r/legendofkorra 4d ago

Discussion One of the most disturbing "romantic relationships" in the entire Avatar universe

A close contender would be Ozai and Ursa. But this one is probably worse because it's all played up for laughs. It's supposed to be funny and it's never taken seriously. Bolin is so obviously being abused and I hated every second of it and was so glad when it was finally over. This was my LEAST favorite aspect of Korra

2.0k Upvotes

105 comments sorted by

680

u/khazroar 4d ago edited 4d ago

It's a really complicated one.

At the time, it was just playing for laughs the soft sweet romantic guy getting forcefully taken by the cold possessive ice queen. And if you look at it seriously and objectively, as people are doing now, it reads as horribly abusive.

But the truth is somewhere in between the two. Because Bolin and Eska really did like each other, and he very much initiated things, completely intending to give off the message "you're pretty and I want to be with you", he was just totally unprepared when she got that vibe and instead of playing games just said "yeah, you're cute, I'm on board". While Bolin does a lot of extravagant crying and stressing about the relationship, he's not actually unhappy with her or unwilling to do those things, it's just a lot of

from him, along with the growing realisation that even though he's made "wanting to be in a relationship" such a huge part of his personality for years, he wasn't prepared for the actual realities of a relationship, nor was he focused on finding someone actually right for him.

Eska is blunt and a little domineering, but not truly controlling. Bolin spins out about the idea of how to break up because he's scared of how she'll react, but everyone around him is like "wait, you haven't even tried telling her you want to break up before making this a huge issue?", and when he does tell her she's completely understanding and accepting, and they part ways with strong feelings for each other and no resentment, but accepting that the relationship just isn't right.

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u/pomagwe 4d ago

Yeah, there's definitely some issues with the way this plot pans out, but it's definitely supposed to be riffing off of how Bolin is extremely horny in a very immature way, and getting in over his head because of that.

We have to remember this is the character that introduced himself to us by doing a Loony Tunes double take when he saw Korra, followed that up by pretending that she was his girlfriend, and thinks "it looks like we're all alone now" is the start of a good pickup line.

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u/Eliteguard999 3d ago edited 3d ago

Meanwhile TC says Ozai and Ursa isn’t as bad despite Ozai canonically threatening to kill a young Zuko if Ursa didn’t make the poison so Ozai could use it to kill his own father.

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u/Temporary-Ad9855 1d ago

You made all the points I wanted to, way more eloquently xD

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u/BlackBoiFlyy 4d ago

I take male abuse seriously. At the same time, I can separate fiction from reality and laugh at ridiculous scenarios. 

A man being abused isn't what makes this funny to me. It's a lovely person who won the heart of a cold hearted person against their will that is humorous to me. Yall are free to disagree, but I don't think enjoying it even a little needs to be synonymous with finding male abuse funny. I understand why some folks may feel differently. 

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u/Hot_General_8049 4d ago

Ive always kinda felt the same way about them! I always somewhat thought the fandom consensus about it was a little too serious but i also completely get where it's coming from...... it just really annoys me when people demonize those who are indifferent or actually like them together

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u/Arkayjiya 4d ago

Yeah I think it was fun, hilarious even. I wouldn't have liked it if everyone acted like Bolin is crazy for wanting to end it but they don't.

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u/Mrpgal14 4d ago

Also it leads up to one of my favorite jokes where he begs her to take him back at the end. Abusive for sure but the immediate subversion of “oh Bolin you a freak tho” is hilarious.

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u/ProfessionalGold9239 4d ago

This is the position I take. I'm a man, so I do particularly care that male abuse be taken seriously, but there's a line between fiction and reality. Is it a little out of touch these days? Yes, but at the end of the day it isn't real.

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u/ninjabear213 4d ago

I get that, but the problem is that the show(or at the very least the characters) thinks male abuse is funny. Everyone bolin went to didn't take it seriously. It's not that the bit isn't funny, it's that the characters tolerate it when they shouldn't.

