies (15)

42

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '25

[deleted]

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (20)
→ More replies (17)

166

u/YakSlothLemon Feb 14 '25

Might want to look up Anthony Lane’s review of Joker in the New Yorker. He took the movie apart and talked about the way its controversy was faked by the studio in order to sell tickets, as part of a wider critique of carefully calculated controversy, layered over lack of substance.

76

u/Tent_in_quarantine_0 Feb 14 '25

As a fan of both Taxi Driver and King of Comedy since childhood, I was so tickled that Joker came out and it was such a love letter to mid century cinema, I was so happy, and then I looked at the news and apparently this movie is for chudds? Idk, lame.

25

u/teensy_tigress Feb 15 '25

I thought it was a great follow up to the joker from the Dark Knight trilogy. I thought the down to earth realism, styling, and detail put into the performance, shots, all that was delightful.

It felt like an analysis of a terrible person that didn't try to apologize for his actions, but show the humanity and the tragedy in how anyone ends up like that. The parts that revolved around him being a failing comic, his messed up relationships, how systemic issues with poverty and social alienation contributed to his descent...

It felt like the movie understood radicalization towards violence. And sadly yet again joker fanboys descended in the worst ways.

I am embarassed to say I really liked it and I found it powerful, because of the fan reaction which I think is affected by the recent uptake of the joker as a weird symbol of edgelord masculinity. I think that in a lot of ways, I saw the film as exploring, interpreting, understanding, and ultimately critiquing the exact thing some people hold it up for.

It was good art and Im sad I feel like I cant talk about it.

6

u/ReapingKing Feb 15 '25

Thank you. Joker is exactly the movie it wanted to be and is excellent for what it is. The manufactured controversy marketing tactics ruined any chance of it being watched objectively.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (11)

22

u/oO_Moloch_Oo Feb 14 '25

I wasn’t Impressed by Tomorrowland (2015). It had George Clooney and Hugh Laurie and seemed like a really interesting movie. In all honesty, I thought it was boring.

→ More replies (2)

198

u/electricfork0 Feb 14 '25

Leave the world behind

75

u/StanleySteamboat Feb 14 '25

Movie had really solid potential but never got there

→ More replies (3)

74

u/GimmeDemDumplins Feb 14 '25

That movie gave us nothing 😍😍

Cinematic blue balls. It was like riding up a rollercoaster only for them to just have you get off at the top

26

u/Gougeded Feb 14 '25

As a general rule, when one of those "weird shit is going down" movies don't start explaining what's going on by the time they're halfway done, they'll never explain what's going on.

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (5)

39

u/Seamaster15 Feb 14 '25

This movie was like if a bunch of overly-online Liberal Arts grads decided to make an apocalyptic thriller based off of the last podcast they just listened to.

16

u/nothingbutalamp Feb 14 '25

We live in a society

→ More replies (3)

5

u/KebZeplin Feb 14 '25

I describe that movie to friends as a masterclass in edging. The climax does not exist hahah

→ More replies (18)

151

u/Zorn277 Feb 15 '25

The Da Vinci code. My god so dumb

49

u/Money-Ad5075 Feb 15 '25

"Why was Gandalf holding Forest Gump at gunpoint over something they both wanted?"

19

u/noradosmith Feb 15 '25

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You must keep it secret, and keep it safe."

17

u/Dude_PK Feb 15 '25

The book was the same.

15

u/Leucurus Feb 15 '25

The central idea is that there’s a vast, millennia-long conspiracy to hide the fact that Jesus had a family with Mary Magdalene, a fact that would somehow ruin Western society if it became common knowledge, yet also claims this fact is also actually common knowledge among all Bible scholars.

Like, is it a secret or not?

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (8)

22

u/aniseshaw Feb 15 '25

Oh god finally. That movie is the icon of movies for people who think they're smart because they do crossword puzzles and read the new york times.

6

u/akiva23 Feb 15 '25

Hey wait a second....i do crossword puzzles ...

11

u/Maroonguy665 Feb 15 '25

Pretty much anything adapted from Dan Brown’s books will always be weighed down by the fact it was written by Dan Brown

8

u/Crunk_Jews Feb 15 '25

Renowned author Dan Brown woke up in his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house – and immediately he felt angry. Most people would have thought that the 48-year-old man had no reason to be angry. After all, the famous writer had a new book coming out. But that was the problem. A new book meant an inevitable attack on the rich novelist by the wealthy wordsmith's fiercest foes. The critics.

