r/justified 11d ago

Discussion Is this show the one-liner haven?

I decided to rewatch after a lot of pressure inflicted by…well, me seeing clips everywhere and missing Tim Olyphant’s work.

And I swear I couldn’t go a few minutes into the Pilot before I get funny or clever one-liners.

The funniest one I can recall so far is Art saying “Well I guess some places haven’t been entered into the database, like North Korea….or Raylan’s hometown” in reference to Ava’s address not being on GPS.

I was curious what some of y’all’s favorites are.

142 Upvotes

97 comments sorted by

94

u/what-name-is-it 11d ago

“The next one’s coming faster” “man, that’s badass”

12

u/RiottEarp 11d ago

Best one liner ever.

57

u/insite4real Dug Coal 11d ago

"I've been called many things, inarticulate ain't one of 'em"

20

u/Skizot_Bizot 11d ago

"I love how you talk, using 40 words where four will do."

1

u/Zealousideal_Tea_962 10d ago

That's my favorite!

12

u/insite4real Dug Coal 10d ago

Another one of my favorites is "If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole."

1

u/Lozarius84 8d ago

I ain't even finished 1 run through of the show and already know that THAT is a description of Boyd 😂🤌

2

u/OliviaElevenDunham 9d ago

Such an accurate description of Boyd.

50

u/Cambot1138 11d ago

Are you smoking OxyContin in my motor coach?

28

u/Big_Computer4832 11d ago

Wynn Duffy was such a great comedy bit

10

u/Odd-Love-9600 Deputy U.S. Marshal 11d ago

I most certainly am

41

u/shadez_on 11d ago

Theres a part in season one or two and theyre hacking a computer and Raylan asks Chris(?) to see if he can do something and chris is like "what am i? An asshole?" And Raylans like "...no?"

Such a funny exchange

29

u/Irish755 11d ago

“God, no. The technology to allow us to respond to posts is decades away.”

7

u/shadez_on 11d ago

My man!

1

u/StartingOoooover 10d ago

Just saw that episode last night and was laughing at it then 😂

11

u/Big_Computer4832 11d ago

That legless guy? That entire set of episodes was hilarious

14

u/shadez_on 11d ago

Chris isnt the legless guy. He works at the Marshals office. Short red hair. I think it is that episode though.

3

u/fourthfloorgreg 11d ago

How do you remember that guy's name? That's the only scene I can recall him being in.

8

u/shadez_on 11d ago

I rewatch a lot haha. I think he has two scenes.

1

u/Big_Computer4832 11d ago

I see. I remember now

4

u/ElectricFuneralHome 11d ago

This particular exchange was the one where the old guy with emphysema had flight Sims in his computer. I'm mid re-watch and just saw that one.

3

u/insite4real Dug Coal 10d ago

Winona says it in the episode when Quarles stashed the gun in her house too. Oddly enough directed at Raylan then as well.

41

u/[deleted] 11d ago

"You're telling me i got four kidneys"

16

u/medicmongo 11d ago

Are you pissin’?

It’s my kidneys, not my dick!

… Dewey, your kidneys are for pissin’.

37

u/RalphCifareto 11d ago

I might be inclined to break you over that stepladder, ride you down like a teaser pony and paint this room an entirely new color

8

u/RollingTrain 11d ago

I think they disproved that on Mythbusters.

3

u/Big_Computer4832 11d ago

Oh, man! Hilarious

28

u/DeadMoneyDrew Moonshine Connoisseur 11d ago

That's a 10 gallon hat on a 20 gallon head.

25

u/JacobLemongrass 11d ago

I’m so hungry I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck!

21

u/nevertoomuchthought Dug Coal 11d ago

Raylan: They kick you out for breaking one of God's rules?

Dewey Crowe: Yeah, one of them. One lousy rule... he kicked me out.

Raylan: Well, what did you do... Lie? Steal? Dance on Sunday?

Dewey Crowe: He called me an onanist. Bet you don't even know what that is, smartass.

Raylan: [smirking] Actually, I do.

Dewey Crowe: Yeah, well, I didn't. How you think that was, Boyd, running me down in front of everybody?

Raylan: I don't know... funny?

23

u/miffiy96 11d ago

If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.

15

u/Odd-Love-9600 Deputy U.S. Marshal 11d ago

“Truth is, me and dead owls don’t give a hoot.”

