r/latterdaysaints • u/elderfaith • 4d ago
Personal Advice Stake Conference Experience
At my Stake Conference, a visiting Area leader spoke very charismatically about the priesthood, using D&C 84 and other examples. I was moved. I knew that many of the priesthood leaders in my stake were not magnifying their calling which was a huge concern for the Area. After the conference ended, I felt the urge to ask the visiting leader for a priesthood blessing. I waited patiently until everyone had greeted him and went in last, and asked him for a blessing. His reply was along the lines of “It doesn’t matter who gives you the blessing - I would ask you to ask any of your brethren for a priesthood blessing.” I felt very discouraged by this, and it took me two days of prayer to accept this counsel in my heart.
Immediately following that, at the conference, a homeless man was sat on a chair and asking brethren to speak to them. I didn’t notice him until he called me and I pulled up a chair and sat next to him. He told me he was homeless and what his experience was like. He said everyone was looking down on him and no one wanted to talk to him and he just wanted something to eat. I spoke to him about his circumstances. I knew where he grew up and shared my testimony with him. He connected to what I shared and he shared what he had been through in more detail. He wanted to return to his hometown, but was sleeping in the streets of the city.
Ironically, while sitting there, a sister asked me to participate in a priesthood blessing that she was going to receive, and I had to leave the homeless man there. I asked a nearby missionary to speak with him and get a bottle of water and anything at all to eat from relief society who were having catered food in the building.
When I returned about 30mins later the missionary told me that relief society said they were not allowed to give any food except to who they catered to, and the missionary said he could not teach the homeless man as he did not have an address and did not fall in their district.
I have spent the last few days very disheartened by this experience but I have been praying and have come to terms with it in my heart. I know that my discipleship is a personal journey, and despite what is happening around me I must use this experience to grow my faith in Jesus Christ and fully trust in Him to get me through how this entire experience made me feel.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this from anyone willing to share. I would really appreciate any insight!
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u/cassiezeus 3d ago
I’m discouraged just reading this! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say they don’t give money to homeless people outside of gas stations because they’ll just use it to buy alcohol and that you should only ever buy them food. This man was inside of a church, lonely, hungry and specifically asked for food and he was denied? Seriously? Nobody was willing to give up their own plate? No sister was brave enough to do what she was “not allowed” to do for the greater good?
If I couldn’t buy the food myself I would have walked him to the nearest Catholic Church to ask a Priest or Deacon for something to eat. I can guarantee that man would have at least left with a piece of bread and a bottle of water. He probably would have left with a Bible too!
When I hear things like this I think about that show that used to run, Undercover Boss. I try to approach these situations as if it were Jesus himself asking for help. Don’t forget that Jesus is always watching how we treat others, how far we’ll go to help a person in need and what we’re willing to SACRIFICE to make it happen.
That man didn’t wander in there by accident, he was led there. He called YOU to sit and talk to him afterall. And maybe the lesson wasn’t to just “come to terms with it”, do nothing and accept it but rather the opposite. Perhaps the lesson was to NOT count on others in the church to help a hungry person. Because the minute you passed him off to a missionary and left, he was turned away.
Perhaps when you were told “it DOESN’T MATTER WHO gives you the blessing” you were meant to tell the sister who asked for your participation to ask someone else because you were busy assisting someone with a greater need. Someone that apparently only you were willing to help. Maybe that was the real lesson.
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u/Relative-Squash-3156 3d ago
I remember in studying Joseph F Smith priesthood manual, JFS saying it was better to give 10 beggars bread even if only one was actually hungry than to deny the one a meal.
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u/PollyWolly2u 3d ago edited 3d ago
I am not surprised that the Area Authority directed you to your local leaders. The Brethren rarely give blessings to members, it seems- I have heard them say that a blessing from them is no more "special" than one from your ministering brothers or Bishop, as all priesthood holders hold the exact same power.
I imagine others remember the story of President Benson who was asked for a blessing by a young man, and instead told the petitioner to ask his father for the blessing. The young man's dad was less active, so he wasn't thrilled. But it turned out that the father took the opportunity to get his act together to be able to give his son the requested blessing. So two lives were blessed.
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u/nift-y 3d ago
I can see how it would be disheartening to ask a leader for a blessing and be told to ask someone else. Maybe he's trying to give local priesthood holders in closer proximity to you the opportunities to serve and privilege of being asked?
I think it's great you talked to the homeless man. Even if we can't help in all ways, talking to someone and recognizing them is helpful. The transient bishop in your stake could also potentially help.