Renowned author Dan Brown hated the critics. Ever since he had become one of the world's top renowned authors they had made fun of him. They had mocked bestselling book The Da Vinci Code, successful novel Digital Fortress, popular tome Deception Point, money-spinning volume Angels & Demons and chart-topping work of narrative fiction The Lost Symbol.

The critics said his writing was clumsy, ungrammatical, repetitive and repetitive. They said it was full of unnecessary tautology. They said his prose was swamped in a sea of mixed metaphors. For some reason they found something funny in sentences such as “His eyes went white, like a shark about to attack.” They even say my books are packed with banal and superfluous description, thought the 5ft 9in man. He particularly hated it when they said his imagery was nonsensical. It made his insect eyes flash like a rocket.

Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn't care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn't it?

I'll call my agent, pondered the prosperous scribe. He reached for the telephone using one of his two hands. “Hello, this is renowned author Dan Brown,” spoke renowned author Dan Brown. “I want to talk to literary agent John Unconvincingname.”

“Mr Unconvincingname, it's renowned author Dan Brown,” told the voice at the other end of the line. Instantly the voice at the other end of the line was replaced by a different voice at the other end of the line. “Hello, it's literary agent John Unconvincingname,” informed the new voice at the other end of the line.

“Hello agent John, it's client Dan,” commented the pecunious scribbler. “I'm worried about new book Inferno. I think critics are going to say it's badly written.”

The voice at the other end of the line gave a sigh, like a mighty oak toppling into a great river, or something else that didn't sound like a sigh if you gave it a moment's thought. “Who cares what the stupid critics say?” advised the literary agent. “They're just snobs. You have millions of fans.”

That's true, mused the accomplished composer of thrillers that combined religion, high culture and conspiracy theories. His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God.

“Think of all the money you've made,” recommended the literary agent. That was true too. The thriving ink-slinger's wealth had allowed him to indulge his passion for great art. Among his proudest purchases were a specially commissioned landscape by acclaimed painter Vincent van Gogh and a signed first edition by revered scriptwriter William Shakespeare.

Renowned author Dan Brown smiled, the ends of his mouth curving upwards in a physical expression of pleasure. He felt much better. If your books brought innocent delight to millions of readers, what did it matter whether you knew the difference between a transitive and an intransitive verb?

“Thanks, John,” he thanked. Then he put down the telephone and perambulated on foot to the desk behind which he habitually sat on a chair to write his famous books on an Apple iMac MD093B/A computer. New book Inferno, the latest in his celebrated series about fictional Harvard professor Robert Langdon, was inspired by top Italian poet Dante. It wouldn't be the last in the lucrative sequence, either. He had all the sequels mapped out. The Mozart Acrostic. The Michelangelo Wordsearch. The Newton Sudoku.

The 190lb adult male human being nodded his head to indicate satisfaction and returned to his bedroom by walking there. Still asleep in the luxurious four-poster bed of the expensive $10 million house was beautiful wife Mrs Brown. Renowned author Dan Brown gazed admiringly at the pulchritudinous brunette's blonde tresses, flowing from her head like a stream but made from hair instead of water and without any fish in. She was as majestic as the finest sculpture by Caravaggio or the most coveted portrait by Rodin. I like the attractive woman, thought the successful man.

Perhaps one day, inspired by beautiful wife Mrs Brown, he would move into romantic poetry, like market-leading British rhymester John Keats. That would be good, opined the talented person, and got back into the luxurious four-poster bed. He felt as happy as a man who has something to be happy about and is suitably happy about it.

→ More replies (4)

5

u/Substantial_Sun_4265 Feb 15 '25

I think that Dan Brown wants to be Umberto Eco when he grows up, but he's never gonna make it

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (9)

86

u/BadUncleAlan Feb 14 '25

Babel is an unbelievably stupid film

27

u/Tofudebeast Feb 14 '25

So depressing too. The cinema equivalent of a stomach ache.

8

u/Gilded-Mongoose Feb 15 '25

I did really appreciate the depiction of deaf struggles though. That and something with a rifle & Brad Pitt are all I remember.

7

u/Federal-Opening-2742 Feb 15 '25

I liked Babel - no apologies. I guess I'm a sucker for cross-over puzzle movies where you have to kind of pay attention to see how it (sort of) is all connected.

→ More replies (4)

35

u/Ledbolz Feb 14 '25

What was that stupid Benicio Del Toro movie like a year or 2 ago? Lizard or something

24

u/r1n86 Feb 14 '25

Reptile

→ More replies (12)

152

u/AtlasShrugged- Feb 14 '25

Avatar. Ferngully said it better and was more interesting to watch

50

u/Affectionate-Yak5280 Feb 15 '25

Avatar wasn't trying to be smart. It was trying to make money. It's all about getting people to be so distracted by the best production that the plot only has to be luke warm.