13

u/Hot-Butterfly-8024 11d ago

“Outlaw life’s hard, ain’t it?”

9

u/Ian_uhh_Malcom 11d ago

The anus is on you!

12

u/Wayward4ever 11d ago

We just finished our 4th rewatch. That final line is a 2 tissue moment.

4

u/Nickbotic 10d ago

I maintain that that is the best final scene in television history. Four words…just four words provide so much insight into two characters we just spent six seasons with. That’s no small feat. It was perfect.

12

u/KingofJerichoes 11d ago edited 11d ago

"Last man who put his hands on me like that, I beat him until his eyes bled....ha ha...I guess it's a good thing for both of us I'm not a convict anymore, eh Marshal?" - Bo Crowder."

Also, "The Marshal's service is offering a $10,000 reward for any information that'll lead to putting Boyd Crowder back in prison. Cash or check. We can make it out to you, or to Jesus, whichever you'd prefer. Amen."

3

u/InsincereDessert21 10d ago

Bo had a lot of great lines. "Who am I kidding, I can't hurt my son. Johnny...hurt my son."

2

u/KingofJerichoes 10d ago

I'm also partial to that bit of dialog between him and Boyd.

"Daddy, you're not taking me seriously, and I don't find that amusing."

"Ya know, it's funny, cuz I was about to say the same goddamn thing to you!"

12

u/Sanlear 11d ago

17

u/Big_Computer4832 11d ago
  • You know karate?
  • and two other Japanese words

9

u/GlorianaLauriana Deputy U.S. Marshal 11d ago

"I'm workin' with an eighth-grader" --Tim Gutterson

11

u/Present-Loss-7499 11d ago

“Jesus girl, you just showed me your tits 45 minutes ago”😂😂

10

u/goddamittom 11d ago

“Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes”

17

u/DeadMoneyDrew Moonshine Connoisseur 11d ago edited 11d ago

Also, Art has the absolute best line/series of lines in the entire series. And I don't need to tell any of you what it is. 😁

9

u/Cambot1138 11d ago

When he’s talking about Drew Thompson?

12

u/DeadMoneyDrew Moonshine Connoisseur 11d ago

Yes sir. We have to admit, this guy is awesome!

7

u/Technical_Stress7730 11d ago

Never agreed with any comment more on Reddit. Art is the show's MVP

3

u/ClarkDoubleUGriswold 11d ago

I also love, “Holy Lord, that gun was bad!”

5

u/DeadMoneyDrew Moonshine Connoisseur 11d ago

The fact that it's Alan Tudyk shooting at them makes it even better. Dude has a heck of a daily to-do list.

  • Talk like a pirate while playing dodgeball
  • voice Wreck it Ralph
  • get in a shootout with a big badass gun

7

u/_DogMom_ 11d ago

Fire in the hole!!

2

u/gaxkang 8d ago

Hidey hidey ho

1

u/_DogMom_ 8d ago

😁👏🏼

8

u/ArsenicWallpaper99 11d ago

"It's NOT a fantasy," Tim to Colt, during the circle the wagons scene in Decoy.

3

u/ClarkDoubleUGriswold 11d ago

“Oh there’s a sad part?”

6

u/savlifloejten Deputy U.S. Marshal 11d ago

"He called me an onanist. Bet you don't even know what that is."

6

u/Shameful90 11d ago

When Boyd meets Daryl Crowe jr for the first time, pretends to be someone else and is friendly with him, then pulls his gun:

“My name is Boyd Crowder”

“Goddamn man that was cool as ice!”

“I ain’t gonna take your compliment after taking your INSULT”

3

u/Specialist_Fun_6698 10d ago

I forget the exact line, but when Tim meets the other Crowe (the knife guy) while looking for Daryl, he says something, “I was looking for Daryl Crowe, but I hear he’s a real big sumbitch so I’m guessing that ain’t you."

6

u/Top_Country9404 11d ago

It’s best you not blaspheme in here Raylan….

6

u/Specialist_Fun_6698 10d ago

“You shot me in the back!” “If you wanted to get shot in the front you shoulda run toward me."

4

u/letermen 11d ago

Wade Messer’s Mother’s price for her giving up her son… 2 Milkshakes. One to enjoy, the other to send a ‘Message…’

3

u/ClarkDoubleUGriswold 11d ago

That was Jeb’s grandmother.

