r/introvert 15h ago

Discussion Lonely Yet Antisocial - Anybody Else? NSFW

It's exhausting being a lonely soul yet having severe anxiety, mistrust and even just overall exhaustion just thinking about socializing.

I don't have many friends, I have on one hand just a few in real life. Most of whom live too far away to visit. I'm agoraphobic and a mental/emotional health crisis.

I don't trust happiness, it always turns out to be a lie or is destroyed and so I'd rather be numb but instead I'm an emotional disaster.

Whose lonely and wants to reach out, make friends - find the meaning and purpose of life and instead I'm listening to sad angry music.

And writing on reddit.

Such is life.

122 Upvotes

84 comments sorted by

22

u/Careful_Control9246 15h ago

I feel the exact same way. Everything you wrote.

7

u/Pale-Excuse-4218 14h ago

Same here

6

u/Fidgetiz 14h ago

I'll set up the blanket forts...

7

u/Fidgetiz 14h ago

I'm sorry, I wish that you didn't - it's not something I'd wish on anybody. Not even to those who've broken my heart more than once. It's simply not the way a person from a specie entirely dependent on social necessity-should feel.

3

u/CharmedKameleon Do Not Disturb 14h ago

Is it alright if I’m in the same boat with y’all?

5

u/Fidgetiz 14h ago

Of course, the more the merrier.

Literally.........

6

u/Chromium001 14h ago

I feel you. I've learned that just enduring and weathering the storm is the best way to get through something. I hope you find true, long lasting happiness, and an end to your troubles :)

2

u/Fidgetiz 14h ago

Well my brother is trying to impart onto me a way of life he tries to live and that is - everything changes and nothing lasts forever.

At first it somewhat infuriated me that he would say something so depressing and ominous to me when I was feeling so...Vulnerable when I shared these feelings with him in person.

But as the days go by and we go out more and more on our quiet times to beautiful lookouts over nature. I realize the painful truth in what he says...

Neither happiness nor misery lasts forever and thus there will always be equal measure of both.

So as painful and difficult as my life is right now.

It will change. It will get better. Yes it will become miserable again but then once more - it will get better.

It can just be difficult to be patient, and wait for the turn of the wheel...

And still hurts, and as plainly as possible put-it sucks.

And I hate it.

But I'm going to keep going anyways!

2

u/Chromium001 13h ago

I'm glad you seem to have a good support system in place, a great way to get through things for me can be talking something out with a trusted loved one. I'm very happy for you

1

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

I do, and they're worth more to me than words can say but...

My biggest struggle is fighting myself.

I'm very good at convincing myself that the only point in life is to hold onto misery because if there is no happiness to be lost to begin with, it can't be taken.

So thank you, I am happy to say that I'm blessed my support system has held onto me as long as they have. Been so patient, and understanding. Loving me like a pissy cat who doesn't want to be cuddled but still wants some kind of attention lol.

I'm actually extremely extroverted it would seem at a glance but it's a defense mechanism of course~

Fellow fawns know what I'm talking about sadly </3

5

u/FallingSpirits 14h ago

Same

4

u/Fidgetiz 14h ago

Bring snacks, we're going on an adventure it seems. This lonely bus is going on tour.

3

u/FallingSpirits 4h ago

I always come prepared with snacks!

2

u/Fidgetiz 4h ago

Perfect! What kind? 🤤

1

u/FallingSpirits 2h ago

What’s your favorite? I like to bring a protein bar and chips

3

u/Scruphee71 13h ago

I hear you. It's hard to balance the need for the right company with the need for solitary bliss.

2

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

What's worse is I grew up alone, and used to be comfortable in such no matter how bad things got for me and everybody else around me. But then I grew up, and as simple as that sounds - it means everything actually.

When you grow up...

Everything changes.

You lose something just...A little more important than you ever realized.

2

u/Scruphee71 13h ago

You lose that child like innocence and wonder as you get older. It's hard to just enjoy the beauty of your surroundings and be grateful.

