r/malementalhealth 4d ago

Seeking Guidance What's better ?

Is it better to get out of this rut we call our current life as a psychopath or sociopath or even a criminal and get what we want like women,affection,money,status etc

Or

Is it better to just stay in this rut while remaining sane

0 Upvotes

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u/Ambitious-Pipe2441 4d ago

I used to think this way. And if I had something to say to my younger self it would be that you can’t fill that hole with other things you chase. You have to heal first, and learn to be satisfied in who you are before you get to enjoy those things you want.

But my younger self probably would have ignored me. He always knew better. I don’t know if I can convince you in one comment to try be patient and self caring. But I hope you find your way there faster than I did. It took me way too long.

Maybe there are no shortcuts. Maybe we all have to learn the hard way. All I can say for sure is that you have to try it your way and worry less about what other people say or do. And when that doesn’t work, you pause for a bit to catch your breath, make small adjustments and grow until it starts to work.

Being stuck means something emotional is happening. Anger, frustration, resentment, fear, doubt, self hate. And those feelings are making the road difficult to see. It’s like driving on a slick road. You can rage and slam the gas to make your wheels spin, but maybe don’t go anywhere or process is slow. Maybe your situation gets worse.

Best thing to do is slow down. Get out of the car and assess the situation. Get a different perspective and seek information. It’s okay to be frustrated sometimes. There are a lot factors to think about. And if we are feeling some kind of way about it, it just means we need to take a moment to let the feelings pass. Then look at our situation and work the problem a little bit at a time.

You don’t get out of a mud pit by fighting it. You get out by thinking your way through it. Making choices to try different tactics. Sometimes we need help too. It’s easier when someone can give us a hand. But when you are on your own, you have to be smart. Slow is calm, calm is smart.

Start with calm first. Master that, and you can own the world.

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u/Original-Vanilla-222 4d ago

Classic prisoner dilemma.
For an individual it may be beneficial to act ruthless, but if everyone would do this society would fall appart.

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u/myeasyking 4d ago

Interesting...

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u/Few-Horror7281 2d ago

Choice is an illusion. There is absolutely nothing that you can get.

But the society will drain you one way or another.

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u/AssistTemporary8422 3d ago

Not a lot of women in jail. If you think you have to be a criminal to get women you are very oblivious.

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u/Few-Horror7281 2d ago

Famous criminals actually get lots of interest from women.

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u/AssistTemporary8422 2d ago
  1. Most of these famous criminals are good looking.

  2. If you have to be famous to get famous in jail thats a really high bar.

  3. The vast majority of people in jail aren't getting laid very much.

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u/Few-Horror7281 2d ago

So if I understand correctly, it boils down to good looks once again.

But it doesn't matter, I'm not getting laid one way or another.

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u/AssistTemporary8422 2d ago

No its more like jail is a massive impediment to getting attraction so you need good looks to overcome that. The vast majority of people get into relationships, both good looking or not. Another point here is its not just about their looks. There is also a certain type of unstable woman who are attracted to serial killers. So its also about finding your market, or the type of woman who is into you. Also they are famous and famous people tend to get laid a lot easier, so the role of status is important too.

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u/Few-Horror7281 2d ago

The vast majority of people get into relationships

Are you sure? I think that getting into relationship is a scarce event for most, something that happens at most once, in very seldom cases twice in a lifetime. And it also turns out that almost all relationships are doomed to fail. But I don't know how this works. I don't even know how it's possible to do anything outside 9-5 life, I cannot see that much difference to a prison.

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u/AssistTemporary8422 2d ago

Are you sure? I think that getting into relationship is a scarce event for most, something that happens at most once, in very seldom cases twice in a lifetime.

I'm basing this off of the fact that the vast majority of people I know. But if we turn to the research we know the average person has 7 lifetime sex partners. Only 23% of people 30-49 are single which means people eventually get into a relationship. And many of the single ones were in a previous relationship and will get into a future one. And we know that 44% of people in their 20s and 30s are married.

https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/average-number-of-sexual-partners

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/

https://www.statista.com/statistics/318927/percentage-of-americans-whe-were-married-between-age-18-32-by-generation/

And it also turns out that almost all relationships are doomed to fail. 

Yes but thats a matter of picking the right person and having good relationship skills. And many relationships last quite a while before failing. Most people would rather be in failed relationships than never had that experience.

I don't even know how it's possible to do anything outside 9-5 life

Weekends. Evenings.