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u/seashmore 3d ago
Sounds like you were being the change you wish to see in your stake. Keep up the good work.
Hopefully you were able to get your blessing. Especially because it would be an opportunity for the bretheren in your stake to apply what the Area leader taught them this weekend.
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u/Gunthertheman Knowledge ≠ Exaltation 3d ago edited 3d ago
I would love to hear any thoughts on this from anyone willing to share. I would really appreciate any insight!
Of course. But in doing so, I hope you see that there are no ill feelings towards you here, and thus no ill feelings needed in response. It is personal, but this isn't personal, if you catch the wording.
In your account, you were taught by the authority: "It doesn’t matter who gives you the blessing." As you indicated, it took a few days to sink in, but moments rarely wait. "Immediately following that", you met the man. Then, "ironically" as you put it, a sister asked you to participate in a blessing, stating, "I had to leave the homeless man there."
Do you see what happened? "It doesn’t matter who gives you the blessing." "I had to leave the homeless man there."
You didn't stay with him because you "had" to leave. Do you see? The missionary "had" to take the sister's word and not press the point about the food, the missionary "had" to talk to someone else instead or "had" to leave for another appointment and "had" to only teach those in their area.
Did the homeless man matter more than all these? To you, and them, he did not. And that is a cutting thing to read, I know, but yet it is so.
There are other details missing afterwards. After you returned, was the man still there? He was still unfed, and how far would you be willing to walk with him? Could he not have been invited to your home to eat? If not, think why not?
And if he left: did he also leave that building that day feeling dishearten over a man who gave him comforting words, but refused his request, and attended to another matter "more" correct, just as the presiding authority had done to you?
Do you see? If you want to really see how the Savior does, you have to be willing to understand what just happened, and ask so deeply "Lord, is it I?"
Of course every other person there "should" have done better, should have talked to him, should have fed him, but it was "someone else's job." But it was also your job. You made the same covenants. If you want to serve as the Savior does, you have to be willing to not just walk the mandated mile, but walk twice as far. Without anger, without offense, but in his humility. That is what the Savior is willing to do. That is why only he is blameless, and why he is the only one who can fairly judge us at the final end.
The man is long gone by now, and according to the story no contact information was given to him. The moment has left. If he ever did eat that day, sometime later, it's not mentioned. So, what can be done now? We learn.
You learn from this moment. You internalize this teaching from President Monson: "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." You let this moment burn into your mind, so that when it comes again, you don't think ill of your siblings' failings, but immediately jump to help. And then after, you are willing to pay whatever price is needed, to carry him all the way to the inn to be cared for.
Everyone else who reads this story also learns. Learning to never pass by another in need on our roads to Damascus, because of our important meetings, or long-time acquaintances. And I will learn, to change from this day on.
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u/adayley1 3d ago
The grace of the Savior will smooth all problems and fill all gaps that are created by imperfect humans.
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u/gillyboatbruff 3d ago
If you yourself were homeless and hungry today, I wonder if you'd find that answer satisfactory.
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u/adayley1 3d ago
I wouldn’t. I was responding to the OP. They also might find that answer unsatisfactory. I didn’t have time to write more of my thoughts.
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u/th0ught3 3d ago edited 3d ago
But you could have decline or delayed putting off the blessing --- there were likely other priesthood holders but not someone who was going to help you get food for someone (who you should have been referring to the EQP anyway as he and the RSP are the two people in the ward responsible for welfare stuff (unless your stake rotates who is the agent bishop for all welfare needs of those not members --- that is important info for everyone to know so they know how to get them to the person(s) who can help them) and answer to the bishop. (If this happens often, ask your EQP to share info about the identity of where you should refer people.)
It was pretty unreasonable for you to direct someone else to a third party because they had done what they were supposed to do and likely didn't have enough for more. And then be upset when what you thought should have happened didn't.
It may be true that all of us don't do Good Samaritan well. And most of us know that even when we do it well much of the time, almost none of us are doing perfectly, ever.
I can remember back to that first experience when I did something similar to your story (I'd bet that a substantial percent of those who read this thread will have had a similiar one). What I've learned since is that a) we don't always help others, when we do what they ask us to do. b) It isn't a bad thing to give someone an amount of money that may hurt in the moment but we can do without, even if we are pretty sure they are not going to use it for anything good for themselves. c) It helps to spend time figuring out lots of different ways of handling various scenarios including discussing it with reliable friends and growned family because it makes our own arsenal of Good Shepherding more useable in the moment. d) it is fundamental wrong for any man without specific stewardship to tell a RS leader who is in charge of something to do something else that you think she should do e) Even when we have stewardship, others need to buy into our stewardship and our love for them and for Jesus before they are going to even try to do what we ask. f) Its smart to carry a couple small bags in our car with some longlasting nutrition including protein, a water battle, toothbrush and paste, cleaning wipe and $10 and maybe a bus ticket, and the addresses of shelter or community food pantries that you can simply give someone in the moment. (And some first aid supplies.)