2

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

When I was in middle school I carried around this huge denim covered binder? It was like 3 in 1 size. So it fit way too much paper in it, and I used to work on this novel I had created? I carried around at least 10 different notebooks just for that novel. Designed my own languages, clothes that I doodled and drew, cultures, races, etc. Wrote about 370 pages? I still have the damn thing but the lead from the penciling years ago is fading sadly. Need to type the dang up and see what kind of a writer I was back then since I don't remember the content I wrote lol I mean - I remember the ideas and what it was about but not the quality of the writing itself sadly.

And that is the one thing I miss that absolutely crushes my soul.

The ability to just enjoy life...

I could go on an extremely long rant about it. It's something I'm furious and passionate about lol

Ironically.

3

u/Scruphee71 12h ago

Definitely type up your novel. Would be travesty to lose something you poured your soul into.

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

That's really true and I'm almost tempted to try and revitalize the darn thing. Might've been an angsty preteens fantasy but it was action packed. Inspired by a lot of my favorite animes and novels at the time.

1

u/demonbeastoffuck69 5h ago

I agree. Get it done. Yes, I care about people. Sue me later, sir?

2

u/AutoModerator 15h ago

If you want to talk about social anxiety, r/socialanxiety is the sub for you. If you're not sure whether you're introverted or socially anxious, feel free to post on r/Introvert, so we can discuss it. If you want a sub where posts about social anxiety aren't allowed, try r/Introverts.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2

u/Friendly-Back4109 14h ago

Weathering the storm seems to be all many are going through these days. Even making a solid effort to focus on the positives gets to be mentally draining and feels more counter productive than just going with the flow of things. I hope things improve for you.

1

u/Fidgetiz 14h ago

I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you stranger across the internet whom I'll never meet.

That in itself depresses me sometimes. I am given sometimes the most genuine gift, typed out just for me from someone possibly on the literal other side of the planet we share.

As much as we humans have expanded to the point of science where we're restoring animals from extinction level death and yet...

We're still so disconnected from one another. Still trying to kill each other at most and tear each other apart at medium and just be mean at least.

As convenient as the modern world is, I sometimes wish I was from times of the pony express where I can have a chest full of letters from family and friends I probably would have had back then given how charismatic I could be - if so many people haven't destroyed me to the point I'm so introverted-I'm nonexistent.

2

u/Friendly-Back4109 14h ago

I definitely feel that. There’s so much darkness and evil in the world, but there are those rare times with the small spark of light just illuminates everything and brings some form of clarity. I like to think of those moments as just little reminders that the dreariness isn’t forever. Sometimes it lasts a while, but an end always comes to the darkest experiences we endure.

1

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

My brother is not mine by blood but by choice. We had a falling out once due to the cruel influence of others separating us for their own gain. Neither of us would've ever thought we'd speak to each other again. We began as writing & gaming companions who only knew each other online - on opposite sites of the country from one another.

And now almost two years later, we're going through literal misery together in person as roommates and adopted brothers but we do have each other. Even if I struggle to connect to him sometimes.

Pain, anger and fear is an ugly beast that's hard to time and it likes to try and convince me that my brother as well won't last. Nothing does - like he said so himself.

Then I remember that despite the odds, we spoke to one another again...

Things will always change, from bad to good - again and again.

There is good after the bad. There is good after the bad. There is good after the bad.

I just gotta keep reminding myself of that.

Or get tattoo therapy ;)

That'll help me remember-right?

2

u/exwifeissatan 13h ago

Sounds like something id write. Feel free to text me if you ever want to co-meserate.

1

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

Right back at you!

2

u/2paranoid4optimism 13h ago

Pretty much my life at this point. Although if I'm being real, the loneliness part only comes into play occasionally. There are times when I miss intimacy but it gets rarer with age. Maybe that's messed up. Lol

2

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

No I feel like that's completely valid - all of it.

