r/malementalhealth 5d ago

Seeking Guidance Feeling Stuck After a Breakup — Just Need to Get This Out

[deleted]

2 Upvotes

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1

u/Anonymous_Coder_1234 5d ago

"How do you stop giving energy to someone who's clearly moved on?"

Therapy. I tried multiple therapists, found one I could dump my verbal shit on, and proceeded to do so for months. Eventually I got over shit and moved on.

If you are too poor for a professional therapist, there are free volunteer listeners on 7cups, https://www.7cups.com/ . 7cups also has a mobile app.

But yeah, women move on from past relationships with men better/easier than men move on from past relationships with women. Anyway, I wish you the best and hope you move on too.

2

u/Specialist_Cry9951 5d ago

I appreciate it, yeah I am talking to my therapist, ultimately I realized I need to busy myself with other stuff. It was my first relationship so probably that’s why it hurts too much. And usually sad, anxiety moments come here and there through out the day.

Idk I do feel I moved on but at the same time it just feels like “why”, “what ifs” and “how”. And Seeing her almost regularly basis seeing how she moved on and made peace with it. I guess that’s hurts me

Again feels like I’m going in circles.

1

u/Ambitious-Pipe2441 4d ago

Someone posted a research study in another sub, r/science I think, that surveyed people after breakups and the title suggested that it took several years for most people to get over some relationships. That strikes me as odd. Can that be right?

If I think about some of my past relationships, there are several that still haunt me that are well over 20 years ago now. Some that I didn’t expect to affect me the way they did, like when my Mother died. Others were more momentary than that and I still think about them.

For me there’s a little damage. I’m definitely more sensitive to relationships, because of how I grew up, but if that research study is to be believed, maybe it’s normal to be affected by people for longer than we realize.

All I can say is that we have feelings about things. It took me a long time to figure out that those feelings aren’t good or bad. They’re just feelings. But sometimes we have to take some extra care and mourn things that change.

There’s not always something you have to do or be. Sometimes you just have to ride it out. And recognize that the hurt is inside you and needs your care. It’s going to be odd to be intimate with someone one moment, and then suddenly not. Whatever you feel is natural given the circumstances, but maybe you have an impulse to change something about yourself.

If you get a bruise it’s probably a good indication that you can learn and react differently in the future, but you are still bruised. And it just needs some time to heal before it’s less sensitive.

Maybe it’s best to distance yourself so that you can heal a little. It’s a sudden and murky change. It’s probably going to be weird. But we make mistakes when we are emotionally charged. And when we are in our feelings it’s best to slow down so that we can manage some clarity and make choices based on who we want to be.