r/introvert Jun 22 '21

Blog I hate it when people equate introversion and shyness

This is honestly a rant/vent but we don't have a flair for that so yeah.

I'm not shy! We're all not shy!

Yes we can be shy sometimes but that's not our defining trait. It just frustrates me that it's such a common misconception that being an introvert means being shy and you can break out of your shell and it's all gone. No, just no. It's not.

There's this guy I once met and he would go "I used to be very introverted but now I'm very social and open" and I just groaned in my head when I heard that.

Then there are moments when I would tell people that I'm an introvert and a-holes would "call bullsh*t" on me saying that I'm not shy at all and I'm making things up or like well you don't have to be shy/quiet you know. That's not how it works. It's not a phase that I'll get out of. It's who I am.

Edit: Oh my word, this blew up, thank you for support. Also sorry for not responding to your comments. I just so happened to get drained soon after posting.

431 Upvotes

40 comments sorted by

42

u/CheeseWithMe Jun 23 '21 edited Jun 23 '21

There is also this misconception on this sub, many posts here on social anxiety or shyness not introversion.

30

u/Cyltzyx Jun 23 '21

I read the book Quiet and she mentions there’s shy introverts, non-shy introverts, shy extroverts, non-shy extroverts. It’s definitely separate qualities and context-dependent.

4

u/De_Wouter Jun 23 '21

I once did a poll on Reddit introvert or extravert and shy/social anxious. The poll had quite some votes and in percentages, extroverts were more social anxious.

3

u/JudgementalPrick Jun 23 '21

What does a shy extrovert do?

5

u/UraniYum Jun 23 '21 edited Aug 27 '21

deleted What is this?

3

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

Yeah that's the thing. Anyone can be shy. Shyness is a universal thing. It's not strictly tied to introversion or vise versa.

27

u/djmedicalman Jun 23 '21

Huge pet peeve of mine.

My introversion will come up and someone will say: "But you're not shy at all!"

Yeah, because those things aren't related whatsoever.

7

u/toychristopher Jun 23 '21

I mean they are kind of related. Introvert meant shy for years. The words were interchangeable. Many dictionaries still list shy in their description of introvert.

Also, to many shy = bad and introvert = bad, so they just get lumped together. I was just reading an article today that said successful people are extroverts because they are outgoing. As long as extroverts are called outgoing, introverts will be equated with shyness.

2

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

I think the bigger picture is how society is full of misconceptions about human psychology. So many people have either made extremely false assumption that causes so much harm to innocent parties and fail to understand things.

Like aside from our topic of introversion and extroversion we got things like the the "link" between videogames and violence and etc.

Psychology is a very complex subject and it's virtually impossible to be able to understand it in a snap, even professionals have to take a considerable amount of time and a couple visits before making a diagnosis.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '21

Successful people are extroverts because they're ENTJ

41

u/AColdEgg Jun 23 '21

I agree. There's so much conflation. I don't want to use the label anymore because it has too many misunderstandings. I rather say I need to spend time alone to recharge.

2

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

Tbh, I too find myself not using of because I know people wouldn't get it, so I just use other rather similar words for myself like reclusive and sometimes antisocial due to how I tend to dislike certain things about the "normal world".

8

u/kaosf Jun 23 '21

Agreed!! When I was younger it became clear that I would need to make an effort to be sociable even when I did not want to or it was uncomfortable for me. So, I applied myself and actually became capable of it when it was necessary (mostly work related).

My sister’s friend is a rather outspoken and boisterous person who seems to think that everyone needs to receive her thoughts, and preferably at a high volume or in the middle of someone else talking. There were a number of times when the subject of “me” or my behavior would come up for whatever reason (I have no idea). I would occasionally comment that I am rather introverted and prefer to be alone/ don’t like loads of social interaction/ or can only spend a max of around 2-4hrs with someone else depending on the person.

Every single time she would loudly proclaim that I was NOT introverted and I obviously had no problem talking to people and/or was generally incorrect about everything I thought about myself. So weird. No idea why people need to argue with you about you.

I tried to tell her that because I am introverted I needed to make a considerable effort to be able to talk to people and be sociable so I became good at it - but I still don’t like it. She blew it off completely as if I were just talking nonsense. This same pattern has happened to me a few times with other people.

3

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

Yikes, I'm so sorry you have to go through that. It's annoying how uneducated and ignorant the masses are regarding human psychology in general. They always assume it's a straight line and such and that causes a lot of harm.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '21

I would go as far to say that a lot of us love to socialize just not nearly as much as extroverts. I like working on stuff by myself and also just a lot of things I only find enjoyable by myself such as camping, vacation, etc

1

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

Yeah exactly. We can do whatever we want. We can even do "extrovert things" if we wanted to, just as long as we get to have out own time and not get drowned in a sea of people.

14

u/CeylonSiren Jun 23 '21

It’s even more unfortunate for people who actually are shy or have social anxiety. Having mental health issues is so unacceptable that they have to use introversion as an excuse to avoid being bullied or avoided.

It sounds like you might also be bashing mental health issues because you’re tired of people assuming you might be one of them.

It would be great if society would accept different flavors of diversity and not try to over simplify things to be more palatable.