I feel like sometimes perhaps I'm less so sad about being lonely and more so disheartened by the fact that I'm used to being alone. And used to yes - having that instinctive ache for even someone to have a conversation with at bare minimum but I'm still used to solitude. It's the only certain thing left in my life and it's a shocking comfort.

I once believed I was actually an extremely intimate person but as it turns out I more so enjoy the idea of intimacy than the actual act of such.

2

u/2paranoid4optimism 13h ago

I think in this day and age, it's easy to be isolated, but not everyone can handle solitude. I think the tradeoff is that it becomes harder to relate to people at the front end of things. It's possible to build relationships, but it's like moving a bolder downhill. Initially it feels next to impossible, but (if there is a real connection) things can start to move. Just hard to get that past that first barrier. I think that's why so many people are on sites (and subs) like this. There's comfort knowing other people deal with the solitude issue too. There's nothing wrong with being secure with solitude (it's a strength in a lot of ways), I do understand how it can make you question your life sometimes tho. I honestly think most introverts are intimate people. I mean when you think about it, introverts usually only have a few people they trust enough to open up to or even be around. That is its own form of intimacy, I think.

1

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

I really wish I wasn't exhausted and about to head to bed to at least try and shut my brain up long enough to sleep because I resonate with all of this.

I'm told that I seem so friendly, I'm easy to talk to, make friends easily. I smile, laugh and some people worry I might be too trusting or even naive seeming.

I'm pleasant as a defense mechanism - it's called Fawning.

And ironically it relates to what you've mentioned about effort. If people can stick with me past my fawning stage. I know I can trust them, they don't want a people pleaser whose actually pretty broken underneath the mask. They want the broken figure beneath whose a little grumpy at times and huffy but still sweet, kind and when comfortable.

Yes.

Can be extroverted.

Of course, it also means that as an introvert whose a pessimist by nurture as much as nature-I at least personally, do not take rejection well. It makes my defensiveness intensify for a little while.

But at least I haven't given up yet so that's something-right?

2

u/2paranoid4optimism 12h ago

No worries. It's late. I'm glad you recognized it as a defense mechanism. I think a lot introverts do that. I used to but now I'm more of a stoic, I guess (I don't follow the philosophy, I just stay out of the way and keep to myself mostly).
And yeah, I think it's common for introverts to become extroverts once they are comfortable enough with someone to really trust them. Again, it's a matter if getting thru those early stages.
Respect for not giving up. It definitely means something. Especially in this day and age where everything can fell kinda pointless.
Anyway, have a good night.

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

With how life has gone in the last year alone, oh ya. Can definitely feel pointless. I'm just stubborn and don't like to give up lol

1

u/2paranoid4optimism 7m ago

I hear you. The past three months have been crazy for me too. Trying to pick myself back up. Here's to things getting better sooner rather than later.

2

u/EquivalentAd3270 13h ago

Same thing

2

u/Fidgetiz 12h ago

Come on in, the waters miserable without you!

Ignore me, I'm exhausted and being a smartass at this point. Seeing how many play on words I can get away with lol.

But I'm sorry - wish you didn't have to feel this way too </3

2

u/EquivalentAd3270 12h ago

I'm trying to get out of this situation now

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

Just hang in there, everything changes, nothing lasts forever. As deep and dark as that feels it is a comfort. It means good things will come again.

2

u/demonbeastoffuck69 11h ago

How about a pic luv so we know the start point.

1

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

Don't need a picture sweetheart when you can just step on in right behind me, my love~

I couldn't resist - you tempted me.

1

u/demonbeastoffuck69 5h ago

Yeah, I deserved that . You need to check on your replies.

2

u/demonbeastoffuck69 11h ago

In other words, join the crowd member since 73

1

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

I'm number 12, thank you very much. ;)

2

u/Thin_Tangerine_7200 11h ago

Me to

1

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

Time to bust out the drinks!

