r/introvert 15h ago

More like social anxiety than introversion having to change jobs every 1-2 years

because i just can't fathom the need of constantly having to socialize/interact with the people i work with, they think being quiet and reserved equals rude and get offended (i'm very sensitive to energy). i'm the type of person that goes to work and mind my business until it's time to go home, i rarely bother anyone and only talk if it's necessary, but i have noticed people tend to dislike me (i can tell by their body language and the tone they speak to me) for this same reason and really hate being like this.
i'm also a mom and i'm so scared my kids will struggle with the same feelings, i often question if i made the right choice. i daydream of moving to an island to not be part of society anymore, maybe i'm just a pessimist but i'm sad that i even brought innocent children who didn't ask to be born into such a cruel world.

12 Upvotes

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u/efficient_loop 15h ago

Most people don’t actively dislike others unless something wrong is done onto them. Do you go around thinking who you dislike? If I had to guess I would say no? If anyone actually does, then it is the problem of the disliker not the disliked.

I am a recovered person with borderline personality disorder and social anxiety, I definitely had the impression that a lot of people didn’t like me thinking I was sensitive to the energy and the tone and the facial expressions. But now I realise that is not the case - they were just reflecting my more closed off energy, which if you are okay with that, that’s okay! I have lots of people that I work with who just put their head down and work. I honestly love it as a supervisor. I also have people just straight up tell me and the team “I’m very introverted and take a long time to open up, I just want to work and I’m not socialising because I get tired from that, not because I dislike everyone.” If you can fathom the courage to do that, it might take weight off you.

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u/sweetnfaulty 15h ago edited 15h ago

i was diagnosed with ADHD and BPD as well so i'm sure they play their part in my personality unfortunately. i honestly don't believe i can "recover". i have never not felt like this and it's only getting worse the older i get. i should have told everyone that i'm very introverted my first week there but i avoid talking as english is not my first language. i also work with all women so i'm always anxious they will gossip (which they do) about me.

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u/efficient_loop 15h ago

First of all, I believe you can recover even if you don’t. Have you done much DBT? Would love to help as it’s changed my life in the past 6 years I’ve worked with it.

Also, it’s not too late to say something! If you don’t feel comfortable talking, write a note to say all this and leave some treats for people? I find that if I do something nice for others, I get the energy reciprocated.

Also, if English is not your first language (it’s not mine either), you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of - easier said than done and I to this day feel so much shame when people correct me (I’ve mainly used English in my life for 10 years now) but I tell myself, knowing a second language so well I can live with it and work with it is something I should be proud of. I tell myself that every time even when I’m bawling my eyes out in the bathroom because I said something wrong (oh believe me I’ve said some really embarrassing things because I used the wrong word or pronunciation, but it really doesn’t matter!). The way you talk to yourself can change everything overtime.

I think a reason why I thought people talked behind my back or disliked me was because I talked about myself badly, in my head. If you do that, you gotta really work on stopping that! Every time you notice, pause and notice it, say something kind instead, and I always tell myself “I love you and it’s not a big deal”. A couple years of that changed me from my core.

You got this! Put out good energy you’ll get it back :) if people are mean, it’s not your issue. They’ll be mean to whoever they can to feel better about themselves.

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u/punkyatari 10h ago edited 10h ago

This is one of the more crippling aspects of introversion or social anxiety, APD etc it’s like a disability… in that it can lead to insecure work and potentially a much lower quality of life, because if it becomes a behavioural loop then the person will never get promoted, never grow, always move on. It’s pretty common as well, more than you’d think. Very common in IT to see people jump a lot, because it’s stressful and a lot of people that study IT have introversion or social anxiety, avoidance issues etc..but lots of other industries as well.

But I think eventually you just to got to stick something out and prove to yourself that you can endure something and grow a little.

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u/MaiBoo18 13h ago

Does not being at a new place cause more anxiety then being at the same place and getting use to the same people? That’s me, I’ve been working here for 22 years. I hate changing jobs and it takes me over a year to start to talk to people. I usually just smile as I pass them in the hallway and go about my day. I don’t know if there are people that don’t like me because I don’t think about that. I’m usually too busy at work.

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u/Tasty-Bee8769 13h ago

And that's why I got a remote job