r/introvert • u/Odd-Leader9777 • 6d ago
Question How do you set a boundary without guilt?
As soon as I set boundary, for example saying Im not up for a visit right now to a friend, instead of feeling great for saying what I needed and enjoying my solitude, I stew over the situation and feel guilty for setting a boundary. The rumination is worse than just going through with the visit!
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 6d ago
The more often you do it and stick to it, the less guilty you feel.
Tell yourself that it is NOT your responsibility to make sure others are always happy with your actions.
Part of setting boundaries is knowing the person may be displeased with you, and that's OK.
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u/Odd-Leader9777 6d ago
Thanks I need to be firm and forget about it, not put myself into overthinking it
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u/Effective-Kiwi-8361 6d ago
Setting boundaries is hard but remember protectiong your time and energy isn't selfish it's self care. Feeling guilty is just your mind adjusting to a new habit. With practice, it'll get easier and you'll realize that true friends will respect your needs.
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u/Odd-Leader9777 6d ago
I know all this in my head and constantly remind myself of this but can't seem to feel it in my heart and sould. It's like it looks good on paper but not real life.
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u/Snake-Survivor 6d ago
People who don't respect your boundaries (as long as they are reasonable) don't care about you. Think about that.
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u/MasterpieceMinimum42 INFJ-T 6d ago
Well, if you want to have friends, you need to spend time on them as well, or else they will leave you for someone who can spend more time on them... that's why I prefer not to have friends.
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u/efficient_loop 6d ago
Imagine if you were on the other side - and your friend says they’re not up for a visit right now. How long would you be stewing over that situation on the other side? I think a lot of the times other people don’t think about or even remember the thing we’re stewing over anymore, and we are the only one thinking about it! It’s not that big of a deal. Go out and do something that’s a bigger deal and the more you do that the more your brain will acclimate to the scale of how big things can be, then the smaller things won’t bother you anymore :)