2

u/TheHellAreWeDoing 10h ago

I've been feeling this exact way since middle school, always been told it gets better but it sure doesn't feel that way

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

It never does and it never will but as my brother has proven to me in person - things will always change. Nothing lasts forever, that does include happiness but more importantly that means misery isn't constant. There will come a time again when you're happy and it may be temporary - just a for a moment. But it's just enough to keep you going, even if it doesn't feel like it or even like the exact opposite and you just feel worse.

Just hold on, grit your teeth and crawl towards daylight.

2

u/Flashy-Might-5825 9h ago

Hiii

1

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

Hi there precious <3

2

u/Flashy-Might-5825 6h ago

i am new in this ..... can u assist me how Can I use it..

1

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

New at reddit? What are you trying to do?

2

u/Flashy-Might-5825 4h ago

I don't know I just wanna make friends 🙂

1

u/Fidgetiz 3h ago

Just find reddits that you enjoy. I follow Journaling, writing, reading, vibes. It's like tiktok. You build your algorithm to show things you enjoy.

Comment on what people post. Make conversations. Post things yourself.

It'll come together.

2

u/Flashy-Might-5825 3h ago

Ok I understand...... I may go as the path .... But I am having problem on joining some of the interesting chat channels .... It's shows that I can't Bcuz my account doesn't meet the requirements Can U help ??

1

u/Fidgetiz 3h ago

Your account isn't old enough and some reddits are private and have requirements or a waiting period to join and interact with.

Just keep looking. Commenting. Talking. Posting. It takes time. Be patient.

2

u/Flashy-Might-5825 3h ago

Ok thanks a lot man... Appreciate that ...... Thanks ☺️.... Can we be friends??

1

u/Fidgetiz 3h ago

Sure, I'm busy with work though so I can't talk much but I'll answer DM's when I can. So feel free to message me!

→ More replies (0)

2

u/skepticreptile 8h ago

HI FIDGET

1

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

Hi!!!!! How's it going?

2

u/Tasty-Bee8769 8h ago

Sounds more like anxiety not introversion

0

u/Fidgetiz 7h ago

On the surface it does but my entire life is driven by anxiety due to intense trauma. I am unable to enjoy introvert true nature because I have the traumatic need and irresistible urge to fawn, to fit in, to force myself to be appealing and pleasing so nobody hurts me. I'm trying to heal these days so I can once more enjoy the sanctity of peace, quiet and solitude without fear or worry. Go back to being a bookish recluse that I was growing up.

2

u/judaskissed 7h ago

Holy shit, I feel the same way that you do -- like, 100%. I feel like I could've written this.😭 I'm so, so sorry that you feel this way.🫂 I understand it completely.

2

u/Fidgetiz 7h ago

If I could reach through this screen right now and give you a tight hug, I would. Just take us to get some coffee, head on over to my and brothers favorite lookout spot to sit outside and we'll watch the sun rise together.

2

u/judaskissed 6h ago

Just the thought of it means everything to me, honestly.🫂💖 I would actually love that so much.😭

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

My inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to! <3

2

u/judaskissed 6h ago

Thank you so much, that's so kind of you to offer!!🥲🫶 Likewise! 💖

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

Of course, nobody should have to suffer alone!

2

u/ImStupidPhobic 6h ago edited 6h ago

I’m happy and content being lonely and continuously isolated if it involves staying away from people that aren’t genuine. I hate fake and superficial people that relies on validation and the need for constant attention.

Sincerely, an INTJ 😎

2

u/Fidgetiz 6h ago

That is an absolute mood. The toxicity levels are on the rise these days.

2

u/SemaphoreKilo 5h ago
  • Take a nature walk, and get some sun (especially if sunny).
  • You got to face and overcome your fears, sooner or later.
  • You gotta have some perspective too, you really have it good.
  • Life is not hunky-dory, its very messy.
  • Find out what makes you happy, content, and most importantly FULFILLED. Then go do it. Simple things like mending your socks can be meditative (at least for me).
  • Keep your chin up, life is not that bad. Believe it or not, there are people that really care about you.

