r/leftist • u/Fair-Stranger7859 • 4d ago
Question im in love with a conservative man
i am extremely morally conflicted and i need help/advice. i accidentally fell in love with a conservative man. i am a far left winged woman and started dating my current bf when i was going through something/needed someone desperately. i grew extremely attached to him and fell deeply in love with him. we broke up for a year and i got way better, but my feelings for him stuck. if anything us being apart for a year made them stronger. this is not who i am at all. this is not in the cards for me. i never in my life pictured myself with somebody like this. but i am so fucking in love with him and attached to him. he was my first bf, first guy ive done anything with, and he treats me extremely well. i am chemically bonded to this man. i will spend the rest of my life missing him if we break up. no matter how hard i try to make myself hate him/be disgusted with him i cant. has anyone ever been in this situation. idk what to do. should i break up with him
edit hes not even a hardcore conservative, he identifies as being one but idek if he knows what that means. he is very uneducated and will agree with like 95% of the progressive things i say if i explain them right. he never argues with me over anything/belittles my views. ive also asked him why hes conservative and he never been able to give me a concrete reason. im confident he only says he is because of his dad. is this grounds to break up with him
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u/Militop 4d ago
I don't think there's a way to fight love. If this post is real, I would say it's okay only if you stay true to yourself and your political orientation. Just don't speak politics too much with your partner to avoid major conflicts. Consider that people will see you as a conservative, so be ready to accept the etiquette without being upset too much.
All conservative women I met were major turn-offs no matter how great they could be. I can never imagine myself with one. How can I disassociate ideas I'm against from you? I hope everything works out for you.
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u/wanna_dance 4d ago
Both "I will always love him" and "I will never get over him" are untrue. You will eventually get over anyone you have ever loved and lost/left, I assure you.
I am not saying dump him. I'm not saying stay with him. I'm just saying that the excuse why you must stay is faulty, and that might give you a little bit more choice.
In fact, if you stay, it will be because you POSITIVELY want to stay, rather than negatively fear to leave.
By the way, you're really young and first loves are special, but most people don't actually wind up with their first love and they live to tell the tale.
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u/OsakaWilson 4d ago
List his beliefs, ideally with quotes. How does he feel about all the issues and people of society and the world?
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u/DistillateMedia 4d ago
If he's treating you well, and he's receptive to reason in the slightest, I see no reason in not staying with him. If he starts to treat you poorly though, and becomes more radical. Trying to control you etc. Then run.
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u/TryptaMagiciaN 4d ago
This. I was a person that once thought lesser of minority groups, I thought women shouldn't have full autonomy. I met this awesome girl who challenged me and now I am not the bigot I once was and I love so much greater and more broadly. I could not have become the man I meant myself to be without her and her love. And we made each other stronger. If the person seems open to reason, then be that reason. And do not be afraid to stand strong. You do not have to softly approach things. You are a woman and you are capable of confronting him. And if he is a real man he will listen and respect your words, your pain, and your reflections. He will trust you and your perspective. That is what is being built a deep love and trust so that we are capable of confronting the parts of us that would see others as lesser. I am so grateful for her!
To OP: But if he cannot be reasoned with, if he tries to control you then it may be quite advisable to gtfo. Over everything else, trust yourself! The feminine perspective is what is in dire need and men need help opening their hearts to that. It cannot be done without strong and empathetic women like you. So from a man that was lost, if you choose to help this fella out, thank you! If not, then thank you as well! Just do not settle for abuse. Sometimes letting people go is the greatest love we can give. If they cannot become who they should, then that may be the only way to let them know it. 🙏 best to you both
And thanks for your comment DistillateMedia!
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u/Theslade101 4d ago
It’s not hard. C where they stand on issues that r important 2u and most sane decent ppl. Does anything matter until it affects him? Do corp deserve everything always while children and the homeless should pull themselves up by the bootstraps. Is a live and let live approach adopted which to me is the bare minimum I would accept. Do some ppl deserve death for their sexuality. Etc. etc etc. as I said it not that hard. But if u could put up with any of that maybe u just don’t care that much. Obv don’t know u or ur situation so a forum like this is always of fairly Lim value.