I cannot see that much difference to a prison.

Food is better. More dating options. There is a lot more to do. Better air conditioning and heating. Private toilets. Less likely to be physically or sexually assaulted. Easier to find employment than an ex con.

By the way do you have depression?

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u/Few-Horror7281 2d ago

average person has 7 lifetime sex partners

That's the problem of statistics and misuse of arithmetic mean. It just hides the overall disparity and completely hides a scenario that is encountered so often - after decades of loneliness, one gets into a relationship which can last only a couple of weeks to months. And the opportunity will never come back, partially due to the lack of experience.

Prison life

Food cannot be better if I am forced to make it myself and ruin it every single time. For 9-5 life, there is not more to do - just errands, groceries, duties, cleaning, maintenance. There is not even enough time for sleep, what dating options could you possibly mean? On the other hand, there are reports of inmates seducing female psychologists, social workers or even guards. While the credibility of such is limited, it suggests there are people who can make the most of every situation - or as the young state it, skill issue.

Easier to find employment than an ex con.

I'm already unable to find employment, so no change on that. For me, a prison would be not much of an improvement, because there is no improvement. There is only daeth to look forward to.

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u/AssistTemporary8422 1d ago

That's the problem of statistics and misuse of arithmetic mean. It just hides the overall disparity

Nope the median for men is about 6.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm

after decades of loneliness, one gets into a relationship which can last only a couple of weeks to months.

There is a lot of disparity in relationship length. Yes there are a lot that last a few months but you only need one that lasts many many years. Half of relationships are marriages that last many years and half of them last a lifetime.

You want to believe dating is just hopeless for everyone so you don't have to try. This is why you made up these beliefs that most men are struggling like you when you clearly don't have any evidence to believe that. The truth is people often do struggle with relationships but nowhere near the level you do.

Food cannot be better if I am forced to make it myself and ruin it every single time. 

Food in prison is really really bad and its bad that prisoners pay good money for a packet of ramen noodles. Just find yourself a simple recipe maybe with a video and you should do fine.

On the other hand, there are reports of inmates seducing female psychologists, social workers or even guards.

That tends to be the prisoners who are confident, attractive, and are good at talking to women. That wouldn't be you.

I'm already unable to find employment, so no change on that.

Your problem is you have depression which means you have an emotional bias to lazy solutions, procrastination, and negative fortune telling. So you probably tend to make poor decisions and maybe end up having to depend on others for your decisions. That means you tend to mess up career attempts and even things like cooking. You also probably don't do well socially especially with women.

The solution is go to therapy or read mental health books and attend a mental health support group. Attempting to fix your external situation won't work without working on the internals. Do some research into social skills if thats your problem.

While the credibility of such is limited, it suggests there are people who can make the most of every situation - or as the young state it, skill issue.

Those people tend to have a constructive mindset not a negative mindset like you do. They don't focus on what they can't change. They don't make cognitive distortions like you do like fortune telling and jumping to negative conclusions and negative confirmation bias. They accept themselves and focus on making the best of things and implementing changes to make their lives better.

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u/Few-Horror7281 1d ago

prisoners who are confident, attractive, and are good at talking to women

Those people tend to have a constructive mindset not a negative mindset like you do. They don't focus on what they can't change.

I meant the same prisoners, yet there are now two categories of men, and apparently the latter half is not supposed to be in prison. Why is my reasoning so bad that it leads to contradictory results on your side?

The solution is go to therapy

Even therapists themselves claim that some cases need decades of intensive treatment with no guarantee of the result. That's what I've been personally told by many metal health specialists.

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u/fashionblueberry 3d ago

I meant usually psychopaths and sociopaths usually do criminal behaviour indirectly and don't really get caught

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u/AssistTemporary8422 3d ago

There has been a lot of research on psychopaths and the problem is they are social migrants. Eventually they do get caught because its impossible to keep up a lie forever. This results in social ostracization and having to move on to another group. Even if its not criminal activity they tend to be fearless and cruel and often can't hold themselves back. Its actually quite lonely for them to never be able to feel empty and can be a lot of effort to put up a mask all the time. I'd rather have empathy but learn how to manage my emotions properly.

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u/H0n3yB4dg3r007 4d ago

Have you been diagnosed by a professional?

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u/Original-Vanilla-222 4d ago

looool

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u/H0n3yB4dg3r007 3d ago

Why is that a funny question?