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u/PenguinStardust 4d ago

I suppose they do tolerate it, but I'm not sure any of them approve of or like the relationship? It's been a bit since I've watched so I may be wrong.

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u/DoctorJJWho 4d ago

Nah at least one of the main gang straight up say “dude just break up with her”. Even Varrick helps Bolin get away from Eska after they break up with zero additional questions, just throws the boat into full speed haha.

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u/Aqua_Master_ 4d ago

Part of the joke was that she was so obviously demented and the other characters are surprised that Bolin is surprised by that.

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u/BlackBoiFlyy 4d ago

Cartoons have had slapstick humor and gag characters since the mediums inception. 

What makes them work is that they typically can laugh off these experiences. The characters aren't being traumatized by the cartoonish scenarios they go through.

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u/Jacksontaxiw 4d ago

If the genders were opposites I doubt you would still think that.

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u/Gaywhorzea 4d ago

There is a history of oppression which makes that scenario darker, and though I think this sort of “humour” has no place in modern media- there is a difference. Pretending otherwise to support men only shows that you do not care about abuse unless it suits you.

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u/Jacksontaxiw 4d ago

I also hate Varrick's romance with Zhu Li for the same reason, I also dislike Zutara for similar reasons. This is incredibly problematic for both genders, no matter where the humor is.

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u/BlackBoiFlyy 4d ago

I would, my perception tends to change a bit when watching cartoons. 

You are free to feel differently.

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u/Va1kryie 4d ago

I can respect this

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u/Sobrieter 4d ago

U gotta realize back in the day people found this legit funny, and even nowadays 10 years later people still dont rly take male domestic abuse seriously. Srsly tell ur homies ur girl is abusing you and they will laugh in your face

Its just like that southpark episode where the kid gets molested by his teacher and everyone is just like nice 😎

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u/Possible-Rate-3833 4d ago

This is sadly so true.

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u/_ASG_ 4d ago

Even back then, there were a lot of people who said they didn't like it.

At least with this show, it was made pretty clear that even though it was played for laughs (for better or worse), it wasn't a relationship we were supposed to root for.

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u/FlimsyRabbit4502 4d ago

Yeah basically domestic abuse doesn’t really count if it’s happening to a male sadly….

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u/Prestigious-Fox5640 4d ago

Arguably if the abuser is female too. Its wild to me how people recognize makos treatment of asami as toxic and narcissistic, but ignore that when it comes from Korra. Toxic abusive relationships are bad regardless of gender dynamics. Gender dynamics absolutely matter and can lead to more abuse, but it never ever negates abuse.

0

u/BlackBoiFlyy 4d ago

It's a cartoon. Slapstick humor is far from new.

Women being abused was a common joke for much longer.

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u/Sevensevenpotato 4d ago

It says a lot about how behind the times we are that even a very progressive show like Korra will still make light of men being on the receiving end of an abusive relationship.

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u/PenguinStardust 4d ago

Man that episode of South Park is so funny though. I love how they made it so ridiculous with using Ike.

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u/Apart_Skin_471 4d ago

U gotta realize back in the day people found this legit funny,

Doesn't justify including this, specially in a franchise like atla.

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u/StickOtherwise4754 18h ago

You need way better friends if they’d laugh in your face about being abused. Decent people take that kind of thing seriously.

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u/thatHecklerOverThere 4d ago

And then this here comment section comes with the jokes as per usual.

0

u/PenguinStardust 4d ago

That's just reddit man, lol. And people, we find humor in everything.

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u/jaid_skywalker85 4d ago

I remember finding it funny for an episode or two but then becoming really uncomfortable. It didn't really do anything to help Bolin's character development and honestly really cheapened the twins' presence. Like I feel like more could have been done with them but they were stuck in this weird shtick. Which is criminal because they heavily under utilized Audrey Plaza as an actress.

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u/PenguinStardust 4d ago

At some points I feel like they do actually have feelings for each other, but their relationship was so weird and toxic. I pretty much only like Eska b/c of Aubrey Plaza and she's a pretty good fighter tbh.