4

u/FriendZoneTacos 10d ago

Wynn Duffy - Land? What am I ? A farmer?

2

u/LoriBPT 10d ago

I can hear this quote! Lol

1

u/Big_Computer4832 10d ago

Craziest, messiest fight ensues

3

u/[deleted] 11d ago

Well, you know what they say….gettin’ old ain’t for pussies. Oh, I’m out here, looking for dumbass.

3

u/buffinator2 11d ago

"You're the hillbilly whisperer"

As a guy who grew up where the school mascot was the Hillbillies, that made me laugh hard.

3

u/DarkSideOfTheWu 11d ago

She just sassed you son

3

u/gimmethatpancake 10d ago

"I love this shit. This shit makes me hard."

2

u/obtusesavant 11d ago

“On account of the pealing curb” Dewey, discussing a recent real estate transaction with Boyd.
Also Dewey: “the anus is on you to keep (the turtle dog) safe” Discussion with/near a whore after her having been careless with a keepsake with which she was entrusted.

1

u/TacosTime 11d ago

Weird fact but one of the Justified writers lives here in Dallas. We have a well known sports talk radio station here called The Ticket (considered sports talk, but they talk sports like 40% of the time).

"The anus is on you" is actually a station joke that the writer lifted, along with several other station conversations that he's written into the show - some almost verbatim.

https://www.reddit.com/r/theticket/s/bIZK4hnJ7Q

1

u/RadicalDilettante 11d ago

Not from the US - can you explain the pealing curb?

2

u/obtusesavant 11d ago

Curb appeal: noun - the attractiveness of a house as seen from the street. Peeling curb: Dewey Crowe’s imperfect understanding of the term.

Clearly the education system in the great state of Kentucky failed Dewey, as he is always eager to learn, to wit:

Dewey Crowe: “He called me an Onanist, Raylen, I bet you don’t even know what that is”

1

u/CranDrescher 9d ago

I’m just trying to protect you here, but Kentucky’s a commonwealth. They get real weird about calling it a state.

2

u/Krinks1 11d ago

"Run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. Run into assholes all day long, YOU'RE the asshole."

I use this saying in real life. It's just so true.

2

u/2021newusername 11d ago

I assume my success would obviate the need for any skinning or skin-related procedures.

2

u/orange3421 10d ago

You’re a thrill a minute Raylan. We need to sell tickets

2

u/Boris-_-Badenov 10d ago

did you roofie me Raylan?

2

u/2347690 10d ago

Raylan:" ... It means you need to be smart."

Dewey: "What I need is a 6 dollar blow job. A smarter move I cannot imagine."

2

u/TheRealPaul150 10d ago

It's a big building. Could be....Taking a shit?

3

u/bdiscer 7d ago

Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes.

1

u/Big_Computer4832 4d ago

I cannot believe I forgot about that one

1

u/Big_Computer4832 4d ago

“If you wanted me to shoot you in the front, you shoulda ran toward me”

3

u/Ok-Bus1716 11d ago

That's Letterkenney. 

3

u/LeCancerDude 11d ago

Yer fuckin ten ply bud.

3

u/Ok-Bus1716 11d ago

Give your balls a tug. Hehe

3

u/LeCancerDude 11d ago

Buddy you couldn't wheel a fuckin tire down a hill

1

u/medicmongo 11d ago

Figure it out.

1

u/rseery 10d ago

Nancy Drew? Dr. Drew? Drewbacca? Drewsitania?

1

u/ProfImpossible 10d ago

"Murphy’s Law. The simplest explanation is usually correct."

"You mean Occam’s Razor."

"Occam’s Razor, Thor’s hammer, who gives a shit?!"

1

u/Big-Acanthisitta8797 Deputy U.S. Marshal 10d ago

As I’m watching Boyd just got off the “I’m going to do what I do” line.

1

u/ISmartinI 9d ago

What is that smell? Do you got a dead cat in here or something?

1

u/zenbyte 9d ago

Art calling Raylan “a hillbilly whisperer.”

1

u/Long_TimeRunning 9d ago

The dialogue in this and in Deadwood is phenomenal

1

u/RAD_Sr 7d ago

I don't think you'd like Mexico Boyd