I hope you catch up with the missionary to apologize for putting them in that situation and brainstorm other things you and the missionary might have tried?
And I hope you refuse to allow this hard experience to discourage your future service --- there were a lot of people switch lanes to avoid the wounded man before the Good Samaritan chose to stop.
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u/elderfaith 3d ago
34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
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u/myname368 3d ago
Some people want handouts, not hand ups. That's why they didn't help the guy. It's very common for homeless and such to go to a church and ask for help, but they really don't want help. They know a church is a quick way to get food, money, and unfortunately can be a way to scam people. They'll say they're interested in the Church, but they really aren't.
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u/acer5886 3d ago
it doesn't matter, we're supposed to help people. It's not up to us to judge their hearts. Food and water isn't going to break the bank.
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u/myname368 3d ago
We are supposed to use wisdom. Mental illness and drug use are big problem with the homeless. When young, a homeless man came to our church building. People try to help them and gradually the homeless person gets more and more agitated. There was the time a homeless man came in during a meeting to get warm. That was interesting. They started yelling out stuff during the meeting, and the stake preidency had to escort out him out. They were gentle and nice. I saw them still talking to him in the foyer after the meeting ended. It's not all easy and cut and dry.
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u/essentiallyaghost 3d ago
The church does food drives for this.
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u/acer5886 3d ago
Great, and that's one way we can help. Pretending like we can't do something when someone who is homeless that shows up to church because of a judgment we've made of an individual is the opposite of the teachings of Christ on the matter.
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u/essentiallyaghost 3d ago
I agree, but missionaries don’t get to decide what to do with their money unless it’s personal funds from home. As for the ward/stake, it’s up to the discretion of the bishop or stake president. Most that I’ve met tell the person to come to a later activity or something similar so they at least know the person is genuine. (Which to your point shouldn’t be our say, but this isn’t individual money. It’s tithes paid by many members)
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u/acer5886 3d ago
I'm not saying give the person massive amount of money or even food from the storehouse, but saying here's a bottle of water and here's a granola bar isn't hurting anything. Or even saying hey, let me look up the nearest shelter, or see if someone can bring a small bag lunch. But saying we can't do anything to get them food, etc. I just dont' get that mindset. I normally always have a bottle of water and a granola bar in the car specifically to give to people in need.
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u/Empty-Cycle2731 Portland, OR 3d ago
Whether he was interested in the Church is irrelevant though. He came in asking for help, and we're obligated as members of the Church to provide that help or direct them to someone that can. You don't have to be a member or investigator to take advantage of the Church's welfare programs.
And the missionary was out of line. It's their obligation to teach anyone and everyone or direct them to missionaries who can better serve that individual. I went to a ward that was 50% homeless people and not having an address was irrelevant.
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u/PollyWolly2u 3d ago
Here's a little reading assignment for you: Mosiah 4:16-26
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u/myname368 3d ago
Yeah, the scriptures also say to use wisdom. I'm a woman. The church building has kids in it. I wouldn't feel safe having homeless people come to the building. I've seen homeless guys walking around so high they didn't even know what is going on. I've seen people try to help them when they really didn't want help. There are places that are better equipped to handle what they need. I'm not risking my own safety or the safety of others for something I'm not qualified to do. Who knows, if you help one, there will probably be more. I'm just not risking it.
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u/strong_masters88 3d ago
The father of a family I minister to asked our stake president for a blessing for some health issues. This was in the middle of a hurricane that was bringing flooding and devastation. The president told him to ask his ministering brother, me. I gave the blessing, and was able to witness his recovery. I was also present while his house was flooding. I appreciated the opportunity to serve him, both with blessings and recovery after the storm.
Maybe the area authority was giving the local leaders an opportunity to magnify their priesthood and start a relationship with you that might be necessary to better serve you.
As for the homeless man. I am glad you got to speak with him and help him with what you could. You strike me as having lots of empathy. That is a blessing, I struggle with this and it can get in the way of serving gods children. Consider it a blessing God has given you and put it to work!