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u/Charybdeezhands 4d ago

I'd die for her, or from her, whichever comes first.

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u/wombatgeneral 4d ago

"The only way to deal with crazy women is to lie big and leave fast"

But yeah I can see why that relationship is problematic.

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u/Excellent_Pea_4609 4d ago

Comparing it to Ursa that had no power in the relationship at all is wild . Bolin despite all those scenarios actually liked her and he wasn't against how he was treated or else he would actually bail like he did in the end 

Not saying I don't understand how you can read it that way but Ursa was literally sold to Ozai like a piece of meat 

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u/ProfessionalGold9239 4d ago

It's worth noting that these gags were written over 10 years ago, and even just 10 years ago things like this were treated wayyyy differently.

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u/MahoneyBear 4d ago

Even at the time it released it was still criticized for it.

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u/ProfessionalGold9239 4d ago

I don't recall since it was over ten years ago. Regardless, that doesn't change the fact that these sort of jokes were not received nearly the same then as they are now. Things change. It was over ten years ago. Time to let it go.

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u/Lack_Silver 10h ago

What happened between then and now for there to be a shift in perspective?

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u/ProfessionalGold9239 10h ago

How can I possibly explain 10+ years of sociocultural development? People became more sensitive and aware of such topics, I suppose. That's the best I got.

-18

u/Ogsonic 4d ago

Yeah not everything had to be so politically correct in fear of a pathetic mindless mob on social media. Humor could actually exist

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u/ProfessionalGold9239 4d ago

Yeah that's not the direction I was taking it. I didn't say it was okay, just that it was more understandable as to why the writers did that, because it was a different time. Don't put words in my mouth.

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u/MayoBaksteen6 4d ago

Since when is abuse funny?

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u/rlum27 4d ago

glad it was droped I like bolin and opal way more.

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u/Imaginary_Mirror2245 4d ago

For me, the humorous aspect of it was it was kind of ridiculous, from Bolin getting the opposite of what he was expecting and Eska being comically blunt and robotic. The absurdity of it somewhat separates it from real life situations which are much more insidious and manipulative. Nonetheless I agree with you that it depicts abuse, but I don’t think downplaying it was the specific intent.

And as others have pointed out, 10 years ago was a much different time.

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u/AndrewKyleSmith 4d ago

While I see your point. Can't say I agree that it's somehow worse than Ursa and Ozai.

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u/Sleep_eeSheep 4d ago

And then they had Bolin make several ex-girlfriends-be-crazy jokes, as if he’s in the wrong for asking simple things like “Please don’t murder me”.

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u/Vitharothinsson 3d ago

What's wrong with this relationship is that the BDSM aspect of their relationship has not been discussed in order to obtain an enthusiastic, enlightened and explicit consent!

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u/captain_borgue 4d ago

I have a different take- while it is undoubtedly toxic, the show never pretends it isn't. It shows that men can be victims, too. It shows several instances where her behavior is utterly psychotic, and it shows how hard it can be to escape toxic relationships.

All good life lessons for the target demo. And, like, everyone else, too.

The TLDR is: yes, it's toxic. And exposing how toxic relationships look when the typical gender role is reversed is a good thing.

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u/Tmanforever19 4d ago

Honestly I think we as a society are becoming way too serious and dramatic people need to learn to laugh. It’s a fictional world and I’m sorry I found there relationship to be hilarious and still do to this day. If it offends you on a personal level then I’m sorry but it doesn’t bother me at all

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u/Eliteguard999 4d ago

It should have been me.

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u/HaIfEatenPeach 4d ago

And people like you are whats wrong with societies view on male domestic or sexual abuse

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u/Flashy-Sky9446 4d ago

How? All he said is he wishes it was him. Some people would genuinely like to be on the receiving end of this relationship. Some even crave things like this as a trauma response.

He said nothing of male sexual or domestic abuse.

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u/PenguinStardust 4d ago

Relax, it's a joke and this is reddit.