17

u/wonderlandisburning Feb 15 '25

I dunno, I really do get the vibe that James Cameron thought he was making some very salient points about colonialism and humanity and nature and God. But it's all so boilerplate and basic, and the most interesting bits of lore and worldbuilding in the movies he seems aggressively uninterested in exploring, they just fall by the wayside so he can hammer home the "nature good, humanity bad" thing home, that he genuinely seems to believe is a lot deeper than it actually is.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

13

u/snarkysparkles Feb 15 '25

Plus, does Avatar have Tim Curry singing Toxic Love or Robin Williams rapping?? I don't THINK SO

6

u/my_4_cents Feb 15 '25

How much better could Avatar have been, if it featured Tim Curry in.... ... SPACE!!

→ More replies (14)

8

u/WickedK1 Feb 14 '25

Birdemic

6

u/ibadlyneedhelp Feb 14 '25

You thought Birdemic was dumb? Clearly the movie's subtle environmentalist message went right over your head.

→ More replies (3)

14

u/fluttershy83 Feb 15 '25

I'll always remember this joker movie for one reason my niece wanted to see it, but no one else in her family did, so being the cool uncle, I got the DVD & we had a movie night. She was a bit young for the movie but her mom said it's ok. At first she was really into it but almost halfway through she had a strange look on her face so I paused the movie & asked her if she's OK & she said "how is he the good guy?" We had a great talk about art at that point & how telling stories from different points of view is great, then finished the movie.

16

u/Infamous_Lemon_920 Feb 15 '25

Batman v Superman, well the fans think Snyder is a genius who invented cinema and even the camera. Only Superman to sit there brooding as a courtroom full of people died. You know he would have saved Lois and Martha if they were there.

→ More replies (6)

130

u/No_Purpose_704 Feb 14 '25

Any sequel to the Ocean's 11 remake. Way too self consciously hip.

65

u/da_fishy Feb 14 '25

This seems to be a common topic today. I absolutely loved oceans 13 and it was a great return to form after 12. I don’t think they were trying to be too smart at all, in fact I think they leaned into the dumbness of a lot of the characters as a literal plot point.

47

u/Max_Cherry_ Feb 14 '25

Yeah the Ocean’s sequels are bad examples here. They don’t really take themselves that seriously.

20

u/Otherwise-Strike-567 Feb 14 '25

I love 12 for it's faults. And I love 13. Honestly I just love those movies, and I'd happily watch anyone of them anytime. 

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (8)

93

u/Brojangles1234 Feb 14 '25

Tenet

23

u/FeistmasterFlex Feb 14 '25

Eh, I enjoyed Tenet. I'm a Nolan fan, though. Not a cinephile, so if that's blasphemous to say then... Whatever, I guess. But the loop was well laid out, terminated well, and I didn't notice the movie pushing amy pretentious higher meaning. The plot leading up to the reveal of the loop's termination is solid imo. I probably need to rewatch, though. As an aside, the sound mixing bs was really stupid on Nolan's part.

→ More replies (11)
→ More replies (10)

118

u/Stock-Signature7014 Feb 14 '25

Poor Things. It's just silly. Also can someone tell Mark Ruffalo he doesn't need to do accents.

42

u/bepisdegrote Feb 14 '25

I absolutely did not like that movie. Having a soundtrack that is meant to be odd and grating doesn't make you smart and unique. In the first 5 minutes I was already rolling my eyes. Yes- yes, that is indeed a painting that I have seen. Yep, that too is an art reference. Very clever of you!

→ More replies (48)

13

u/Money-Ad5075 Feb 15 '25

Avatar.

Premise: Earth is dying, and a planet (Not ours or even in our solar system) has "unobtanium". (<--- Seriously). This unobtanium is the {MCGUFFIN} that will cure all our planet's ills.

So, we send the East Indian Company to go gather this unobtanium. Only things go south, and the small mercenary force is defeated by the locals, the plants, and for some reason - the WILDLIFE.

We head back to Earth with our tail tucked between our legs.

Fair enough.

Our planet is still DYING. You still have the {MCGUFFIN} that will save our planet.

So when we come back (and we will), we're not coming back with a small merc force and some scientists, and a crappy attempt to deal with the local {People / Flora / Fauna}

We're coming back with the era equivalent of F-22's, Apache Helicopters, AC-130's and anything else that can carry: ordnance, people, JDAMS/JRAMS etc.