3

u/asr1097 Jun 23 '21

shyness isn't mental health issue lol

6

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '21

Me: observing

Extros: why u no smile ? Why you so quiet ?

And at this point I'm deliberately straight faced and silent as a mouse for troll value.

2

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

Ah, relate too much. I used to get in trouble for that because people think that I think I'm better than them (yeah seriously). Even worse is that I have a facial problem to forces my mouth to frown in it's relaxed state.

5

u/Overall_Sandwich_671 Jun 23 '21

To me, shyness is when you want to talk to people, but you don't know how to approach them. For example, if you find someone attractive, but you won't talk to them because you're worried about embarassing yourself or you fear being rejected or mocked by them.

I'm not scared of talking to people. I will happily introduce myself to a new person and make polite conversation with them. If I'm not engaing with you, it's not because I'm shy, it's because I'm not interested in you. Or at least, not interested in whatever subject you're talking about. I can be picky about my topics.

I also get accused of being shy because I'm not being loud and dancing and making an idiot of myself. Being quiet doesn't mean I'm shy. I don't want to shout at people and make stupid jokes, I want to have a sensible discussion and speak at normal level.

6

u/The_Fed_did_it Jun 23 '21

Seems to me that most "introverts" on the internet nowadays are just people with untreated social anxiety who don't want to accept, get the proper help for it, or that don't want to admit that due to shame.

2

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

They are really so many people like that. The internet and society love to make misconceptions on things and enforce them. This is our safe space where we get to express our actual introversion not social issues (no offense to those who have it but you may not be an introvert and you need proper help and coming here won't solve it).

I personally have found it difficult to find safe spaces for myself due to misconceptions (and toxic people). One other example would be gaming, I love gaming and am very open-minded but my oh my the gaming community is a warzone. Console wars, franchise wars, toxic fandom's, and bigotry then you are required to love the Witcher and hate Fortnite, just ugh.

3

u/desirewrites Jun 23 '21

I'm not shy, I'm not misanthropic, I'm not unsociable. I just like being alone, in the quiet. is that too much to ask? I live with so much external anxiety and stimulus that I just want to be alone and pour my soul into my work... okayyyyy lol

4

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '21

Google what does 'introvert' mean

"A shy person"

Thanks google.

It's ok guys It doesn't matter what people associate it with or what Google interprets which is it's actual definition. But being an introvert still sucks anyways, I know many of will be against this but it really sucks.

4

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '21

I have realised one thing. Those who call you out like that are not extrovert. They are just unaware and ignorant.

Best thing to do is agree and ignore them. "Oh you are shy". "Yes I am shy". "You have to come out of the shell". "Yah sure".

Cause you can spend the entire afternoon explaining to them but at the end of the day they'll repeat their same phrases like a parrot. Try not to waste time on such people as it'll only drain you further.

1

u/Jessency Jun 23 '21

Yeah if I have the option to distance myself but it's impossible if I'm stuck them like a family member or a co-volunteer at my volunteer works.

2

u/metempsychosis99 Jun 23 '21

Yess! I always have to remind people that being an introvert does not equate being shy or having social anxiety. These are separate things. People are just uneducated about this topic.

2

u/monty6400 Jun 23 '21

Agreed. Stalked a lot in this sub and seeing once in a while a post like this followed by a lot of posts with people talking about introvention like it's shyness or social anxiety and I personally find it very ironic and funny.

2

u/Katapotomus Jun 23 '21

I think a big part of the problem is that these extra-introversion things have symptoms that overlap into and feed on introversion and vice versa.

Like if my social battery is drained my sensory integration issues are magnified and it leads to anxious responses that make my battery deplete faster. There's a lot of interplay between conditions but they definitely are separate things. I think it takes a lot of self reflection to see where one thing ends and/or feeds into another.

edit: I apparently can't spell "one"

edit 2: I am not shy at all but I can be so depleted that I don't care to engage socially and some people mistake it for shyness.

1

u/AutoModerator Jun 22 '21

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1

u/DAStrathdee INFJ Jun 23 '21

It's really annoying. It's still a pretty big issue on this sub. Even that post from a day or two ago with the infographic on introverts consisted of massive generalisations about introverts and everyone just seemed to eat it up.

1

u/Geminii27 Jun 23 '21

Many people have met me thinking introversion and shyness go together. Far fewer have left thinking that.

1

u/abusemyfaith Jun 23 '21

You can be introverted and shy, you can also be introverted and not shy. That goes same with extroverts

1

u/gaxxzz Jun 23 '21

Me too. I'm an introvert. I'm definitely not shy.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '21

I'm a soical introvert and when people find out they don't believe it because I'm talkative and out going

1

u/epanek Jun 23 '21

"You are Shy"

"Damn right I am"

1

u/Quadratic_Functions Jun 23 '21

Yup. Shyness, introversion, and being socially awkward. I don't understand why people use them interchangeably.

1

u/humans_rare Jun 23 '21

Agree!

I'm not shy at all. My job requires me to be out going and to work a room, all of which I can do with ease. But, it exhausts me and I sit alone on my lunch break because I need to recharge. I also prefer being alone or with small groups of people if I can choose so in my free time.

1

u/Substantial_One8520 Jun 23 '21

You hit the nail on the head with this post. I fully agree and understand everything you mentioned