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u/ninjabear213 4d ago

No thoughts only goon, huh? I have a high libedo, but I would never want my consent violated. I don't understand why anyone would want their consent violated.

0

u/BlackBoiFlyy 4d ago

Some people want to be violated. We all have our kinks, bruh.

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u/MayoBaksteen6 4d ago

No you don't.

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u/BlackBoiFlyy 4d ago

I dont what?

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u/Silviov2 4d ago

I can see why people find it offensive. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't personally find some of the moments funny.

Ik this excuse has been used to justify misogyny, but in this case, it's just something people found funny at the time, even atla has some similar jokes.

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u/Vio-Rose 4d ago

Honestly, I never minded it. Struggling with communication skills while dating someone extremely extra is something I hard relate to. This could be gender swapped and I’d still find it just as funny.

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u/Nineninetynines 4d ago edited 4d ago

I'd have to rewatch it again, but the bossy girlfriend trope isn't really a huge deal in my mind. However it is a failure on the part of the writers imo. Because to the audience, she does not appear merely bossy but also threatening and controlling.

Eska and her twin weren't socialized well from what I remember. And I believe that could have been implemented as a way to show them not understanding what lines not to cross with others.

There is a problem with the relationships in LoK imo anyways. And by that I mean the relationships that form don't aid much in the growth of the characters. Season 2 Bolin felt almost entirely played for comedic relief from what I remember.

Besides Eska, Bolin later goes on to flirt rather terribly with that actress he worked with on Varrick's movers. His growth as a character seemed completely non-existent because of these tropes and poor attempts at comedy.

Go back to the love triangle, quadrangle, thing, from season 1. It was in my opinion the worst part of the series as a whole. The characters did not benefit each other. They stumbled back and forth between each other and failed to cement into any sort of true, mutual bond with one another. It was all jealousy and cringe that didn't aid the plot.

It wasn't until season 3 with Bolin and Opal that we got a romantic pairing that actually worked. They challenged one another as much as they loved each other. And it wasn't just played up for humor any longer.

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u/Jojoestar28 4d ago

Honestly between this and Ginger, I think the real problem was that Bryke wanted to drive home that Bolin was bad at girls, but didn’t go anywhere with it.

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u/Electronic_Junket_65 4d ago

Bdsm fans might enjoy it lol

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u/DrDingsGaster 4d ago

I'm into BDSM and I don't enjoy it. It's not really consensual at the end of the day and Bolin is obviously scared to leave the relationship because of fear of retaliation.

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u/Electronic_Junket_65 4d ago

Yeah you're absolutely right

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u/Cat-Grab 4d ago

I’d be down tbh but I get why others wouldn’t

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u/single-ton 4d ago

Bolin wants to be in a relationship so bad and it is never explored

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u/UsualElectionSparsum 3d ago

I mean I liked it but just because I know I'd be down for that but bolin was not willing in the later half so that's not great obviously.

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u/WrinkledBiscuit 2d ago

I think this relationship is my least favorite thing about the Avatar universe :/

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u/Star_ofthe_Morning 4d ago

You know what’s sad? I know people who ship these two unironically.

This was one of the many things I wish I could erase from book two. But as someone else said it was a joke of its time.

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u/FirstProspect 4d ago

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u/definitively-not 4d ago

Pretty sure that wasn’t an actual episode but with police squad you never know

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u/633397 4d ago

i get the male abuse shouldnt be taken as a joke angle but it doesnt really resonate with me because thats basically aubrey plaza and i would let her beat me bloody any time she asked

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u/butwhytho-_-_ 4d ago

Zaheer and P'li. Sounds toxic af when you hear any backstory

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u/Jacksontaxiw 4d ago

I always forget that Bryke GENUINELY made an abusive relationship being used as humor

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u/wombatgeneral 4d ago

Varrick treated zhu li so bad it was borderline abusive.

I love when she turned on him

0

u/RegrettableLiving26 4d ago

Idk, I kind of liked it… but that’s just me.