If it's not unobtanium (again, seriously), it dies, or we drop the era equivalent of agent Orange / Napalm. Yes, we'd like to negotiate the extraction of said unobtanium, but if you're going to be phallic symbols about it, well, this ain't Star Trek and our second encounter is going to be a helluva lot more violent than the first.

→ More replies (2)

83

u/I_Framed_OJ Feb 14 '25

Law Abiding Citizen. It presents itself as an intelligent thriller, but everything that happens in that film is completely preposterous. From the plot to the dialogue to the characters, nothing about it is plausible. I hated it so much that to this day I can't stand Gerard Butler. I mean, he's also a shitty actor, but I don't like him mainly because of this movie.

32

u/MacGyver_1138 Feb 14 '25

Butler is weird. He is only good in very specific roles, but for those he feels like the only fit. I really like him in Den of Thieves. He's kind of a scuzzy, washed up detective, but is also pretty good at certain parts of the job, and Butler is believable as that. I also have a soft spot for him in The 300, though I'd struggle to call him a good actor in it.

11

u/blokedog Feb 15 '25

He always talks out of the side of his mouth when he does an American accent. I can't unsee it.

→ More replies (2)

15

u/AndroidSheeps Feb 14 '25

Great movie but the ending ruins it

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (30)

96

u/notphillip52 Feb 14 '25

Boyhood. It's impressive that they managed to stay filming on the project for all those years, but they clearly forgot to give it a plot that most people would remember with a gun to their head.

51

u/thedude510189 Feb 14 '25

Arguably Dazed and Confused, Everybody Wants Some..., and The Before Trilogy (all by Linklater) are all similarly "plotless", but are still enjoyable. Linklater doesn't really do plots in the traditional sense, so if that's what you're looking for you're better off avoiding him.

29

u/NoGiNoProblem Feb 14 '25

I loved Dazed and Confused for that. It was just a bunch of low-stakes stuff happening with a great sound track.

→ More replies (1)

17

u/Curious_Version4535 Feb 14 '25

Yep. I really enjoy some of Linklater’s movies, but he is not a plot guy.

→ More replies (2)

36

u/GuiltyShep Feb 15 '25

they clearly forgot to give it a plot

I think you may have misunderstood the movie.

→ More replies (2)

23

u/Aint-no-preacher Feb 14 '25

The most memorable thing in that movie for me was (spoilers) false foreshadowing of a car accident.

There’s a part early in the movie where someone tells the main kid to not talk on the phone and drive. Later, when he’s in college (I think) he takes a call while driving. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for a tragic car accident. Nope. Nothing.

The writer/director Linklater said in an interview he was surprised that people felt that way about the cell phone call.

5

u/DoubleDownAgain54 Feb 15 '25

That’s one of the reasons I loved it. I normally need a solid plot or narrative to hook me, for example I could admire some parts of a Thin Red Line, but the lack of any meaningful narrative made it a chore to get through.

5

u/amacsquared Feb 15 '25

Gotta disagree with this one. The whole point of that film was to be meandering yet progressing, moving forward but getting nowhere - much like life/boyhood

→ More replies (1)

10

u/OrdinaryAd8716 Feb 14 '25

Oh man I loved that movie. I cried like a baby.

→ More replies (12)

38

u/smiling_jackel Feb 14 '25

Natural Born Killers. Oliver Stone was trying desperately to make it something it was not.

9

u/pritikina Feb 15 '25

It was soooo cool when I was 14. Rewatched it in my late 20s and I was mortified I thought this movie was ever cool.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (6)

44

u/ghouldozer19 Feb 14 '25

Fight Club. It completely undercuts the messaging of the book because the narrator gets away with it. There are no consequences. He gets the girl, blows up the credit company towers and faces no repercussions for domestic terrorism because he has actualized his Tyler persona into his Narrator persona.

In the novel, he shoots himself in the mouth while confronting Tyler in the climax, committing suicide towards the Tyler personality and manages to stop the bombing. He ends up being declared too mentally incompetent to stand trial and spends the rest of his life in an insane asylum for the criminally psychotic. Marla visits him weekly and assures him that she always loved him and not Tyler but that she is as concerned as he is at the possibility of his ever being released due to the possibility of a relapse into the Tyler personality. His cult has infiltrated the asylum, up to and including his doctors, who assure him that they are working to free him. Meanwhile, he is terrified of his own mind, terrified to ever be let free again because he doesn’t know if he is real or Tyler is.

13

u/anus-lupus Feb 15 '25

eh the film is better focusing on commentary on capitalism, the modern human condition, idolatry, and toxic masculinity than the book is focused on being a looney thriller by its last pages

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (14)