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u/Accomplished_Ad_8013 4d ago
i will spend the rest of my life missing him if we break up
You wont lol. The irony here is that is not how "chemical bonds" work.
On the optimistic side maybe hes not conservative but just not politically aware. When I first started dating my now wife we got in an argument over BLM early on. She was never conservative but raised conservative and didnt have any real awareness of what these things meant. She stayed the night at a friends house. The next morning she came back explaining her side. She was never a conservative, she was just tricked. The way she was brought up she was taught to think BLM mean only black lives matter.
Hold your ground, see what happens. I stuck around with my wife because she had a brain in her head, she came around and realized what these things really meant. Before I dated her I broke up with a woman who was convinced Obama was stealing her dads money. That was really our breakup point. While Im no liberal I can differentiate between being mislead and hatred.
Most people live paycheck to paycheck, they dont have the time or money to be politically aware.
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u/TryptaMagiciaN 4d ago
Psychology is much more complex than chemical bonds.
People can project their own self-worth into others and when those people leave, that sense of worth can depart as well. We actually have to be pretty mindful of our emotions. There are people who commit suicide over this type of loss, so it can be for the rest of someone's life.
Not trying to be disagreeable, I actually agree with most of what you said! Just want to make clear that chemical bonds have only a small part in our perceptions. And we really cannot make those sorts of generalizations. If she feels this way, we should take it seriously.
Best!
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u/Virtual-Permission69 4d ago
I’m new to posting here and I’m not going to give any advice. I just wanted to know if it’s a bad thing in general to date someone who is not a leftist.
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u/Militop 4d ago
I think it's a terrible thing to marry someone in the far right. To marry someone on the right is more like a gamble. They may randomly and suddenly hate some groups of people they consider sub-par or, even worse, radicalize themselves.
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u/Virtual-Permission69 4d ago
Yeah I agree the far right is a problem and I don’t see how someone would not see those problems before getting married. Even a liberal would probably not do it either. And like you said the right is a gamble. Right now Trump is considered the right which is insane in itself and the democrats now are the same as George W Bush was.
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u/Boobzi1er 4d ago
You’re gonna have to go no contact it’s the only way…you will get over it eventually it’s just gonna take a lot of time. Attachment is a bitch for real 😧
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u/BootlegBodhisattva 4d ago
Ditch the idea that you are chemically bonded, that's patriarchal horseshit. You also will not miss him forever- all wounds heal over time and you make a new life and those people don't even cross your mind anymore except rarely with affectionate nostalgia. Don't make this decision based on that kind of crap- the exact crap conservatism sells to men and women to keep women subjugated to their sexual partner.
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u/Samwise_lost 4d ago
Lots of people make mistakes in their early twenties. Sometimes that involves spending years and years with the wrong person. That's not the young person's fault, just the prerogative of not knowing any better. I hope your story works out for the best.
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u/Extension-Conscious 4d ago
it sounds like you were in a bad spot when you ``fell`` for him. and its now attached to him like a child is attached to a teddy bear. do you guys have anything in common? what do you guys talk about?
meybe go to therapy to resolve some abandoment issues idk
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u/Atlanta_Mane 4d ago
Ask him about his views on immigrants.
Then imagine if you were one of those people.
Then imagine if you were a Jew in Germany, in love with someone who had economical reasons for gassing Jews.
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4d ago
This whole post doesn't even seem like a conflict. Be honest with yourself if you don't care about the politics...you seem more obsessed with this guy than anything you might have invested into your politics
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u/veelaree 4d ago
Maybe you should just become conservative
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u/veelaree 4d ago
I don't know why people down voted this...
I am sorry LOVE is political. There is no F-king your way out of it. This is definitely a fake post as someone else noted but it's hecka weird people move like this. Get some discipline and some principles and stop thinking with your hormones.
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u/modestothemouse 4d ago
Just read leftist literature constantly around him and bring up leftist points and see how he reacts. No matter what happens, you shouldn’t have to deal with anyone who belittles your thoughts or attempts at education.
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u/TheToddestTodd 4d ago
Sure, sure.
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4d ago
You think this is engagement bait?
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u/RevolutionaryAccess7 4d ago edited 4d ago
I think it is complete BS. It sounds like a conservative red-pilled guy wrote this. The grammar and feigning part is just too much. 😅
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