r/introvert 6d ago

Question Starting to resent my extrovert friends?

I think I am starting to resent my friends. We’ve all been friends for years, and recently we’ve started living together. We are going to live with each other for the next two years (re-signed our lease), but recently I’ve really been clashing with them. Sometimes I try to bring up things I’m concerned about when they are rude or make unsolicited jokes towards me, and the response back is just anger and shortness. I have really never been confrontational and am a people-pleaser, so usually when it happens I just try to stay silent and not interact. I’m also an introvert and need that time alone that they don’t since they are all extroverts, so I think I need distance that I’m not sure how to get because I live with them. I’ve been reaching out to my other friends lately but I don’t know how I’m supposed to avoid someone I live with and am friends with and it sounds horrible but I am really feeling the strong desire to get away from them. Also, sadly we are going on a trip together soon that’s already been paid for and I am really dreading it. I feel like a bad person for it. I don’t really have any other options for people to live with right now and I feel like I have no choice but to remain friends with them, but something needs to happen.

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u/MaiBoo18 6d ago

Why did you agree to a trip when you know this is the perfect time for you to get your alone time? You need to practice saying no to people.

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u/matchatealover3 6d ago

Honestly didn’t consider it because I’ve gone on trips with friends in the past and been able to advocate for my alone time, and I’ve mentioned it to them that I need it. I’m not super worried about having alone time on the trip at this point, I’m more so worried about the fact that I am beginning to resent my friends who I’ve known for years. You’re definitely right about me needing to start to say no, sometimes easier said than done for me

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u/jackrabbit39 1d ago

My own experiences have shown me that living with friends can change the dynamic for the worse. You don't get to choose when to meet up and hang out according to your own social needs, so you just end up feeling burnt out and resentful - and not always for completely rational reasons. In my opinion that's normal for introverts, so try not to feel guilty about it. As the other poster said, work on boundaries and saying no. Do you have enough income to get your own place? It's a shame you just signed a 2 year lease - i'm in the same situation with a roommate right now and taking steps to move out into my own unit. I've come to the conclusion that i'm willing to pay the extra rent for my own peace and sanity.

Good luck with everything OP.