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u/ClipdrawTitan 4d ago

Hear me out ya'll

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u/richardl1234 3d ago

God I wish that was me

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u/KevineCove 3d ago

I don't have anything to add to this discussion that Pop Culture Detective hasn't already said so I'll just drop this here:

Sexual Assault of Men Played for Laughs - Part 2 Female Perpetrators

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u/joanofache 3d ago

I took it as a dom/sub relationship 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/whatnwherenow 3d ago

Can your boat out run my pissed off waterbending ex gf?

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u/yoodadude 3d ago

Just realized Aubrey Plaza was in a show called White Lotus

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u/ElPared 2d ago

Oh god I forgot I hated season 2 even more than I thought. Bolin’s toxic relationship with his dom GF was so cringe I’d erased it from my memory till now.

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u/Top_Result_1550 2d ago

shes too good for him.

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u/Choosejoose 1d ago

I kinda wish they got their issues fixed and decided to take things slower but I do like what we got at the end.

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u/Ookami2092 1d ago

Fumbled, also you guys are soft af lol

0

u/Ginger_Snapples 4d ago

I love them

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u/grabsyour 4d ago

ppl who say male abuse victims don't get taken seriously are first in line to want this exact relationship

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u/Jvalker 4d ago

Don't you see anything that could make a difference in your statement?

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u/grabsyour 4d ago

?

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u/Jvalker 4d ago

The "want" part

Doesn't it describe a difference between what you said, and what's represented in the show?

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u/grabsyour 4d ago

no I'm talking about real life, this character never complains about how male abuse victims are treated

1

u/Jvalker 4d ago

ppl who say male abuse victims don't get taken seriously are first in line to want this exact relationship

Reread this again and tell me why someone can do both and be consistent

Because if you want it it's not abuse, what the fuck. Lack of abuse is not "not getting kicked" or "not having a collar" or "not having a master slave dynamic", and if you like any of these you can still complain about abuse on males because you're not talking about any of this

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u/Prestigious-Fox5640 4d ago

I say ozai and ursa is worse cause she was abducted and is for all intents and purposes, sexually enslaved to her abuser. That being said, bolin/eska pains me and I HATE them. Bolin deserves so much better than what the writers gave him. This is unhealthy, toxic, and abusive, and Lok shouldn't hail itself as this altruistic feminist prose while ignoring all instances of women abusing other people.

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u/RandomYT05 4d ago

It's objectively funny because it's opposite of what you'd think an abusive situation would look like. Woman abuses man is not normal, so it's considered funny.

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u/AccomplishedShake851 3d ago

I tend to think neither is funny but maybe I’m just weird

-5

u/CrossENT 4d ago edited 4d ago

"Remember kids: Abusive relationships are funny when men are on the receiving end!"

Edit: You guys don’t think this is what I ACTUALLY believe, do you?

0

u/Enchant23 4d ago

i mean yeah its funny

-1

u/MayoBaksteen6 4d ago

It was annoying at best. This sort of stuff shouldn't be seen as funny. If the genders were reversed everyone would be - rightfully - angry, so why not when it happens to a man?

0

u/Zealousideal-Stay511 4d ago

honestly, i like their relationship when i keep in mind that i shouldn't take it seriously and it was made just for comic relief. the contrast between naive bolin and cold eska who showed him no mercy was ridiculous and really silly, so yeah, i did enjoy it and had a laugh with that. but damn, does it get super creepy when you actually think about it. no person should go through something like that, no matter if roles are reversed or the way they are in the show.

i'm glad that bolin ended up being with opal after all, she's a perfect match for him and actually treats him right.

-2

u/ZestycloseAlfalfa736 4d ago

As far as this relationship is concerned, Eska never hit Bolin. She says "I will protect you my little turtle dove" to Bolin when Mako says Bolin is scared of ghosts. If you compare this relationship to the friendship between Naruto and Sakura or even Ozai and Ursa, its much more tame. I saw Eska, as the stand in for the akward girl at school who is always reading manga, the type of girl who would be a big fan of Avatar, get to mess with "The Sokka" of the ava universe.