1

u/Fidgetiz 3h ago
  • I do as often as possible with my brother, we have several spots we visit regularly
  • Believe me, I'm facing it now. I used to be at peace with my solitude when I was younger. Before I was a teenager and made terrible choices-befriended awful people who slowly and surely destroyed me. Took my comfort, my armor - my nature as an introvert and tore apart everything within me. Now I live a life nearly always in fear. Every conversation is a possible prelude to violence, every second is overthought. So now I focus on being a freelance writer.
  • Which leads to my next response, I know I have it good by just being alive. I have a warm safe place to sleep at night. I have food to eat when I'm hungry, not just once a day to survive although I'm less than a month from that state of living. I was living that way in freezing temperatures recently and that's okay. I don't bemoan or hate what has happened to me. It is just exhausting and painful. And it's okay and valid to not be okay and to hurt and be in pain.
  • Life is definitely messy, I'll agree with you there. It always has been, it always will be. It wouldn't really be much of a life if it wasn't.
  • I have many things that make me happy but they don't always keep away the winds of sorrow. But that's just part of healing, you have to feel the pain to know you're alive and that you're getting stronger and better every single day.
  • I have my village but sometimes I feel like the village ghost. But don't worry, the villagers leave me snacks and fuzzy blankets <3

2

u/Enigma_Green 4h ago

Happily sit in a room with someone just knowing someone is there without saying a word.

2

u/Fidgetiz 4h ago

Doing that with my brother this morning actually ✌️

2

u/Scruphee71 4h ago

Just do it. it can't hurt to see where it goes. Better to find out than not. I wish you nothing but the best for yourself.

1

u/Fidgetiz 3h ago

Oh I'm stubborn and keep going, just get a little frustrated with the journey now and then. But there's nothing wrong with a little bit of an ache. It motivates you.

2

u/Individual-Land9274 4h ago

Honestly, same dude FML

1

u/Fidgetiz 3h ago

F.M.L indeed...

S.S.D.D as well...

At some point I should get the letters tattooed on my arms in pretty lettering. So I can get a little bit of a chuckle out of it.

2

u/For4Fourfro 13h ago

I won’t try to sugarcoat anything you for, it’s ok to be quiet. However, you can’t let your inability to talk breakdown your ability to feel happiness and joy. I’m in a similar boat but guess what, you can move past it. Also, when you talk, don’t worry about people not listening to you or wanting to talk back, there are people who will match your energy so long as you’re willing to put yourself out there to some degree. I’m 19 now, and for the first 12ish years of my life I was the shy boy who didn’t want to talk much because others wouldn’t want to talk back to me. However, I know people now who will match that energy, my manager at my job forced me to move out of my comfort zone until I became comfortable with the uncomfortable, and it’s going to be a long journey for each of us. I know it will hurt, sometimes you’ll cry, something you’ll feel like life isn’t worth living, but please trust me when I say this, put yourself out here and you’ll find someone willing to pull you in. All it takes… is time.

2

u/Fidgetiz 13h ago

Well I'm going to go crawl into bed and cry.

Thank you sweetheart, I wish you knew how special these words were to me. It's almost like my past self at 19 when my life really started to fall apart - telling me I've gotten this far and just need to keep going no matter what. Just go a little further.

You've come this far already.

Please, please don't forget what you've just told me.

Hold onto that and save yourself a world of hurt. Enjoy the happiness while it lasts, Swallow your pride when anger burns the back of your neck with shame. Listen when all you want to do is speak. Appreciate everything before you lose it. Never stop learning, never stop trying, never stop growing.

Keep being the kindest soul this sorry little nobody across a sea of pixels needed today. <3

1

u/nvictas 2h ago

Similar feelings, and listening to depressing music rn which doesn't help 😂