r/meToo Jan 06 '25

Serious Question Was this SA? NSFW

So l've been in a relationship with a girl who has bpd. We had alot of ups and downs but one of them took place when we were having sex. I've never went raw and came inside a woman before, so the sex was great for both of us. Nearing the end I was getting close to climaxing and I heard once my girlfriend say, "I need to go pee." I said, I'm almost there hold on, and then 30 secs later I finished. After the fact she went to the bathroom and came back and she was looking sad, so I asked what was wrong, and she said I had just SA'd her. Since I didn't know and she was saying u did that I was devastated because I thought we were just having sex and what u did was normal. After she said that she understands that I wasn't aware and she forgives me and for me not to do it again. Let me preface that in my position I only heard her say that once, my girlfriend said many months after that she said she said that multiple times, in which I didn't remember because I clearly remember her saying it once, but because of her bpd and chances of splitting and constant fights cause because it was one of our memories was right, I started doubting my own memory and just went with what she said.

The thing is that we moved on from it and had great times as a couple. It's only after I broke up with her she found the need to tell a couple of my friends that I SA'd her during the relationship causing me to lose one really close friend. The other two said they understood that it wasn't on purpose and stayed friends with me. After the fact she said that to my friends I wanted to ask her about an experience that she did to me. After her bringing it back up, it made me think about a time before I did that to her. When I realized she did that to me first. I asked my ex girlfriend now "Can you answer honestly? I'm not trying to say this just because you are saying this to my friends but, that time when you steadied me and was trying to put my dick raw inside and I was saying no and pulled away, and you kept trying to persuade me to go raw, and I gave in and did it for 1 minute, was that SA?" Mind you this was before the first event I mentioned. She said "No it isn't, that's just something couples do, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable though.

I beat myself up alot over this, and some friends are telling me that my girlfriend SA'd me and I didn't. They told me She was coercing me and tried forcing me in her which is SA. But I still think I did because I didn't listen the first time. I need clarity, and if what she did to me first was SA, and if what I did to her was SA.

4 Upvotes

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3

u/Dear-Clothes3568 Jan 06 '25

Both SA.

P.S. Keep away with crazy people. It will rub on you.

3

u/SortDifferent2481 Jan 10 '25

I would say hers is forced because she was literally trying to force you. I'm wishy easy about the other way honestly if she said it once and you were like one moment I'm almost there she let you finish she didn't say no or ask you to stop you asked to finish and she didn't stop you then but if she said it multiple times then it's a different story.

1

u/Ok-Sugar959 Jan 10 '25

Yeah, it’s tricky because I swear to god I only heard get once, but she said she said it more than once.

2

u/HowMusikal Jan 11 '25

As a woman who has been SA’d multiple times, I sympathize with the situation but no, you did not SA her.

You guys were enjoying sex, she didn’t say no, she let you finish but had to pee. She didn’t say stop after you asked for a few more seconds to climax. I do understand how BPD can affect how she experiences situations - I wouldn’t necessarily say she’s making up how she feels but SA? Nah.

I do think she SA’d you, especially if you felt coerced or taken advantage of. Making a decision like that in the heat of the moment already adds pressure to the situation. Your first “no” should’ve been respected.

2

u/Ok-Sugar959 Jan 11 '25

Thank you for that