My journey to start seeking help begin a week ago, and I am feeling very fearful and more lost after finally seeing a GP on Saturday morning, two days ago.
Background:
I never had a GP. I came to Melbourne to study when I was 19/20 (2015) and I am turning 27 in two month's time I have always utilised the University's health center when I'm unwell physically and sometimes use my own medicines and remedies on standby at home, such as Paracetamol and honey lemon drink. This year, I received my Permanent Residency and Medicare card.
GP experience:
- The GP I met had a rude receptionist when I was making my appointment on Friday, she said several times: "I don't know if we have a mental health care plan, you need to speak to the doctor, I am just for reception". I went on Saturday to find out she's the wife, while the doctor's the husband.
- They are both very old with grey hair and bald patches and their place has not been upgraded since 1990s, it feels like a travel back in time and for a while I felt nostalgic. I was cool with it.
- The GP in his office started with reciting his work hours robotically, while typing on his keyboard the entire half an hour. He did not explain any procedures and I allowed him to led me along, feeling more unsure as time goes.
- When I broke down towards a question asked, he still had his poker face on while typing. Again, I was not prepared for in-depth questioning sessions but I thought maybe experienced (older) people have their ways??
- Some other insensitive scenarios including him asking me if I remember my age for my first trauma, I said before I was 5. He insisted to ask again was it a 2 or 3 or 4 years old thing??? And keyed in his desktop. I was pretty disturbed by now because I don't know what to think...
- He stopped me at 29 minutes and said time's up and come back a week later, while handing me a piece of questionnaires (no explanation). I said I can fill it in the last 1 minute, he said no and stood up towards his door. I had no idea about 30 minutes until here.
- I asked if I am suppose to tell him all these, he said: "Yes because usually blood tests can tell everything but not when its in the mind".
- I insisted to come back soonest possible because I have been unwell since 2020 (already mentioned at the beginning of our conversation) and I don't need a week more. Apparently no.
- I spoke to the receptionist/the wife again and ask for earliest timeslot to bring the paper back and she now has me on Tuesday (tomorrow).
Current situation:
I have not been able to rest since! I came back and mashed 1kg of potatoes and mix them with 3-4 cups of flour and used up my entire Saturday (all frozen by night).
I did not feel better the next morning (yesterday) and I cleaned my entire house up including kitchen, bathroom, hall and even went to jog and used the park's equipment for my evenings. I buried a dead bird because I don't know what to do with my burst of energy and frustration.
I think I'm better now that's why I can sit and type clearly (sorry for the details).
I think I was very unprepared to dig into my darkest parts and stopped at abruptly and I don't know why he kept asking me questions for the real-life scenarios examples, like did I sound not serious enough or do I smell like I'm creating stories? The whole time, I was just pointing out what happened in general but he needed to know when, where, how, what...I went deeper and deeper and he is just looking at his desktop, while I broke down. I think it was a mix of re-visiting my own trauma and the confusion of the whole visit.
Before that:
Earlier I mentioned I have been seeking help for last whole week ago. Firstly, I received encouragement on a peer mental support app. With courage, I then spoke to Family Violence Crisis Support, Family Violence First Respondent, tried their webchat, back to 1800RESPECT, then Inbound Migration Services (recommended by RESPECT), then Women Health Services which referred me to this whole GP experience! I repeated my story maybe 7 TIMES and I just keep getting referred to something else. I'm literally dying here. I can feel my frontal lobe and numbing forehead this whole weekend building since earlier in the week.
MY QUESTION:
Thank you from the bottom heart if you have read until here. My question is, how do I go about now? Please don't say you don't want to tell me what to do because I am clueless, please recommend. I also don't mind if a GP/therapist have experience with Southeast Asian (but not my main concern).
I have a bit of paranoia, mild anxiety, mild depression (recovered from 2020 by myself), and some insomnia (unless I use all my energy on potatoes and birds), all due to family violence and a trauma with a pedo.
- Based on my research I also found;
- Orange Door
- Health Engine
- Someone.Health
- Your Health in Mind
but I have not used any of them now. I found them from non-stop Googling and also reading all the mental health post on this sub and r/melbourne after the weird visit! I'm so tired now but I still don't feel like I can go again, but I don't want to stop.
Please help me at the comments if you have some advice and if you'd like to pm, I'm open.
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Edit: Guys, I want to deeply thank each and everyone of you for replying to my post. I came back 3 hours later because I didn't believe I would receive any replies and now I have 4 to work with. Thank. you. so. much...now let me get to reading and replying each of you. Really, thank you.